Condoms are 98% Effective

Ms Carol, our all-girls gym class teacher, announced that we would be doing a different health class on Monday. She handed out a permission form, and the girls in my class whispered their thoughts to each other.

The bus ride home was less pleasant than usual, as I dreaded showing my mom the form. She would comment like, why did I need to learn about sex since I refused to date. I would roll my eyes and ask her to sign the paper then she would scold me for being rude. Afterwards, I would take the paper and put it away in my backpack and try to forget about it.

Come Friday morning, I handed the signed slip to Ms Carol, and she gave me a big smile as she placed it with the others. I couldn't get away from the topic as the class progressed, all the girls wanted to discuss, was it.

Walking into the health period on Monday, I saw Ms Carol standing with her male counterpart Mr Stein at the front of the room. Much to my chagrin, I discovered that the all-boys class would be joining us in learning about reproduction.

The boys filled up the back of the classroom, so I joined my friend Liesel at a middle table. The rest of the girls scattered themselves around as the teachers handed out some bananas. The maturity level in the back of the room went down as the size of the banana varied.

Mr Stein started writing on the smartboard as a blushing Ms Carol rolled a tv into the room. His drawings were less than helpful, and the other girls were not enjoying the boys whoops.

Cartoonish visuals played on the screen. They looked as if they were drawn by a man who had never seen a vagina. After seeing the large drawing of a penis, I put my hood up. The fallopian tubes looked more like waterslides than realistic representations. Finally, the movie ended, the longest half an hour of my life ever!

They put us into groups of three due to a banana shortage. Ms Carol started talking about periods. The boys laughed, and Mr Stein joined them after Ms Carol tried to get them to stop. One of them shot a tampon across the room, and it landed at the foot of the tv.

Mr Stein passed around a box of condoms when the topic of pregnancy came up. Liesel took one for our group then nominated me to be the one to put it on the banana.

I took it out of the tin foil wrapper and copied others as they put it on. Something was wrong. The condom began to break as I tried to roll it down.

Then it shattered completely off the banana.

Ms Carol ran over and tried to get it to go down further, but it only got worse. When she pulled it up, it turned to dust.

Boys laughed, and the girls looked away. Ms Carol took that poor banana and the remnants of the condom and put them into a bag.

The bell rang a few minutes later, and everyone stampeded out of the room. Mr Stein and Ms Carol tried to hand out condoms, but no one took them. I packed my bags up and ran to my next class, trying to forget that destroyed condom.

I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day.

The final bell rang, and I raced to the bus hoping that I would get the back seat.

After the forty-five minute drive and ten-minute walk, I finally got to my house, where I googled chastity belts.