3 Things You Need to Do After Sex (But She Wouldn’t Tell You)
Don’t waste the sizzle, utilize the afterglow.
The other day, me and my BFF were having a raunchy, girly conversation about our adult lives so far over multiple bottles of Chianti.
That was when the conversations drifted towards sex and more precisely what most guys miss big time in the cacophony of passion that accompanies good sex. That was when she made a statement.
“Good sex as quoted by the great Alex Baldwin is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie.” She said giving her most wicked smile.
“How?” I asked, puzzled
“After play baby!!! You get those thin fortune cookies right after a great Chinese dinner. You open them and bingo pops out a thin bit of paper printed with a pithy fortune for you. You leave the restaurant happy not because of the food but because of that paper amplifying your mood to extraordinary proportions.it is plain psychology at its best and it works!” She said.
“And after play just works like that fortune cookie.” She drawled having another large swig out of the rapidly diminishing bottle of Chianti.
“You don’t want to just roll over and fall asleep after such a terrific bonding of bodies. At the same time, you are way too exhausted to have one more round of action. Is there any middle way that can help you to relax or bring you a little closer to each other in the intimate afterglow? Yes, there is. And it is called After play.”
And here are some of the top after play activities guys need to do to us but they often don’t.
Complement each other
This is a perfect time to lavish praise and admiration on each other. It is important to verbalize what worked for both of you during sex.
Karla Ivankovich, a couple therapist and clinical counsellor aptly says.
“Immediately after sex, oxytocin is still high. Share with one another what it is that you really enjoyed about your intimacy, physically or emotionally, is a great way to keep bonding.”
Most guys want to know how they were between the sheets but would not ask it openly. This is a perfect time for her to shed the inhibitions and compliment him on how he hit the right spots and left her craving for more. Even if she did not reach orgasm, connecting with him at an emotional level helps him to get better in future sexual encounters.
Avoid direct questioning or the interrogation mode. Questions like “Did you come” or “Was I good” can put an awkward wall of guilt or shame that can defeat the very purpose of afterplay. Instead, pay compliments like “I loved that T-shaped licking you did with your tongue”, “I loved the warm fuzzy feeling when you ran your tongue over me” and so on…
Remember the purpose of afterplay is to not only boost the confidence levels but also get in the habit of freely discussing your desires and needs so that sex can be an enjoyable affair.
Shower with her
Showering together after sex can be a great way to enjoy each other’s nakedness without any of the pre-sex pressure or urgency. It’s also a nice way to show care for each other –by helping massage each other to remove the fatigue and exhaustion that comes after high energy sex.
Soap and scrub each other. Then press up against her for some sexy snuggling under the shower stream, running your slippery hands over her back and butt. Work up a healthy lather.
With nothing separating your nude bodies except running hot water, a mind-blowing post-sex intimacy is guaranteed. Also, the hot water actually stimulates blood flow and circulation, which helps keep your bodies in the state of arousal thus prolonging the 'post-orgasmic flush'.
Remember to not to hurry things up. Let the heat-soaked environment bring your bodies super close and weld your minds together into a powerful bond that goes much beyond flirtation.
Cuddle up with her
Women are vulnerable following sex and if you disconnect, you'll leave her feeling unsafe and insecure. Also, sex isn't an event for her that always ends in orgasm. So, it shouldn't be for you either. So, cuddle up with her so that she feels loved and comes out of any guilty or insecure feelings if she has.
And there is a scientific reason that cuddling or pillow talk is so satisfying. Each time you have sex with a partner, 'the love hormone,' scientifically known as oxytocin, is released. This hormone bonds you both and creates a feeling of intimacy. Take advantage of this by cuddling her, talking with her and making your bond even stronger with her.
You can take her in your arms, stroke her hair, talk to her about your hopes, your dreams, what you would like to do in the future with her. Spooning is the best cuddle position. It’s the only position that has the potential for both of you to enjoy without any exhaustion or effort.
Remember cuddling is the easiest way to show to her that you care about her and want to make sure she is comfortable and at ease.
And lastly, sex is never a one-act play
Overall, try not to think of sex as a just one-act play. Sex goes much beyond that.
Sex with your partner is not only the physical act, but it also includes the build-up, the emotional healing and the post-sex intimacy that comes later. You may have finished but maybe she is still left wanting for more. Show her that you are eager and thinking of her needs and let her know that you are willing to go that extra mile to feel her feel comfortable, be loved and at ease at all times.
In the afterglow, tell her she's beautiful, that she turns you on, and how you're crazy about that thing she does. Make sure that sex becomes a truly enjoyable act for both of you that can be cherished for a long time after it is finished.
As Woody Allen has rightly said.
“Let’s makeout, have sex, cuddle and have a deep talk. Then let’s have sex again, go out to eat, then go back home, watch a movie and have sex again.”
Thanks for taking time to read. Hope you enjoyed and if you did, please do leave a like and a tip if you super-liked what you read just now.
Thanks - Mythili.
About the author
Peeping Soul is a programmer by passion and a connoisseur of fine arts like painting, calligraphy, and pottery. She writes in the twilight between relationships, creativity, and human behavior.