Tomorrow Never Knows, part seven

“No way!” exclaimed Kelan, upon learning of Fergus and Neala’s first kiss. “I mean, I’m not totally shocked, but there is a small part of me that can’t believe she actually kissed you back. No offence, but I’ve never really found you all that attractive…”

They sat at their own table in the dark, cozy but quaint local pub, savouring their draught pints.

“Well I’m not too worried about how YOU feel about me, Kelan,” Fergus replied. “She’s a fine kisser. The kind of kisser that leaves you wanting more. That’s all I’ll say. She’s a lady, after all”.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say she’s a ‘lady’,” he chuckled, using finger quotes, “but she certainly knows her mind and ain’t afraid to say so! She’s got spunk, that one!”

They each took another sip of their respective pints, nodding affirmatively in each others general direction.

“That said though, Fergus,” said Kelan in a cautionary tone. “Have you thought about what might happen if the kissing leads to MORE than kissing? I mean, I assume it’s been awhile? Even for a big, brawny, strapping lad like yourself. You might not know what to do. And even if you DID know what to do, your parts may not be willing to play along…”

“My parts will play along just fine!” proclaimed Fergus, rather defensively. But as he said it, he recognized that it really hadn’t been a concern… until now. Damn Kelan!

“Look, that’s not all. You know the girls these days… it’s not like back when we were young studs… these girls are all very free-spirited… they go to yoga class and pickle ball and burn candles… and some of them shave… everything,” whispered Kelan, leaning in to deliver this information as though it was highly classified intel.

Perplexed, Fergus asked, “How the hell would you know, Kelan? You and Mary have been together since high school! And if you’ve been stepping out on her, I suspect your voice would be much higher, as she’d have your nuts in a jar by the bed.”

Kelan shook his head and waved his hands in front of him. “I just hear stuff, alright? The lads at work are none too proud to share the specifics of their conquests. I’m telling you… dating these days is a different kettle of fish.”

Fergus wanted to laugh, but the more he processed what Kelan said, he could almost just as soon cry. He and Anna married right after he finished trade school. Sure, he’d been with other girls before Anna, but certainly none since. And he was older now… starting over… what little confidence he had was fading fast.

“I mean, I’m sure you’ll do just fine, man,” comforted Kelan, seeing his friend’s apparent distress. “I’ll tell you what…not that I REALLY need it,” he said, puffing out his chest, “but occasionally I avail myself of a little bit of medical marital aid. It just so happens that I picked up my prescription before I dropped in here tonight,” he said, reaching into his jacket pocket. “I’ll give you a couple of my little blue pills…”

“Jesus, Kelan!” exclaimed Fergus. “I don’t want your… your… medical marital aid!” he stammered.

“Listen, listen…,” Kelan went on. “I’m just saying better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. I’ll give you two. Don’t frigging squander them either! They’re not totally covered by my plan and they ain’t cheap!” And he doled out two blue pills, wrapped them in a napkin and ever so discreetly (or at least as discreetly as one can do so in a pub) handed them over to Fergus.

Fergus grabbed them, half-embarrassed and half like a hungry child grasping the last of the Halloween candy. He tucked them into his jeans pocket and looked down at his beer glass. “Thanks, I guess. But Jesus, Kelan…”

“Don’t thank me now,” interrupted Kelan. “And don’t wait until the last minute to pop one either! If I were you, and I’m not - thank the folks who made this beer - I’d start by taking a pill as a bit of a military reconnaissance mission, just to see how it works… and before your date night.”

“Nice,” said Fergus sarcastically. “So I’ll go home and take a pill tonight and then spend the rest of the evening just waltzing around my house with a raging hard-on, bumping into the furniture and knocking over everything on the counters?”

“Aren’t you cute?” guffawed Kelan. “Oh, you and your so-called ‘raging hard-on’, you say. Aren’t you high on yourself? What I’m suggesting Mr. Rager…” Kelan said as he rolled his eyes. “… is that this isn’t a vehicle you want to take out on the highway without a test drive. So maybe take half a pill tonight and see what happens… and the night of your date, you’ll be in a better position to know what works… and what doesn’t. If it even gets to that point, right? Or don’t take my advice and louse it all up. There are plenty of horny lads at work who would be happy to pleasure Neala if you’re not up to it. Pardon the pun.”

Red in the face, but grateful in his own ashamed way, Fergus nodded. He flagged the server over to the table and asked for the check. “Thank you, Kelan. I’ll take care of your beer. Least I can do.”

“Darn right it is,” Kelan smirked. “Much appreciated, Captain Laxative.”

With that, they bid one another adieu and went their separate ways.

So Fergus went home to do as instructed. Just half a pill. “What could go wrong?” he reasoned.

***********

Thanks for reading!

If you want to start from the beginning of Neala & Fergus’ story, follow this link to read Part One:

https://vocal.media/fiction/tomorrow-never-knows-coq8uj0i7e

And if you’re curious to see what happens next, click ok this lol to access Part 8:

https://vocal.media/fiction/tomorrow-never-knows-part-eight