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7 Things Women Think About Your Downstairs Equipment (And Why You Should Care )

If you want to please a woman, that is.

By Ellen "Jelly" McRaePublished 8 months ago 7 min read
Image created on Canva

Every woman has an opinion, and not always a nice, opinion about your junk.

Your trouser snake. Your downstairs equipment. Your penis and testicles.

Now before you start condemning us women as judgemental bitches, you know you have an opinion on our bodies too. It's human to pass judgement.

You should know I'm not passing on what women think about your anatomy to seem unnecessarily mean. Or to pick on what you have. I would have used a Reddit forum to troll males if that's what I wanted to do. Which I don't by the way.

If I was putting together a list of my favourite things in the world, Oprah style, the male anatomy would be high on the list. I mean, we've had some good times together.

Despite how much women love what you have, we still have an opinion. Good and bad.

I want to present helpful, thoughtful and constructive insight into the female mind so you know us better. And so you can stop asking us what we think. 

You'll already know.

1. You have to have some size

You could say knowing what to do with your penis is a cliché. 

Everyone knows you can't rely on having the equipment. You have to use it in the way it's intended. You need the moves, in every sense of the word. I won't go on about it. You get it. 

Let's talk about the equipment for a moment. You have to have something to work with.

Every woman wants a penis of a certain size. What size that is I believe is personal. 

Though you can find research on the perfect penis size, some women will want bigger. Others will want smaller. It's the same way you want your anatomy to work perfectly with a woman's. 

It's all personal preference.

Having said that, your equipment needs to have something to it. But as we know you don't have any control over what you were born with, you have to understand we won't stick around with what we know you can't change. 

It will never improve or grow or become something it's not. 

The same rules apply if you're too big for the woman, too.

2. Are you clean?

When a woman doesn't know you very well, they wonder about your hygiene. 

Now, we can normally tell when someone has showered. Pressed, clean clothes also imply you care about yourselves. When you smell clean, fresh, perfumed also helps.

There are some men who should take note of hygiene issues post using the bathroom, by the way. One man I dated didn't clean his foreskin properly after urinating, which let it become trapped in the skin. I could taste it when I went down on him. Disgusting doesn't describe the taste with enough accuracy.

Yet, basic hygiene is one thing to wonder about. But we also ponder and worry about how "clean" you are downstairs. 

  • Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases we should know about? 
  • Have you been STD tested lately? 
  • Can we expect any health issues to come from sleeping with you?

We can't look at your downstairs package and know if you have any diseases we should worry about. But that's where presentation comes into it. 

If you're not into good grooming or any grooming at all, we might wonder what we can't see. Or what's hiding under the mass of pubic hair.

By the way, it's fair to wonder the same thing about us women, too.

3. Hair, hair, pubic hair

Speaking of presenting yourself well, let's talk about hair. 

We don't always care about how much hair you have on your nether regions and around that area. On your legs or belly, for example. 

It doesn't change how you use your penis during sex. The longer your hair doesn't mean you're better, nor does the same apply with no hair.

Again, preference is key here. A woman will feel strongly about hair, but they won't tell you until you've been together for a while. Or they won't tell you it's the reason they won't sleep with you again. Or part of the reason, not the main deal breaker.

Good grooming never goes astray though. And once the relationship develops, communication will help you figure out what her preference is for you.

If you want us to go down on you though, your pubic hair is problematic. 

In the same way, a forest downstairs on us would make it uncomfortable to perform oral, the same goes with you. A mouth full of hair isn't pleasant.

And if a woman is having issues giving you head, it might not be the act itself. 

It could be the hair.

4. Penis fashion

Every woman is going to love or hate the type of underwear you wear. 

Now, I know this isn't about your junk, per se. But if we're talking about the whole experience, what you've wrapped yourself in does count. 

It helps build anticipation and desire. Or it can send it crashing to the floor.

Personally, I can't stand boxers. Even if I'm in love with the man, the boxers have to go. Not only does it not look sexy, but it also looks like what a child would wear. 

Especially if you prefer a Bart Simpson print on your boxers of choice. Not exactly getting the heart racing.

Jocks also don't do it for me. They look like something you give to small children, the underwear you start young boys off with. And that cut-off style underwear doesn't always flatter all body shapes.

Other women will disagree with me. And you guys might say, who cares what I'm wearing? Should it matter if you're going to take the underwear off anyway?

As you can see, underwear can be something important or not. One woman will care more than another. One woman will love your jocks, another won't. 

And you? You're trying to keep your junk safe and comfortable. Yet, safe isn't always going to get the motor running. 

5. We don't care how it looks

Not all penises look the same. All girls know this and so do you. 

Yet, we're always going to have an opinion on how yours looks compared to the ones we've seen before. And compared to the ones we've liked.

This isn't an issue you can control. 

You can't control what junk we've seen before, what we're used to and what we think is a good-looking penis and balls.

We're never going to say what you have is ugly, by the way. I wouldn't bother asking because only the rudest women will answer truthfully. Not that it should matter if what you have looks good or not. It should be how it works.

If what you have doesn't work, and doesn't do it for us, looks do start to creep in. 

It's almost a final straw kind of thing. It's not what begins the deal breaker, but what ends it.

6. Your junk is part of a package

I'm not sure if you realise how your penis is one part of what you have to offer a woman, both in bed and within a relationship. 

There is so much more to sex and loving a man than what is down his pants. You know it's the same thing for you. 

A woman's body isn't the only thing you find attractive about her. Attraction might be in the short term, but in the long run, looks only get a relationship so far.

Don't become obsessed with making your downstairs the entire focus. 

You have so many more tools at your disposal and much to offer a woman than only your penis. Think about your body and mind and how you use them as a package deal.

7. We're not thinking about your penis as much as you are

I'm not saying men are all penis obsessed. 

Or that they think solely with their nether regions and what it wants to do. But I can tell you, we don't think about what you have down there as much as you do.

We have our own bodies to worry about, for one. We also don't put penis size and look and what it's up to on the daily agenda of thoughts for the day.

It's not that we don't care. Or don't perve on you when we see you naked in the shower. And it's not like we don't think about sex.

Your penis, specifically, though? 

We're not obsessing the same way you do.

Why should you care?

Most of the thoughts women have about male genitals focus on pleasure. It's all about how what you have contributes to getting them off. It isn't any more complicated than that. 

In the same way women care about what you think of them, so we can pleasure you, we hope you do the same. 

Every woman will be different though. Some women will care about one thing more than another. And often what we care about won't align with what you care about. That happens. You can't do much about it. 

But your physical relationship with a woman will be all the better for understanding and knowing what I've told you. 

You might avoid doing things that cause sexual deal-breakers with the people you care about.


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About the Creator

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

I’m here to use my wins and losses in #relationships as your cautionary tale | Writes 1LD; Cautionary tale #romance fiction |

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