We Don’t Know

“Why aren’t there any real women in space? That's what I want to know!” Berry practically shouted. I looked around the room and saw some of the security women shake their heads. They weren’t exactly the women we knew about on Earth. They were from distant planets. They weren’t exactly like the women on Earth, but they were female, I guess. It wasn’t any of my business, to be truthful, and I hadn’t looked down the front of their pants.

“You need to be quiet with that. You’re offending a lot of people. If you want Earth women you need to transfer. Not that they would want you…” I said with a grin. He laughed.

“Yeah. I don’t mean what I say half the time,” he said. He sipped his beer.

“That beer doesn’t help.”

“You’re drinking one too.”

“Yeah, but I’m not in a bar calling these giant women bouncers...I don't even know what you’re calling them...fake women?” He grinned. The room was full of these so-called fake women. They were women, but they were bouncers who were a lot bigger and meaner looking than the other women on this planet. I wondered why the women were bouncers and not men. In fact, I hadn’t seen many men on this planet...mostly women. I decided I would ask in some tactful way. I mentioned it to Berry first, which was a big mistake.

“Hay!” He said, loudly to one of the nearby Bouncers, “can I ask you a question?’ She walked over and leaned closer. “Where are your men?”

“I don’t have any men, Sir,” she said. She straightened up.

“No. You don’t understand…”

“I understand quite well. I don’t have any men.”

“Berry, I think she doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“What did you do, kill all of 'em?” He said with a grin. She remained silent and pursed her lips. I looked around the room. Every eye was on us. Nobody looked very pleased. The bouncer's eyes and mine met.

“Thanks for the help,” I said pleasantly. She turned and headed back toward the door. I looked at Berry and sighed. “I think it’s time to wrap up the night don’t you?” He nodded.

The owner noticed the disturbance and approached our table. “I think we need to have a talk first," she said. Another woman. “I think we need to have a serious talk, don’t you?” I shrugged.

“I guess so. We didn’t mean anything.”

“I know you didn’t. But you’re guests here. We don’t mind having guests here from other planets, especially Earth, one of the newest discovered planets, but we don’t want you causing confusion and division. We suggest that you become more accustomed with our culture before you come to our planet and ask what we would consider invasive questions. Learn about our culture, our history...who we are. That sound good?”

“Sounds beautiful,” I said. Berry was silent. Why hadn’t he been silent in the beginning? After starting trouble he was leaving me to get us out of it, again. “You have anything to add, Berry?”

“No. I’m OK.”

“I’m sure you are.”

“My name is Laurice, this is Stax. We welcome you to our planet. Since you seem ready to leave Stax and a few others will escort you back to your residentials.” She leaned closer. “You may not know it, but your conversation has riled up a lot of us.”

I looked around the room. “We are good at hiding our feelings.”

Were we being kicked out? “Ok,” I said.

“Take your time. Be welcome. Just let us know when you’re ready to go and we’ll be here to escort you.” She lifted the corner of her mouth.” I smiled and gave her a knod. She walked away. We continued to drink. When we got back to our quarters I jumped in Berry’s ass with both feet.

“You could have gotten us killed in there!” I said more forcefully than I expected..

“Oh Shut up, John. You’re always saying the same thing and it never happens. Chill! Ok. Get some gonads.” He went stomping out. We were in his room. What an idiot. After a few moments he came stepping back in.

“Thought things over?” I asked. He smiled.

“Get the hell out of here, man! You piss me off so much sometimes.” He sat on the edge of his bunk. “I just think you’re too scared sometimes. Scared of everything! We came here for adventure. Let’s enjoy it. Now you're afraid of women things?”

“Women things? I think they would be offended by that.”

“So what?”

“So we have to have good public relations with the natives. We could ruin the relationship that has been negotiated between them and the Earth. Don’t you know that? We’re like ambassadors.”

“Well I didn’t sign up for any ambassadorship, even though I get what you mean.” There was a knock on the door. I opened it. A tall woman was standing there. She looked like one of the women from the bar...one of the bouncers who walked us home.

I opened the door. “Come on in. I didn’t expect this.” Berry stood to his feet.

“You want to see men?” She asked angrily, stepping into the room. A large man followed, if you could call him that. He was about 8 ft at the shoulders. His head was large and hairy with large protruding tusks turned up just below the jaw line. He was muscular with a chest like the chest of a locus. I felt like running.

“That’s why you haven’t seen any men. Any questions?”

“No,” I said. I looked at Berry. “Any questions?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yeah. How do you sleep with that guy?”

The End