windowpane | my hero academia | tododeku

Content Warning: Passive suicidal ideations, mentions of child abuse (part of MHA canon), mentions of a developing eating disorder (part of my canon), drinking, and cursing. All the characters are aged-up (21+).

There are Season 6 spoilers here - if you haven't seen it or read the manga, sorry this is not one for you. If you want to know the spoiler to best determine if this read is for you - I'll include it at the bottom. You have been warned (seriously)!

It's another one of 'those' stories from me - don't worry the story has a happy ending, and it's part of a bigger canon universe I created so there will be plenty of happy moments to balance this out.

This is a story request for a podcast fan, shoutout to Makaila!

If you're interested in your own, check out my Buy Me a Coffee page. Thank you for the support!

Let's get on with the story!

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“So,” Shouto sighed, storm and sea eyes looked over into the darkness of the night, “There is a possibility we're going to die as a result of this new war,” He took a sip of bourbon and rested the glass down on the mat in front of him.

Izuku watched intently, sighing as he sat up fully in bed, “Sho, it'll be like last time okay? We'll beat the bad guys, stand victorious, and then we can go back to training the youth of tomorrow,” Izuku chuckled against his hand, “now come to bed, we have another big day tomorrow,”

Shouto continued to watch the mauve clouds and twinkling stars take up space in the sky. He took another sip and shook his head, “Fuyumi’s getting married, god. Feels like yesterday, Touya and Yumi got married. Now she's off to her wonderland too,” He took another sip and rested the glass down again.

Izuku continued to watch; he opened his mouth when Shouto filled the air with, “I feel so empty Izuku,”

“What do you mean, Shouto?” Izuku pushed the covers off himself and sat on the edge of the bed. Taking in his surrounding, he quietly tried to evaluate the situation.

Shouto? Empty? What could that mean? We ate dinner, but maybe he's still hungry? I mean there's something else downstairs I could make him. I-

Izuku snapped out of his thoughts, and his eyes landed on Shouto. Did Shouto say...?

“Hey Sho,” Izuku slowly stood up, “Take a deep breath, okay,”

Shouto’s eyes finally looked away from the sky as they rested on Izuku. He took another small sip, forcing a smile as he rested his head against the wall. A hard lump stuck in his throat. His body felt relaxed yet screwed too tight. The glass took a seat as he used his free hand to grip his chest lightly; his heart felt like it would explode.

“I don't say things like that, I wouldn't do anything… I just feel, so empty Izuku. And I just want to feel okay, please,” The words played tug a war with his soul as he finally forced out a white truth to his boyfriend.

Izuku stood, crossing his arms as he tried to consider the situation.

“God could you stop doing for five minutes please,” Shouto huffed, snatching the drink and finishing it off, “You know Izuku? When I was a baby, Touya tried to kill me,”

Izuku nodded, “I remember that. It was a scary situation I'm sure for you both,”

Shouto shrugged, “Maybe I deserved it. I was the one who told mom and dad about the throwing up after the dinner… He was angry for days, it felt like all they did was argue,” Shouto sniffled, “I wonder if he ever feels like this,”

Izuku approached Shouto, hands up in surrender to pose no threat to his space, “We could call and ask; I'm sure he's up with the twins now,”

Shouto shook his head, “No. It won't help.”

Izuku nodded, sitting across from Shouto, “Okay, what do you want me to do?”

Shouto swallowed, banging his head against the wall as he tried to take a deep breath, “I don't know, I really don't know. Fuck, I ruined your sleep. I'm sorry,” Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand, “I'm sorry baby,”

Baby? Pet name. Is he drunk?

“Hey hey hey,” Izuku slid closer, “It's okay Sho, I wasn't tired anyway. Too excited about the wedding tomorrow,” Izuku smiled and stretched his arms, “It's gonna be amazing, don't you think - handsome?” Izuku emphasized the pet name; Shouto chuckled against his hand.

“I guess so,” He went to take another sip but found the glass empty, “Out of bourbon,”

“Bourbon?” Knew it. “Why are you drinking bourbon Sho, you never really drink to begin with. And usually when you do-”

“Rambling, you're doing it again,” Shouto huffed, “I’m sorry. I just hate feeling so empty and there's no way to release it. Like my dad kicking me in the stomach again,” Shouto covered his mouth.

Izuku nodded, “It's okay Sho… You're free to talk as you want. No more rambling from me,” Izuku sat back and watched his boyfriend, small tears in brimmed Shouto’s eyes.

“I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to snap at you,” Shouto sniffled, “I hate feeling like this because it makes people feel sad, and I don't wanna make people sad,” Shouto cried into his hands.

Izuku resisted jumping forward to hold him, and he swallowed back a reassurance. I'm giving him to be.

“I mean,” Shouto cleared away his tears, “Touya felt the same way, ya know? Every night he'd cry to Nat about how shitty dad was. Then Nat told him he couldn't do that anymore, he was so angry,” Shouto sniffled, “and scared.”

Izuku nodded, “That had to be difficult for everyone,”

Shouto nodded, “He looked like tired all the time, and his eyes weren't bright anymore. It was like he'd given up, and I feel that way now too. I feel no one cares to be there for me, when I needed them. And the people I go to, well, I can't do that all the time ‘cause they'll get tired and leave me,”

Shouto took a deep breath, “I don't want anyone to leave me, I don't wanna be lonely anymore. I don't wanna be lonely ever again,” Shouto cried and couldn't help but clear his tears, “I just feel like the world would be better off without me, and my stupid feelings toward it. Like what's the point of feeling anything with anyone if they don't give a shit enough to give it back to you?”

Shouto hiccuped, “And the worst part is you don't know of this until someone stabs you in the back, and I don't wanna deal with that anymore, I can't. It hurts,”

Izuku nodded, blinking tears away from his own eyes, “Sounds like it hurts like bitch,”

Shouto’s ears perked up, and his eyes snapped toward Izuku, “Did you just say bitch,” Izuku nodded, “That's so hot.”

Izuku laughed, hitting Shouto on the arm, “Seriously Sho? You're pouring your soul on a canvas and all you can see is red,” Izuku joked.

“Actually green,” Shouto rushed out, biting his lip as a slight blush tinted Izuku’s cheeks. Shouto chuckles to himself, sighing.

“Hey Sho,” Shouto looked into soft green eyes with a hint of darkness under them, “Remember when I was sick, and I couldn't go hiking with you - so you asked Kacchan and Kiri?” Shouto nodded, “Do you remember what happened?”

“Almos’ missed work because of how much fun we had; we go on trips every month now,” A small smile etched into Shouto’s cheeks.

“Right! And remember when that scary movie came out and you really wanted to go see it, but I hate scary movies. Who did you ask to go with you?”

Shouto hummed, “Ochako and Momo,”

“Right! And now?”

Shouto sighed to himself, “We go to the movies every week,” Shouto swung his body over the windowsill’s cushion. Izuku followed suit as they brushed shoulders. Izuku and Shouto shared a small smile; Shouto inched his hand closer toward Izuku.

Izuku smirked, “You could ask to hold my hand Sho, we're not hiding anything,”

“It's more romantic, okay,” Shouto rolled his eyes, “Let's hold hands Izuku,”

“Of course baby boy,” Izuku took Shouto's hand. Shouto blushed hard, triggering his quirk on accident. Izuku gripped Shouto's hand and breathed.

“That was a hot one,” Izuku sniffled, shaking his head, “0/10, would not recommend,”

Shouto laughed hard, resting himself against Izuku. He twiddled at his fingers, running his thumb over the scars of yesteryear.

“Sorry for the trauma dump,” Shouto mumbled, aimlessly retracing marks, “Tried to talk with Tenya about this, he was busy. I guess,” Shouto sniffled, “If he didn't want to talk, all he had to do was say so you know?”

Izuku nodded, “Sometimes people have issues communicating things; wants, needs, plans, etc. We forget those around us. Did Tenya mention what was occupying him?

“He was writing a will - he mentioned that his dad didn't have one. Which is not like a Ida, and that he wanted to be prepared for the worst. Especially with this new war,” Shouto reiterated, his mind blank with only the text conversation.

Izuku squeezed Shouto’s hand lovingly, “Sounds like he could use some support - we all could,”

Izuku looked back at the sky, then over to Shouto with a small smile, “Say? Why don't we have a sleepover? We could invite both classes and families if you want. We have plenty of room, and I think it'll ease everyone. Izuku kissed the back of Shouto’s hand, massaging his palm.

Shouto hummed, his eyes closing, “We could all write our wills on the windowsill together,” Shouto joked with a yawn.

Izuku nodded, grinning, “Or you two could talk about the empty feeling you've been having, not that I'm not here to listen. You prefer Tenya, and that's fine,”

Shouto hummed, “I just don't want to burden you,”

“You're not a burden Shouto, you never have been. I'm here for you, just like you're here for me. I will always listen to you - always. Can I fix all the emotional turmoil, depressive episodes, need for validation and more? Not all the time. But doesn't mean I can't try Shouto, and damnit. Shouto. I'll always try for you, don't you ever forget that,” Izuku finished his speech, looking over at Shouto, who had teared up again. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up at Izuku; a soft smile graced his face.

“Thank you Izuku, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.” Shouto sighed. Izuku cleared the tears away with his hand.

“Or how bad I needed to someone hear say it,” Shouto rested his head against Izuku's hand, cloudy eyes clear and a soft smile. Shouto leaned in and pecked his boyfriend's lips, resting his forehead against his, “Fuck, I love you so much Izuku,” Shouto leaned in again, and Izuku backed away with a smirk.

Shouto’s eyebrows furrowed, and he opened his mouth, but Izuku spoke first, “Bedtime Sho, we could do that when you're sober,” Izuku stood up in front of Shouto with a smile, pulling on his hand, “Come on, I'll help you to bed,”

Shouto stood on shaky legs, “What about the glass,”

“Now you're worried about the glass? Geez, you and Touya are one in the same,” Izkuk joked as he wrapped an arm around Shouto’s waist, supporting his right side.

Shouto laughed, “He's my oldest brother and my, what's the word, mortal enemy or something? Mean the fact that our dad had him, the ‘failed experiment’ and then me, the ‘masterpiece’ - only to find out later that the failed experiment was incomplete and needed time to cook; had to marinate him. Now he has two masterpieces and they both hate his fucking guts,” Shouto tossed his head back wailing in laughter, covering his mouth to prevent from deafening his boyfriend.

Izuku sighed, laying Shouto down on the side of his bed.

Izuku pulled the blankets over his boyfriend's body, tucking in the corners around him and combing a hand through his hair. Shouto smiled up lazily at Izuku, cuddling deep into the blankets.

“Night Sho,” Izuku kissed his forehead; Shouto mumbled out a “night” before a tiny snore escaped his mouth. Izuku smiled, hopping back into his side of the bed. He pulled out a red notebook labeled “Drunk/Sleepy Reminders.”

He smiled to himself; the name was Shouto's idea. Emotions never come easy, so he wanted them documented. And who better to document every inch of your soul than the man with notebooks on every hero?

Izuku flipped the book open to where a pen rested, clicked it open, and wrote hastily, “Note to self: Call Touya and tell him Shouto wants to “window shopping”... Aka, talk shit (read: vent) about their dad.”

He closed the notebook back with the pen, resting himself and the book down. Izuku turned towards Shouto and rested against his back, humming as he listened to the slow rhythm of his boyfriend's heart, singing his latest episode’s ending theme: Windowpain.

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Thank you for checking out my latest piece! Feel free to like, comment, tip, share your insights, and share with your communities. For more of 'me', check out my website - shaynacanty.com 💻

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🚨 Spoiler incoming in 3, 2, 1🚨

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The main villain Dabi in My Hero is the eldest son of the Number #1 hero. His name is Touya.

Touya is Shouto's oldest brother. In My Hero, he's declared dead and brought back - only to find that his dad still abuses his family (Shouto especially) and becomes a villain. My canon is Touya never died, develops his ice quirk as a teen, and becomes a hero that protects people like him and his brother (a 'true' hero by definition). In canon, he does try to kill Shouto. In my canon, he develops unhealthy eating habits due to his abuse. Ta-da!

So if you're still interested in reading the piece after that, head back up to the top. Otherwise, be safe and well!