"Unfathomable"

The world as she knew it, no longer existed, to think that four months ago she had a bank account and credit cards, she had her bedroom, in the only home she had ever known, she had been employed at a job of her choice, that had allowed her the opportunity to save money and schedule a vacation, there would be no vacation now...no sunset in Cabo! She wondered ...who was driving her car? Her car, which had provided her the freedom to commute to any place she so desired.

She missed the nail salon, and tanning beds, and fast food, oh how she missed fast food! She missed her friends and social media, softball, her morning coffee, and her daily toasted marshmallow mocha espresso, so much so she could almost taste it! She missed binge-watching her favorite shows late into the night and sleeping in until noon! Most of all, she missed her cat! She knew it was pointless but she prayed every day that someone was caring for her cat. The thought of her beloved pet thinking she had abandoned her just broke her heart.

Damn it! She missed her freedom! Her life was no longer her own, not for her, and not for her family, their reality was now dark and heavy with oppression.

She wanted to scream! Just scream and let it all out! She didn't though, out of fear that she would not stop, she would scream, and scream until she had gone mad! She found herself thinking that this may be a better place to be, mad and unaware of her reality!

Their "home" was now one of many offices located in the tall buildings that scraped the sky of the center of her city, each had once bustled with the comings and goings of those employed within. "They" had corralled every citizen; as if cattle, into buses, and transported all to the buildings that made up the skyline, that not so long ago, she had loved so much. Each family, including her own, now occupied one of the many small offices on any given floor. Her bed was now an area of the floor, "They" had "blessed" each with a thin gray blanket that reminded her of her father's army blanket that had been stored in the attic for so many years. She longed for her bed, in her room, with the lilac bush that had sent such sweet fragrance through her window every summer for as long as she could remember.

How she hated this smell, such a pungent odor that can only come from the sweat of bodies that hadn't properly bathed in months now, and babies that were not being cared for as they should. She couldn't even explain the smell as she had never had to endure anything like it in her short 19-years of life. It permeated everything! And it reminded her consistently of the reality of her situation.

"They," dictated what to wear, when to sleep and when to wake. The fear, that had gone through her body the first night, she was suddenly engulfed in darkness, was now familiar, it signaled 8 o'clock at night when every light in the building shut down and movement stopped! If you did not make it to one of the restrooms on your floor before lights out, oh well, it was not of their concern! At 6:00 am every morning the glaring lights came on, breakfast would be waiting, always the same, bland and tasteless gray matter, this was served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it discussed her, but it was the only way to stop the rumble that echoed in her stomach. At 7:00 am sharp the buses that she once willingly rode everywhere, (she had been much younger then, before she had obtained her driver's license) would line the streets bumper to bumper, as anyone who could work would file on and off, en route to whatever assignment "They" had predetermined needed to be attended to. She would find herself gazing out the window at a world that looked somewhat the same, and now, the familiarity of it all seemed so surreal.

The only thing that had not changed, and that she found comfort in, was the familiar small heart-shaped locket that was resting against her breast, tucked in her bra. It had been passed down thru generations to the women in her family. "They" had confiscated all jewelry and somehow, she had managed to hold on to this. she knew if "They" found she had it, she would suffer far more than she was now. It was her lifeline though and she cherished it, she was willing to take the chance.

She made every effort to be grateful for something daily, even if it was the same day after day! She was grateful for her family; they had not been separated and each remained alive. Her parents, her two brothers, and her. Many had lost their lives the night they had shut down the grid and methodically raided every home in every neighborhood, ordering everyone to get on the bus, other than diapers and formula no one was allowed to take anything from their home. It sickened her that those with disabilities were separated and loaded on buses assigned for them. No one knew where they had been taken and no one had seen them since.

This was the "New Normal" and until everyone accepted it, things would remain the same, was what they had been told. "They," said that those who could prove themselves useful and cooperative would be placed in better conditions as determined. If you had any skills make them available "They" indicated, and it would be determined. if they were useful. In the meantime. you will be observed daily and transitioned when they determined you had value.

She wondered if those who had been stopped from unloading each day and were told to remain seated had been determined valuable, she hoped so because her best friend, her confidant and partner in crime since the 2nd grade had been stopped from departing the bus, she wondered if she would ever know? No one who had been detained had ever returned to the skyscraper. Her best friend was beautiful, so full of life, as were many of the young women that had been detained, this left her feeling vulnerable and scared. Each new day she tried her best to look as bad as she could. even worse than the day before, as she loaded the bus.

Her father was half the man he had been the night of the "Harvest" as "They" called it. He had lost so much weight and was weary from whatever labor he had been assigned, his eyes no longer held their sparkle, he was broken, she knew it. He couldn't do anything to help his family and this was taking its toll. Her brothers now 15 and 17-years old were strong and resilient they had hope that they could somehow outwit those who enforced the "New Normal"! They planned and plotted nightly an escape. But to where she thought? With those stupid drones that "They" used to police everyone, everywhere, at all times, how could anyone safely escape? And where would they go if they did escape?

Her mother; the woman who had been her mentor, her inspiration. her example of everything graceful, disciplined, honest, and beautiful that made a woman, the one person who would stand firm and find a reason to laugh in the face of adversity was losing the will to do so, her spirit seemed so heavy from just having to be strong, from trying her best to offer her family some hope, she was not aware that anyone heard her cry at night, even so, that had stopped a few weeks ago. As for her, she had cried anytime she felt the need to do so, but this had stopped as well, neither one of them had any more tears. It was for the best, after all, to show weakness was not to show value!

Those mothers who have very small children stayed in the skyscrapers caring for them. It made her wish she had a small child, but that was a fleeting thought. After all, it had to be so much harder on those who were with child or who had young children, she could not imagine how they worried. She found that these mothers were the strongest of all. They worked hard to bring some light in the darkness for their children. They engaged in play dates with other children and they created projects for the young, she thought about the day she returned to the sky-scraper to see that somehow the mothers had found felt pens and such, in what was once office space and they decorated the halls with drawings their children had drawn along with the mother's sunshine-filled landscapes! This brought a feeling of joy she had not felt in months!

She had heard that "They" were sterilizing young women who are of childbearing age, this was the plan to decrease over-population, soon there would be no sound of children and she wondered if she would be of the last generation not deemed to be of value in the "New Normal". It dawned on her that it had been some time since she had felt any human emotion, was she becoming numb to her situation? After all, she had not been living her life, she was just existing for some time now. She realized how much she missed the sound of her mother's laugh and the silly candor between her brothers and herself. She wondered if she would ever hear her father tell her everything would be ok, again, in this lifetime. It was so odd to her that they all existed together in this small area yet they spent less time together than they ever had in her lifetime. How could they? They were exhausted, and once they returned daily, it was not long before darkness enveloped them.

She contemplated how over the years she had heard the adults in her life discuss the possibility of what was now her reality. Why? Why, as free Americans had they not stood together, united against those of power! Where had the American Patriotism gone? How had they sat by and allowed any government, those in power, the rich, or whomever "They" where, to plot, plan, execute and enforce this "New Normal" on Americans! Had we become so weak? Apparently so! It sickened her that this was the legacy inherited from the generation before her. They marched in the streets for months over the death of a few but did nothing about the life of billions! It seemed so ironic to her and she could feel the anger rising up to rage in her. She forced herself to subdue it, after all, what could she do with it anyway? Spew it upon those she loved? That would make her no better than "Them"!

Suddenly darkness engulfed her. She could hardly see her way to her bedroll, in route she said goodnight and I love you to her family, then she grasped the heart-shaped locket and held tight as she said her nightly prayers, she tucked it safely back, to rest against her breast, before she fell quickly asleep. She awoke confused... the familiar sweet smell of lilacs engulfed her, the feel of her soft comfortable bed, and the freshness of her sheets made her heart jump, was it a nightmare? Was it all just one of the worst nightmares she had ever had in her life? Her heart skipped a beat, as she stretched, she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, only to choke on the sickening pungent smell of her reality...