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Are you addicted to your boyfriend?

How You Could Very Well Be In a toxic relationship.

By Kyle SmithPublished 3 years ago Updated 2 years ago 14 min read
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Are you addicted to your boyfriend?
Photo by Nico Marks on Unsplash

What IF I told you, you enjoy your servitude to toxicity?

I want you to imagine for a second, a lab rat inside of a cage. We’ll call it, Rat A. There’s a lever that sticks out and a dispenser that pumps out pallets. Whenever this lab rat first pushes the lever down, a handful of pallets come down from the dispenser tube. 5 hours later, Rat A then proceeds to push the lever again and the same occurring event commences with a handful of pallets. This process is repeated with the same results again and again. Eventually,this rodent recognizes a similar pattern of pushing the lever and receiving the same result, only now, its not so rewarding since it’ll always equate to the same mundane results. Since the pallets will dispense whenever the lever is pulled down, the same action will continue statically, deeming it undesirable for the lab rodent to push it unless it needs to feed itself. At this point, it’ll only take advantage of the lever to dispense food because there is a continued regiment that is absolutely guaranteed, therefore the rat becomes bored.

Rat B on the other hand does the same thing as the first rat in this experiment: It pushes the lever down and a handful of pallets are then, dispensed from the tube. The big difference with Rat B is simply the amount of inconsistency that occurs as a result of pushing down the lever. Because Rat B keeps pushing the lever down, and this time, is only rewarded with one pallet. Rat B becomes confused and continues to push down the lever, but doesn’t relieve any pallets this time. Frantic and confused that it may never get pallets again, the rodent continues to push down lever several times without receiving any pallets at all. After awhile, this drives the rodent crazy as it gets no reward pushing on the lever with confusion and impatience as if something is off. The lever pushing then turns into a toxic addiction because with every push, the rodent is at hope that some pallets will eventually come out of the dispenser tube, but never does.

But at last, as it pulls the lever, 3 new pallets swipe out of the tube and the rodent goes NUTS because it can’t resist the feeling it feels knowing that there are pallets laying in front of it. It immediately starts to desperately pick up the pallet and quickly bite it’s reward as dopamine flows through its brain, giving it a rushed high similar to cocaine. This occurrence is called Intermittent Reinforcement. It’s the process where one is rewarded occasionally for the sole purpose of being hooked on a thing or person. Sounds familiar? Perhaps these lab experiments closely resemble your own current toxic relationship with your boyfriend right Now Let’s read further into why you might be in a toxic relationship with our boyfriend.

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First, he’ll Lovebomb you:

So you meet a guy that you like. You exchange phone numbers and start texting each other through social media. His smart and witty sense of humor keeps you up for another text message. You love it because no other guy has made you feel that way before. The validation this guy gives you is sprinkled with you drooling all over your smart phone. You’re offically hook. Whenever you hang out together, he charms you with his Chad good looks as he pats you on your back or softly touches your hands. then he pulls out lots of affection in an attempt to love bomb you. You can’t get enough of his Chad charming looks, his sexy physique, Zoomer Haircut and strong long toned neck. You love it when he shows you pictures of him posing in front of his phone in the mirror. You adore his Snapchat stories and even reply with a message”Hey handsome😉” because he looks attractive, stunning,and desirably charming. Every text he sends you, makes you feel included and validated, and you love it.

During the few hangouts you had with him, he comes over to your place to “hang out and Netflix” And you couldn’t be more excited. You go to the bathroom because you have anxiety and need to relief yourself in the toilette so you don’t make a little mistake in your leggings while Chad is over your place. You put on your makeup to look more attractive for Chad because you can’t stop thinking about his charming smile and the way he seductively talks to you. When Chad comes over, you guys both Watch Easy, a show about sex and relationships Fromm all walks of life on Netflix and while the sex scene plays on screen, Chad looks at you seductively, holds your hips and starts to kiss your ear and neck as he suddenly full blown makes out with you. After five minutes, he gets hard and you get horny as you both strip your clothes off and get into your bedroom to smash. You lay naked on your bed doggystyle with your butt up in the air while Chad whips out his 9 inch tool as he inserts it inside of your flower, you’d notice how fuller you feel because of it’s thick large size. You start to feel pleasure and pain as he rapidly thrust inside of you. You hate it, but love it at the same time because his tool stretches you out the right way that someone with a smaller tool might not be able to achieve for your body size.

Normie vs Chad

The moment you engage in sex with Charming Chad, is the moment you fall for his head games and unpredictable behavior disguised as toxic manipulation.

Then He Starts to Slowly withdraw any affection with you randomly:

You slowly start to notice your boyfriend getting more and more distant from your emotional needs and makes you paranoid And unsure what will happen next.He doesn’t reply back to your text, so it creates anxeity,waiting for the next text from him.He also stopped complimenting your looks or showing any affection. No mentions of you on Facebook and instagram,you see him post about himself on Snapchat, without mentioning you. He watches other chicks on Tiktok shake their butts along with club banger clips in front of you (which pisses you off) making you more insecure about yourself.You start to feel an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t right, while thinking about Chad non stop.

Let’s also imagine,you’re with your significant other at his place for the weekend. You don’t often realize it, but you actually crave for your boyfriend’s attention yet, have no idea why he’s acting off and distant. For instance, whenever you two are sitting on the couch watching TV together and you cuddle up to him, he seemed cold and distant. A part of you feel concerned or as if you’re not doing enough. You start to question if cuddling up to him will bring you the reward of him reciprocating the same bonding response, as it intermittently has in the past, but this time, it doesn’t. You begin to panic in your head as you cling on to your boyfriend’s clothes hoping for him to give you his undivided attention. As you cling on to him, he pushes you away as he gets up and heads to the kitchen for another round of popcorn. Frantic and paranoid, you start to get confused and think to yourself :“just a week ago he texted that he loves me,he’d hug me, and sleep with me,but now he’s so cold and distant”. All you could do whenever he ignores you is think of the times when he was showing you huge amount of attention.

You want to be held, hugged, kissed, to make love and you miss the validation that’s now suddenly being withheld from your relationship. When your boyfriend does this, just know it’s his way to control your emotions so that you form an unhealthy addiction to crave sexual and intimate validation. You’d do anything to keep him around in your life because he doesn’t love you like anyone else loved you. He doesn’t treat you like anyone else treats you. You begin to enjoy in a sickening way subconsciously, this mind game he reflects onto you. You may think its real love because in the beginning, Chad was the sweetest, most caring person you’d ever had the pleasure to be with thus far, you just want that Chad back so you wishfully and anxiously await for Chad to hug you once again. But what you’re feeling isn’t real love or affection, it’s an addiction from Chad’s toxic manipulative behavior to keep you in line and in control of your emotional state.

Apart of you begs mercifully for your boyfriend to show you the love and affection you most desperately crave. Your relationship is therefore not healthy, but instead, a toxic addiction for validation and love bombing being deprived away from you. You subjugated yourself as the lab rat pushing the lever for pallets, only this time, none is dispensing out of the tube and it’s driving you insane. But seldom so often, whenever you push the lever, a pile of pallets roll out, giving you dopamine that rushes through your brain as a reward chemical. It finally receives the pallets after strainous efforts to push that lever down,and is yet it’s own personal prisoner mentally.

He breaks you down Emotionally To Get you Addicted to Him:

Chad knows that if he emotionally cuts you off for awhile, it’ll create an emotionally co-dependency within you that‘s challenging to break. You form an addiction to getting validation from your partner because of how little you receive it from them when they become distant. But once they show you just an ounce of affection and love, you begin to feel a cerebral high and Euphoria, like taking meth or a hit of cocaine. You then developed an unhealthy emotional bond as you cling on tight in fear that before long, Chad will push you away and disarm you from the emotional co-dependency that drives you wild.

This Intermittet Reinforcement made you question if you were doing enough for Chad to love you. You begin to automatically form low self-esteem And that’s where Chad wants you to be: Inscure and weak in the mind. Emotionally co-dependent and broken so he can sexually and romantically control you. Because for every moment he deprives you of validation is an episode where you become the most needy for it emotionally. It creates the illusion that you NEED him since all you could think about are those moments of him kissing you, blowing your back out and being amazing in bed, showing you emotional preferred treatment. Your brain CRAVES this feeling again, and you unpredictably don’t know when another hit of that attention will arrive next.

All Of A Sudden, He shows you SOME affection, and You LOVE IT!

Then suddenly, Chad decides to show you some affection. You wake up early in the morning as Chad has Morningwood waiting for you. He taps you on the shoulder and starts kissing and caressing your neck. A dopamine rush floods your brain with validation, e.i, Chad is back in business! You hug him tightly as he kisses you on the forehead and rubs you back. You don’t want this feeling of bliss to end. You finally believe Chad actually love you, and when he’s cold and distant, it’s just Chad, Being Chad(Except its NOT) when in actuality, you were falling prey to Chad’s Maniputitve tactics of keeping you in his trauma bonding bubble.

Truama bonding and intermittent reinforcement is the primary reason you can’t leave the relationship. because it created an addiction so strong, that leaving is mentally impossible.

You Think nice guys are boring because they’re predictable:

In this fictional story, let’s meet Jennifer:a hot gamer girl who’d racked in 55k views on Twitch daily and was among one of the top leading gamers on that platform. Jennifer has several fans eyeing her content because of her beauty and influence. She also goes to State College where she’s majoring in Computer IT. One day in class while being assigned to do a project in one of her women’s studies classes, she was partnered with Hector, a guy who loved first person shooter games and was super into The Starwars Franchsie. You could say he was a geek’s geek. He wasn’t so bad looking either and was fairly handsome.

So one morning, Hector approached Jeninfer and asked her out on a date.She then said yes and they proceeded to being a couple. Now there wasn’t anything wrong with Hector at all: they held hands, went on dates to the park nearby campus, watched the latest Starwars movies on popular streaming services at his dorm, even had sex twice. Hector was as romantic as he could possibly be, except, Jennifer was getting kind of bored with him. You see, Unlike Chad, who mentally abused you into staying in a toxic relationship with him, Hector never used manipution or trauma bonding to keep Jennifer craving for more. He just kept showing her affection and love until she became bored of it.

One night as Jennifer was working out at the gym, she bumped into Chad, and thought he was sexually attractive, even more so than Hector. So Chad came up to her as she was lifting weights and replied” It’d be easier if you bend your whole weight on your knees” and from there, they began chatting. Eventually, Chad charmed Jennifer with his white clean smile and drove her to a discreet location in town and had wild sex with her in his car. Chad had confidence knowing that while he was sleeping with Jennifer, that YOU wouldn’t ever leave him, because he’s placed you in a toxic love spell that you refused to get out of So he was able to sleep around.

It was easy for Chad since he always made sure you were totally co-dependent on him. And Poor Hector, why, he started to notice some of the toxic signs rubbing off on Jennifer: She would not reply to Hector’s text, Stop Liking his post on social media, had less sex and more often with him, stopped hanging out or found excuses as to why she was too busy to watch Anime and play video games with him. She barely streams on Twitch after sleeping with Chad,yet whenever she did occasionally play a session, you could obviously tell that her temperament and attitude did a whomping 180.

But don’t worry, Jennifer was getting played too: When she went to the gym after she slept with Chad,he practically started ignoring her, But she couldn’t resist his flirtatious ways. He’d gone cold on Jennifer with texting because Chad intentionally just used Jennifer for a quickie, meanwhile all Jennifer, the gamer girl could think of is how Chad blown her back out in the backseat of his car the other night. The coldness and unpredictability of Chad drove Jennifer insane but the consistent love and attention Hector was showing Jennifer was making her bored and uninterested.

See?:

You see, you probably wouldn’t date Hector because he’s the nerd whos’ a nice guy and predictable, that makes you dry. But you’d easily fall for Chad because he’s edgy and unpredictable, that makes you a waterfall. Because you were brainwashed by 20 years of hip hop and pop to love abuse and toxic men, you were brainwashed to reject nice guys. And as you read this article,tears fall down your eyes wondering how you became a monster and fell for the trap of accepting toxic relationships. Well, I’ll tell you how: Because you didn’t have good examples at home, your father was probably not around or barely there in your life, and you didn’t know how to truly be a women. You saw your mom hop from boyfriend to boyfriend being abused and yelled or disrespected and naturally thought that this type of behavior was normal. So by the time you fell for Chad yourself, you thought what he was doing to emotionally manipulate you was totally acceptable, when in all reality its not.

Dump Chad!:

You ought to look in the mirror and know your self worth and demand respect. You must love yourself and be kind and not too hard on who you are. You should detach yourself from Chad completely and realize that what you two have is toxic and hurtful for your mental wellbeing. Yes you could break free. You can have a better relationship than the one you‘re in right now. Dump Chad, Have no contact with him,take a break from dating, focus on yourself and your own happiness for at least a year, and when you finally healed,go out there again, but do so with an abundance of caution and keep your guard up. The problem isn’t that good men don’t exist, they do,they‘re just watching Starwars in their dorm rooms or working on the next tech idea.

relationships
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About the Creator

Kyle Smith

I’m an entrepreneur,up and coming manga artist, and an Apple tech guy.

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