5 Ways To Turn Up The Kink Without Going Full BDSM

When you hear the word ‘kink,’ do you picture a secret red-lit dungeon, a closet stuffed with latex, and enough bondage gear to restrain a horse?

Well, forget all of that! Unless it’s your thing, no judgement here!

I’ve been running fetish and kink events for the past few years, and one thing I’ve noticed again and again is how many people assume kink has to be elaborate, intimidating or reserved for experienced players.

It really doesn’t.

Kink can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. From exploring fantasies you’ve never acted on to getting wet with watersports or even utilising the trusty handbrush for spanking fun, there are plenty of ways to add a little kink to your relationship and bedroom.

And it doesn’t have to involve a leather harness, a dungeon or anything remotely complicated. Sometimes, it’s simply about getting curious and putting a playful twist on something you already enjoy. A familiar experience can feel completely different when you introduce a little uncertainty, anticipation or control.

Safety First!

Before you dive into the fun stuff, there is one important thing to get out of the way: consent and communication come first.

Before play begins, talk about what you’re comfortable with, discuss your boundaries and limits, and make sure everyone knows they can change their mind at any point.

You may think you don’t have any limits until someone sticks their pinky in your bum. So, talk about what might happen and what you’re hoping for, and make sure you’re on the same page. Fancy trying spanking? Great! But how hard? Where? And are there any areas of your body that are completely off-limits?

For activities where it might be harder to communicate normally, it’s also worth agreeing on a safeword or clear signal that means ‘stop’ or ‘slow down.’ If speaking might be difficult, choose a non-verbal signal too, such as tapping, using a bell, squeezing a hand or making an agreed gesture.

And remember, communication doesn’t stop once the fun starts. Keep checking in as you go. A quick “Are you okay?” or “How are you feeling?” can help make sure everyone remains comfortable and that boundaries are still being respected.

Now, on to the good stuff!

1. Sensation Play

Sensation play is one of the easiest ways to start exploring kink, mostly because you probably already have everything you need at home.

At its heart, it’s about discovering how your body responds to different textures, touches, temperatures and sensory experiences. A delicate leaf brushing your skin, the coolness of a metal spoon, a blindfold or even different scents, sounds and tastes can create surprisingly different reactions.

One of my favourite ways to experiment is by taking away my partner’s ability to predict what’s coming next. A blindfold works perfectly, but even headphones playing music can make every touch feel more noticeable.

From there, you can try lightly tracing a makeup brush along your partner’s neck before running a soft scarf down their back. Or explore temperatures by alternating something cool, like a cold spoon, with something comfortably warm, such as warmed massage oil. Just make sure anything heated is kept at a safe, skin-friendly temperature. So no boiling-hot metal spoons!

Want to turn it into a game? Gather a selection of random objects and take turns choosing one for your partner without showing them first. Mix up soft, smooth, rough and unexpected textures and see what they respond to most.

2. Protocol

Protocol sounds much more intimidating than it actually is.

At its heart, it’s simply about adding rules, routines or little rituals to your relationship. Rather than being about one particular activity, it creates a framework for how you interact. That framework could last throughout your relationship, over a weekend, or for a few hours on one very naughty evening.

For some people, that structure is exactly the appeal. A few agreed rules can build anticipation, make your roles feel clearer and give one partner the chance to take the lead while the other follows. It can also be surprisingly calming. When you know what’s expected of you, there’s less need to make decisions or wonder what comes next, giving you a welcome break from the mental load of everyday life.

And no, you don’t have to go full Victorian headmaster with protocol kink. Unless you want to, of course!

Interested in giving it a go? 

Start small and choose something that fits your relationship. You could both agree to sleep naked at weekends, ask permission before touching yourself or reaching orgasm, or use titles such as Master or Mistress in private.

And it can be surprisingly personal, too. I’m friends with a couple who have their own day-to-day routines, and I love how specific theirs are. At home, she draws him a bubble bath from bed. When they’re out in public, he encourages her to be more assertive about her needs, making sure people aren’t talking over her and that she’s being heard.

As you can see from my friends, protocol doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom. Give one partner control of Saturday morning, from choosing breakfast to deciding what you’ll do afterwards, or create a simple ritual such as greeting your partner at the door with a kiss when they come home. You could even introduce a morning instruction, such as doing ten minutes of yoga before starting the day or making the bed as soon as they get up.

Whatever you choose, agree on the rules first. Talk about what you both enjoy, what’s off-limits and what happens if someone forgets. Nobody should discover halfway through that they’ve broken a rule they didn’t know existed.

If you both enjoy a little extra structure, you can even agree on a playful consequence. Keep it harmless, whether that means completing a task, losing a small privilege for the evening or doing an agreed forfeit. The goal is to keep it fun, not turn it into something genuinely uncomfortable.

Start with one. See how it feels. Keep it, change it or add another. After all, there’s no rulebook. You’re writing your own. 

3. Pet Play

Pet play is definitely one of those kinks that can get some pretty confused looks if you mention it to someone who’s never heard of it.

First things first, let’s tackle the elephant in the room. Pet play is NOT bestiality. It’s a form of roleplay between consenting adults, where someone takes on the characteristics or persona of an animal such as a puppy, kitten, pony, bunny or fox. Real animals aren’t involved.

Pet play can look very different from person to person. For some, it’s mainly about dressing up and getting into character. For others, it’s about adopting animal-like behaviours, playing games, following commands or enjoying a particular dynamic with a partner. There’s no single “right” way to do it.

For many who engage in this kink, the appeal of pet play is the chance to step outside their usual headspace. Taking on an animal persona can feel playful, freeing and wonderfully silly, offering a temporary escape from the expectations and responsibilities of everyday life.

Some people describe this as entering “pet space” or “headspace”, a relaxed, playful state where they can focus on their role and simply enjoy the moment. For others, the attention, trust and care involved can create a deeper sense of connection with their partner.

Want to try it out? 

Start by choosing an animal that appeals to you and decide how much you want to incorporate into your play. You could simply adopt some of its mannerisms and personality, or add accessories such as ears, a tail or a collar. A playful puppy might enjoy fetching a ball, a cat could chase a feather toy or curl up somewhere cosy, while a bunny might enjoy hopping around and being fussed over.

You can also introduce a little more structure by having one partner take on the role of a handler. They might give simple commands, offer praise and attention, or reward their pet with cuddles, head scratches or a favourite treat. If you both enjoy a little playful discipline, you can even agree beforehand on a harmless consequence for ignoring a command.

There’s no need to take it too seriously, and you certainly don’t have to crawl around barking if that isn’t your thing. You can dip your toe in with a pair of ears and a few silly mannerisms, or go all in with costumes, games and a more developed character. The fun is in finding a version of pet play that feels comfortable, playful and uniquely yours.

4. Edging

Edging is all about anticipation. Instead of rushing towards orgasm, you deliberately build arousal, get close to the edge, then slow down or stop before starting again.

For many people, that’s the appeal. It turns the build-up into the main event, stretching out the anticipation and making every touch feel more intense.

Want to make it a game? Decide beforehand who’s in charge and let them control when things speed up, slow down or stop. You can even switch roles halfway through and see who can come up with the best challenge.

Want to add a little uncertainty? Blindfold your partner so they can’t predict what’s coming next. Or, if you want to be deliciously evil, have them read a passage from a book aloud while you provide stimulation. They only get permission to orgasm if they make it to the end of the passage. If they stumble over a word, lose their place or make a mistake, the stimulation stops, and they have to start again.

The trick is not to overcomplicate it. Start slowly, communicate throughout and enjoy the anticipation. Sometimes, the journey really is more fun than the destination.

5. Praise Kink

Praise kink is exactly what it sounds like: getting turned on, excited or simply feeling especially good when your partner praises you. For some people, being told they’re attractive, doing a great job or making their partner happy can create a much stronger reaction than an ordinary compliment.

The easiest way to try praise kink is to talk to your partner about what kind of praise you enjoy. It doesn’t need to be a big or awkward conversation. Simply tell them you like being complimented or encouraged during intimate moments and see if they’re up for giving it a try. Because praise can feel surprisingly personal, it’s worth agreeing on what you’re both comfortable with before throwing phrases like “good girl” or “good boy” into the mix.

Once you’re both on board, experiment with different types of praise. Some people love compliments about their appearance, while others respond more strongly to being praised for what they’re doing. Try expressions like “You should be proud of yourself,” “You look so hot when you’re on your knees,” or “You feel incredible,” and pay attention to which ones get the biggest reaction.

For me, I like hearing phrases like “You take that so well” or “You’re so good at this” when I’m being intimate with a partner.

You can also turn praise into a playful little game. Set your partner a simple challenge and decide beforehand what kind of praise they’ll get when they complete it. Or flip the script and let them discover which compliments make you melt.

The point isn’t to find the “right” phrase. It’s about discovering what makes each of you feel good.

A little kink goes a long way

Trying something new doesn’t mean you have to completely change your sex life, invest in a cupboard full of toys or suddenly become a full-time kink enthusiast. Sometimes, all it takes is one small change to make something familiar feel exciting again.

Maybe you discover that you love being blindfolded, enjoy taking turns making the rules, get a thrill from a little power exchange or secretly have a thing for being called a good girl. You might love one idea, laugh at another and decide that something else definitely isn’t for you. And that’s perfectly fine.

There’s no right way to explore kink and no checklist you need to work through. Start with something that catches your interest, talk to your partner, keep things consensual and pay attention to what you both enjoy.

Because ultimately, kink isn’t about how adventurous you look from the outside. It’s about finding new ways to have fun, connect with your partner and discover what makes you tick.

So be curious, leave the judgement at the door and give something new a try. You might just discover a side of your relationship you didn’t know was there.