This is a House of Shame

Tanya’s parents had asked her to work the long shift today. Going on seven hours with no real end in sight, she stood behind the counter watching the clock and mindlessly polishing a pocket watch that no one would ever buy. Behind her, the doorbells chimed as a new customer entered the shop. Initially, Tanya felt the all too familiar wave of customer service frustration settle in her chest, but then she noticed that with the new customer came the familiar smell of warm peaches.

“Excuse me, Miss Elena Eden? I’m looking for my girlfriend, Tanya? Have you by chance seen her?”

With a big smile on her face, she turned around to face Sophie. They had been dating for a little more than six months, but every time she saw her, she felt like it was the first time. Today, Sophie had gone with an all-pastel look. It was one of Tanya’s favorites. She wore a pink long sleeved sweater, with a matching pleated mini skirt, thigh high white socks and a pair of high heeled platform sandals. She had completed the look by weaving small pink ribbons into her hair.

Tanya grinned and set down the pocket watch and polishing cloth. Sophie feigned a look of shock.

“Oh, my goodness, Tanya? Is that you? Well… it’s an easy mistake to make,” she beamed a wry smile, “How are you doing my love?”

Tanya leaned across the counter and kissed the love of her life. She tasted like peach pie, and her lips felt as though they had never seen a Winter’s Day.

“I’m okay, just very tired and with sore feet.”

Sophie pouted, “I’m sorry, have you heard back from the PT place?

Tanya took Sophie’s hand in hers and began to play with her fingers, “no, but it’s all right. How was your day, darling?”

Sophie chewed on her lip as she gazed down at their intertwined hands, then blew out a big breath.

“I’m sure you’ll hear from someone soon baby, but my day was okay! I worked out, then I did a shoot, and then uploaded some new content to my page, so I’m feeling pret-ty full. Aaaand then I set up a few appointments with some clients for tomorrow. So, not too much.”

Tanya was always amazed by the things Sophie could fit into her day, all the while looking like she had just walked out of a spa.

“No, I don’t think I will, but that’s okay- someone’s got to keep the lights on here.” Tanya said as she kissed Sophie’s perfectly manicured hand.

“It sounds like you had a busy day, though. I’m glad it all went well.”

Sophie grinned and caressed Tanya’s face, “Keep faith, I’m sure something will come soon.”

She brought her hands back and clasped them together.

“So, are we still on for tonight? I was thinking we could stop by that deli you like so much, and then maybe take a walk through the park.”

While Tanya thought that sounded amazing, she had at least two more hours before she could even consider going home and her legs felt like hastily glued popsicle sticks.

Before she could say anything, Sophie knew the answer. She was very good at reading people that way.

“Is something wrong?”

Tanya shook her head.

“No, baby. That sounds amazing, and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m working the long shift today. I don’t know exactly when I’ll get off, and I’m not sure if I’ll be up for a walk around the park.”

Sophie nodded, by this point in their relationship she had gotten used to the erraticism of Tanya’s work schedule and was quick to work on her feet.

“Okay! So, no walk around the park. I can grab take out from the deli and we can just stay in and watch a movie while I rub your feet.” She said all of this with an easy smile, as though it had been her original plan all along.

Tanya felt like she could cry. There was not a single person in this world that she loved more than Sophie.

“That sounds wonderful, my darling. I’ll call you when I’m on my way to your place.”

Sophie scrunched her nose and bit the inside of her cheek. Tanya recognized this face instantly. This was the face she always made when she knew they were about to argue.

“Or- now hear me out on this, stick with me, what if… I came over to your place instead?” She said as she swayed back and forth in her heels.

In all the time they had dated, Sophie had never been to Tanya’s apartment, or even seen the inside of it. At first, it hadn’t been much of an issue. Sophie’s loft had plenty of room, and she was always happy to have her. But as time passed, it began to feel like Tanya was keeping something from her, and over the past few months, it had grown to be quite a source of contention.

Tanya had her reasons for not wanting Sophie to see the apartment; they were stupid reasons, but reasons none the less. Tanya’s mouth twisted itself into a grimace. She didn’t want to have this argument again at all, but especially not at work. Her parents liked to watch the cameras, and God forbid a customer walk in and see. They’d had this fight quite a few times and it always seemed to end the same: with her tripping over her words and with Sophie feeling hurt.

“Whyyyyyyyy couldn’t we just stay at your place tonight,” she asked, desperate to sidestep the confrontation, “and maybe we can feel out going to mine another time?”

Sophie pouted and crossed her arms. She was set on having this discussion, regardless of where they were, who was watching, or how tongue-tied Tanya became.

“I just don’t understand why you’re so against me seeing where you live. It’s not like I’m going to rob you.”

Tanya sighed and drew herself back up from the counter, “no baby, I know. I’ve told you before, it has nothing to do with you-”

Sophie cut her off before she could finish, “okay, you say that, but it feels like it has a lot to do with me at this point,”

Tanya pressed her lips together into a fine line and clenched her jaw.

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I don’t know any way to make you feel like it doesn’t”

Sophie took a step away from the counter, “Just tell me the truth of why you don’t want me to come over. Instead of dancing around the subject, just be honest and tell me why.”

Tanya started to rub the imaginary knot at the back of her neck. It always seemed to pop up when they argued. She hadn’t been lying, and she hadn’t been dancing around the subject. She was tired and she didn’t want to deal with Sophie coming to her place tonight, she just wanted to stay at hers. Why was she making this so difficult all of a sudden? She snapped-

“I am being honest, and I really don’t think that we should be having this conversation while I’m at work!”

Sophie just stared. Her delicate face scrunched up in confusion and hurt. Her shoulders sagged, and she turned her eyes toward the wall. Tanya had overreacted, and she knew it. The truth was, she wasn’t sure how to explain why she didn’t want Sophie to come over. It sounded ridiculous in her head, and she felt it was sure to start another fight. But, as they stood there in silence, she wasn’t sure what would be worse: getting everything out in the open and risking an entirely separate fight or repeating the same one with the hopes of a different outcome.

“You make really good money Sophie.”

Sophie turned back to her; her brows knit together in confusion. What did that have to do with anything? Tanya felt like there was a bear coming to squeeze the life out of her. Hot tears of shame ate at the back of her eyes.

“You live in a beautiful high-rise penthouse, and everything you own is very nice.”

Sophie began to understand what it was Tanya was saying.

“All of your furniture costs literally thousands upon thousands of dollars, and I live with three other people, who are all weird as shit, and we found our couch on the corner down the street.”

Tanya paused and took a deep breath.

“I know that we’ve talked about the differences in our living situations before, but that’s not the same as seeing it in action,” she whispered.

Tanya bit her cheek, hard. She couldn’t bring herself to look upward from the dainty clasps on Sophie’s shoes. She knew what was happening above them. Sophie’s face would be all twisted up, her bottom lip stuck out in the way it always did when she was unsure of something and wanted to cry. Tanya hated that face; it made her feel like a monster.

“Do you really think I care about that?” She asked, her soft voice struggling to whisper, “because I don’t care about any of that, Tanya, and I don’t know why you think I-”

This time Tanya cut her off, “No. Sophie. I know you don’t care about that, but it just makes me feel…” she paused, swallowing the lump of humiliation that had been building in her throat like bile, “ashamed. I know that how I live isn’t what you’re accustomed to, and I’m worried that you’ll feel…differently, about me, afterward.”

Sophie wasn’t sure what to say. It was clear how strongly Tanya felt about this, even if it sounded ridiculous. Sure, Sophie lived in a nice place now, but that hadn’t always been the case. An old ratty couch wouldn’t come close to touching some of the things she had seen, but Tanya didn’t know that. She reached across the counter and grabbed Tanya’s hand and squeezed tight.

“I am sorry,” Tanya murmured, “this really has nothing to do with you. I’m just mortified by my friends and the fact that my apartment probably is more mold than brick.”

Sophie laughed, considered everything Tanya had said for a moment and smiled. She kissed Tanya’s forehead, and suddenly, the knot that had manifested itself in her neck had disappeared. Her chest filled with butterflies, and that ache at the back of her throat dissipated.

“We can talk about this more at my place tonight, but if you don’t invite me over soon, I’ll probably just break into your house and wait for you to come home.”

A thin smile broke over Tanya’s face. A joke for sure, but she considered warning Sophie that if she ever did try to break into the apartment: she’d have to face the literal and metaphorical curses of a 5’11 350+ lb. witch. As powerful as Sophie was, that was not a fight Tanya wanted to witness.

“Maybe sometime soon, we could all have dinner together: you, me, and your roommates?”

The idea of Sophie sitting on their stained, smelly couch next to Carmichael, while he complained on and on about every mistake and flaw of every John Wayne movie to ever exist, despite no one having asked, sent Tanya’s stomach ulcers into a tizzy. She elected to not answer that with words but gave her a brief nod instead.

They shared a quick kiss goodbye, and Tanya went back to polishing the doomed pocket watch.

“Wait… are you ashamed of us?” Carmichael asked as he managed to spill a blood pack down his mid wash blue jeans. It was terrible timing, really.

Without hesitation, Tanya glanced at the ever-growing blood stain and said, “Yes, extremely so, and specifically of you.”

Carmichael was stunned, “why me specifically?!”

She just stared at him, unsure of which example to pick, and why she had to list any example at all. Going into her room to pack, she found the perfect one.

“Dude, you literally killed a dental hygienist a month ago because you went to a human clinic, expecting them to be able to fix your FANG.”

This was too much for Carmichael to bear.

“Y’ALL TOLD ME TO GO TO THE DENTIST,” he shrieked across the apartment.

This was a sore spot for him. They had mocked him mercilessly when he had come back that night, tooth still broken and pockets empty. Not thinking about the mirror and having to kill the hygienist was shameful in its own right, but even worse was having to still pay the copay for the visit.

Viola’s voice spoke out from behind her door, “We did not think we needed to specify that it needed to be a dentist that could suit your specific needs.”

“Yeah, now we know that we must tell you to wipe your ass when you shit.” Tanya muttered as she grabbed a pair of basketball shorts from her drawer.

“I don’t know why you’re whispering when I can hear every damn word ever said in this house… and I’m a vampire so the jokes on you because I haven’t defecated since the 1870’s. Ha ha.” Carmichael grumbled as he plopped down in his doorway.

Viola left her room to grab a few items from the kitchen for her altar.

“As embarrassing as Carmichael is,” she peaked her head back into the hallway to look at him, “and I say that with nothing but love darling-”

Carmichael shrugged and said nothing, as he sulked and drank his blood pack on the carpet.

“-but Sophie does have a point. You can’t have good relationships without trust and transparency.”

Tanya snorted. Of all people, Viola had the fewest legs to stand on when it came to preaching trust. The standard rules of the house were “Don’t wear shoes on the carpet, don’t buy candy for Carmichael, and don’t ask V questions.” Tanya snatched her contacts case from the bathroom counter.

“That’s really rich coming from the woman whose last name we aren’t allowed to know.”

Viola didn’t have a response for that. Tanya was right, but she was also being catty. So, Viola elected to change the subject and take advantage of Tanya’s phone buzzing in the kitchen.

“Your phone’s going off.”

Tanya ignored her and grabbed a few more miscellaneous items around her room to take with her and shoved them into her overnight bag. She zipped it shut with so much aggression she almost caught her finger in the teeth. She paused and took a deep breath, trying to squash the heat she felt at the back of her throat. She knew she was being ridiculous, again, and that if she didn’t calm down, she would risk shit getting real at a time it was not supposed to. She could already feel fur beginning to sprout up. Her comment to V was out of pocket, Carmichael was probably crying on the floor, and Shane… well, Shane hadn’t said anything. It was honestly a 50/50 shot as to whether he’d even realized she’d come home. Thursday nights were Wings night for Shane, and Wings night meant that Shane was unreachable.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Viola came to her doorway with her arm outstretched. Her lips were drawn down with the weight of disappointment, but her eyes held a faint glimmer of understanding. Tanya had gotten much better at reading her in the time they’d been friends.

“I didn’t check it- in case it was something sensitive.” She said as she dropped the phone into Tanya’s hands.

Tanya glanced down for a moment as she caught her phone, and then looked back up into Viola’s undisturbed face.

“I’m sorry, V,” she said just as Viola started to turn away, “just because I’m frustrated it doesn’t give me the right to be nasty.”

Viola paused, “I know.”

Before she left Tanya’s doorway, Viola darted a glance between Carmichael and her as if to say: it’s not just me you have to worry about.

Tanya nodded and tossed her phone onto the bed. Viola had just opened the door to her room; enough for her to enter, but swift to lock it behind her before anyone had a chance to look in.

Carmichael was sitting cross legged on the floor, his stupidly long legs resting high against the door frame. His nostrils flared as he puffed out his bottom lip in the style of a pouting six-year-old. Tanya crouched down and sat on the floor opposite him. He flicked his eyes over toward her and waited for her to speak.

“Listen, I’m not sorry for being embarrassed by you,” she started, “you are an embarrassing person, and I am right to be embarrassed by you.”

Carmichael squinted at her and clicked his tongue against the side of his mouth, “is this supposed to be comforting to me?”

Tanya held up her finger, “hold on, don’t interrupt.”

She continued, “DESPITE being an embarrassing person, you are still my friend. I love you very much, and I’m sorry for what I said, because it was hurtful and uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

Carmichael paused, mulling over everything she had said. He wasn’t sure it counted as an apology. It seemed too aggressive for that. However, Tanya was in general, a very aggressive person, and it was a better apology than what V got, so that made him feel special.

“Okay, that’s fine,” he said, “but I am going to go out of my way to absolutely humiliate and mortify you, if you do ever invite her over. I feel like that will make us even.”

Tanya clenched her teeth and rolled up from the floor. She immediately regretted being kind to him.

“Every five minutes, I will make at least two jokes about you being a gold digger,” Carmichael said. He threw his empty blood pack onto his bed and stood up to continue taunting her, like surrogate brothers should.

“And just before she comes over, I’m going to eat a peppermint so that there will be a faint odor in the house, but not quite enough for her to want to bring it up-”

Tanya ignored him as she walked down the hallway and back into her room, but Carmichael would not stand to be ignored. Just as he was getting ready to announce that he would bring up how vampires love THEIR women every day of the month, Tanya let out a soul piercing shriek. It was followed by a sharp cracking noise against the wall. Dropping the joke like a heavy weight, Carmichael ran to her doorway to find her jumping up and down, her hands pressed against her mouth and tears filling her eyes.

“What? What’s wrong? Why are you crying? I’m obviously not going to do any of those things, so stop being a baby.”

From behind Carmichael came Viola from her room across the hall, smelling of burned lavender and gristle.

“What did you do, Carmy?” she asked.

Carmichael threw up his hands, “nothing! I didn’t do anything! I made some jokes and then she screamed and there was a noise and now she won’t say anything.”

Tanya stopped jumping and began to pace in circles while her arms flailed and she panted like…well like a dog.

“IGOTTHEJOBATTHEPTCLINICIGOTTHEJOBATTHEPTCLINIC” She howled.

Tanya leaped over her bed to grab her phone from the corner where she had thrown it.

“That’s why my phone went off earlier! I got an email saying they’ve accepted me for the position! They want me to start in the next week!”

She handed it to Viola, who took the phone from her (now cracked in three different places) and started to read.

“Okay, but why did you have to throw your phone?” Carmichael asked, who was more focused on the way Tanya looked like a panicked duck, than the fact that she had gotten her job.

“I don’t know why, I just got so excited!”

From in the living room, Shane yelled out: “GUYS IT’S WINGS NIGHT, COME ON!”

Still reading from the phone, Viola called back “Sorry Shane. Tanya got that job from the other week”

“THE SWEATY ONE?”

“Yes, the sweaty one.”

“THAT’S GREAT, T.”

“Thank you, Shane!” Tanya squealed as she swung her overnight bag across her chest and hurriedly started looking for her backpack.

Viola handed her back her phone, “that’s wonderful Tanya, I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, V. I’m so excited; this means I don’t have to work at my parent’s shop as often and that I’ll probably make more money soon, not right away of course but soon enough and if I do good enough- WHERE IS MY DAMN BACKPACK?!”

Viola cocked her head to the side and glanced up toward the ceiling, “You hid it under your bed the last time you came back from Sophie’s.”

Without question, Tanya dropped down to an army crawl and swung around the undercarriage of her bed, hoping to snag one of the straps. Eventually, she felt the top of the handle and dragged it out from its hiding place.

“Thank youuuu!” She sang as she popped up and slid her arms through the straps.

Carmichael and Viola stepped back from the doorway to make room for Tanya to step through.

“Okay goodnight, guys! I’m headed to Sophie’s to tell her the good news! Enjoy Wings night, Shane!”

Without another word, she bolted out the door and slammed it behind her.

Carmichael stood in a whirlwind of confusion. So many things had happened in the span of a minute and a half. While his brain caught up with everything, he turned to Viola.

“Why was she panicking about her backpack?”

Viola just smirked and headed back to her room. Sophie was about to have a good night indeed.