You

When you died I sat there because we taped up the door and I can't go outside.

You gave your last breath in the grey.

It's black outside and I can hear the wind. No more cars, no more shouting.

I know you are beside me but I can't see you. You are in the locket around my neck. It's shaped like a heart and you laughed and said, "yeah, I know it's a cliche!" but I loved it. I hold it in my fist, but I can't see you inside it.

The last time I saw you you were mowing the lawn and I was doing dishes and you ran in yelling "Claire! Claire!"

"What?"

You were tripping and falling.

"Shut the door! Did you look? Are your eyes--"

"What? What?"

You shut the door fast and felt and locked it.

It was really bright out and my eyes hurt and felt sore and fuzzy.

"Yes,I looked. Why?"

You pulled out your phone and mashed all the buttons, dumb.

You kept wiping at your eyes and I sat you on the couch but you were blurry. I clicked on the TV remote trying to get something. The TV went off and the power went off and it was all grey in the middle of the day.

"Claire! Was it a bomb? Was it an attack?"

"I don't know!"

I groped to the bathroom put a cold cloth on your eyes

"Fill the bathtub!"

"I can't see!" I tried to do it by feel. I did until the water ran out and you were yelling because you couldn't see where I was, just hear.

I began pulling things out of the fridge.

"No, no, Claire, we need to keep it cold! We won't have power again until who knows when! Maybe we should eat the frozen stuff!"

"How can we cook it if there's no power?" I said ,like it was sensible, but I stopped because that was before and we didn't know.

"We should seal up the doors!" you said. I groped, found tape, felt around the door and sealed it.

There were noises outside. Bangs, crashes, gunshots, but no cars. Why no cars?

"What if someone bangs on the door and tries to come in, thinking we have food?"

You were crying and I was trying not to cry. We felt our way and crawled in to bed and hugged each other. You still had your outside clothes on and I wondered, what if it's fallout or germs? Am I infected now too?

"What about the basement windows? You should go downstairs and seal them!"

I felt my way down the stairs and then up, stepping on wet, slimy frozen food. I felt my way to the bathroom and groped for an aspirin and water for you.

"Is it safe to drink?"

You drank it anyway. We slept, cared. Was it morning when we woke? Dark and grey for both of us.

I felt for our food. I opened whatever I could find, put it on a plate and placed your hands on the plate. I know where the spoons and can opener are. I put it back carefully by feel.

After that you laugh and say "what's in can roulette today?". Green beans. Regular beans. Canned tomatoes.

"Should we be rationing this?" you ask, but you really just want to lie down.

I don't want to tell you I can't see either and I don't know how many days it has been. I can't feel any more food. Nobody keeps lots of food in the house any more

I'm so tired.

You gasped finally and I sat on the bed with you.

It's too hot. I take off my clothes. Now I'm just in my wedding ring and the locket you gave me. The heart feels hot in my hand

The ring is too hot, burning me. I pull it off and put it on the table. I lie beside you on the bed.

Maybe someone will find it and know who we were. They will open up this heart and see us. Maybe there is no one.

There is us. There is always us.

Someone will see you again.