The Strange Package

The bus came to a stop and Jane got off. She took a moment and stretched her neck from side to side feeling the effects of her unexpected double shift at the hospital. Just one block away was her tea kettle and a comfy couch. She was tired, but it was still too early in the day to head to bed.

"Looking good!" said the blur of a cyclist passing by in the curb lane. Jane didn't bother to look around.

'Of course I'm looking good.' she thought. 'Scrubs and a wool overcoat are always in fashion. Maybe I've just got a pretty face.' she smiled to herself. She adjusted her bag and walked toward home.

Home in this case was a house she rented with three other people. They had all met in university and were all in various stages of finishing up their studies in different disciplines. They didn't have a lot in common, but they were all comfortable with each others' quirks so they just kept the arrangement going. Jane hoped the house was still in order; no big messes please. She spent the rest of the walk thinking about her couch and just letting her mind wander.

As Jane climbed the four steps to the front door she noticed a plain cardboard box sitting on the porch. It was about the size of a four-slice toaster. Not huge, but not tiny either. Taped up with reinforced brown packing tape. She just stood and looked at the box for a few moments.

There was nothing else on it. No printed packing labels. No handwritten address in sharpie pen. No postal stamps...nothing. Just a plain, medium sized, brown cardboard box sealed with thread-reinforced brown packing tape.

Jane was about to reach down and pick up the box, then suddenly changed her mind and stood back upright. She carefully stepped around the box and got out her key for the front door. She checked that the light was on their door-cam as she made her way inside.

***********************************

Jane dropped her bag on the bench in the entrance way and then hung her coat in he closet. As she made her way toward the kitchen she could hear some dishes rattling.

"Can you start the kettle?" she called.

"Yeah sure!" it was Jeff's voice. Jane figured Jeff would be home.

"Thanks." She said as she entered the kitchen.

"Anytime!"

Jeff was standing by the sink in his boxers and a pair of goofy slippers. Jane looked at his disheveled long hair; 'obviously not a shower day' she thought.

"Hey. Do you mind-"

"Yeah, sorry. You've been gone since last night. I wasn't expecting anyone home. I'll go throw something on." Jeff said and started to leave.

"Oh, and I'm gonna need everyone's rent. Due this Monday." Jane said as she went to the sink to clean up whatever Jeff had just left in there.

"Sure. Anything else?" Jeff smirked.

"Oh. Yeah! There's a strange package on the porch..." Jane said. She pointed toward the front door as if Jeff wouldn't know where the porch was.

Jeff thought about this for a second. "I could," he paused "...care less about that." And then he headed off towards his room before Jane could say anything else.

Jane chuffed and shook her head, then proceeded to wash the plate and coffee mug Jeff had left in the sink.

***********************************

After making her tea, Jane padded her way to the family room couch to sit and unwind. She chuckled to herself about what an oddball Jeff is. Philosophy majors!

Her thoughts turned back to the strange package. She wondered if she had inadvertently signed up for something; some store promotion? Stores are always collecting contact information, addresses, phone numbers...maybe one of them was sending a 'free gift'? Why else would they need all that background info? What happened to the days when you handed the store some cash and they handed you a product? Used to be only the stores where you were a regular would know your name. She sipped her tea.

***********************************

At about 5:30 Dean came through the front door. He hung his overcoat on the coat rack on the wall and set down his case on the bench; next to Jane's bag. He then went to the living room to find her curled up and dozing on the couch with a nearly finished cup of tea on the side table.

"Jane?" Dean said softly. She seemed to be asleep. Dean nodded to himself and tried to quietly back out of the room.

"I'm awake Dean." Jane said with a sigh. Working as a nurse and grabbing cat naps where she could, she'd trained herself to be a very light sleeper. She had just come to, but hadn't opened her eyes yet. Although she had smelled Dean's cologne and registered his voice. He'd be standing there in a suit and some new scheme for her. She looked up and smiled. Yup! Suit. And a leather folder in his hand. She smiled at him.

"I just wanted to let you know I e-transferred the rent." Dean said.

"That's great. Thanks. I've got to get it in this Monday."

"Hey if you've got a sec, I have a pretty big investment opportunity you might be interested in."

"Oh, Dean. I don't want, and can't use, a timeshare..."

"No this is my own company. We do property management, but we are also property owners. You would be a fractional landlord. All you do is collect monthly dividends on your investment! We even have a DRIP!"

"Ok, you can show me later." Jane said. "Hey! I just washed that mug!"

Dean followed Jane's eyes and turned to see what she was looking at.

"Oh hey Jeff!" Dean smiled. "Not a shower day?"

Jeff grunted. He was standing in the doorway to the pantry which joined the living/dining room to the kitchen, wearing sweat pants and an old t-shirt, slurping coffee. "I've got a paper due tomorrow."

"Oh? On what?" Dean said.

"Beyond Good and Evil."

"Oohh?" Dean nodded unknowingly.

"Nietzsche." Jeff added.

Dean cocked his head questioningly.

Jeff just looked at the expression on Dean's face, then he looked at Jane. Jane and Dean just stared at Jeff. Just as the silence was about to get uncomfortable, Jeff said;

"Anyway. I needed a break... Are you guys talking about the strange package?"

"Oh yeah! There's a package on the porch." Dean gestured towards the door.

"I thought you didn't care about it." Jane said to Jeff.

"No, I said I could care less." Jeff said.

"So...you don't care." Dean reaffirmed.

"No, Dean. If I didn't care at all, it wouldn't be possible for me to care less, right?" Jeff said, and then turned to Jane; "... But I did mean to imply that it wasn't at the top of my list of priorities."

"You have a list? Of priorities? I'd love to see that! I'm curious what could be on it." Dean chuckled.

"Argumentative paper about Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, top of the list Dean,... it's a book by the way. Oh, and nice suit Dean." Jeff sneered.

"What's wrong with my suit!?" Dean said

"Nothing!" Jane consoled him.

"Yeah, nothing. It's like wearing your list of priorities on your sleeve." Jeff chuckled.

"At least my clothing has sleeves you~"

"Enough you two!" Jane shouted.

Dean glared at Jeff. Jeff looked down and smiled at his coffee cup.

"So neither of you were expecting a package? Weird. I wonder what could be in it." Jeff said. "It could be a billion dollar business idea, eh Dean? Or it could be a billion dollars!" Jeff added as he turned and headed back through the pantry to the kitchen.

***********************************

Dean turned to Jane. "So. You don't know what it is!?"

"No. I meant to ask if you were expecting anything."

"Well, who's it addressed to?"

"Nobody. Not a mark or label on it that I could see. I was wondering if it was maybe some promotional thing...a free gift from a store I shopped at recently?"

"I doubt that!" Dean said. "If it were a free gift, the box should be covered in promotional material and store logos. This is just a plain box."

Jane got up and went over to the credenza to pick up an iPad. "I forgot to check this when I came in; our door cam. Maybe if we know who delivered it, we can start there. We might see a delivery truck or a logo on their uniform." She opened up the door cam app.

***********************************

"You guys want some brain juice?" Jeff asked entering the room using a baking sheet as a serving tray; carrying a coffee pot, mugs, a sugar bowl and a carton of milk.

"Sure." Dean said.

"Thanks Jeff." Jane said as she looked at the door cam footage.

"Well?" Jeff asked Jane as he handed out two freshly poured mugs of coffee.

Jane shook her head and handed Jeff the iPad as she took her mug and started mixing in some milk.

Dean stepped in to watch the iPad as Jeff replayed the delivery clip.

A large black drone approached from the road carrying their mystery box. It lowered out of view for a moment, then rose back up without its cargo and flew back out to the road and then straight up. That was it. Nothing but more creep factor.

Jeff replayed it a few more times looking for anything else; a person in the background, a passing car, anything.

"Nothing!" Dean said.

"Just an unmarked drone. No logo." Jeff agreed.

"Well, that's our clue. Not lots to go on but it's something." Jane said.

"I think it's money!" Jeff suggested again. "That's a pretty hefty drone. I imagine a drug dealer using something like that. What if our porch is a random drop site?"

"Pfft. You think we have a big box of cash on our porch?" Dean scoffed.

"Ok. A big box of drugs then, until someone takes it and leaves a big box of money? You tell me how drug deals work Mr. MBA."

"I studied legitimate business!"

"Which is modeled on illegal 'business'."

"Boys, can we work together here?" Jane scolded.

All three went silent again as they thought. Then, in unison, they all looked toward the front door. They then nodded to one another and went to the front door together and opened it. The three of them stood looking at the box on the porch.

"It could be anything." Dean conceded. "So I suppose it could be money then."

"Mmmhmm." Jeff nodded.

"Or drugs." Jane added.

"Mmmhmm." Jeff nodded.

Dean stepped out the door and lifted up the box high enough to see the underside of it. He put it back down. And stepped back inside.

"No labels or marks on the bottom either...it weighs a few pounds. Could be money...or drugs I suppose." Dean said.

"Should we call the authorities?" Jane asked.

Dean reached over and slammed the door; "What authorities?! And what do we tell them? We have a weird package and we 'guess' it's money? Or, or, drugs? And we know nothing about how it got on our porch?! I'm sure that'll fly like... Like a..."

"Led Zeppelin?" Jeff said.

"Exactly!" Dean said

"Yeah!" Jeff wagged the heavy metal horns gesture.

"Ok. But we actually don't know anything about it, we're innocent and we have footage of a strange drone delivering it. We hand the iPad and the box of drugs or money to the police, they investigate it. It's their problem, and they just let us know what it was all about when they get to the bottom of it." Jane said.

"It'll probably muddy the investigation a bit now that Dean got his fingerprints and DNA on the box, though." Jeff said

"Oh crap! You think they can~" Dean looked at Jane. Jane shrugged.

"Except it could be anything, right? How do we know it's not...like, human body parts?" Jeff said.

"You just said it was money!" Jane yelled.

"Yeah!" Dean agreed.

"I said; 'I Think' it's money! Which was my first thought. Now I'm having another one! It's a rush, you should try it Dean!" Jeff got in Dean's face.

"Why would anyone send us body parts!?" Dean demanded. "It's ridiculous."

"No. It isn't..." Jane said. "I remember a serial murderer years back who cut up his victims and sent their body parts through the mail to random people."

"Holy crap! Yes. I remember that now that you mention it!" Dean said.

"Yeah, ok. There's that too. I was actually thinking along the lines of a ransom note scenario." Jeff said. Jane and Dean both turned to him mouths open.

"I mean what if someone we know and love has been kidnapped and this is a ransom note with like a...toe in it to show they're serious?" Jeff said as he started walking back into the living room and swung open the door of their liquor cabinet.

"That's from Lebowski!" Dean complained.

Jane followed Jeff into the living room and sat on the couch, while Dean saw what Jeff was up to and proceeded through to the kitchen.

***********************************

"Someone we know and love being kidnapped...you're thinking of Carla then?" Dean asked as he returned from the kitchen with three tumblers and a jug of orange juice.

"Oh no! You don't think..." Jane pondered the thought.

"Well, during our little thought experiments and long silent ponderings, time has marched on. It's getting late." Jeff said as he poured some vodka into each of the glasses. "...and our free spirited, artsy, loves everyone, talks to anyone, waitress roommate is late again coming home from her shift; I mean...?"

Dean listened and nodded. He pictured their roommate leaving the restaurant. Some stranger pulls up in a nice car and offers her a ride home. Being too trusting, she gets in...

Jane stood up and poured the orange juice over the vodka in each of the glasses.

"Ok. I went to work last night and had to stay for a second shift all day today." Jane said. "Does your imagination run wild like this when I don't get home at whatever curfew you've set for me?"

"Your shifts are not as predictable, and you're not as naive as Carla." Dean said.

"Ok, but the toe...BOX! The box showed up while she was still at work; earlier in the day. It was here when I got home, the door cam shows the drone arrived at 3:00!" Jane said. She picked up a tumbler and took a sip giving a mock toast. Jeff picked up a glass and toasted her back.

***********************************

"Hmmm. But they could've gotten her in the morning on her way to work, tortured her all day and then mailed us this package..." Dean said picking up a glass and beginning to pace. "And if she is in danger and needs our help then we need to open the box and find out what they want from us."

Jane thought about this for a minute, then put down her glass and turned to go to the front door.

"Terrorism!" Jeff shouted. Jane & Dean turned to look at him. Questioning looks on their faces.

"I mean, what if it's some kind of explosive or a bioweapon? There are some powdered chemicals that can kill you just by getting on your skin! I don't want you handling that box Jane." Jeff said.

"Very nice! You didn't think of any of this earlier? When I picked up the box?" Dean said.

"Good point! Jane, Dean's already handled the box...let him go open it."

"And suppose it is an explosive? And opening it levels the whole house?" Dean said.

"Ok. Then let's think this through some more." Jane picked up her glass and took another sip.

For a few moments the three of them just sat there drinking their drinks and thinking.

"Maybe someone mailed us a cat." Jane said.

"A cat in a box?" Dean said.

"Yeah, sure." Jane said.

"Alive or dead?" Dean asked.

"Both!" Jeff chimed in.

"Schrodinger..." Jane said bemused.

They all chuckled for a moment.

"Maybe there's something on the news about people getting strange parcels delivered?" Jane said.

Before anyone got the gumption to move or turn on the T.V.; the front door opened and an energy of excitement filled the house before she even spoke.

"Ready to party bitches!?" Carla said "...Oh good! You already got drinks started!"

Carla walked into the living room with the box and went to set it down on the coffee table.

"Oh my God! What are you doing!?" Jane & Dean said in unison.

"...doing?" Jeff echoed.

"I'm having some friends over! It's Surya's birthday." Carla turned to see her three roommates looking horrified.

"It's ok just some friends from work...you guys are invited too...what?" Carla asked seeing them stare at her and wondering if she had spilled something on herself.

***********************************

"The box. Carla...a drone, no markings..." Jane began.

"Oh yeah, our neighbor makes custom birthday cakes. And her husband delivers them by drone within the neighborhood." Carla said as she mixed herself a drink.

"I've gotta go shower. You guys should get ready too; Jeff, sorry, it's a shower day! And try to look a little more cheery than...this." Carla gestured at all of them with a hand wave. And went off to get ready.

***********************************

Jane downed the rest of her drink, grabbed a letter opener off the sideboard and cut the tape on the box. Dean and Jeff both downed their drinks and went to look in the box. Each of them lifted up a flap of the box and peeked inside.

"Nice cake." They all said solemnly.