What now?

I was paralysed.

I have spent years trying to be the person I thought my parents wanted me to be. To be kind, compassionate and caring. They taught me that the key to happiness was to nurture the relationships you had in your life and that you should do everything in your power to protect others because we are more powerful as a collective.

My parents had set up a business helping others ‘find themselves’ to become better people in their community, but what did I want? Where did I fit into that? Had I ever given myself the time to think about that? I was so keen to please my parents and others around me that I had forgotten about myself. Until today.

I stand on the edge of this cliff, both metaphorically and physically, questioning my life. I feel the icy cold wind on my face, the snow beneath and in between my toes, the sound of the rushing water below me. Why are my toes out? Where am I?

It’s like I’ve just woken up from a deep sleep, I stumble backgrounds and catch my surroundings. All I can see is white. White sky, white ground, white everything, like I’m looking at the world through a wedding veil. I look down and watch my toes wiggle, the snow crystals slipping from my feet. Ahead of me I see the edge of a snowy cliff.

How did I get here?

Then I hear the screams.