To Thine Own Self Be True

Addam walked into the bedroom where his newborn baby son slept. Stopping near the crib to stare out the window at the ocean. He lived in a tiny home with his family in a small town called New Wilmington in the Eastern North Carolina province. This area was considered a safe zone from the war. The home was only about five hundred feet from the ocean, and he picked it precisely because of the location. He loved the salty air, sandy beaches, the cool ocean breeze during the winter months. He spent as much of his downtime as he could teaching his daughter to swim.

Having grown up in the mountains of Ashville, he didn't have many opportunities to swim. So, swimming came much later in his life. However, once he learned, he swam every chance he could. He promised himself that his children would learn to swim because, in his mind, swimming taught him everything he knew about life. How to face your fears and navigate challenging situations. For him, the ocean life was everything he wanted in life, right next to his family.

This place was heaven for him compared to the war, only three hundred miles to the west in Ashville. Soon he would be leaving to lead what he hoped would be his last combat mission. However, he worried if he would return from this trip. The upcoming battle was believed to be the final major conflict between those he had sworn an oath to defend and a promise to defeat the enemy that had threatened his family.

He looked down into the crib, bringing his thoughts back to the reason for being in his son's room. His thoughts rotated between visions of his son growing up and his fears that he may never see his son again. Gently picked his son up, sitting in a chair next to the crib. He was there to give his son a gift. A golden heart-shaped locket with a picture of his grandparents inside. There was also an inscription on the outside that said, "To thine own self be true."

Cradling his son in his arms, he said, "Hey, little man. How's it going today?"

Looking up at him, his son cooed.

Addam started talking to his son as if he understood each word. "Today is December 24th, 2072. It is my grandfather's 76th birthday. Well, it should be his 76th birthday. I don't know if he is still alive or… well, it doesn't matter."

After a long sigh, he continued, "He and my grandmother were the only family I had back then. I'm not sure if granddad would have liked the ocean. He always felt more comfortable in the woods."

Reaching into his pocket, cradling his son in one arm. He retrieved the locket. Continuing with his story, "This is the only gift I can give you from my family. It's a picture of your great-grandparents. I know you have no idea what I'm saying, but I wanted you to know who they are… or were. They were good people and took care of me after my parents died. I never actually knew my parents."

He dangled the locket in front of his son's face. As it hung there between his figures, the locket began to spin in circles. A ray of sun peeked in the window and bounced off the locket. It hypnotized the baby.

"You see this little man? This is your Christmas gift. I'm sorry I didn't get you a toy, but it's the only thing from my family that I have." He said solemnly.

Pausing for a moment, "I want you to have this because I may not make it back. I want you to know your family even if they don't want to know you. There's a small inscription on the outside that says to thine own self be true." He paused again as his son appeared to look up at him as if he understood. "It's probably the most important thing I could ever teach you. Be who you are to yourself. Don't hide who you are, don't be afraid of who you are. Your mother and I will always love you no matter what."

He stared back into his son's eyes. Eyes that were beautifully chestnut brown, just like his wife's. "You look just like your mother. That's a good thing because I don't have the looks in this family. Your mother and sister, even you… you all have the looks."

After another pause, he continued, "Anyway, I was two when I started living with my grandparents. My mother, your grandmother, died when I was born. My father died in one of the early battles for Asheville. I lived with my grandparents for almost 20 years. That is until the team I was with was ambushed, and I was captured. They were the only family I had at that time. My grandfather, your great grandfather, was the Colonel for the First Battalion White Highlands militia. He was a proud man, and everyone in the area respected him. He cared about them, and he believed in the fight." Looking down at this son again, "That's what he called it, the fight."

Stopping and staring out the window again at the ocean. "My grandfather is the one that sent me on my first mission. He felt it was necessary to be experienced in battle if I ever lead troops. That is one point I agree with him. I didn't know what I was doing. I had not been fully trained, but it didn't matter though. He wanted me out there in the fight."

Pausing again, he looked at this watch. Then continuing, "I was on patrol when the team I was assigned to was ambushed. It all happened so fast; I didn't even have time to fire my gun. To be honest, I am not even sure I could have fired my weapon at that point in my life. I was the only survivor from my team, and I was about twenty-three when I was captured. The soldiers wanted to execute me on the spot, but the leader stopped them and ordered me kept for questioning. At that time, I didn't really know why. He had to know that I didn't really know anything."

Looking back at this son, "I was taken back to their camp and then eventually ended up here in New Wilmington. I was interrogated for days. Eventually, I was put on a work detail for prisoners that they felt was not an immediate threat. Over the next few weeks and months, I would be given increased freedom around the camp. I started to see that everything my grandfather had taught me about these people was wrong. He described them as uneducated and ignorant. He couldn't have been more wrong."

Addam stands up from the chair. "That's when I met your mother. She was eighteen. Always nice to me, never treated me any differently than anyone else." Stopping again to gather his thoughts. "You see, son, I was a member of the white nationalist militia. I was raised to hate anyone, not like me. I was raised to hate anyone like you and especially your mother."

Choking back tears. "That is until I met your mother. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever met. For months, well, almost two years, I would try to find ways to talk to her. I knew that her father wouldn't let me be with her, at least that's what I thought. You see, her father was the military leader that saved my life. For some reason, he saw something in me that I didn't see in myself."

Continuing with his story, "a few years went by and eventually I was released as a prisoner. I saw how wrong my grandfather was and why his thoughts were based on ignorance. I saw that blind belief in what he preached all his life. Eventually, I would join a unit that your mother's father led. He led that unit against those that I had once fought side by side with. I decided to fight on the side of love and understanding. After a few years of showing my ability and compassion as a soldier, your mother's father allowed me to date her. He saved my life. Not only when he didn't let his soldiers execute me but also when he let me marry his daughter."

Looking out the window again at the ocean, he ended his story by telling his son, "I am here today with you because of love. Because someone showed me love and because someone decided to look past who I was and choose to love me. I am here today, prepared to go back to my old life and fight against my grandfather. A man that I had thought showed me love and compassion in his own way. Hopefully, I am going back to make him understand that he was wrong. The problem is that I am not sure he will understand."

Putting his son back into the crib. He looked down at him one last time, "This world we live in is because a small civil war based on race turned into a global conflict. It tore apart countries and killed half of the world's people. It pitted family members against family members. At some point, we will have to stop fighting each other. We will have to come together and learn to love each other. Regardless of who and what we are or were." Turning away from his son, he left the room.

Addam walked to the front door of his small, unassuming shack. He kissed his wife Eva on the cheek and closed the door behind him. He walked down the driveway towards the jeep waiting for him. He wondered if he would ever see his family again… either side. He's a man torn between two worlds. One of hate and one of love. In the back of his mind, he hoped to one day bring them together, but he feared that this would never happen.