Would you kill Hitler?

That is the question often asked in drunk company. Would you kill Hitler if you could go back in time? You won't usually find any disagreement when somebody answers yes. However, there was a major problem in my case. I was the only one sober so I started thinking. The fact that I'm also a bit autistic didn't do me any favours here, because I was about to lay down one of the coldest explanations ever. As you would have guessed by now, I said "no"… All the faces turned pale in disbelief, the shock on their face is hard to describe in words even for a senior writer. I quickly realised the situation could escalate if I don't clarify my answer fast. What did I drag myself into? I wasn't even invited to this party to begin with. By now I'm really wishing I could go back in time and give a different answer… It's too late for that. I have to embrace the reality now.

Theory

I started to explain by choosing to kill Hitler, the mass effect that follows would wipe a big chunk of West's population followed by completely altering Asian landscape and dynamics. The big chunk in question here are people who would not have been born if WW2 didn't take place. Allow me to explain in more detail.

In order to analyse population by birth, we have to look at the fundamentals. How does impregnation take place? In simple terms, a sperm goes for a swim and upon reaching the egg fertilisation takes place. What I forgot to mention here is that ejaculation contains 300 million sperm cells that are all competing for that egg. Every single sperm cell, yes all 300 million carry unique DNA. You don't want to risk swimming that race again. Trust me, you're not that guy. I don't care if you're Micheal Phelps, we don't take those odds. You have a much better chance winning the lottery actually.

So why would you have to swim again, I hear you ask. Well, if we are going to alter history then we have to expect a chain of consequence. You may have won that race in that exact moment in History, but there is no guarantee you will be victorious if we follow another time-line. In theory we should get the same History results back if we follow the exact patterns. Once you break the patterns, we enter the 'unknown'.

So what could go wrong? I can write more sequels than Harry Potter on what could go wrong if we adjust major events in history. Believe it or not, even when you combine all the books in the world, all the books in history of mankind actually, you still wouldn't have enough space to cover the possibilities that will bite you in the ass if you choose to kill Hitler.

Just for fun, let's bring some of them to light. What if the soldier your grandma fell in love first didn't die in war? Your grandpa wouldn't even have the chance to participate in a swimming race let alone win it. Alright fine, let's put your grandma and grandpa together to give you a fighting chance. What if your grandparents had more children before your lineage was born? This sounds reasonable since they are spending more time now together as the environment is not threatening. Who knows, they might never consider going for a 3rd child that's linked to you.

Do you realise your whole lineage, your whole existence is depended on a single unique sperm cell? And that single sperm cell is only alive during 1 specific moment in history? If not, then allow me to educate you once more. If sperm is not ejaculated, it stays in the man's body for about 74 days. After this, the sperm cells die and are reabsorbed by the body. So the unique sperm cell that's responsible for your lineage throughout Hitlers era has only 74 days to find the egg and create a link to the present.

You think we are done? If I leave now the feminists will have my head on a stick. Did you know each egg also carries unique DNA? Eggs are equally important as sperm. On top of all that, there is no creation without ovulation. You can't impregnate a woman during intercourse when she has not released her eggs yet. Of course this is not entirely true, because a sperm can survive or rather live I must say 5 days inside a vagina. In theory this sperm can fertilize the upcoming egg if it's released within those 5 days. Alright enough about sperms. I lost total track where I was heading. Let's talk more about the egg. If the odds looked gloomy already, then I have bad news for you, because even when you do everything right, heck let's say perfect down to the last minute detail, the success rate of fertilisation comes down to 10–30% depending on the woman's age. Furthermore, the egg doesn't last long at all, 1 day compared to sperm which lasts 74 days. By now you should realise that even adjusting the slightest pattern could lead to postponing the race couple of hours and thus missing the ovulation window.

To Summarize: You need one unique key to go inside one unique lock, you only get one chance to succeed and this whole scenario is presented during one specific moment in a time-line which has a dead-line, doing everything perfectly to the last minute detail might still result in failure if you alter the slightest pattern. Do you know what's funny? If by astronomical odds your lineage is victorious in that swimming race, this only secures your parents life. You on the other hand still need your mom and dad to meet in a completely different Europe that has not endured WW2, most importantly they also have 2 unique tools that require interaction during one specific period. Good luck, your parents will probably never see each other let alone complete zillions of patterns in chronological order that would lead us to you my dear reader…

I was so glad I was able to finish my speech, pretty sure I'm not getting invited anywhere else in my entire life, but I had to clear my name here. I looked around to see if there was anyone still awake after my long lecture and to my surprise, they all looked vigorous, encouraged almost it would seem. One guy even said; "What about the Asians? You said something about landscape and dynamics." Is this guy fucking serious I thought? I was done. I was bored to death myself. I decided to quickly go over Asian history.

I don't need to explain to anyone how preventing 2 nuclear bombs dropped in Japan will completely change demographics. However, I do find it surprising how little people know about Japan's atrocities throughout Asia. During World War II, Imperial Japan controlled a number of other nations, including parts of modern-day China, Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Taiwan, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Cambodia, the Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore, Myanmar, New Guinea, Guam, East Timor, Laos, and Nauru. I assume after my long lecture about sperm everyone understands what happens if we erase this history. The people we know as of today will no longer be here, but rather replaced.

Is it selfish not to prevent WW2? - Definitely! I'm going to increase that guilt trip even further with the following information. Population grows exponentially, the bigger the population the bigger the growth rate in other words. If we would compare our 2 time-lines, the one where we prevented major wars would be booming with life, heck even the fish would be doing great without all the nuclear testing and bombs that are thrown during siege on sea. Yeah… that last one is totally false, more people equal more fish on a plate. But I did get you there for a second you have to admit. All I'm going to say is, I don't want to be the person who needs to make that decision…

Would you like me to help you get past that guilt trip? - Fine. WW2 was most likely going to happen either way given the tensions. Would you rather WW2 happened during a time where barely anyone had nuclear weapons or today? We need that past reference to WW2 to remind us of what we are capable of, from backstabbing and betrayal all the way to torture and murder.

The Leader

Suddenly everyone stood up and applauded. I went from a villain at this party to a fucking legend if I may say so myself. I might even get laid at this rate. Sometimes I surprise myself how awesome I am. They're still clapping by the way, finally the recognition I deserve, the one I was waiting my whole life. They grabbed my arms and legs and tossed me in the air yelling: "He's the one." This had to be a dream. Everything felt so tranquil… Yes, I did google that last word.

I reached the highest peak of the mountain. This was the best day of my life, but at the same time everything was about to fall off a cliff. You see, maybe I should have spent more time explaining my autism. I'm not bad with converting data science, but when it comes to social aspects, I am… retarded. I wish I could be more politically correct. After I explain what happens next, you will more than likely agree that I used the correct term.

The music turned grim, chills started to go through my spine as they're still chanting that I'm the 'one'. Most of them are bald. I didn't want to draw any conclusions earlier and offend one of them having a disease perhaps. There is definitely something toxic inside these people and it's not cancer. I was dropped on the ground again. Pistols and knives were pulled out, one of them approached and said they will protect me as long as I stand close. I never actually felt more unsafe in my entire life. Judging by the pupils, alcohol was not the only thing they consumed. I thanked him of course as my survival instincts started to kick in. I am officially fucked. If I can somehow get out of here in one piece this would be a great social learning experience.

They grabbed me and covered my head in white cloth. I was left completely blindfolded. You are going to meet our leader, one of them said. The location is classified. I had no idea where they're taking me. We stepped inside a car which elevated my fear to another level, at least I wasn't in the back trunk. I was about to be dragged even further from my last known location. I do still have my phone… This means there is respectable amount of trust. But what's the point of a blind fold if my gps is on? Perhaps all the drugs and alcohol messed with their heads. I'm starting to overthink my situation now. I need to keep my cool and stay friendly with them, simple as that. Hours upon hours passed by and I started to lose myself again.

We finally stopped. It was the police who are doing a casual routine check! What a relief… These morons forgot to take off my white cloth. I don't even need to scream. I'm sure the officer will assess the situation and rescue me. All of a sudden my brain started to overclock. I know the Nazis are all armed, a single police officer doesn't stand a chance. Screaming was actually the last option, it's not like my death was a certainty. I'm still friendly with the Nazi's.

I can't let the demons inside me cloud my judgement with fear. Stay calm and have faith in the police. This officer is a professional who probably served longer than I'm alive. This well-trained professional might have assessed the situation way before he approached us and called back-up already, as of now he might be stalling… That is what I thought until he said: "Recruited another one, ay?" –Fuck the police! That was the only thing on my mind right now. The officer asked me how I was feeling. I replied with, "born and ready to serve, sir." This one is a keeper, the police officer said while laughing.

We continued our ride. I started to accept my faith, the only one who can get me out of this mess is the same person who's responsible I'm here and that's me. One guy said, "we are almost there. The old man is going to love you, don't worry." Just play the game, be smart and we are going to be out of here in no time. "Yes I look forward in meeting him, I replied." Wait, did he say old man? There is no way that's him, right? When was Hitler born again, 1989 or 1890? Nah, that would be impossible… Hitler would be around 135 years old. What's the oldest person ever recorded on this bloody planet? I actually remember it was somewhere around 125 years old… Let's stop the crazy talk right now. There is no way in hell I'm meeting Hitler.

We arrived at the location. My blindfold was removed and as expected my eyes struggled to adapt to the ever scorching light. Once my vision recovered I saw a very old bunker. Before we entered, one guy grabbed me and said. "Be polite or you might get us all in trouble! We are the ones who vouched for you after all." I ask if there is something I should be prepared for? They all looked at each other, "You are the one, remember? You behold knowledge all of us five combined." I didn't consider that a compliment really. If you multiply zero by 5, you know the answer. My confidence was growing. Maybe I can run this shit and convince whoever the idiot is inside to pass all the privilege to me. This doesn't necessarily have to be a Nazi gang. I'm going to start my own Roman Empire. I can guide these buffoons into proper soldiers for my cause. What is my cause actually? Meh, I will think of something when the time is ripe. Right now I need to survive. What the hell is wrong with me? Ever since I entered this bunker I'm starting to imagine how to conquer various parts of the world. Perhaps Hitler's spirit does reek inside here or in worst case scenario is indeed waiting for me… According to all the conspiracy theories he escaped to Argentina.

The time has finally come. No more guessing, no more fantasy or science fiction. This door is about to open and the reality will hit me once more. This is the room where I will die or prosper, there is nothing in between. I enter with confidence facing 4 men before me, one sitting down and other 3 behind him, 5 idiots that brought me here are standing in a line next to me. It's clear who the leader is. The good news is, Hitler is not here. The bad news, these bunch don't look any better… Old man is covered with scars on his face, skinhead… to be fair it's not like he has any other option considering his age, but his minions are not bald at all compared to others. Sure, I would get the impression not to fuck with them, but they're well camouflaged. Hair and beard trimmed nicely, athletic bodies mixed with bodybuilding which indicates they're well equipped to deal with direct combat as well as chasing their pray down. The suits they're wearing are tailored to their size.

Alright, time to switch my approach from trying to run this shit into complete survival mode again. I don't know what I was thinking. The idiots that brought me here dropped my guard entirely. I should have guessed. Who else is capable of controlling the officers? I was greeted as the leader stood up and said the following: "The fact you are sober at a party tells me you are reliable, something we really lack as you can see next to you. There is another possibility ofcourse… Are you undercover?" I quickly replied "no" with confidence. The leader wasn't satisfied with my answer. "Then show me how you impressed my men out there."

I ran my explanation once again why we shouldn't kill Hitler and right as I was about to finish, he interrupted me. - "If you utter the word sperm one more time in my presence, I will cut your tongue and shove it down your ass and replace your eye sockets with your testicles. Do you understand me boy?" I was in shock. Where did this sudden barbaric rage come from? The leader strook me as an intellectual. Perhaps he was intimidated by my theory, for once he was not the smartest in the room.

He continued; "Who says our time-line or future would be affected? We live in a infinite multiverse. If you go back in time, you will simply create another independent branch when you take a left turn. And your pathetic little sperm. You don't even understand the origin and yet you try to lecture me when or how it appears on a time-line. How much did hormones contribute to your unique little sperm? What about diet or lifestyle? From mathematical perspective when you give your little sperm a value of 5, you can have infinite number of equations to achieve the same value. You simply found (3+2=5) and called it a day. Don't let me get started on your attempt to free us from your guilt trip. It's better to have WW2 back then when we barely had nuclear weapons, you say? Do you realise nuclear weapons were created because of World War? Every single scientist in the entire world was on it. We haven't learned anything from WW2 as the Cold war continued right after accomplishing exactly the same, more advanced weapons. What do they teach kids these days?"

Old man had some fair points which I can't deny, but he's acting like multiverse is a proven concept. Whether I agree with him or not, he doesn't sound too crazy. I would love to argue with him, but I value my life. He continued –

"If you look throughout history, the most development we have booked are during great wars. We need wars to advance. Peace creates weak, lazy men and entitled women. We need WW3 to advance the final stage and cleanse our population."

Never mind, I celebrated too early. This guy is a nutcase. A silence filled the room. I guess it was my time to talk and I better do it quick. "I see the flaws in my theory now, my apologies sir. You are the great white hope we need. I'm incredibly honoured to meet you." He didn't look happy at all with my answer.

"Curve your sweet talk boy. If you continue your precious white nose will change colour. You're like a android. I can't read any emotions of your face."

Is that my autism? I'm not sure. I do feel fear and I realise I'm getting way too comfortable here. I'm failing to jump over every single hurdle he throws at me. I need to get my act together or else I'm done here. "I'm going to be honest sir; I've had an incredible long day. I drove 4 hours in a car blindfolded and I haven't had a sip to drink or eat for as long as I can remember."

"You are human after all, he laughed. Get this man a drink, give him a taste of our famous currywurst and add some pretzels in there as well. Do you hear me, Anneliese?" "I'm coming", a female voice shouted from another room.

I was offered a seat. In all honesty my appetite was long gone after talking about sperm for a whole day. And now they offer me a big wurst? I don't know man, I wasn't feeling it. I did consume everything and gave just the right amount of compliments to avoid any sweet talk accusation again. Things were looking good. I can feel the atmosphere changing. I'm finally seeing light at the end of this ever lasting tunnel. Did I mention that Nazi bitch is a 10 out of 10? I've talked a lot about time today, but time truly stopped for me when she entered the room. The first thought that came to mind was; I can fix her.

"Good! Are you full and hydrated now?" The Leader asked.

I nodded with confirmation.

"Then you have no more excuses", he added.

Fuck, is there no end to this? What does he want now?

"Give me his phone", the leader commanded. The men that brought me here looked petrified. "It's still on him, sir"

"You morons never cease to surprise me with your incompetence. This is the sole reason why I'm questioning you, as the leader looks straight at me. These fuckups never bring me any good news and now I'm supposed to believe you're the one? And what are you waiting for? Give me that phone already!"

I'm quite neutral on social media, he won't find anything there. I laugh both at far right and left. This phone won't bring me any trouble, but it sure as hell won't save me either. And now that I look at it, my gps was never on. I always deny all the cookies and my location. Whatever, I'll find some other way. Right as I was passing the phone I remembered. FUCK, when did I watch that big booty Latina again? Now I'm not even sure that was a Latina, could've been Ebony as far as I know. I'm done for… Of course browser history was always going to be my grave. He looked through my phone. I tried my hardest not to sweat and keep my poker face. After a while he slides my phone back to me.

"You know what, I can't find anything that would make sense to bring you here today. Your shitty theory from earlier doesn't tell me anything about your love for Hitler. It looked to me you were more concerned about everyone around you rather than some guy who lived 100 years ago. Tell me why you are here today."

What is this a fucking job interview? Oh my god, I'm so freaking tired. I can't say anything to win with this guy. I'M HERE BECAUSE YOUR IDIOTS BROUGHT ME HERE!!!

"I'm here because it's my destiny. I've had this dream for a while now, a fierce desire to save my nation, to save my people. I'm not strong as you to stand like a leader, but it would be an honour to serve as your right hand. I won't leave even if you tell me so, because this truly feels like home. The only thing I'm missing are some German classics. Where is the music?"

Now I have to probably listen to their music as well. What am I doing? I did see a genuine smile for the first time. Did I crack the code? We will see…

"Anneliese my dear, bring us all the test tubes. In order to join us you must have pure blood. You do understand what I'm implying, right? And don't worry, we will all participate today."

"Of course", I replied.

DAMN IT, I can't catch a break here. I do look white but you can trace my ancestors all the way back to Africa and Middle East the last time I checked. I'm partially Jewish as well. There is no way they're 100% white walkers. We are all mixed somewhat in this world. These people are going to crash once they find out about their heritage and I will have front row seats to witness that.

Judging by my luck today you should all guess what happens next. Yes, they all tested 100% white. One after another they cut their hand with sterilised blade for a couple drops of blood. They all started to celebrate their background, all of them except the usual party poopers of course, who are still staring deep inside my soul, the leader and his perfect tailored minions. The celebration quickly escalated into touching, my beautiful Nazi bitch was being passed around. And yes… on my request German classic was running in the background. I should really learn to shut the fuck once in a while. Maybe I'm talking too much and that's the whole issue.

I saw my one and only opportunity. I joined the fun, quickly grabbing her bloodied hand and as expected I was pushed back. "Hold on there new blood, you still have to prove yourself."

I was fully aware of that of course. I ran 10 simulations in my head these past few seconds and my objective was clear. I grabbed a sterilised blade, scraped her blood swiftly of my hand and ran the test. 100% white thanks to Anneliese's blood. While everyone was focused on my test result, I squeezed the knife in my hand to neutralise my opponents next move which I anticipated in my simulation. And here he comes, one of the minions walked right to me and said; "Open your hand."

I had to really contain myself, I could barely hold my grin. These people are stuck here with me, not the other way around. Soon my own Roman Empire will flourish once again.

"Repeat the test with your other hand", the perfectly tailored minion yelled.

It's like God is watching… trying to humble me at every single event. But… if that is the case then why did you create everyone else so inferior to me? You see, the only difference between me and Nikola Tesla is that I'm not a nerd. Alright, I have to apologize. I don't know what is happening to me. This bunker is closing in on me… I don't feel well at all. Perhaps it's the food they're serving, I don't know. I even forgot I'm in world of trouble as the minion is still insisting, I repeat the test with my other hand. Luckily, he's called back as I'm still in some kind of trance.

The leader takes over, "everyone, take a seat and let's have a toast.". One bald guy cheered; "To our new member!"

"No", says the leader. "To a very entertaining day. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun".

My gut is telling me I failed yet again. Now that I think about it, I don't know any of these people's name, not one single proper introduction. That is exactly where our trust lies. I was getting ahead of myself.

This bunker… I had to at least know what this place is all about. Why do I have the feeling my head is being invaded? I ask - "What is this place? Where am I?"

"Do you want the local police number while you're at it?" Everyone started laughing.

It's not like that number would do me any good, they control the whole area. I explained again that my intentions are not to leave here. I want to know the history of this bunker. While I said that, everyone stopped breathing for a moment, their eyes gazed into abyss.

"You are in Argentina and that's all you need to know."

"That's impossible!" I stutter. I was in USA couple hours ago, you don't get here that fast by car.

"Believe what you want, finish your drink and join us in the other room. This location should be least of your worries."

They all left… Is this a test? Am I supposed to run now in the other direction? This place is packed with guards. The chances escaping from this bunker are minimal, not to mention the frontal door is locked, even if I do manage to run outside this whole area is controlled by the Nazis. I better hurry and join them in the next room before I make myself more suspicious.

"There he is, the one! I told you he would come!"

"Shut up Rüdiger." The leader smirked. "We made a bet. Rüdiger here, my son was the only who had faith in you not running away. We actually unlocked all the doors and cleared the path for you to run away. That option is still open if you're wondering. I can't promise what happens outside however."

I'm not taking that option. Besides, my stamina sucks; I'm all about brainpower. I have yet to win a battle of wits here despite my arrogance. Anyway… I can't believe that idiot is his son. On second note, I should stop underestimating everyone around me. If that idiot managed to bring me here then what am I?

"Stop daydreaming! Let me formally introduce myself. I have served in Vietnam war, Apartheid in South Africa, Yugoslav war, both Afghan and Iraq war and recently I was deployed in Syria. I have also been part of anti-terrorist squads and 4 intelligence agencies whose names are none of your fucking business. I hold the Guinness record for the Rubiks Cube and my trophy cabinet is filled with physics and math awards. I go by many names, but you can call me General Adulf Reinhardt."

"What I'm trying to say is you never stood a chance. Your knife trick was clever back there, I'll give you that, but the execution was poor. You lack speed! You have not trained your body at all. I on the other hand mastered both my body and mind. I'm one step away from my deathbed and I can still beat you in hand-to-hand combat. You're a disgrace to your nation. You're a disgrace to your race, heck you are a fucking disgrace to humanity how you have mistreated your most valuably gift from God. Today in this room you are going to repent."

Is this guy ever going to stop talking? Adulf, like really? Talk about creativity, no amount of awards can save you from that. "I would be comfortable if you shared the same bathroom with my granddaughter, because I know you don't have the balls to do anything", the General yaps in the background. I do however need to wait until this God of War dies a natural death before I can leave here so it seems.

"Bring out the Nigger." General Adulf Reinhardt shouted.

Alright, this got me worried. No time for jokes now. My worst nightmare was about to play out. One of the minions dragged a black man inside the room, his face mutilated, body covered in blood, hands and legs both tied up.

General continued - "Let me make something clear. I reveal my name to only 2 types of people. Worthy enemies that I'm about to kill so they can look me up in hell and the other one are my allies. I have not yet decided where to put you. You should feel proud either way. Come here now! Grab this gun and kill this Nigger. You can start with the kneecap and take your time for all I care. Just make sure to finish the goddamn job!"

I grabbed the gun without hesitation. Every single braincell is telling me to shoot this black guy. They're clearly torturing him and this would be a great way to end his suffering. If I refuse, we are both dead anyways. In theory this was easy, every road leads to a bullet through his head… but I can't do it. I can't fucking kill an innocent man. Wait, hold on a minute… Maybe he's not innocent. I can use that to gather mental strength to pull that trigger.

"Can I ask what he did wrong?"

Everyone started laughing. The laughter grew louder. It was like I asked the dumbest question ever, one of them even fell to the ground. I'm dealing with absolute psychopaths here. I don't know what to do. My brain has failed me here every single time and I don't have the physical strength to challenge these men. I feel absolutely hopeless. I could turn my gun and shoot the General. But let's be honest, I don't have the courage to do that. The minions are breathing down my neck. Once I'm done with the General they will catch me alive. That will result in a slow death for sure.

"You can always aim your attention elsewhere", the General slowly grinned.

What am I even thinking? I wouldn't put a scratch on God of War. I lack speed. If this gun changes direction even a millimeter, I will be attacked from all directions.

In a split second I was disarmed and on the ground. The General took my gun.

"I'm a man of my word." The General said as he walks towards the black man. "Untie his hands", he commanded. "Kill this pathetic little weasel and I will open the front door for you. You will get a 20-minute head start before we hunt you down. No worries, first we will feed you our famous currywurst and give you enough water to make this a fair challenge. Perhaps you would prefer a banana, we have it all." The General laughed. The General grabbed the black man's hand and aimed the gun at me.

"Shoot!" The General ordered.

I lost total control of this situation… My faith lies in the hands of a man I pointed the gun just a minute ago…

I now understand why the General is holding his hand. The gun is wiggling… The black man clearly had other intentions all along. God, I wish I had that courage.

My sentence

The General drove his elbow against the man's head, the black man gets knocked down. There was this furious expression on the Generals face. I saw everyone take a step back. This was it. I no longer had the will to fight, not that it matters now really. There is nothing I can do to prevent the execution that's about to take place. The General had this death stare on his face as he walked slowly towards me, he's holding that gun so firmly his hand started to bleed. "I'm actually more disappointed than angry. Goodbye son."

I was ready. Mentally drained from all the hurdles. I was afraid, don't get me wrong, but there was this pat on my back which gave me comfort that I gave it all. Right as the finger was about to pull the trigger, time stopped for me. My survival instincts kicked in again. I was inspired by that black man who refused to kill me. I had a duty to try and save him.

"This is why Hitler lost the war", I muttered.

The General looked confused. "What did you say? Can you shut up and die in peace already?"

"I said, this is why Hitler lost the war. Killing his own people like you are about to do now, instead of uniting us. Killing the minorities like you are about to do that black man after me, instead of putting him to work."

There was this long silence in the room. The General sighs, "not good enough. You touched my soul there for a second, but we all know you are not one of us." Again, he aims at me with conviction. I realise, the following sentence will be my last one. This better be good.

"I can bring Hitler back!" I looked him straight in the eyes when I shouted that stupid line.

That was bad. I don't know what I was thinking, panic mode I guess. The General knew I had one last attempt left and he was genuinely disappointed what I had to offer. Well I'm still alive, I might as well finish my utter garbage of a story while he's still paralysed in disappointment.

"Why do you think I'm so obsessed with time? I'm a black hat hacker. I was able to extract government information related to time-travel. I can bring Hitle– The General interrupts me, "Stop…"

He continued, "I've butchered more men than I can count with my bare hands. Some cried, others pissed their pants, hell one guy even shat his pants while crying for his mom, but I have never seen a man stoop this low. "You are the first man I would personally allow to compete against women in sport."

This motherfucker never runs out of insults. At least I'm still alive. He looks tired. Perhaps his old age is finally catching up…

I'm trying to persuade him. "There is a time-machine and I can guide you right to it." I'm going to bluff the following line, hoping there is some truth to it. I continued; "I'm sure a man of your rank must have heard something, I mean you are ex-secret service after all, status like that grants inside information. You know I'm telling the truth."

The same look from earlier… Nothing but disappointment on his face. WAIT, no… this is something else, he was never disappointed in the first place. This is the same stare when I asked about the history of this bunker. The gaze that penetrates the depths of the abyss. I looked around, everyone seemed to be affected by it.

"What is your name?" The General asked.

That's right. This is the first time I was asked to introduce myself. We have come a long way now. I know the Generals name; Adulf Reinhardt, Rüdiger his son and now the circle is complete. We are heading in the right direction. I do recall warriors asking their opponents for names after a memorable battle… right before they're about to kill each other. Nah, I watched way too many movies. This is good. I will live another day, that is my final judgment.

I introduce myself. "I'm Mr Big Nose".

"I can see that, the General implies, but I'm asking for your name. I know many people with big noses who I don't like…"

"I like my name and I will stick by it through trials and tribulations, sir." I proudly hold my position.

The General seems in a better mood. "You have certainly showed some grits today. Anneliese guide our guest to his room. We will continue this conversation tomorrow. Kurt, you attend our Nigger over there and his wounds. Make sure he's ready to work as soon as possible. The rest of you, I don't care what you do, I just don't want to fucking see you. Dismissed!"

I call this a victory! I saved my ass, I saved that black man's ass… But then all of a sudden I feel cold sweat running down my body. Did I just save 2 people and sacrifice a big mass? I should tread carefully when giving advise to the General.

I follow Anneliese deeper into the bunker. Finaly some alone time with my Nazi bitch. Maybe she's not all that bad. She's probably stuck here and waiting for a prince to save her. Too bad I suck with women. What do I even say? I can't talk about the weather. We are in a damn bunker…

"Do you like it here?" I ask.

"Yes", she replied in a cold tone.

Alright, let's retreat for now. I will deal with her later. I just want to go to bed now. My hands are full already as I have to figure how to present a time-machine to General Adulf. I have performed exceptionally well today, heck I might even invent a time-machine myself. Whilst I was masturbating to my own intelligence, she pushed me inside a dark room. Just as I turned around, the bars closed off the exit.

"The only 'time' you will be working on are behind these bars." Anneliese bids her farewell as she leaves.

Farewell? That's a bit concerning, but right now I just want to jump in bed. I still have my phone. I can call the police, but what I'm going to do first is delete my browser history. Goodbye big booty Latina! Obviously I'm joking. I have no signal here. I will write a letter and tell my story to the whole world. There is a window with bars. If you are reading this, it means the bird successfully carried my letter. Don't use my suffering for your personal gains whoever finds this letter, you peasants. Deliver the following picture to that youtuber who finds everyone and everything by looking at a mere pixel. RainBolt is the only one who can find me, my only hope…

I had a long night rest. General Adulf woke me up along with his minions. "You have entertained us for the most part yesterday and for that, we will grant you death by choice. Consider this a gift as not many people can decide how or when they will die. You can choose our favourite gas chamber, cyanide, bullet or you can try your luck outside where we hunt you down, 20-min head start, the same setup we proposed yesterday."

It's quite obvious they're bored and pushing for that last option. What is even outside? 20 minutes is a pretty long advantage. This just shows me how vast their influence really is… I have something else prepared. Ever since Anneliese bid her farewell, this death sentence comes as no surprise.

"I choose neither of the options. I demand trial by combat." I laid down my choice.

"Trial by combat… you mean like in Games of Thrones?" The General laughed.

I answer. "Trial by Chess. Yes, I want to challenge you in a game of chess. If I win, you return me in one piece where you found me. If I lose, I die."

I figured this was the best option. General Adulf was so prideful to name every single country he invaded, alongside his list of awards. The General doesn't strike me as a person to forget about any nominations, he simply doesn't have any affiliation with chess as far as I have concluded. Chess was way popular during Adulf's era, so I wouldn't be surprised if he knows a thing or two. As long as I can avoid cheesy traps early and reach the mid game without losing any important pieces, I can crush him with my creativity.

The General agreed without hesitation. "Very well. I have not touched a single chess piece ever since Bob the Fish left my student halls. We disagreed on everything related to politics, but chess always brought us together. I have to warn you, not even Fish could beat me. We had some draws, but that's the best Bob the Fish could hope for. I lost my love for the game long time ago. It's all about memorisation nowadays, no room for ingenuity sadly", the General mourned. I'm going to command the white army. It's only fitting… Wouldn't you agree? You will represent the sub humans."

I agreed to his terms. I don't care about any fish or colour. It looks like the old man is rusty. I fancy my chances…

 TO BE CONTINUED

I’m a scriptwriter who makes parody animations as well. I’m not asking you to give any donations or even follow me on here. I would however appreciate if you could subscribe to my YouTube channel so you won’t miss any upcoming animations. The channel looks empty, but that won’t be for long! I’ve been working night and day, blood sweat and tears, preparing for that launch.