Casual Encounters Are Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Years ago, Craigslist had a section for Casual Encounters. I’ll admit, I placed ads there on occasion, when I was looking for a friend with benefits without emotional attachment.

Yes, women look for those, too.

One night stands, friends with benefits, and casual dating are all valid forms of sexual expression.

Women and men seek these kinds of connections, oftentimes when they aren’t ready or in a position to enter into a long term romantic relationship. They may not have the bandwidth to give their emotional all to a person, but their sexual desires are still present.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking encounters like these. A healthy sex drive is not something to feel shame about. What is wrong is leading someone to believe what you’re searching for is something other than a casual encounter, if that’s all you’re in it to accomplish.

It’s archaic to believe men are always down for casual sex, while women are not.

Though research indicates women are more satisfied when they’re the instigators, and when they enjoy the sex, and have less regrets about the encounter.

Casual sex can be a mood and self esteem booster for both genders.

When we engage in something that makes us feel good, it makes sense we’ll be happy with the results. But that all depends on our personalities. Science backed research regarding when we should have sex with someone new is limited, but one thing is for sure, there are two distinct personalities involved.

You’re either restricted and believe emotions and sex are connected or unrestricted, and don’t connect emotions and sexual encounters.

Unrestricted people are more comfortable engaging in casual encounters and friend with benefits situations. Whereas restricted personalities typically do not engage in casual sex, as it goes against their core values.

It’s important to know your limits.

If you’re uncomfortable with a casual sex situation, there’s no shame in saying no. It becomes an issue when a restricted and an unrestricted personality come together. Oftentimes, the unrestricted person behaves as if they are interested in an emotional connection in order to get the sex they’re looking for.

Therein lies the problem.

There are numerous people out there who are not only comfortable with, but seeking casual encounters. Tweaking the narrative in order to engage with a person who wouldn’t normally have casual sex is a betrayal of trust and just wrong.

It happens to women a lot, then they’re labeled as crazy or delusional.

There’s nothing crazy about wanting to know someone’s intentions.

Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, casual or long term. Asking what’s going on and knowing what to expect is acceptable and should never be chalked up to someone being crazy.

If you don’t want ‘crazy’, don’t toy with someone’s emotions simply to get what you want.

Being honest about what you’re looking for is the key to successful encounters. Our sexual desires are nothing to be ashamed of, as long as we are being safe, sane, consensual, and transparent.

Originally published on Medium.