Dipping Your Toes in Non-Monogamy

I can remember the first time it became 'ok' to share with my partner that I had sexual interests in others. Of course, I was always attracted to other women, but aside from jokes about hot movie actresses, it was mostly unexpressed. And then, one night, as my wife and I were watching an adult movie together — not porn, but kind of soft porn — and a threesome between two girls and a guy came on. The women were making out and playing together. It got pretty intense, and as one of the women made the other woman cum, my wife had the biggest orgasm. Like huge. She laughed and said, "I think I liked that."

This led to a great discussion. Did she like other women? The idea that she might be bisexual was very new and honestly not something she had ever considered before. Would she ever want to be with another woman? Was it necessary to her?

It was pretty apparent that women were attractive to her, and the idea of being with a woman sexually was really intriguing to her. But she knew pretty much immediately that this was not a 'must-have.' I felt no fear at all that she might leave me for another woman. In her mind and with me, she was unequivocal that being sexual with a woman, while it might be fun, was not actually hugely important to her. And she also said that if she ever did it, she would want us to do it together.

This was a new notion for us; we had never even heard of non-monogamy or the lifestyle. But we had a very strong relationship, and the idea of being with someone else was pretty intriguing.

We started with baby steps. e went to a strip club together. Living near Montreal, Canada, where strip clubs are very acceptable and attract plenty of couples, this seemed like a pretty un-intimidating thing to do. t was fantastic. We researched clubs that seemed to be higher-end, classy, and attracted couples. here were two we found that seemed ideal, so we decided to check out each. e only ended up making it to one.. it was ideal for us.

The bouncer found us a quiet little seat… kind of a sofa, near the back of the small club. t was perfect. great view of the stage but a little separated from the groups of guys who were there partying. e watched a couple of women dance. t was pretty exciting.. they were sexy, great dancers. Exactly what we were hoping for.

After a few songs, one of the dancers came and sat with us. Back then, I needed to emphasize we were new to this. She sat with us for about 30 minutes. She said she loved seeing couples here, especially when it was clear that the woman was really enjoying the experience. She told us about how things worked — lap dances, the private rooms; how you pay per song; the rules on contact.

Our club was a 'no contact club.' We decided to go to a private room with her and get a dance. She was gorgeous and had beautiful energy. We stayed in the private room for about 30 minutes. She bent the rules for my wife, and I would say it was a tremendous first girl-girl experience for her. They were sensual, a tiny bit dirty, but mostly just soft and flowing. It may sound a little seedy, but it felt pretty cool.

It was a little peek into a more sexually adventurous life for us. A great first step.