Femdom from the Female Led Perspective

Fem + Domme = Female Dominate. However and very traditionally, this was a female led and male submissive relationship. In this new era of inclusion this becomes female led with any variation of submissive partner. I am, personally, what you call heteroflexible. This means I am attracted to men for relationships but if the right person came along that was not male; I would be open to possibilities. So for the purpose of the remainder of this article I will address Femdom as female led and male submissive.

When talking about Femdom we inherently think of the dominatrix and this is a misconception. A dominatrix can be anyone that professionally takes clients for sessions. A dominatrix is someone that can take any role to meet the needs of her client. So a Femdom or Mistress is something a tad more personal.

A Femdom arrives at this concept though love of control. Yes, I too love the control I feel when a powerful man is on his knees by choice. In terms of Femdom, it needs to be stated that the male is submissive by choice and that leads to an even greater excitement.

A male submissive can choose to submit in some of the following ways. These are some of my favorites and I hope they spur some frivolities for you as well.

• Doting on your Mistress – a bath being drawn, bring her favorite cup of tea, a back rub, coming home to dinner waiting.
• Foot Worship – this can include foot message, bathing of the feet, painting toe nails, kissing her shoes as she is dressing.
• Sexual Games – often playing sexual games is a unique way to express willingness to be submissive.
• Submissive Nudity – this can be at home (as permitted by circumstance), specifically at bedtime or however this plays to your lifestyle.
• Orgasm Control – This is a must but if you’re like me and love watching the act turn to the power of controlling when, where and how.

Femdoms will find that they gravitate to one style over another. What this means is how you look and act. I myself hate the use of bad language so it is a rule that I have of no swearing, and you will likely never hear it when I am talking in a naughty way to my submissive. I tend to gravitate towards a 1940 – 50s look in appearance. I find it to be very flattering on my shape. So I attract a male submissive that finds that look to their tastes as well.

Common looks and traits of a Femdom can be anything or a combination of this list and in no way is this complete or definitive list.

• Crisp button down shirts and pencil skirts.
• 1950s attire
• Business women
• Self-control
• Sexual desire in spades
• Always put together (hair, make up, nails)
• Schedule oriented
• Amused by self-gratification (tokens, gifts, or orgasms)
• Queen or Princess complex
• Find humor in sexual predicaments
• Love of power exchange, forgoing even sexual excitement

Femdom is more over the love of female authority. This too can take many forms and roles as every human being starts life with a mother and that can become and often is seen as the first female authority figure in people’s lives. This needs to be distinct as some people see this as a “mommy” issue and it’s truly not the case. Often times I have run into this scenario and it was a pronounced action or lack of an expectation that draws men to the mommy fantasy. Not the actual person.

So we can definitely use these actions when we are finding our stride in the Femdom world. The use of very physical tasks and corrections has always been present in my Femdom lifestyle and perhaps you can find a foothold too.

Sexual Based Tasks

• The use of chastity devices.
• Performing for your amusement – self pleasure.
• Timed orgasm
• Repeat orgasm
• Wearing panties
• Insertion Play (assuming anal play is something you partake in)
• Sexual games like ring toss on the cock
• Shopping at an adult store

Corporal Punishment

• A good boy – bad boy Chart
• Over the knee spanking
• Corner time
• Predicament Bondage
• Implement Spanking
• Flogging
• Maintaining hard poses

Service Acts - Domestic

• Meal Prep
• Taking the Garbage Out
• General Housekeeping
• Cleaning your car
• Lawn or yard care
• Laundry
• Shopping

Acts of Service – In Honor of You

• Drawing a bath
• Brushing your hair
• Help dressing
• Drink service
• Message
• Warm your car up on cold days
• Get you a small token (flowers, chocolate etc)
• Date night surprise

In many cases, I find so many people drawn to this type of relationship yet are unsure how to maintain it. Any alternative sexual relationship model can be exhausting if the partner balance is uneven or if you run out of ideas to motivate each partner. I highly suggest these few tips to create a flowing and cohesive balance.

1. Create an expectations list – be reasonable with each other and set practical limits.
2. Start slow and build up to full time – it’s often hard to find a balance between this lifestyle and your ordinary life.
3. Always keep a hint of sexual tension – mandatory, keep it playful and sexy. It will keep you both wanting more.
4. Set a time for real talk – whether its bills or family, always set a meeting time to talk about the issues. This way it can be dealt with and doesn’t linger into the fun.
5. Use of Triggers – Have a simple trigger to set the mood. One may need to decompress after a hard day at work and may not be in the right head space to be the other half of this. Allow for this by accepting that the submissive brings you his collar or some other token when he’s had time to clear the stress of the day. Of course this should go both ways and the Domme should have a trigger object to present.

In sharing some of my tips and strategies I use within my Femdom relationships, I hope I can shed some insight into what helps my connections endure. All relationships ebb and flow and essentially are a fluid being. If we all approach this alternative lifestyle choice knowing the fluidity then you will be able to approach each situation with better insight to see the success you’re looking for.

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