Where my heart is

Things use to be great around here, the leaves use to look so shiny and smooth and the smell of the grass I could never get tired of and the air always felt crisp no matter the time of year; that was when mum was here, when she was around it felt as if life was just ok and that’s all that mattered at the moment. Then she went away and things lost the light, daddy’s glow started to slowly fade away and the leaves started losing their colors and the wet smell of the grass started reaking of dirt and filth and the air no longer felt crisp or smelled fresh and the sun light just seemed to die from the sky; me and Daniel began losing hope she was coming home and daddy slowly became a drinker who over worked and was almost never home, that was until daddy’s job let him off, now he’s working odd jobs and barely making ends meet. Daniel started hanging out with the “wrong” kind of folks as mum would put it and I slowly started hating my mother and the memories she had left behind in this house, in a feeling, and in my head I started seeing how bad daddy would get after work doing whatever anyone paid him to do. I had just started the fourth grade when she left and Danny was starting middle school, daddy had just gotten a raise and was going to take us all to the carnival that was until mum left; the first two years were hard not having her around but I grew use to it, not as quick as Danny but by the time I entered the sixth grade I was no longer attached to the idea of my mother and was almost completely numb to any jokes and comments about her. Daddy had found a job in Eilsetown which was just down the ways from Cooper alleyway, the “bad” side of town, daddy says we’re not allowed to go down there or even roam round near there or he’d have us with the belt, I never go down there anyways nothing interests me down there; only reason daddy’s down that way is because of the money, $7.65 an hour, $9.75 on the weekends and $10 plus overtime on holidays, it wasn’t much but it barely keeps us housed, feed, and clothed and soon Daniel will be able to work and we’ll have extra money to help pay the bills, I’ll do the same when I get Daniel’s age that way daddy doesn’t have to work. But as for right now Getting through middle school was my only goal, I was in my second year and seventh grade felt so long it was parent teacher night today, daddy wasn’t coming like usual but I was ok with that; ever since mum left he hasn’t made it to any of our school stuff, neither of us blame him he has to take care of us somehow and attending a silly little school meeting telling him how “misbehaved” we are wasn’t important anyways.

“I’m guessing since your dad isn’t coming to night you and Danny won’t be coming?”, Sally, one of my life long friends, flicked her cigarette butt overlooking the view of the bay; we’d come up here often to get away from our lives for a while, Sally had a good family, both mum and dad at home, both parents making decent money and she had almost anything she wanted well besides a normal sister. Sally’s older sister Emma had Autism and often created “scenes” as Sally would put it whenever their family would go out somewhere, since her brother Jonathan was away at college nobody was there to look after Emma, he had a way with her like nobody else in the family, he was able to calm her down when she went loud in a crowd unlike Sally or either her parents either; sally always hated taking Emma with her anywhere because of her “illness”, she wasn’t an ugly girl either she was actually quite beautiful for a girl her age and the only thing she lacked was the skills to communicate with people, I always envied both Emma and Sally because they were normal. I took another puff of my cigarette as I finished my sketch;

“Nor, I don’t see a reason why if my dad isn’t going to be there; I don’t need Miss. Wimby to tell me how much I act up in class for the eight hundredth time and I’m pretty sure Daniel doesn’t want to sit there and be read a full on account of the things he’s done so far his freshman year.”, I looked up at the bay the lights from the buildings on the otherside, I always thought the lights on the water were pretty to look at when the sun went down.

“You know I heard there’s posta be this little dig over at Diggy’s house this weekend, feeling like going?”, she threw rocks over the water watching them make ripples and waves as they ran into each other.

“Nor.”

“And why not? I heard all the highschool boys will be there. And that means Styler will be there.”, her “lover boy” eyes were working hard to get me to smile.

“You mean Jordy?”, I tried not to think about him, he was Two grades ahead of me almost the same age as Danny.

“Yes, so let’s go! I want to meet some cute highschool boys and find me a boo, and you can finally shoot ya shot with ole lover boy.”

“I do not want to go to no party with some older highschoolers it’s almost like being around a bunch of kids who act like Danny. Why can’t we go down to the book store and mess around there until Zashabi kicks us out again.”, I took one more look at my sketch then closed up my book and looked over the bay, day dreaming about a different life.

“Vanessa this could launch our careers into the big leagues!”, I smirked trying not to laugh.

“The big leagues Sally, this isn’t the sports choice.”

“No but this could make us big with the popular people! You know get us places in highschool, we could become popular and liked by everyone, people will want to be us.”,

“You mean people like you?”, I chuckled packing my things up before grabbing my cigarettes and lighting one. “ Sally nobody would want to be like us unless they’re people like you who want an escape out of their lives.”, I started balancing on the pavement walk braff taking a puff or two every couple of minutes.

"It's not easy having a sister like mines; I can't take her no-"

"She has Autism Sally it's not like her skin's peeling off and her eyes are popping out. Anyways she's kinda pretty if you haven't noticed",

“Pretty! Emma pretty? You’ve got to be joking; she has brash hair and a crooked smile Nessa.”, Sally began to laugh alittle.

“Well maybe if you’d help her brush it every once in awhile then it wouldn’t look so brash and her smile isn’t crooked her head just tilts to the right side alittle bit, besides that she’s actually really pretty in the face.”, I looked over the bay again before walking into the alleyway, it was always slightly dark in Pickett’s alley it wasn’t too bad just enough to make anyone look like an odd character with just enough light to not step on the trash can lids on the ground or one of the many cat’s tails that laid round there all day and night. “Anyways Danny’s friend’s twin sister is coming over later tonight and word is that, she’s bringing along her little brother because her twin won’t be able to look after him cause she’ll be at work and I heard he’s our age.”

“ Yea but is he cute? Have you ever met him before, What school does he go to cause I don’t remember the Jones’ twins ever having a little brother.”, she kicked a rotten apple core down the alleyway

“No but it wouldn’t hurt to meet him, and besides it might actually turn out to be some fun you should come; your mum wouldn’t care if you spend the night anyways.”, I looked up at the moon, it was always pretty this time of year.

“I don’t know Nessa this party is really calling my name and yours. Why don’t we skip the Jones boy and go to the party.”, she fiddled with her lighter.

“No that be completely rude and plus my dad might not be home a lot but he’d have my ass if he ever found out I skipped out of homework for a party.”,

“You did it the other week to go to Kalani’s cherry popped party, what’s the difference now?!”, she stopped dead in here tracks giving me the evil eye; I casually turned around and continued to walk backwards.

“I actually wanted to go to that one, unlike this one.”, my eyes were felt with a slight sadness in them as I knew