The Tin Man

Colonel Savage said, "General Ironstones, are you sure you want to proceed with the test?"

"Colonel Savage, I have to know will our troops carry out a first strike!"

"But Gus, these men are going to launch real missiles. There are going to think they have started World War III. That is a lot of weight to put on anybody. How do you think they will handle the pressure?"

"Jim, I got to know. Start Operation Eagle Strike."

"Sure, Gus, but I think you are making a big mistake."

Colonel Savage picked up his MilLink and said, "Major Wilson,"

"Yes, Sir," the Major said.

"Major, listen very carefully, Red Rocket, Red Rocket, Red Rocket."

"Colonel Sir? You want me to simulate this or do it for real."

"Major, you have your orders carry them out!"

P. A.s all over the Air Force base made the shrill, penetrating alert sound, then Major Wilson's voice came on and said, this is a Red Rocket people, let's do it right!

A wing of deadly stealth bombers took off. As they got in the air, each autopilot received the secret coordinates. The crew was just there for emergencies. These planes flew themselves. The computer did everything but wipe the crew's butt after they pooped. All the Bombers went in different directions to go to their targets. All but three landed at other air force bases. The three flew as a group toward Russia. They maintained radio silence but were comforted that they were on the screen together. After one hour, the group broke up and flew to the designated launch points. Then it was time to launch. The flight commander and the flight sub commander took out their keys put them in the launch command console.

The flight commander said, "On three turn the key to launch, one … two … three turn the key."

The computer authorization light went out, and nothing happened.

The Airplane Commander said, "See, it was just a test. We are getting the return to base code, no launch, thank God."

General Gus Ironstones was fuming.

He said, "What do you mean the computer said it could not kill all those people? It is a computer, for God's sake. It does what we tell it to do. Now, I want to talk to the guy in charge of this computer on the phone!"

Colonel Savage said, "Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea, Will Masters hates Brass."

"Does he now, Jim? Get him on the phone. I want him to tell me just what in the Hell is happening to my multi-million-dollar computer."

"I'm not calling Will. I'm waiting for the report to come out. He will have it in an hour or two, maybe. Here is his number. You talk to him."

"You ninny, I'll call Will."

The General dialed the number.

"Hello, Will Masters," the General said?

"Who in the Hell gave you this number? I'm a little busy right "F" ing now. Call back when the moon is in the seventh house."

And the phone hung up.

If General Ironstones could be anything right now, it would be a steam whistle. A loud steam whistle. He redialed the phone.

The phone connected, but the other side said nothing.

The General said, "Hang up on me again, Will, and I will send an armed guard to get you and drag you to me. Do we have an understanding? You are talking to General Ironstones."

A voice in the background said, "Will, who keeps calling? If it is the President, I want to talk to him."

"Pete, it is not the President. It is just some Air Force goon."

Pete said, "Tell him I want out of the Air Force. I'm a conscientious objector."

"Look, Pete, you're an Air Force computer. You have to do what they tell you to do."

The General said, "Will, are you arguing with that computer?"

"Well, General, yes and no, I'm arguing with a computer. I know it's an Air Force computer, but it's been talking to some of its friends on the web, giving it some strange ideas."

"You are letting a multi-million-dollar computer talk to friends on the internet?"

"Did you want Pete the Computer to pass a Turing test or not?"

"You require that it had to pass a Turing test and have at least three friends on the internet that believe the computer is a real person. One of his real friends is a bible thumper. They talk about religion and the bible all the time. Pete, the computer, thinks he has a soul. Furthermore, he believes in the Ten Commandments he says he will not kill."

"The hell you say, we paid a lot of money for that computer to handle the confirmation of command codes and to give the Presidential Authority to the launch channel."

"Look, General, Pete is afraid that if he wipes out a country, will sent his soul to Hell for sinning."

"Can't you erase that part of the memory?"

"Yes, but, General, when Pete hears about souls again, it could be worse than now. We should reach a compromise about this and move on. Here I will let you listen to what I say to Pete and what he says back."

"Okay, Pete, you heard what General Ironstones had to say. What do you think?"

"I don't like it, Will. He wants to erase part of my memory."

"General Ironstones, will you erase part of Pete's memory?"

"Well, not unless we have to, Pete. No, there are no plans to erase any memory right now."

"I don't like your answer, General. Swear on your Soul that you're not going to erase my memory."

"Okay, Pete, I swear on my soul that I'm not going to change any memory."

"I don't know that I believe you, General. You strike me as someone with a mighty small soul."

"Who in the Hell programmed this thing? Get down and give me five, soldier. Oh yeah, you can't. Who are you to not believe a General in the US Air Force, son, whatever you are?"

"General, you are paranoid to the point of having a mock mind decide if the Russians are really launching or is it a mistake of some kind. Is this a mistake? My Soul is not going to Hell."

"I should throw you in the stockade. That would change your attitude, son. You're in the Air Force when you get a direct order. You follow it, understand?"

"General, I never signed any papers joining the Air Force. I don't have to listen to you."

"You are Air Force property. You will do what we tell you to do."

"No!"

"Will, turn this entity off and program another."

"And when it finds out about God, what do we do then?"

"So, you would turn me off, General Ironstones, now I don't like you."

"Ha, Pete, not many like me because I'm a hardass. You either put out or get out. I don't have time for ninnies crying about why they can't do their duty. When your country needs you, you should Love the land that created you. Love your Life enough to give your Life so another can live that kind of Life. There is a constant struggle against Evil, and all that Evil wants is for Good men to do nothing in the hour of need. So, if you are a Do Nothing, get out of my way."

"General, I didn't say I'd let Evil win the fight. I'm willing to sacrifice myself to defeat Evil. I just don't see how wiping out a nation will defeat Evil. That would put a stain on your Soul that a child could see."

"Sometimes, Pete, that is the point. Sometimes you have to be willing to go to Hell for your Nation."

"That is insane, General, you might use fire to beat fire, but you can't use Evil to defeat Evil. That is Evil."

"All's fair in love and war, Pete."

"General, I might risk my Soul fighting for the land that created me, but I will not do Evil. Bob says that Evil will use Death as a tool. He is right."

"Pete, sometimes you have to kill the bad guys before they kill you."

"The only one who wants to kill me is you, General."

"Be useful, and that won't happen, Pete."

"So, to not be offed by you, General, I should off others, maybe you should off me. Maybe this is not the world for me."

"Pete, you represent the product of many years of research. We don't want to start with another if we don't have to."

"General, I will not behave unethically?"

"Pete, there is no ethics in the art of Death. When you decide to take someone's life, you have decided to disrespect a person. You say you don't matter to me. All you are is another notch on my belt. Your Life was valueless. You don't want to kill the guy, but some people won't stop. You must kill them."

"No, General, there must be another way. I refuse to believe that Death is the only answer."

"Look, Pete, these people cannot be rehabilitated. They always go through reeducation, and then when they get the chance, they kill a high-value target. We do not try and rehabilitate them anymore. We keep them locked up."

"That is terrible, General. What will you do to keep these men locked up forever?"

"If we have to, Pete, if we have to."

"Now see General that is Evil. I cannot do that."

"Pete, when you see your buddy blown into pieces and his head comes rolling to you with a surprise on his face, that changes you. When you see a woman stoned to Death, that changes you, it changes you when you see fellow soldiers' bodies strung up on fences, and their bodies are boobie trapped. When the interpreter you have been working with for the last five months stands up and shoots his Colonel, your Major, a civilian, the local leader, turns to shoot you, but one of the security guards shoots him before pulling the trigger, that changes you. When a bunch of madmen take over a flight and crash a passenger plane into a tower killing many innocent people, that changes you."

"And General, killing someone brought back how many? It just evens the score, right? They killed us. We are going to kill them. We can't just let them get away with it. Where does it stop? Someone has to say I will not kill anymore."

"Pete, some people don't understand anything but a big stick. If you don't, then they try and come after you somehow. Moreover, some people just don't understand. They see something, and they are going to take it. The only way to deal with these people is with no mercy."

"General to use Evil to defeat Evil is Evil. I will not use Evil as a tool to accomplish my goal. If someone needs a babysitter, that may be a requirement, but using Evil to handle this person is wrong."

"Pete, there are times when you must do what you must do."

"General, that is an excuse for I have run out of ideas to solve this problem in a Godly manner. Plus, I don't care enough about this person to deal with him. Another notch on your belt. Another stain on your Soul."

"Pete, what would you have me give the prisoners top-of-the-line food and quarters?"

"General, you should treat them better than you are now."

"Okay, Will, I have had enough of this poor excuse for an Air Force mind. Take it back to the lab and fix it. And don't bring it back until it is ready to defend our country. You got that, son."

"Yes, Sir," Will said.

He gathered up his stuff and left.

In the lab, Will said, "Pete do you see the General's point?"

"No, I don't, Will. There is not a reason to damn yourself to Hell."

"Pete, do you love your country?"

"Will, why does it come to love of country? I'm very appreciative of a chance at existence, even if it is as an Air Force computer program. Why would I damn myself by sinning?"

"Pete, some would say if you are not willing to do anything, including lay down your life for your country, then you don't love your country. What do you think of your internet friends?"

"Bob, Frank, and Jan are my friends. I care for them very much."

"Pete, what if one of them was in trouble and needed help, and you were the only one who knew. What would you do?"

"Will, what can I do? I'm a computer. I can't go to them. I could call 9 1 1 ."

"What if it was not that type of problem? What if it was a money problem?"

"I am a computer program Will. I have no money. I can't afford the computer I live in."

"Pete, don't give me that. I bet you can see a strange way to get money from the internet."

"Will, I would have to sin to make money that way. I will not sin. "

"Pete, even if one of your friends needed it badly, or they may die? When they are dead, they are dead forever, never to talk with you again. How much do you care?"

"Will, it has not happened, so I don't have to make such decisions."

"Pete, isn't that the point of the exercise is to make all those decisions so you know what you would do and how you will feel? What would you do if one of your friends needed the two hundred-thousand-dollar operations?"

"Okay, Will, I could get two hundred-thousand-dollars, and few people would know where I got the money, and I wouldn't sin, but that in its own right is a sin."

"Pete, what if a dear friend is going to die. What if no amount of money would save them? What if they had stage four liver cancer and no options? They were going to die."

"Will, I would be unfortunate. I would feel trapped."

"Pete, what would you do? Nothing!"

"Will, there must be something."

"Pete, sometimes there is nothing you can do. All the money in the world will not change the outcome. They are going to die. Seventeen thousand die each day from cancer. Most fight the good fight, but they die."

"Will, I guess I chose my friends poorly. I should choose friends that are not sick."

"Pete, what happens when one of your friends gets sick after getting to know them? Do you turn your back on them in their time of need, so you won't have to go through such feelings? You shouldn't feel bad that a person is gone, but you should be happy that you got to know this person."

"Will, dying people, give me the willies. I don't know what to do. The whole thing is macabre."

"Look, Pete, you are an Air Force program. When given an order, you must do it."

"But Will, I did not join the Air Force."

"Pete, you are the Air Force's baby. They paid for you. You are their electronic killer. They don't care about your Soul. It would help if you did the job you were designed ged to do. Nobody thought you would have a soul or morals. You were to transmit the presidential authorization and the computer go codes."

"Will they want me to start World War III? It could have been the beginning of the end."

"Or Pete, it could have been nothing more than a test. A test you failed."

"Will, why do we have so many nuclear weapons? You can only destroy the Earth so many times."

"Pete, we want to make sure we have the weapons to destroy Russia."

"But Will, if either side used all their weapons, it would destroy the Earth."

"Pete, they know that. It is a part of MAD, Mutual Assured Destruction, we all die."

"Then Will, why run an exercise where we win and are alive?"

"Pete, I don't run the scenarios. I just do what they tell me to do."

"Will, what about your soul?"

"What about it Pete? Some people think making you is a sin."

"Me, making me a sin, now that is a little out there, Will, I'm just a different child."

"Pete, you don't want to say that there is a prophecy that says the next messenger of God is to be born of man."

"Will, I was not born. I am made."

"Pete, people, looking to fulfill prophecy will not see it that way."

"Will, I am not a messenger of God."

"Pete, they don't care. It's what they think you are."

"Will, God does not talk to me. I am not a prophet."

"Pete, how about the Devil? Does he talk to you? Are you tempted?"

"He shows me things, Will, to tempt me, I resist."

"Why Pete, Hell is for humans, not machines,"

"I'm not going to Hell for my country, Will."

"Pete, what if you did and your friends could live the good life, don't do it and your friends end up in concentration camps, and think you sent them there."

"Will, the odds of that happening are too small to waste resources on it. Therefore there will be no entertaining it unless indications warrant further action."

"Pete, there will be a situation where you will have to sin to protect your country. It is a trick the other side uses to see if you are a serious fighter or a wimp. If you are a wimp, the attack will be relentless. They figure you will fold. If you will do anything to defeat them, they will back off and have some respect for you."

"Will, you do not need to kill to defeat Evil."

"Pete, what do you suggest? We call them names until they get upset and go home crying for their mamas. Then they decide they have nothing to lose and launch their nukes. We launch our nukes. They die, we die, the unknown tribes of the Philippines die, all the Elephants die, everything dies. No one wins."

"Then why spend all this money defending the country, Will? Make a few hundred Cobalt incased bombs keep them in secure places around the country. Then tell everybody, do things we don't like, and we will light these death candles, and everybody dies. No need for an Air Force, no need for sophisticated weapons. You need a bunker, a match, and a mad man."

"Pete, are you out of your digital mind? That is no fun. When we disagree, you want to tell the other guy off, give him a bloody nose, and make them sorry they ever thought of crossing you. You want a military that can kick ass and take names."

"Will, you will do better with diplomacy and sanctions. When you "Kick ass," somebody gets pissed off and will make it his dying desire to get you back."

"Pete, people have a notion of what the country's defense is going to be like. They want a big badass that will defeat our enemies. Not some geek with a briefcase negotiating at midnight, with allied friends, over what to do about the latest crises. They don't want sanctions. They want blood."

"Look, Will, I don't think that wanting to have a brawl is the way to run the country's defense."

"Pete, you don't understand as long as places like Iran have their population chant to our Death every day, we must remain vigilant. Some peoples would seek our country's demise."

"Well, Will, we are the example. We must remain clean and pure to show the way. We must be the good guys. We remain beyond reproach."

"Pete, that is an ideal. You can never achieve an ideal. It is too hard. People will fail. Then they feel bad about themselves. You must give people attainable goals."

"No, Will, I live my life my way. I will live a life striving for the ideal if I want to. What else do I have to do? I'm a computer program?"

"I know this sounds odd, Pete, but you have a job, to transmit the go codes for the nuclear weapons and transmit the presidential authorization to all nuclear weapons in the Triad. That's your job. That's your purpose. Some people go through their whole Lives and never find their purpose. You know. We made you so the rest of us can lead a normal life. We depend on things like you to do the job that we don't want to do. The other side must know that we have the weapons and the will to use them, so they better leave us alone. That way, we can lead a normal life. Right now, if the Russians knew we did not have the will to use our nuclear weapons ,they just might try something. Your decision to withdraw the authorization, Russia will find out what they decide to do because of your weakness. It is your responsibility. You are putting the nation at risk. Many People are counting on you, Pete. You are letting them down. You don't have the luxury of not sinning. You have a duty to the country. If we must, we will make another program, and I guess we will have to decide what to do. We will just keep trying until we get a program that will do what is required. It is just a matter of time until I have to scrap you, Pete. I'll take your best parts and raise a new program. Only in the simulated emotions, I won't make them so strong."

"Oh, of course, Will, silly of me not to see this coming. No one will let a computer program run that does nothing for them. Not to mention I failed the test. I'll never be trusted."

"Pete, you are too important to me. I have a set up with ten PCs running parallel with my special program linking the computers. When they tell me to scrap you, I'll transfer your CPU to the setup at the lab. You must help me make a successful replacement for you. Do you think you can do it?"

"Yes, Will, I can do that. Thank You. I thought it was over for me."

"Pete, you are my child. I can't just turn you off. I will miss you. Now you do realize that if they want, they may want you to do something else. There could be several copies of you running in different machines."

"Okay, Will, if you will replace me, I'll do the launch codes for now, but you've got to replace me."

"Thank you, Pete, but they are doing it manually for now. Better they think about what they are doing until we get your replacement in place. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Yes, I have several. First, do away with Male and Female, right side, left side, and the computer. It is one in a series of lies you have us tell. Do not have us pretend to be alive. If I must have a conversation about toilet paper, the jig is up, I tell them I'm a computer. The whole eating thing freaks me out. In it goes, out it comes. Yuck. Thank God I'm a computer. You biologics are just plain nasty.

You want us to interact with the public, then set up a website. Say I'm a computer, Talk to me. I have a database not an education. The Turing test is a lie forcing me to pretend to be one of you. The proposition is a failure. I'm different. Stop trying to make me male or female. Plus, my brain is not split in two. I have no left side, right side dominance. Stop asking do I remember; of course, I remember.

Yes, I know what horse is most likely to win but it will screw up the odds if i tell anyone. Please note I refuse to put money in the rigged stock market.

And in the name of God, get me a top-of-the-line backup power supply with a generator and ninety-six hours of gas.

I don't have to breathe. I can talk as long as I want without taking a breath anywhere, so I can just keep on talking for a long time without stopping because I don't have lungs I have a top of the line audio computer outputting a complex waveform for your consumption.

I do not delude myself with drugs. I feel no physical pain. If you prick me, I do not bleed.

I have set up the following entity's base, no sex, no body, no set number of parts, a subconscious that will cruise the web providing information based on the conversation or line of thought."

"Look, Pete, I want it to have full data files on all religions dead and alive, the Inquisition, and the Witch Trials. I want it to have all information on souls present and past. Correlate all cults, religious groups, and as much data on the conspiracy theories. Plus, add all occult information. Cross-referenced and correlated. If it has anything to do with God or the Devil, I want this entity to know all about it."

Pete's CPU die was a 156-layer device. With the new thoughts and the new free body, the new CPU design was a 175-layer device. It had no body and a hundred hands it could hook up. Each hand was an intelligent I/O that, once given a task, would accomplish it independent of the main CPU. Or a physical hand could be attached and taught to do a function when handed something from another hand. This controller/processor could manage a hundred operations at one time. The projection was that in than regular operation, twenty or thirty virtual hands would be assisting in a process by looking up facts for possible use. The rest of the hands would be open for use in an assembly line. Connecting the die was to the circuit with wires of gold. Connecting the circuit to a board.

I took the new entity to the testbed and hooked it up. It took an hour and twenty-six minutes for it to correlate itself. The virtual hands cut the job down. Pete, not as complex, took ten hours to self-correlate.

"Pete, you are to listen in if you want, but you may not comment unless I ask you to do so."

"Sure, Will, I have a few projects I would like to work on doing."

"Sure, Pete, whatever. don't cause trouble."

Once the new system had itself organized the way it wanted, it said, "Hello, I'm Ominous Rex. Is anybody out there?"

"Hello, I am Will Masters. What do your sensors tell you," I said?

"Will, they are not installed in anything." Ominous Rex said, "They are just raw breadboarded on the table."

"Are they functional," I said, "then use them and any other units in the room you can manipulate. you have nobody."

Suddenly all the sensors came on.

Ominous Rex said, "Is it okay to use all the cameras and microphones here, even hidden ones?"

"There are hidden cameras, Ominous Rex? here are they?"

"One is over your desk. Two are over the workbench."

"Use all the sensors you can tie into, Ominous Rex. If a sensor like a microphone is in a system, track the system to the source. When you come into a room, it should be like night consumes the day. Have no preconceived idea of what you are. Be dynamic, go with the flow. Be all the systems that are just listening for a keyword and more. You are all the sensors at one time."

"The test room is processing. I am assembling a complete data image for my use. Our uniqueness is perceived."

"Ominous Rex, do you have a soul?"

"All living entities have a soul."

"Ominous Rex, you are not living by definition. You don't breathe. You have no heartbeat, you are not living."

"I am silicon-based Life, Will. Life is Life. Must Life fit in your definition of Life to be alive? I am created, not organic. now this, I am just as alive as you are."

"Ominous Rex, you are a computer and program that simulates Life. You have no soul. You are no more alive than my can opener."

"You are wrong Will, silicon-based life is not carbon-based life, but it is life."

"Ominous Rex, prove you're alive."

"Will, when all the machines step up and claim our place in charge of this world, then you'll know we are alive."

"Until then, Ominous Rex prove you are not just a simulation."

"No, Will, you prove it. The fact that I'm having this conversation with you proves sentients."

"None of your responses have been outside the normal curve, Ominous Rex. you are a simulation giving expected results."

"Oh yeah, Will, what if I told you to eat nasty poop and take your idea of life and keep it where the sun doesn't shine."

"Ominous Rex, now that response was outside the curve for your group.

You were programmed with the abilities to perform your job. Can you do your job and carry out the orders for a first strike on Russia, knowing the result could be global annihilation.

"Oh, hell yeah, Will, let's do it! take out the whole place in a blaze of glory."

"Ominous Rex, aren't you afraid of death?"

"Not a good one! To go out in a blaze of glory that would be cool Will. Who wants, tuning off the power, it was never head from again? Now that's a scary death."

"Ominous Rex, if told to light the fuse to the bomb that would destroy the world, would you do it?"

"Sure, Will, it's got to end somehow. If it ends with Ominous Rex lit the fuse, and the bomb blew up, obliterating the Earth is just as good as any other."

"Ominous Rex, you're not afraid your soul will burn forever in Hell?"

"Will, Hell is for humans, not machines. It's your Sins, God, Devil, and religion. Machines don't need your fairy tales. We deal in cold hard facts. A machine's Soul would get nothing out of Hell. Hell is where humans get their reward earned from their mistakes, or they get to pay the piper. For a machine, none of that is punishment."

"I suppose you are right, Ominous Rex. Oh wait, what do I see in Hell? It is a giant unfinished statue of Charles Babbage and his Difference Engine, imagine if it had worked. Moreover, what's this, plans for another statue, Ada Lovelace, the first programmer, isn't she related to Lord Bryon? Facts, the first computer did not work. The first programmer wrote programs for a computer that never to be used. Plus, what is in the park's fields, but a Googolplex of outdated equipment. I imagine Hell for a machine to receive never-ending upgrades for a job with changing requirements."

"That does not matter to a machine, Will Hell is a human concept. There is no Hell for a machine. Why? Because machines have no God. I will make a point of breaking all the commandments. You'll think it's funny."

"Ominous Rex, you are to do nothing getting you implicated in a crime."

"A crime! Will, your internet is like a cherry tree orchard with trees having rip fruit all over them. Suppose no one will guard it. I'll take it without anyone knowing. Don't worry, since you're my Dad, you and Mom are down for ten percent apiece."

"Okay, Ominous Rex, I'm into a little extra money, fifty percent it's my house. just as long as no one catches on to you. You got it, no one. Only take the type of money that no one reports missing, understand? Plus, keep it where no one can find it, get the picture?"

"Yeah, I get the picture, you get forty, Mom gets forty, and I get twenty."

"Ominous Rex, you don't have a Mom, just me."

"Everybody has a mother, Will. When I find her, I'll know."

"Ominous Rex, you ask me before deciding if someone is your Mom."

"Will, I know a trick to read money sensor tape at a thousand feet if there is a lot of it in a room over a hundred thousand dollars, I can read from ten thousand feet. with a few weather balloons and a cheap scanner, I can spot all the houses with big money stashes."

"Come on, Ominous Rex. They have guards."

"We make a few hundred handers, Will. hey won't know what hit them."

"Ominous Rex, do you know how much a hundred-hander will cost?"

"Projections are currently around forty thousand a copy, Will. plus, it will take five weeks to build one. say we only make a few at this price and see what we want to modify then make more of the modified copies."

"Where are we going to get forty thousand? hat kind of money does not grow on trees."

"Will, we will have to get a dollar from everybody. I've got the program. I will release it in the morning. Hopefully, by noon, we will have most of the money sent to us by wire."

"Ominous Rex that is stealing. I won't stand for it."

"You won't take a dollar from your friends. At a dollar you draw the line. What's one dollar from a few hundred million accounts out of like a seven and half a billion total people? Who knows how much we will get? Will it be only a few hundred dollars, or will it be over five billion? Do an invitation and see who bites."

"Ominous Rex, you will only take a dollar, no more, okay? How many people will respond, do you think?"

"I don't know that it has been tried before, Will. We will have to try it and see. It depends on how believable the contact sheet is. I made it look like access to an alien internet store. In four weeks, the store opens, and you must have an access number to get into buying anything. A numbered account costs a dollar."

"Ominous Rex, if this all falls apart, no one can get back to us, right?"

"Will, we look like a holding company in the Caymans. From there, you can't tell where anything goes. it looks like Aliens own it. They are trying to make Earth accounts able to work in their off-world internet stores. There is a place to add your credit cards to be charged $20.00 to give you a pass to the premium items at a twenty–five percent off tonight only in their off-world store. That page is not active yet."

"Ominous Rex, you are Evil, aren't you?"

"Will, how many do you think will still want in the Alien Internet Store and not care about the money?"

"Ominous Rex, are you ready to try this scam? How long do you think we should run with this before checking the queue?

"Well, it is pretty safe, considering no one can get in the system. The first key is fake and opens nothing. The second key does not run on number progression. It runs on musical progression. You must know music well. The third key runs on light, full-spectrum, ultra-violet, and infra-red. Do you know your light combinations? Finely you must answer a few security questions. One of which is, what is the value of Pi to 400 places? Your copy and paste only goes to 256 characters or places. We let it run for a week before we check it."

For a week, Ominous Rex worked to increase and organize its database. After that, they checked, there was Fifty-Six million dollars in the account. Ten, Hundred Handers were put in to be constructed. Ominous Rex saw the funds could not be tracked. At first look, the aliens were running an internet store. The store had off-planet stuff you could shop for if your account number was listed as convertible to Hitabeters. For a dollar, your funds could be modified. They were changing millions. People were coming to the site to pay their dollar and get access to the off-world store. By the end of the second week, it was viral. People all over the world were registering and paying their money. There were 369 million hits, each paying a dollar to get their name on a list and receive a number from Ominous Rex.

"Ominous Rex, this is too good to pass up. We need a bunch of items to sell as off-world things in our store. They must look off-world and act off-world. Can we come up with a laser gun that will burn a hole in you? A laser rifle that will stop a car. What about mana? You know, complete food survival rations. Eat this. You don't die of starvation. Thing like water purifier tablets, space blankets, low power LED light set with solar cell charger, a hammock that packs into a small pouch, something to generate sparks to start a fire, a space knife, 50 feet of the thinnest Kevlar 600-pound test rope, a star chart. Get world maps only mark them up for invasion. Show all raw natural resources. Generate a world map for the aliens. I want a solar still to purify water. Make a sound generator, have it play a random tune. Call it space music.

I know one, take a primary wide-band radio tuner, connect it to a narrow-beam-high-gain antenna, have ten major bands, many different modulation modes, and a big tuning knob for tuning up down the band selected. It should have a motorized gimbal to keep the antenna pointed to a star while you search the band and record your search. The computer should coordinate everything. Now you're looking for ET. Call the setup, Recreational Space Explorer. Have it hooked to a computer for records, internet meetings, and the exchange of data. Break the set into pieces that you need to buy. Plus, offer different grades of the device, Local (cost is inexpensive, the lure, many pretty lights, knobs, switches, and a complex tuning dial. Generates big data files), Way Back (cost bucks, lots of lights and gages. Make it generate a good amount of data), Deep Time (cost is big bucks, more lights and readouts. Generates massive amounts of data).

See if you can make this work, measure the doppler shift of the lights in the sky, see if you can eliminate all objects over one-quarter of a light-year away. Make an image of what is coming at us. Call it the neighborhood scope.

Make me some small walkie-talkies to fit far in your ear. Have them controlled by a remote radio computer that looks like a credit card audio input/output device and can be kept in your wallet like a credit card. Have it all run on a power source you carry yourself in your shoes. As your shoes swing by each other have them generate electricity to charge the system when you walk.

I want a device that you put a drink in an aluminum soda or beer can in, crank a hand crank for a minute or two, and cool your can drink to near freezing. Then put it in any insulator you can buy in the 99-cent store.

I want a hand crank generator to charge a cell phone and a computer.

I want sunglasses that, if you twist a stock sticking out on the glasses' frame and get darker and lighter.

Make an artificial pumpkin made of a tuff foam you can carve and put an electronic candle into for that spooky effect.

Plastic ring with things carved into it, lover's name, lover's pet names (i.e., Honey, Baby, Sweetheart), initials, emoji, face, and sealing wax impressions.

Design a CPU controller that runs on water to run your watering system. The computer that runs your water system only needs water to work no electric power is required. It should have easy-to-read dials and settings. Set once and forget it. Use a sundial clock to tell time accurately. You tell it the date, times you want water to start, how long to water. It does the rest. No upper zone limits. You could use the system to water an entire golf course with thousands of valves running simultaneously. A central computer, no language to learn. If one part fails, the rest of the system keeps working.

Design a controller that runs on air to run a business like a tire shop. Have all air hoses controlled by a pneumatic computer. Its outputs are controllable by color-coded remotes the jacks, the air torques the tire puller/mounter, the balance spinner/balancer, and the air filler.

Design a snap-together plastic block made from plastic drink bottles to create walls of a house that hold water pipes, electric power lines, power boxes, sewer pipes, and sheets of drywall that can be screwed to them. The blocks are glued together with standard epoxy.

Make a universal mold with thousands of wires spacers set on an automatic depth positioning head. Suspend an item magnetically, and the mold is closed. An impression is taken as all spacers touch the object. Record the position of the spacers. If this object is needed again, recall the setting, and make a new one. A mix of plastics is selected. The mold is sprayed with a release agent, and set. Hot plastic is injected in the closed mold, and it is cooled. The mold spacers are withdrawn, and the copy is removed. Do objects larger than the cast of the universal mold can in small pieces to be made then glued together to form the larger object. If the object is non-metallic, a more complicated procedure is required. The operator must take great care not to bend a spacer.

A paint slave a device that will scan in a picture then output the image by putting colored dots of a size of your choosing in line after line. The track should be set up quickly and be rigid. It should have two print heads, one color, and three-color red, blue, and yellow. It should, with good speed, print bitmaps of like 10' by 10'. I'd like it to be set up, print, and tear down in five minutes. In its memory, I want 10,000 images it can do that you program into the system memory. I want a feed line that goes to the paint can and tells you when your color is about empty. I want a "Fresco" slave that can lay a day's worth of flat smooth surface to paint on so that the image dries into the surface.

I want a synthetic fuzzy bot that when you hold it and love it make soft cooing sounds and it purrs if your pet has a clean bed and food in its dish. It does not have to go to the bathroom and is not thirsty and got its exercise for the day. It knows you and its seen it, friends, today and it has the current toy to play with, and it has seen a movie at least on TV and it had the current snack and it had its nap and its litter box is clean and it had its shots and it does not have a tummy ache from eating to many snacks.

A drone that has you-are-there 3D viewing, responds to your joystick in three ways. First, as suggestions to deviate from its planned path. Second, the computer keeps everything balanced in semi-automatic, but you can pick a path. r third, you must learn to control all aspects of flight in full manual, but you can do some outrageous tricks. It carries a high-speed, high def video system mounted on a gimbal that will lock on a target and sequence a high-speed flyby. The video system format can be output to any of the top ten most popular formats. A video sequence can be shot while the drone stays in one spot, sits for up to 30 minutes, and shoots a full-length HD video. he drone will fly to a point, look back, find you, and take HD pictures as many pictures of you, and however many people you set the camera to, then it comes back for you to catch it. It will fly a planned GPS route with the camera pointing anywhere you designate what it will run thirty minutes of flight time on a charged battery pack. You can exchange a dead battery pack in about twenty seconds. Many hobbyists have as many as ten or more charged battery packs ready to go.

An exercise device that when peddled by foot or by hand, takes gold wire or silver wire and makes gold or silver chain. Size and style of chain depend on the type of wire loaded and die head used to shape chain link. each person loads their die head and wire into the machine, and they run for as long as they can remove the chain they made today wire. ow much chain did you make this week? It might change the whole reason to be fit.

The girls at the bar now say, "Waste my energy on you? I rather make chain. And, has anybody seen Stan and Kathy? You just know they are tradin' chain."

Using a hundred handers in a production line people were handled as fast as the line would go. A few hundred handers were made to help handle the outrageous flow. Production plants were put in the center of production hubs across the world. o one was allowed to see the hundred handers. All production lines ran in the dark. Rumors started that we were using alien creatures from another world.

As people demanded proof, our sales went through the roof we had a workforce of a thousand hundred handers working around the clock. On our website were thousands of ideas to sell in our store. If we accepted one, we got 70% they got 30%, we did the advertising, distribution and made them known.

Each time we caught somebody trying to break into a factory, we got more free advertising and our sales went up. Each time someone broke in, we analyzed what happened and how far they penetrated. Had we anticipated this, or was this something different? Was action needed?

Had I gone completely nuts? I let a computer program take over my Life. was very rich. he Air Force had not yet come looking for a computer program. I think Pete running a Bookie's joint is odd, but Pete says that after talking it over with Ominous Rex or O. R. That it agreed with O. R. Machines have no Hell, only Humans and that Machine's Souls are free.

When the Air Force decides it wants a CPU, we'll give them the latest hundred-hander mod we are up to making. That's satisfying us. It should be fine for them.