World in Tatters Ch. 22

I decided to take a bit of a nap while we wait for sunset, since I didn’t get to sleep last night. Luckily, since the storm passed, the midday air is cool and comfortable. I pick out a spot in the shade of a large oak away from the others and plant myself against the trunk. I look up, taking in the cloudy azure sky before drifting off to sleep.

Unfortunately, my sleep isn’t dreamless like usual. I guess everything that’s happened in the last few days has brought some rough memories to the surface. My head swirls with the specters of my past. My mind cycles through my memories. Some recent, some thought long forgotten.

Bang! The world spins in grayscale as I watch the bullet explode through the man’s skull. Vivid red splatters across the wall before the world shifts around me. I’m a child again laughing and playing in a meadow alongside Alice. The young Alice all but glows in the washed out landscape. She suddenly pulls a knife, shouting at me to keep still. I feel the fear as she takes aim in my direction. I shut my eyes tight as she lets the dagger fly. After an instant, I open them again, turning to the tree behind me. Relief washes over me when I see the shimmering patchy bronze snake dangling from the blade buried in the bark.

“You okay?” Alice’s shouts.

The voice of a second child calls to me as though through water. I can’t make out what they’re saying as the voice fades, and the image shifts again.

I sit on a cold stone floor reading some book. I can’t make out the words. It’s like the monochrome environment is warping the letters, making it completely unintelligible. In the background I can hear a soft melody emanating from a nearby piano. When I look up I find my mother sitting at the bench, fingers dancing on the ivories.

She looks over to me, a hard smile on her face, never breaking the tune. “How is your book?”

Her voice is distorted the same as the other child from before. The notes from the piano flit through the air in a rainbow of harsh colors. A stark contrast to the dull world surrounding me. I look into my mother’s eyes as she stares back at me. She and I share the same grey eyes. I can’t explain it, but somehow, the piercing grey of hers stands out against our surroundings. I try to speak, but the sound catches in my throat.

“What’s wrong, Steven?”

I open my mouth again to speak. This time, sound emerges, but the words are complete gibberish. Somehow, she seems to understand me.

“Oh, you’re at that part. I know it’s really…” Her voice trails off, the dim world fading to black around me. My mother’s eyes are the last thing I see before falling into the swirling darkness.

It’s nighttime. I’m lying on my bedroll in a tent. A sleeping Rachel lies a few feet away. I hear voices outside, arguing. Three voices. Both my parents and Jason. I can make out most of what they’re saying, but not all of it. I…I recognize this memory. It’s only a few nights before my mom… I’d almost forgotten.

“They found us! How did they find us!?” Came my father’s voice, exasperated.

“Who is ‘they’?” Shouts Jason.

I hear my parents rushing around the camp, rifling through some gear. A startled horse whinnies not far away. I don’t know how Rachel is sleeping through all of this, but she’s completely zonked.

“We don’t have time to explain right this second.” My mother is frantic, her voice hard, almost angry. “It’s almost sunrise. We need to be ready to leave.”

“Should I get the kids?” Worry creeps into Jason’s voice.

“No. Not yet. Let them sleep a little longer. For now gather everything else.”

“Charlotte, Stop! Please. Tell me what’s going on.” I hadn’t heard my mother’s name in a very long time.

“We’ll explain everything as soon as we can, but for now, we have to get ready.” It was my father’s voice. Deep and sympathetic. The way he always was before…

Without warning, the grey world dissolves, flinging me through a series of disjointed memory fragments. Anxiety floods my mind as images from my childhood, my family, Alice, flash behind my eyelids, settling for a moment on the sight of me looking down at a bloodstained hand.

My breathing quickens as I realize where I am. The vivid crimson trickling down the blade and my hand only to drip into the dirt at my feet.

NO! NO! No. I can’t be here. I don’t want to be here. Please, please. Don’t do this…

I bolt awake. Reacting to hands shaking my shoulders. Without even thinking, I draw my knife, pinning a dark figure to the ground. My blade pressed against its throat.

As though a film is lifting from my eyes, I see who lies beneath my knife.

Alice.

I look down into her eyes, but what I find looking back at me isn’t fear or anger. It’s understanding and pity.

My hands begin to shake as I pull the knife back, dropping it to the ground by her side.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” I mutter, rolling over onto my side, shaking from head to toe. I push myself away from Alice, leaning my head back against the tree. I feel like I can’t breathe. I try to pull in air, but it’s like something is crushing my chest.

Alice cautiously approaches me, offering her hand. I can’t get the image out of my head. I stare down at my hands, but all I can see is the blood. My breathing comes in fits and starts, my heart races. It feels like it’s going to burst through my ribs. I raise my head to the sky, shutting my eyes tight hoping to block out the memory of my father lying on the ground, drowning in his own blood. The crimson-stained knife still clutched in my grip.

When I feel Alice’s warm touch on my arm, my breathing starts to deepen. “Steven…” Alice’s voice cuts through the panic. “Steven, I need you to listen to me.” She inches closer placing her other hand on my cheek. “Steven, look at me.” She keeps her voice calm, metered, looking me in the eye. “Hey, hey. Deep breaths. Steven look at me. Breathe with me.”

I force myself to draw deeper breaths. It’s shaky at first, but slowly my breathing starts to return to normal. Eventually, I feel my muscles start to relax, until the only things shaking are my hands. I flex my fingers, trying to focus on the feeling.

“Tell me what you need, Steven.”

“Can…” When I first test my voice, the words come out raspy and strained. I swallow hard against the dryness. “Water. Please.”

She scrambles over to my pack lying a few yards away, pulling my canteen free. She uncaps the bota flask and hands it over to me. When the cool liquid flows down my throat, I feel relief seeping into my bones. “Has anything like that happened to you before?”

Words come more easily this time, “A few times, yeah.” My tone is somber, “Why are you over here? I thought you were off with the others.”

“It was getting late. We were getting ready to head out. I uh… I found you screaming in your sleep.” She pauses for a moment, seeing the grief in my eyes. “You saw your dad, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Among other things.” My mind drifts to the memory of my mother’s music. In some ways, the happy memories are as painful as the bad ones. Still, thinking of that memory brings me some comfort. Suddenly, something dawns on me. In the midst of the panic attack, I’d almost forgotten it all over again.

“They found us! How did they find us!?” My father’s words echo in my mind.

“I think I need to talk to Jason.” I instantly focus in on that sliver of a memory. Nothing else seems to matter at this moment.

“Steven, what’s wrong?”

“I remembered something…I think. In my…my nightmare.” I tap my temple, trying desperately to bring it to the surface. “It’s right there. I can feel it. But it’s fading.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There was something. It was important.” My agitation grows. “I can’t quite remember. Something my dad said. Something that happened years ago.”

“Steven, it was a dream. You can’t trust dreams.”

“Not a dream. Not just a dream. It was a memory, I’m sure of it…It’s just… not all there.”

“Okay, okay, I believe you.” Alice sits back on her heels, pulling away from me. “Just calm down. We’ll figure it out. Tell me what you do remember.”

“I dunno…I just…”

“Close your eyes. Breathe.”

I do as she says, trying to recall the fragmented echo. “I was…I woke up one night. I overheard something. My parents. Jason. They were freaking out. I need to talk to Jason. Maybe he can fill in the blank space.”

“Alright. We’ll talk to him.”

I think for a moment, my mind clearing some from the excitement. The events of the last week worming their way back into my consciousness. My breathing slows, the tension begins to release from my body. Just as Alice gets up, about to rush off to find Jason, I reach out, gently grabbing her hand. “No…wait… I think we maybe have more pressing concerns right now. It’s getting late…We should get ready to head to town.”

“Are you sure?” Alice is hesitant. Confused. “You seemed pretty adamant before.”

“I still am. And I will talk to him. Just not right now. One problem at a time.”

I stand up, staring off into the sky. The rich purples, reds and blues dance over the woods surrounding our camp. I let the warmth of the fading sun wash away what remains of the nightmares, choosing instead to focus on the present.

*****

It only takes a couple hours for us to get into the city. Chris lead us to a small tavern about a mile from the city center. It’s nothing fancy, but we’re able to buy some food and a couple of rooms for the night. We’re even able to stable the horses. Based on what Chris has told us, we’ll be in a pretty good position to start recon, come morning.

The others are all exhausted. I can’t really blame them. We had to ride pretty hard today, and no one got a lot of sleep last night. If I’m honest, I’m exhausted too. My little nap earlier wasn’t exactly restful.

Once we finish our meal in the tavern, we head up to our rooms. Alice and Rachel take one room, leaving the other to us three guys. There’s only one bed in the room, and it’s not exactly big enough to share, so I drop my stuff into the corner. I pull out a couple of blankets and make a bit of a nest for myself.

Chris lets Jason take the bed, and takes up residence opposite from me. Jason crashes almost immediately, which is just as well. If he and I were to start talking tonight, I think I’d start down a rabbit hole I’m not sure I want venture into yet. Too much is happening to go there right now.

I lie there for a while trying to get to sleep myself. To no avail. After a while of tossing and turning, I decide that it’s clearly not going to happen. I guess I might as well get some air. I grab the small purse holding what remains of the money from the dead bounty hunters. There’s not much left, but there’s still enough for a few drinks. I’d offer something to Chris, but it looks like he’s out cold. I mean, juice or fruit or something. He may have been through a lot, but he’s still too young for what I have in mind for myself.

I grab my coat and quietly slip out to head downstairs. As I pass the door to the girls’ room, I notice the firelight still flickering beneath. I raise my hand to knock, but decide that I just want to drink alone tonight. I venture down the stairs to the bar and pull up a stool. Once the barkeep notices me sitting there, he sets a cup down in front of me.

“What’ll it be?”

“Something cheap that’ll get me drunk?”

“Yeah, I got just the thing.”

The old man pulls a clay pitcher from beneath the counter and pours the rich yellow liquid into my cup. “Leave the pitcher?”

Without another word, the barkeep sets the pitcher down and walks away. I sit there at the bar for a while sipping on the sour beer. For a time, I let my mind wander. I let the darkness come to the surface, and let it pass just as quickly. I drink until my head starts to swirl. Once I’ve had enough, I drop the coins onto the counter and head back upstairs.

Right as I’m about to head back into my room, I hear voices from next door. Seems Alice and Rachel are still awake. I feel a little bad about listening in, but for some reason, I can’t help it.