The Silent Train

In-between me and my freedom, there's a wooded labyrinth of blood and tears, hunger and fear. Treacherous waters meet those who make it through, rushing rapids for the desperate or a river frozen over for the brave. On the other side, my freedom sits mockingly atop a steep grassy hill. With the confederacy a river's width behind me, along with the souls of which came before me, I am now free.

***

I awoke to the sound of logs settling in the fire. The harsh Kentucky wind howled, threatening to blow our tiny cabin away, with us in it. Lucy glanced over at me, wearing her infamous scowl flat across her face. This light made her appear old enough to be my mother. In a way, she had been a mother to me, even though we were only five years apart. Our mama had escaped before I could walk. Lucy, but a child herself, assumed her role on that day forward.

“I's can't protect you much longer, Eveline.”

She broke from weaving long enough to show the gash on her swollen lip.

“Masta' Thomas wanna move you further south if you can't control your faintin' spells.”

I took the shakiness in her voice as a hint, finally lifting myself out of our bed. I grabbed a rag from the water bucket, gently wiping at her wound. She looks more like mama close up. I can barely picture her when I'm awake. It's only when she visits me in my visions that I can really see her, though Lucy won't hear it.

“You mean to tell me that you want me here?” I mocked. “That’s a strange way to say you love me.”

She smiled in her signature smirk, which had always been a rare thing. I knew she was worried for me, but she always worried. The sun could shine while the clouds drop gold, and she would still worry.

“I already told you that the only place I'll be going is north, and we'll go together.”

The moment was gone as quick as it came. Her smile diminished, and she was standing above me in an instant.

“You not gonna rest until you get us both killed!"

She stormed into bed, and we were silent for the rest of the night. The truth was, Lucy hated mama for runnin, though she hated me more for even thinking it. The elders say I was cursed from birth. I’d been born in a caul, and that meant trouble for all those near. Folks would clear a path whenever I walked by, murmuring prayers as if I had some contagious disease that could be caught just by looking at me. Some thought a caul to be a veil of sorts, a filter that would allow one to see what others couldn’t. I never did pay mind to superstition, though I couldn’t ignore my gift of sight even if I tried.

Eventually, morning came, and I made my way to the house on my own, as I did every Monday. The Masta took Lucy and James to town to sell any goods leftover from the week before. My dizzy spells made me a burden, so I stayed behind at the Mistress’ will, along with the elders, Ruth and Charles. The five of us made up the entire farm. There used to be more, but overindulgence brought financial hardship to Masta Thomas. He’d just purchased a wagon full of young stock from his brother's plantation in the south when the crops began to die. He sold us back one by one, but money don't grow land anew. And once folk felt that they were next, out of fear of the deep south, they ran and were never seen again.

Without Lucy, the day dragged like a sack of potatoes. She had a way of making work when there wasn’t none, but she had a way of making the time pass faster.

I busied myself weaving baby blankets for the farm south of us, a gift from the Mistress. I knew she yearned for children of her own. When visitors came with their youngins in tow, she wore pain plain as day across her face. She had always been kind, particularly to Lucy and me, and I felt sorry for her. She'd been the one to teach Lucy to read, and Lucy had taught me. As I weaved in quiet, I felt terrible for feeling grateful that no loud children were around to disturb me. But my peace would not last long.

“Enough of that, now. I need you to add a lining of wool to this.”

She tossed a cloak over my lap, and I recognized it as her own.

“Take a foot off the bottom, can't have it tripping you. And none of that fainting!”

She'd interrupted my work on these blankets with the same request just last week. And a few other times the week before that. I'd made gloves, scarves, hats, and at first, I thought they were meant to be taken to the market. But she would gather them up before they returned, and I never saw them again. She'd made it clear that this one was for me, though, and I could only assume that Lucy's paranoia had been warranted and that the Masta' planned to sell me off sooner than later.

I did my best to fight through the tears swelling in my eyes and the tightness in my chest. All I could think about was my sister and what to do next. I could convince her. I had to convince her to run with me. I would go to her as soon as she returned, and I would make her see that it was the only choice. It was the last thing I remembered thinking before my head hit against the wooden floors. Everything went black, and I was transported to the grassy hill.

***

We left this morning with a few jams, woolen pelts, fresh eggs, and milk to match. Having sold it all before sunset, we were back before supper, and having pleased Masta' Thomas, he permitted us family time for the remainder of the evening.

“Go on now and leave me. I've got business tah' tend to.”

Masta Thomas pulled back on the horse reins, bringing us to an abrupt stop. James jumped out first, and I followed. He lent me an arm, even though I didn't need no help. He knew it too, but he ever was sweet on me. Though unless he thought to go up against old Charles for Ruth's hand, I was the only option he had.

The Masta' turned back the way we came, and James and I headed up the dirt path. Cold, it was, but the sun brought warmth to cheeks. Once out of sight, James brought me close to him and into his embrace. I allowed myself to feel the love he often tried to show in these moments, and I tried to imagine a different life.

“Looks like the Misses done lost hah' mind!”

My daze broke short, and I whipped around to see her charging towards us.

“Oh lord, what Eveline done now!”

The Mistress ever was a patient woman, more so than myself. But I feared the day her contempt for my sister would run dry. I know Eveline thought me cruel and heartless when really I was hard on her because I couldn't live without her. Her foolish, childlike whims made her blind to all I did to keep her safe. I could only hope and beg the Mistress for her mercy. James and I ran to meet her, though he made it before I did. She’d relayed something to him, and he was off again, running towards the house where Eveline would be.

“Don't you worry, I's gonna set her straight. She just need some rest, and I—”

She stopped me before I could finish. Her face was blood red, and the look in her eyes was something I didn’t recognize.

“We don’t have time; come with me.”

She grabbed me by my wrists, dragging me to the cellar. It was common for a Mistress to lay hands on her slaves, whether over disobedience, jealousy, sometimes boredom, but my Mistress had never done such. She released her tight grip for a moment to unlatch the doors. Behind me, I heard James coming down the house steps, carrying an unconscious Eveline towards our cabin. Ruth and Charles broke from their work to watch the spectacle. At that moment, I knew it was over. All I could do was hope that the three of us would be sold together.

I thought the cellar to be an odd place for punishment, but it was as good a place as any. I was used to being punished on my sister's behalf. We were children when the spells first started. There were more of us then, and when everyone stopped working, here come the overseer, whip already winding. I threw my body over hers quicker than a rabbit. That was the day I learned what love truly meant.

By now, I was accustomed to protocol, and my skin was tougher than rope. The whips hadn't been used in a few years now; still, there, they hung tauntingly on the wall. It had been a while since my last, but you never forget what to do. I began undoing my dress to expose my back, but before I could, she stopped me. She brought my hands down in-between hers, and if that wasn't shocking enough, what she said next would change everything I thought to be true.

***

The house in my vision was clear as day this time. Mama stood at the front porch steps, calling out to me, but Lucy had a grasp on my arm, and I couldn't get loose no matter how hard I tried. She was shouting so loud that it made my head pound. When I turned to look at her, she was gone, and my dream went with her. I was back in our cabin with Lucy sitting next to me, and before I could adjust, she was pulling me to my feet.

“Here, put these on!”

She tossed a bundle of cloth towards me. The unfinished cloak from earlier was laid out at my feet, along with a bonnet and gloves that I recognized from last week. And if it wasn't for the pain, I felt radiating from my head, and I'd swear I was dead.

“Lucy –”

She shook her head.

“I promise I’ll explain when it's safe, but we got to go, now. James is waitin' for us in the woods.”

She grabbed my hand and led me out the door. We hurried towards the trees, then suddenly, she stopped. I turned around to look at what she saw, and that's when I saw the Mistress runnin at us. I thought we'd been caught, but Lucy took off again, pulling me with her. The cold air burned in my lungs and whipped tears in my eyes, but I ran faster than I ever had before. We finally made it to the cover of the trees, but we didn't stop until we were at least a mile away. After a minute passed, a light appeared back on the plantation. And in a matter of seconds, flames had engulfed the entirety of the cabins.

***

As the Mistress said, the cellar was located about 5 miles north. The elements made it inconspicuous over time, and we were safe for now. I had visited the once modest plantation as a young girl many years back, and I just barely remembered the way, which was fortunate, as Eveline had been more hindrance than help due to her relentless questioning. In truth, I could hardly blame the girl. She'd awoken in such a panic, and she was without the information I'd received earlier that day.

James had gotten Charles and Ruth out with him, and once Eveline and I joined them, I explained everything. The Mistress confessed that they were drowning in debt, and the farm was as good as gone. He sold the property to his nephew from South Carolina, and he was due to arrive in a week. Rumor claims that while he was just barely a man, he had already earned a reputation for being ruthless. His father was a mogul of exuberant wealth, and his brother's loss would be his gain. His nephew came with his inheritance, thirty slaves of his own, and with them, he would transform the farm back into a profitable hemp plantation. I was to be moved to the fields, along with James. Old Ruth and Charles would be worked up until they drew their last breath.

As for Eveline, she had already been sold to a breeding plantation in Virginia. The new Masta had no use for any more house slaves, being that he was particular, and thus he came with his childhood mammy and her children. He wouldn't have Eveline, and he was firm in saying so. Masta Thomas was heading south to join his brother. He would trade her for his payment, and I would never see her again.

The Mistress said we could expect the conductor once the moon went full, around three days. We had just enough rations to last, and all’s we could do was stay hidden and pray.

***

I knew I was dreaming. We were safe within the cellar. My head was laid in Lucy's lap while her hands were interlocked with James'. Charles fiddled with a stick he'd been whittling, and Ruth slept peacefully against him. My body was there too, but my spirit had drifted above ground a ways away. I stood in the woods; the remnants of the camp were nowhere in sight. It was daytime, and it was night. The sun shone bright; then the rain poured down until ice formed, followed by snow. Men and women alike, some with children, rushed past me, through me, towards a place I couldn't see. Some, I recognized, while others appeared to be from many generations before myself. Bounty hunters being led by their hounds came next, and it was then that I realized it hadn't been a dream, but more than that. I saw the past as it happened with my own eyes.

In a jolt, I returned to my current state, startling everyone around me. Thought I'd shook Ruth into death the way she grabbed onto Charles. They all looked as if they'd seen a ghost, confused about the smile consuming my face, no doubt.

“Eveline… you've been down with fever for two days now. So you ought to take it easy.”

Lucy was speaking to me, but I could no longer hear her. Or anyone else, for that matter. All I could hear was the song of freedom, sung by all who'd walked the path before us. The cadence was solid and steady, and for the first time, everything leading up to this moment had finally made sense.

“Your sister is right in what she says,” James spoke with caution as if being cautious not to wake a baby. “We were told to wait here for the conductor, should be here any day now.”

He was on his feet now, trying to guide me back to the ground by Lucy. He'd been the one to carry me more times than I knew, but for once, I didn't need his help. Lucy's eyes pleaded with me, and I could tell I had worried her, but she never was able to see what I could. Something clicked into place within me, and I pulled her up to me. I was still smiling, but I could feel the tears beginning to pool in my eyes.

“The conductor isn't coming.”

James and Lucy exchanged glances before looking back to me, eyes wide and mouths agape.

“I followed you before, and now I need you to trust me.”

She started to speak, but Ruth spoke before she could.

“We'd all be wise to listen to the girl.”

I clasped my hands over hers in thanks and gave everyone one last instruction to stay on my heels before exiting. We were going to be running for our lives.

The moon was at its peak, and snow fell heavily from the sky. The path, now illuminated in previous footprints, rendered the maze of trees into child's play. All the faces of those who hadn't made it reassured us as we ran, singing the sweet song of escape. We dodged branches and traps faster than any conductor could have led us through. We made it to the Kentucky border and the hymn continued on. James assisted Ruth and Charles across before coming back to help me with Lucy. She'd been exhausted and inconsolable from both fear and relief. The house from my vision was closer than ever, and our freedom lay across from it. I turned back for one last look at our proper conductors, only to see that their light had already gone dark. The others traveled ahead of me, my work having been done. I lingered for a moment, bowing my head in prayer. Though not to a god, and instead for my immense gratitude for their sacrifice and courage. I understood now that I was merely a tiny part, a spec even, of something much bigger. I finished the prayer with one final request. When I opened my eyes again, a man emerged from the shadows, tipping his hat in confirmation.

I traveled up the hill towards the house leisurely because I knew in my spirit that myself and my family were safe. They were almost to the top now, and James waved a hand, prompting me to pick up my pace. It was then that I saw her, standing in the doorway. She was just as was in my visions, right down to her bare feet.

“Mama!”

I took off running, making the others stop in their tracks. They were calling back at me, but their words were unintelligible once again. She stood there still, unmoving, eyes fixated on me while somehow looking straight through me. My yelling had made the keeper of the home aware of our presence, and soon as I reached the front, he emerged in a frenzy, and mama was gone. I froze in place as he rushed out into the cold, ushering us inside into the walls of his home.

***

The air was different now, smoother. We slept for days on end before we finally got our strength back. The Miller's were gracious in housing, feeding, and clothing us for the weeks leading up to the next steps. Our old Mistress had been in touch, and she was relieved at the news of our arrival. She'd assumed we'd been claimed by the harsh weather or worse, as the conductor meant to assist us had been captured before he could even begin his journey to us. This news came as no shock to me, and only the others would know why. Her husband had left for the south, and she was to join her family in Ohio until he sent for her, but she would never return. He'd believed that we'd set the fire as part of our escape plan once our bodies were never found. Unaware of his wife's involvement, she was free to further assist as part of the underground railroad. She hadn't known it then, but she and I would meet again soon.

Once the Miller's had secured papers for all of us, we entered Canada and started our new lives. Ruth and Charles were reunited with their children, who'd escaped some years back from Virginia. Lucy and James were married, and not long after, they welcomed their son into the world. He’d, too, been born in a veil, and he was almost as rambunctious as me. "Auntie Evie," he called me, and we were two peas in a pod. Together, we all ran a general store, and the past had become a scar atop a stubborn wound.

The days I spent asleep in the Miller house had blurred together, unable to tell one day apart from the next. Mama came to me one last time to confess what I already knew to be true. My visions were intangible, to the point that I never once saw anyone there from the present. Lucy was there at times, but whenever I went to look at her face, I would wake. Mama hadn't made it, but her soul stayed behind for the sake of her daughters. Even in death, she'd been just as driven. She kissed me in my sleep, and she, too, was now free.

My first trip would present itself a few years after settling in Canada. I'd expected Lucy to try and talk me out of it, but she knew I would only hear her support in the matter, and so she gave it. My old Mistress, who I now knew as Emma, met me in Canada, and we began our first of many voyages back into the antebellum south. The Millers opened their home to me as they did before, along with those I would assist to freedom. The years passed on, and the number of safe houses grew. With the help of Quakers and other abolitionists, I would bring over one-hundred odd slaves across the Ohio River. We evaded hunters with their hounds, and all the traps set for us would be futile, earning us the nickname, ‘The Silent Train.’ I was well into my thirties by the time I took my last trip back. After my mother's face left me, a new vision would seep into my sleep in every dream, and it had now come to fruition. The plantation that once held me and others just like me was up in flames, and each victim was finally free. I stood on the other side of the river, and there I said my final prayer. Only this time, there would be no favors, and the souls that had stuck around to guide me would finally rest in peace.