10 Tips For Best Sexting

Estimated read time: 7 minutes

Of all the things Sex Ed didn't teach me, sexting definitely was not on the list.

With the pandemic this last year, a lot of our intimacy was moved behind screens without any warning. Many of us found ourselves in a long-distance relationship with sex. Sending dirty words and pictures the only way to express ourselves to someone. If that's your current situation and you feel like you don't know what you're doing, don't stress. Your Textual Boyfriend has you covered with ten tips for proper sexting. Class is in session.

00. Have consent.

Never send someone an explicit text/picture unless they've clearly established that they are interested in that from you. Do not cold message someone who doesn't know you. Shouldn't have to say this but yet I do.

While there are places to find dirty penpals that want to get right into it, all other times you're going to have to get to know the other person before sexting is on the table. They need to know you from anon. You need to know they are interested in receiving explicit messages from you. Don't be that guy or gal spamming your pics in everyone's inbox.

01. Get your textual foreplay on.

Build up a scene. Stoke the fire. Sexting is rarely a super quick thing. Just like in sex, you can't just skip to the final act. Take your time setting the mood and progressing the story.

While you made be horned up and ready to go when you fire off that first message, the other person isn't instantly teleported to sexy space. You need to get their pulse going. Get them excited too. Be playful, be teasy. Sex starts before the bedroom and sexting starts before you describe how you'd make them cum.

02. Communication matters.

Be direct and clear if you are just teasing while out running errands, if you're home alone, if you're going through a tunnel, etc. It's good etiquette to make your partner aware of what your situation is. This can save hurt feelings when someone can't reply back right away.

As fun as a spontaneous spicy text can be, don't expect someone to be able to drop their pants and start sexting back right away. If you are seeking their undivided attention, let them know. Scheduling a set time for the two of you to be intimate and focused can make sure everyone is available and in the mood.

03. Text it out like a story.

"If I was there right now..." Describe how you'd approach them. Where would your hands touch them? Where would your lips kiss them? What would they feel? What would they hear? How exactly would you undress them?

Take it slow. You can say, "I undress you," or you can say, "I slide my hands under your shirt and up your chest. Lifting it over your head I lean forward and kiss your nipples. Bringing my fingers to your waistband I..." That builds anticipation and sexual tension. It paints the picture and gives a play by play of the action.

04. It's a back and forth.

A sexual improv of sorts. Remember to "Yes and..." as they reply back and add to the story. If you're typing out about coming up behind them and bending them over a desk but they reply they'd drop to their knees in front of you, roll with it. You are building a scene together. A written collaboration.

There may be times one of you is leading the scene. Other times you both will be racing to reply what happens next. Work it out together. Try to be on the same page and build off what the other has written out. If there are conflicting directions, take your partner's lead.

05. It's a fantasy.

Play out new and enticing scenes. Don't feel you have to keep everything grounded in reality. Don't be silly, but don't be afraid to type out something you've always wanted to try but couldn't.

You don't just have to describe your average sex scene. Would it be fun to hook up in a movie theater? Have you ever wanted to be tied up? What if you were a big bad werewolf about to pounce on a sexy red hooded figure alone in the woods? Nothing wrong with keeping it simple, but don't be afraid to play out new and interesting scenarios.

06. Say when you need something.

Is your partner less imaginative or an "mmmm then what?" replier? You may have to carry the story. Consider pausing to request specific responses from them. "Send me a pic of X" or "tell me how that would feel" prompts help a quieter partner be more involved.

If you usually lead the story but want a break, tell your partner you'd like them to try their hand leading this time. Encourage and support their efforts if they aren't as confident in their sexting abilities. Just because they are telling the story doesn't mean they can't still be submissive in it.

07. Know your angles.

If you're sending pics, be mindful of your lighting and what angles you look best from. Don't just send a super close-up genital pic as most people want to see the person it's attached to more. Tease it out and build anticipation before just baring it all.

Can you set the mood with lighting and setting? What about a slow striptease out of your regular clothing? If you really want to up your sexy selfie game, consider setting your phone on a timer and a stand so you can better go hands-free. The extra effort will pay off.

08. Protect yourself.

Do practice safe lewd etiquette when sharing nudes. Only share with someone you trust. Consider using a platform that doesn't keep images such as Snapchat. Be mindful of your background, identifying tattoos and body markings. Crop your face out from explicit pictures.

Always be aware that nudes can get leaked even with the most trusted of partners. Phones get hacked. Mistakes are made. People become toxic. It's easy to get caught up in the moment because you want someone hot and bothered over something you sent. Minimize your risk and don't send more than you should.

09. It's not all about getting off.

Sex isn't all about the orgasm. Sexting doesn't always have to lead to climaxing. It can be foreplay to build anticipation for later. It can be focusing on their pleasure. It can just be a sexy way to connect with a partner.

As a guy, I often don't get off until we reach the end of our sext session. I tend to focus more on my partner's pleasure. Often, this leads to me edging myself. Building up my pleasure but backing down on my stimulation before I cum. Sometimes I don't get off at all during the session. Not because I couldn't or wasn't aroused. But because I enjoyed the sexual attention and the drawn-out ache of desire.

Plus, once I get off I tend to lose my steam for continuing a story properly.

10. Play with your words.

Wordplay goes a long way in exciting the mind. You shouldn't be overly flowery with your writing, but clever phrasing can send tingles down their body. A dirty turn of phrase adds to the playfulness and double meanings can be such fun.

Are you rewarding them for being a good boy? Are you punishing a bad girl? Do you need to be disciplined and taught a lesson? Are you planting kisses along their body, trailing down from their neck, over their stomach, and down between their legs? Worshipping them with your tongue and lips like they're the most delicious thing you've ever tasted?

There are so many delectable words to choose from out there. If a phrase can be taken two ways, take it. And don't be afraid to get descriptive.

There are my 10 best sexting practices. There's definitely more I could write out though so watch for another ten tips soon. Is there an element of sexting you wanted advice on? Your Textual Boyfriend is happy to share more sexy thoughts. Find me on Twitter and Onlyfans for more sext message fun and steamy short erotica.