Chronicles of a Professional and a Whore

No sex in this one but I promise part 2 will be good!

I hope you all enjoyed my little escapade with Nathan. I am happy that I could help him in ways he had never known possible. This next empowerment session did not go as I planned. Not at all. But it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t talk about the empowerment I received as well. Let me tell you about someone who gave me what I craved, everyone meet Jamal.

Jamal was a total enigma to me. He had everything together, or so I thought. He was about 5’9, dark skinned and toned. He had a little belly, but I like fluff in my pillow. We meet in an innocent enough way. He was walking down my block with a few grocery bags. It was boiling hot outside, so I pulled up beside him and asked if he wanted a ride. I fully expected him to say yes because the heat index was at least 90 degrees.

“Um, naw I’m good, I’m actually getting exercise”. Stunned I closed my mouth and readjusted myself. “Ok. Well be careful out here.” That was it. I didn’t see him for months. There was always this little niggle in my head when I thought about him. I replayed that moment often. He looked so tired but determined. His eyes held a secret. Whatever this man was dealing with was breaking him down on the inside, but he remained a pillar of strength on the outside. Eventually, I became wrapped up in my business and I guess he had things going on as well. Until I received a new client request.

It was a Friday and I was waiting on my last client. It was someone new, but Celeste said he preferred to remain anonymous. Requests such as these aren’t common, however I try to be accommodating. At 4PM he strolled in. At least in my fantasy he did. In reality, he trudged in and slammed himself on my couch.

“Why hello, Mr. Anonymous. How can I help you today?” He looked as if he could breathe fire. His chest was heaving up and down and he was clenching and relaxing his fists. “Look, I know I didn’t give my name but if she finds out…” He had my attention. “Ok. She?”. I raised an eyebrow to let him now I wanted more details. “Don’t interrupt, aight. Let me just talk.” “Ok, Mr. Anonymous, if you please, continue.”

My real name is Jamal. I work hard, try to take care of my lady and I am faithful. I nodded my head as I jotted down notes. He sat back after his introduction and I felt like I was in for a crazy appointment. My girl is abusive. I know. I know. How can a man be abused by a female? But she is, she is what she is. “Jamal, anyone can be an abuser, and anyone can be a victim. Gender does NOT matter” I pointed out. I get that but it feels different. Like I feel stupid, but I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been happy with her for a long time. I want to go to school, open a business, get married. I have goals and all she wants to do is lay on the bed and complain. We don’t have sex. Yeah, I know it’s not everything, but it has been months. “I can see how that would be frustrating.” The worst, the absolute worst is that every time I bring up goals, she argues. When I say fine, we can break-up, she threatens to hurt herself. I sat up immediately and looked him dead in the eye. “You mean to tell me, that every argument escalates to her injuring herself or committing suicide?!” I half asked half yelled. Yeah. I don’t know what to do. “Jamal, we are nearing the end of our session. I have homework for you. I want you to really think about what you want. While you figure that out, keep an eye on your girl. The next time she threatens this you need to get help for her. If you can’t deal with it, call me. Here is my emergency number. But think. What do you want? What direction do you want to go in? Remember, it is YOUR life. In the end you are only responsible for yourself.” Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. Thanks lady. Jamal took my card and walked out of the office. I didn’t know if he would complete the assignment or just deal with his situation. Only time will tell.

A week later and I still had not heard from Jamal. I thought maybe he and his girl worked things out. I was so wrong.

Saturday night, and I am lounging with a glass of wine. I don’t normally have weekend hours but this weekend I wanted to relax completely. I was in my tub. I didn’t have all the candles and bottles, but a glass of wine and pandora was giving me all I need. Just as I was about to nod off, my emergency number rang. I rolled my eyes and got out the tub, snatched my towel and ran to get my other phone.

Let me pause and say that all my patience was tried with this phone call and if I wasn’t a counselor, I would have met them out in the street. Anyway, I answered the phone and heard pandemonium.

Who the f*** are you to tell my sorry a** man that I need help?!! “Whoa, excuse me. Who is this?” This is Jamal’s woman and you have gone way over the line. “Ma’am, my counsel was based off of what he told me. If you are threatening to hurt yourself, you need to talk to someone.” Yeah, well now he’s the one hurt. “What?! Where is Jamal?!” He’s here, matter of fact, you can come get him. “What’s your address, I’m on way.” She gave me the address and I hightailed it over there. I had the hospital on speed dial so if someone needed to be admitted tonight, it was definitely going to happen.

When I got to his home the door was open. There were clothes and trash everywhere. It looked like a tornado hit it. “Jamal, where are you?!” Here., I looked in a corner and there he was. He wasn’t hurt but he looked so distraught. I told her I wanted to call it off. She packed everything but left without it. She said after her funeral let her parents take her things. Jamal’s head sagged and I could tell he was fighting to control his emotions. I slid down to the floor beside him and said nothing. I just waited for him to come up for air. Ms. Lady, what am I supposed to do? “Jamal, do you have her parents’ contact information?” It’s in my phone, why? “Call them. Tell them she means to hurt herself. Then let them handle it. You need to take care of yourself”. I … I can do that. I just. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling. “I understand. Call them and I’ll start straightening up”.

While he made his calls, I cleaned. Afterwards, he sat on the couch, but he looked no better. You think I offered him the cookie, don’t you? No, I didn’t. I suggested we watch a movie. I believe he picked Independence Day, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I was watching Jamal. As the movie played, he relaxed. He even laughed. I realized I was getting…antsy. I wanted this man so bad. The strength he displayed was the characteristic that attracted me. Before the movie was halfway done, I told him I had to leave. He looked over at me and smirked. I already know. I smell your arousal from here. I squeezed my thighs together and my face heated up significantly. “Look Jamal, it is true that you possess qualities that I am attracted to. If you asked, I would make love to you all night long”. I looked at him. I expected him to be hard as steel and ready to take me. He glanced at me and shook his head. Thank you, Queen, but I need to work on me. Once again, I accepted this rejection and gave him a hug goodnight. I didn’t expect to hear from him ever again.

Driving towards my home, I did feel disheartened. If I were to ever settle down, it would have been with someone like him. His strength was what I needed as a helpmate. But that dream had to die. Time went on, and I soon stopped thinking about Jamal every day. I even got into a semi-serious relationship. No, we are not getting married, but I do like to have a one and only for a little while. Unfortunately, I knew it was not going to work out. He didn’t need me. He went to work, cooked, entertained himself I was just there for him to climb on top of when he wanted to. I’ve built my whole life on assisting those that need help. He didn’t need me. Since he didn’t need me, my interest in him waned. So, since he was busy, I buried myself in my work. It would have worked… but Jamal came to see me again.

I was packing up on a Tuesday evening and he walked in my office. Celeste had already left, and I guess all of the security had as well because he walked in with no appointment. All the feelings, hormones, pheromones or whatever you want to call them all came racing back. Ms. Lady. It is good to see you. “Jamal! What a surprise. How are you?” I’m good. Got my life together. I am happy and single. “Ok. Is that how you want to be?” Let me stop you. I remember our last… encounter. I can’t give you what you want. “You don’t know what I want”. I stomped like a petulant child. I can’t believe his repeated rejection of me was affecting me in this way. “You know what? Ha! Fine! Get out of my office!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. Jamal, looked bored, and just shrugged his shoulders; turned around and left.

I slumped down at my desk, embarrassed. I acted terribly and yelled at someone who I was supposed to help. “What is wrong with me?!” I screeched at myself and no one. Dejected I gathered my things and went home. I felt lower than low. I couldn’t believe I had failed. Well, I guess I hadn’t. He was self-sufficient. It was me. I was the one who was lacking. But why? I sipped my wine and pondered. What was it about him that is causing me to lose my ever-loving mind? Then it clicked. I connected. I felt sympathy and empathy. I let his looks and his situation get into my center. There was no way that I wanted a relationship with him. But I saw him as my equal. I needed my equal to accept me. He saw me as less, therefore I was less. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Genysis…what the hell is going on in your head. Is it that deep?! I didn’t know, nor did I care. I realized who was the patient here. It was me, and I needed Jamal to heal me.