50 Shades? I'm In. Now What?

Since the idea and forming of the kinky community we have always had mentors. But now we have Google, it's probably how you found this article. So welcome to my creative world of kink.

Since we are using the internet more, I wanted to create simple tips if you are starting down this fun path to the great adventure of kinky f*&#kery you should read this and maybe pass it onto another noob in the community.

1. Create SAFE WORDS.

Safe words allow a scene to come to a full stop no matter the reason. Both partners should have one whether you are Top, bottom, or a switch. You should also create a medical safe word that both of you can use, especially if you scene with someone that has reactive medical issue like asthma or diabetes.

When choosing a safe word, it should be out of the ordinary, yet the persons go-to comfort. This allows the recall to be easy. An example would be a bottom is a car guy his safe word would not work if it was bubblegum. His brain doesn't go there for comfort. A better safe word would be jeep.

Also, safe words are just that safe. There should never be a punishment for using them. Avoid people and situations that punish in the context of using a safe word.

2. Choking Hazards are a thing.

Ever wonder why there is a strap on a ball gag? Well, the answer is it's just sexy to keep it in the mouth. That's very true, however, it also keeps it from sliding too far into the mouth where choking and suffocation can happen. There is a strap for a reason, please use it all the time.

Also, very sexy and hot, to use rope, panties or scarf in the mouth. However, unless you are very experienced and have first aid training, I advise against these. Saliva can gather in all these fabrics and cause all kinds of issues including making it harder to remove them, airflow, and choking. Be very cautious.

3. Rub-a-dub-dub, It's Time to Scrub. HYGIENE.

We are talking about toy care here, how you clean and care for your toys is so important. The care you take in looking after your property show outwardly in how you use it on people. Cleaning after each use is mandatory, without it you can spread infections, just general bacterial ones to STI's, even blood borne pathogens. Know how to clean and maintain your tools and what cleaners to use.

It can all be found online and in very vanilla resources. After all, cleaning a leather flogger is no different than cleaning a leather saddle. Cleaning adult toys can be daunting, but you can always as a salesperson at a well trusted store for the information.

4. CIRCULATION, it's just a mandatory need.

BDSM relies heavily on bondage and because of that aspect we must watch the blood flow to arms, legs, nipples, breasts and the family jewels. Lack of blood flow can cause serious harm from nerve damage to loss of the limb. This is not a factor to be overlooked. If you don’t know where to start. Look for a local munch, workshop or play party. You will be able to find a teacher and mentor at any of those places.

5. NEVER leave a submissive alone.

Sounds basic but never leave a submissive in a vulnerable position alone, bound or caged. At that poin,t they are helpless and are requiring all their care and safety needs be met by the one in charge. It’s like looking after a child. Never take your eyes from them, something could go wrong in the blink of an eye.

6. CLAMPS!

Clamps are fun and compress causing pain and sensitivity. But they do compress so it restricts blood flow. Always keep an eye on the area clamped. Look for color change (a little pink is always expected) like blue, purple, black or white... the general rule is no more then 15 minutes with constant observation and slight repositioning. FYI nipples that have nerve damage are no longer sensitive and what fun is that.

7. COLLARS

In BDSM they can be symbols, sexy or useful. Always use a collar properly. Rope is not a collar and should never be put around the neck. If you use a collar, make sure it's secure and fits properly with room to breathe and move. No weight should be applied to the neck while in a collar. And you should never restrain by the collar.

8. Bondage and JOINTS

In bondage, we can overlook the basic sensibilities. We must always strive to protect and love our toys (yes are subs are toys too) Watch out for knees, elbows, shoulders ankles. You know the bendy parts of the body.

There are proper ways to bind, cuff and restrain. If you are new find a mentor or a local Dom/me. Most Dom/mes within the community teach, it may be worth it to book a teaching session to learn some basics with your partner. Don't ever rely on porn to be your teacher. That said, don't rely on Goggle either, find a real human mentor, teacher, or workshop to attend.

9. The SPANKING Game

BDSM has a heavy impact component and spanking needs to be addressed. Like Bondage, there is a right way and a wrong way. You can't go hitting all willy nilly. You'll hurt someone, in the not so good way. There are spots on the body that cannot take impact, I call them the soft squishy parts. If you impact those spots, you can cause internal bleeding, bruises, tears, nerve damage and, a host of complications.

Please find a mentor/teacher or workshop. However, some places that just seem basic that can handle a strike are the bottom, the breasts and the back (rib cage region) and, lastly the thighs.

Remember to have fun and err on the side of caution.

10. The Internet is Scary...PERSONAL AWARENESS

Always be safe, never go anywhere not in public or without security. Always have a backup plan and always make sure someone knows who you are meeting, where you are meeting and how long you will be. We in the community call this a SAFE CALL. But in this age of the internet, we all need to practice this and an awareness of our surroundings.

All too often common sense goes out the window in the excitement of the moments and that how bad things can happen. After all, do we really know who we are meeting? Have we spent along time with them? Where I live potential partners can run background checks at the local police or RCMP department, this law was created to protect against violence, and domestic abuse. But simple things like asking questions and having the answers somewhere. First and last name ( do a Google or Facebook search) so you can locate them. Ask for a face selfie and do a reverse image search to make sure they are who they say they are. Have their birthday and address or type of car known. All these things come up in random conversations, so its easy to get the info.