We woke up late Saturday morning.
I had already become quite fond of Pablo's childlike behaviors in the morning. As he woke up, he would reach over to me and tell me what he wanted in one word. It wasn't a kiss or conversation or even morning head - no - this feisty Colombian started every morning by telling me he wanted "desayuno" (breakfast)- and I noticed upon waking up he would either say this one word in the tone of an excited kid at Christmas - or a plaintive kid who was being denied his favorite toy. Either way, it was always charming and the thought of the breakfast buffet in the lobby filled him with a passionate energy - so he hopped out of bed, threw on shorts and a t-shirt and looked me expectantly.
I felt like death. The deep-bone exhaustion from the ecstasy hangover (referred to in Spanish as "el post") was in full effect. I asked him if there was anything to take to help with it and he cheerfully said "yes" and went to his book bag. Fully expecting him to reach out and offer an aspirin, or a vitamin, I was instead caught off guard when he pulled a small plastic bag from one of the pockets - inside contained white powder.
I asked: "Is that Cocaine?"
He nodded and fished out a tiny spoon from the bottom of the bag. He knew I had never taken it before and measured out a very small dose, holding it carefully under my nostril and instructing me to take a very deep inhale.
I did, and my head and body surged with electricity - almost like a dead car battery getting a jump and coming to life.
About 5 minutes later, I felt 90% back to my usual self.
I guess this is what they mean by the phrase "hair of the dog".
I decided to not mention any stereotypes.
The next few days passed along pleasantly - we swam in the pool, walked around Bogota, talked, saw a movie, fucked a few times (following the bathroom drilling - we had wordlessly decided I was the 'bottom' for him).
On Monday night - he arrived at the hotel after a long day of work and school. I had mostly slept and caught up on some work. I could tell he was exhausted when he came in and wasn't surprised that he immediately showered and climbed into bed - he kissed me good night and immediately turned on his side while I sat up and watched YouTube videos.
At some point- I fell asleep.
I woke up on Tuesday morning, and realized everything had changed.
Pablo got up around 7am and asked if I wanted to go down with him for breakfast. I was exhausted and nauseous and not the slightest bit hungry, but I decided to join him.
As we walked down the hallway to the elevator - I was trying to think about what was different. Something was very off and I couldn't place why.
While he loaded up on eggs, fruit, oatmeal, meats and cheeses and asked what I would do during the day, I mostly remained quiet. It wasn't negative, there was just something very different.
On the elevator back up, he began to grope me a little and the pleasing sensation I got when he touched me was now magnetized and much stronger than before. I didn't even object that much when moments after entering the hotel room, he bent me over the desk pulled my shorts down and wordlessly fucked me. Holding my back down firmly with his hand while he finished inside me with a few powerful thrusts and a few deep grunts.
I turned around and quietly pulled my shorts back up as he grinned at me and went into the bathroom to shower. As usual he closed the door- but for some odd reason I found it almost irrationally upsetting and made an excuse to go into the bathroom - saying I needed my deodorant - and on the way out I left the door cracked open because it made me feel better in a way I couldn't articulate.
He came out and started getting dressed and I began noticing so many things about him I never noticed before. I never noticed the small fine scar on his right shoulder. I knew he was handsome but I had never noticed how expressive his brown eyes were, or the small coughing sound he made in the back of his throat. I felt like I was seeing the first time the subtle musculature of his legs or that his toes were a little widely spread.
I never noticed that his ass cheeks had a very deep curve right above his thigh. As he finished getting dressed, I felt an inexplicable loss. I usually liked when he left for the day, giving me time and freedom to myself- but now...I was so sad with the idea of him leaving. He had work and class so I wouldn't see him until almost 9:30 that night and that thought now made me strangely uneasy.
As he put on his jacket, he made a small joke - he had fucked me a few times over the last few days. I had asked once if I could have a turn and it was clear he wasn't feeling it - as he was saying goodbye he hinted that I should use Grindr or scruff to find a guy and "unload". I knew he was joking - but the thought of it somehow upset me. I felt a little offended and didn't know why. He gave me a brief peck on the cheek and walked out.
I did what I could to try and lighten my mood. I thought maybe it was still remnants from "the post" that had my emotions in a swirl - but nothing seemed to cheer me up and I instead found myself constantly checking my phone and opening WhatsApp to see if he had written.
I began to have an idea. Most of the time we spent together in Bogota was him showing me places, going to El Teatron or lounging in the hotel - so now I wanted to give him a nice surprise. I used the day to plan an amazing Halloween night. I found a place in Bogota that was opened by New Yorkers and offered American cuisine with the theme of the restaurant being a Brooklyn pub. I remembered seeing how stressed he was between work and school and found a fancy place that gave pampering massages. I checked recent articles and fliers and found a local bar that had the type of music he occasionally listened to.
The day flew by in a flurry of planning and excitement and before I knew it, he was texting me to say he was stopping by his house to pick up some clothes and would be in the hotel within the hour. My mood grew excited and I took time organizing and cleaning the hotel room and even ordered a few things from room service for when he arrived.
He came into the hotel at almost 10pm. We ate briefly and talked about his day. I told him that I had a surprise for him the following night and to be at the hotel by 5. He grinned like a little kid and was obviously pleased by the idea. I didn't know he loved surprises.
In bed an hour later, I didn't resist or complain when he wordlessly rolled me on to my stomach and pulled the back of my boxers down. He climbed on top of me, spread my ass apart and spit roughly inside and entered me - I gasped and moaned- still being a little sore from that morning - but let him spread my legs with his ankles, prop himself on the sides of my shoulders and drill me, enjoying him roughly holding my head around his arms and telling me to "take it" in Spanish as he finally burst inside of me a few minutes later in a huge orgasm.
Panting, he made a joke, slapped my ass and went to the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and I changed and waited for him in bed. He joined me a few minutes later and quickly fell asleep.
I could not sleep. My ass was incredibly sore and I felt wide awake. I tried to watch YouTube but I was too distracted by him and I eventually put the computer down and was more than happy to simply observe him and gently stroke his cheek and ear.
He turned over in his sleep, putting his back to me. I gently rubbed the back of his head and his shoulders. He stirred a little but moaned happily when I did so and I felt oddly proud when I saw goosebumps start to form on his side as I slowly traced my fingers up and down his torso.
He snored quietly while I lost myself in touching him. I was fascinated - trying to understand why things had drastically changed over the course of a few days.
I thought to the sex that we had that day. I hadn't willingly bottomed like that in a long time- twice in one day? Most of my boyfriends had been more passive or I'd give it up for special occasions- but it was rare that I enjoyed it or wanted it and I realized that as he had been fucking me earlier before going to sleep, I felt a small sense of disappointment when I knew he was close to finishing.
Thinking about us having sex made me very hard and I quietly left the bed and went to the bathroom. He had left his underwear, a tight pair of grey Armani briefs this time- in a balled up pile by the door and on a whim I picked it up, completely intoxicated by the scent and raw appeal and began jerking myself off.
Remembering the quiet dominance of his thrusts, the animalistic ecstasy of experiencing him cumming inside me, holding his underwear filled me with a sudden rush and before I knew it, I came like a fountain in the sink.
I cleaned up, took a shower and crawled back into bed.
As I was starting to fall asleep. It suddenly hit me.
I was in love.
It's funny how human beings act when in love. It's like this strange sensation of both wanting to celebrate it while also guarding and denying it. The next morning as he got up and got dressed - he asked me if I was okay a few times. I answered with a quick smile each time - feeling a strange panic that he may somehow "know" or suspect and that would somehow be bad.
He got ready for work and we solidified plans - he would be back at the hotel by 6. Before he left, he kissed me on the cheek and said. "I'm looking forward to our date."
I blushed and waved him off - trying to explain it wasn't a "date/date" and the words just sort of freezing in my mouth. He looked at me quizzically and left.
He was right though. It was a date.
He was excited for it and when he arrives back at the hotel that evening- he surprised me by coming in with 2 plastic shopping bags. He decided to buy new clothes for the date, and I could see that he had a fresh haircut and beard trim. He also had on a wonderful cologne.
The night was magical. I couldn't stop looking at him. I couldn't stop touching him. He looked like he was about to step out of a fashion magazine. Every time I made him laugh or smile, I felt a surge of joy. We talked about everything over dinner, sharing stories of travel and our families. He enjoyed the massages together and I could tell he had a great time at the concert. On the Uber back to the hotel he held my hand and kept kissing it, saying that it had been an incredible evening and thanking me and that it was the best "date" he had ever had.
We didn't have sex that night- we just slept together with his head on my chest, me lightly tracing figures on his back and contemplating the nonsensical reason of this. It made no sense. We lived in different countries- different continents to be exact. Neither of us wanted to be in a relationship, there was an age gap of almost 15 years. I tried to reason with myself that it was still after-effects from the drugs and that my emotions were just in a recovery period. I was very fond of him and certainly felt strong affection as a friend as well as sexual attraction, but I had several men like that within both the USA and South America- so why was I suddenly feeling different about him?
The rest of the week passed in relative peace with conversation, food and sex while I tried to avoid my feelings.
My flight back to New York was on Saturday afternoon. On Friday, he asked if I wanted to "party" one last time before heading back home, and I readily agreed.
Everything went well and smooth- I was a little more practiced with the scene and behaviors and before I knew it, we were back in El Teatron at 1am, splitting an ecstasy pill and heading to the dance floor.
An hour later - feeling the waves of dopamine hit. I gave into my feelings and I leaned forward and whispered in his ear: "What a wonderful boyfriend you would make."
His response was quick. He took a step back and looked at me quizzically. I immediately regretted my words as he looked at me in confusion. He nodded and smiled and said "Thank you" with a polite and uncomfortable grimace I tried to apologize or explain, but the words just froze and the discomfort just hung between us.
I felt like an idiot. I wanted to crawl away and go back home. We danced together in silence for a few more minutes and then he told me he wasn't really in the mood for this type of music. I began apologizing but he held his hand up and explained he wanted to stay out, he just wanted to go to a different place.
Still feeling like a fool and just wanting to reduce the awkwardness, I followed him as we got our jackets. He was polite and made small talk with me about what how I would spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. I eagerly jumped on the topics - anything to get over the moment of what just happened.
We ended up at a bar called "Three in One" - a much smaller place with a quieter crowd that was far more casual and relaxed. We sat at a table and ordered beers and he leaned forward with a grin and asked a question that felt like a knife to my heart.
"What do you think of that guy by the door? He's very handsome right?"
I looked over briefly. Feeling aggravated. To be fair, the guy was fairly good looking. I shrugged and said: "Sure."
As the guy turned around, Pablo nudged me with his elbow, smiling in appreciation- "Wow- he has a nice ass, right?" I felt cold and shrugged again. Trying not to be a downer but feeling weird with the whole topic.
He then asked me to point out the guy in the bar that I found most attractive and for some dumb reason I went with the romantic response. "I'm sitting with him."
He smiled patiently but rolled his eyes and told me to be serious - what guy was my type?
I sighed and looked around and saw a few guys that were my type and pointed them out. He judged each one either with agreement or a dismissal and shrug saying "I don't see it." One of the guys noticed us looking and came over - he introduced himself as Miguel and introduced his two friends Pato and Jorge. Miguel asked if we were "together" and Pablo quickly answered him. "No, just friends. He is visiting from the US and thought you were handsome."
We all shook hands and drank together and I tried to just be casual and friendly - I talked to Pablo but also made small talk and joked with the other guys. At one point I looked down at my cell and was surprised to see it was 4:30am. Miguel suggested we go to Rockola, the bar Pablo and I had fucked in earlier that week since it was open until 10am and just a few blocks away - we decided to go and as we left, Pablo broke up the other ecstasy pill and we both took another half.
At Rockola, Pablo ran into more of his friends. Though he introduced me, I could tell there was a slight air of discomfort. His friends were very curious and Pablo just waved away the questions and said I was a friend visiting from the US. As the ecstasy and good feelings came in waves, I thought of the week that happened and thought of my feelings. I remembered the sex and the magical night on a date and the swimming together and without thinking I hugged Pablo from behind and whispered in his ear that it had been a really good week.
I saw the mistake immediately. Pablo quickly looked at his friends who were looking at us curiously. He put on a big smile and said "Destruido!" to them - a term given when someone is too high and is not acting logical. He hugged me briefly and whispered "tranquilo" before firmly taking my arms off of him.
I felt a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment - though it was my own fault I kept on pressing when it was clear he didn't feel the same way. Still I didn't appreciate feeling rebuked as though I was a bad dog or naughty child. I stayed with the group for a few moments and then said I was going to get a drink.
When I got back - Pablo was in full discussion with the others. They were all laughing and speaking so fast and about topics I wasn't familiar with I started feeling left out. I gave Pablo his drink and he thanked me with a quick nod and went back to his conversation. I decided to explore the place a bit and went into the dance area.
With the ecstasy still going strong, the music started to really energize me. I could all of a sudden understand why this type of music was so powerful and loved. I felt those deep connections again and lost myself to the music. About 15 minutes later, a very good looking topless guy tapped me on the shoulder and introduced himself as Patricio. He said he was visiting from Santiago but his friend went home early so he was there by himself. We chatted about Chile and Colombia, all while "sort of" dancing together (as in facing each other but with some space between us) and he eventually offered me a sip of his water which I gratefully took. He whispered in my ear that he had G if I wanted to take some but I declined. We danced together and chatted for a while and eventually he struck up a conversation with a good-looking couple next to me. The DJ set had just ended and the bar broke into an enthusiastic applause. I was exhausted but feeling really good - I took out my cell and saw it was almost 8am - my flight was at 2:30, it was nearly time to go. I looked to the bar to see where Pablo was and found him easily.
He was looking straight at me. His face completely unreadable. It was clear he was no longer paying any attention to his friends and in fact one of them was trying to tap his shoulder to get his attention, but it was like he didn't feel a thing. I waved to him and walked towards him and though his words were polite, the tone was distant. We confirmed the details of my flight and that we should head back to the hotel to rest a little and then I should pack and get ready to leave. As we said goodbye to his friends and walked towards the exit - he stopped and looked at me and said: "Y tu amigo?" (and your friend?) I shrugged and explained it was just some guy from Chile who was making small talk.
We walked out into the sunlight, covering our eyes against the sudden glare and walked up to the corner and hopped into a yellow cab- Pablo immediately resumed staring right at me. A fact I couldn't help but smile about. I eventually turned and looked at him and for the first time we met, he spoke English. Completely shocking me. I had never heard his tone of voice in this way - I had never heard how he communicates in English/
It was broken, badly translated and he was clearly not confident - yet he was moved to try and communicate with me in my own language:
"I dont like seeing what I see. I dont like."
"This makes me feel so bad and jealous."
I nodded again.
"I am sorry for what I say and what I do earlier in the first bar."
I smiled at him and we held eye contact and then he said:
"Tonight...I learn other guys can see the things about you that I like too."
With that, he took my hand and held it and leaned his head on my shoulder, and kissed my cheek.
And then he whispered in my ear:
"You also - what an incredible boyfriend you would be."
I smiled all the way back to hotel.
I smiled as I packed.
I smiled as he came into the taxi with me to the airport to drop me off.
I smiled the entire flight home.
As I arrived home- exhausted but happy in my apartment almost 8 hours later, I reveled in the feeling in the comfort of my bed in my room.
I was in love.