The Proposal

I should have heeded Robbie Burns’ advice. The wise old Scotsman penned an ode To a Mouse where he notes the field mouse’s desperate struggle for survival. One house blown down by the wind, his next is turned under by the plough. Burns doesn’t begrudge the mouse an ear of corn and commiserates with his struggle. Things don’t always turn out the way you had expected. Or as Burns puts it:

The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft a-gley.

Maybe if I had remembered Burns missive, I wouldn’t have hatched my hair-brained scheme to propose to Sabrina.

We had met in November on a cruise that took us from Fort Lauderdale to Los Angeles via the Panama Canal. Each of us had been traveling with our families and we had met at one of the dance parties. She caught my eye and I finally got up enough nerve to ask her to dance. We hit it off right away and when I found out she also lived in North Vancouver, I was over the moon.

We didn’t see a lot of each other as we both led busy lives. But we saw enough of each other to fall in love. I decided back in January I would ask her to marry me.

Then the pandemic hit. Sabrina was a nurse at the hospital. With a deadly outbreak of the virus at a seniors care facility in town, all medical personnel and, indeed, the entire city, was on high alert. And we were not able to see each other any longer. We Facetimed a lot. We met online in virtual worlds. But physical contact was too risky and officially discouraged. We both knew these measures were necessary for our own safety and for our loved ones’ safety and for the safety of Sabrina’s patients.

Now I’m a romantic. I had seen lots of those inspired wedding proposals they sometimes show on the news. You know, the guy who arranges for the kiss-cam to focus on them during a break in the football game and then, when they’re on camera, gets down on one knee and proposes. Or the couple with a penchant for skydiving and the guy proposes in the middle of freefall.

Here we were in the middle of a pandemic and I wanted to propose. But how to do it?

I saw a continuing news story about a couple in apartment buildings across from each other in New York who carried on a romance by cellphone while dining on their respective rooftops. And one day the guy went and delivered her some flowers while walking in one of those big bubble spheres you sometimes see at carnivals. That’s where I got my crazy idea.

If I couldn’t physically see Sabrina, I could do what that guy in New York did. I’d walk to her house in a giant bubble and propose. What could go wrong?

After securing the bubble from a local garden party supply shop - they were very happy to hear from me as garden parties were down a lot - I Facetimed Sabrina and told her to wait for me outside her house. I would be coming over but I would maintain my social distance. She had no idea what was going to happen… and in retrospect, neither did I!

Now if you’ve never been to North Vancouver, let me tell you about it. It’s perched on the edge of a mountain range and has a lot of sloping roads, some of them quite steep. Sabrina didn’t live too far away, but she did live downslope from me.

Everything was ready. I had the ring in its box. The bubble had a flap you could open to hand something out. I had gloves so I could pass my arm out, ring in hand, when the moment came.

Being a cocky young buck, I didn’t think twice about just getting into my padded bubble sphere and heading out. So on the arranged day, I inflated the bubble. Tuxedo on? Check! Ring? Check! Gone to the bathroom before getting in? Check! All systems go! I was ready! I was going to propose to my girl!

It was about a half a kilometer to Sabrina’s. I edged out on the driveway doing what you do in these things. One foot ahead on the curve of the ball, pushing it forward and down. Then the next. I eased my way to the end of the driveway.

And then I turned onto the sidewalk and oh my god! That sure looked a lot steeper from inside the bubble than it ever looked from without! Well, here goes nothing!

I gingerly made my way down the street. I stopped at an intersection. Passing cars saw me in the bubble in my tux and waved and honked. I waved the ring box and mouthed “I’m going to propose!” Thanks for the support guys! I crossed and continued.

After the next intersection, I was within sight of Sabrina’s place. I saw her waiting out on the end of the path in front of her house. She saw me and I could see her laughing. I got very eager to see her and I stepped up the pace. Bad move! Very bad move!

All of a sudden the ball got away from me. It started rolling on its own. I fell over. It picked up speed. I was rolling around inside like clothes in a washing machine. Thank goodness the sphere was padded, surrounded by a bubble wrap layer.

Sabrina was only about twenty feet away. I spread out my feet thinking that would somehow stop it from rolling. Wrong! Oh no!

Sabrina waved frantically as I rolled by. It was hard to tell if she was laughing or crying.

Oh oh! Here was trouble. I was fast approaching an intersection with a traffic light. A busy cross street. The light was red. There were cars going in both directions.

Desperately I tried to stop the juggernaut. No luck. I threw my shoulder against the wall and managed to veer out of the path of an oncoming truck just in the nick of time. I threw my weight in the other direction narrowly avoiding a blue Camaro. I rolled up the incline to the sidewalk on the other side. The speed I was going propelled me a few feet in the air before I landed with a bounce. A few more bounces and I was rolling again.

Ahead was a park. It was recommended that parks be avoided during the pandemic but the ball didn’t know that! It just kept rolling. At the far end of the park were some steps going down to the pier.

Holy smoke! I went over the top step and bouncety bouncety bounce bounce! I was sure glad I hadn’t eaten before going for this joyride! I was rolling along the pier. I could see the inlet just ahead. There was a low barrier - just a low thick slab of creosote soaked wood to keep cars from plunging off the pier. But it was not enough to stop the ball and its cargo - me! It hit the barrier and took a mighty bounce into the air. I was spinning head over heels in my capsule as I plunged to the water twenty feet below. It hit with a splash.

The ball stopped spinning after a while. I was dizzy as heck. A police boat pulled up and hauled the bubble out of the water. Sabrina had called them in a frantic panic and told them about a runaway ball heading towards the waterfront, her boyfriend inside.

The cops were pretty nice about it all. In fact, when I told them the story and showed them the ring, they called the North Van Fire Department. The firemen hoisted the bubble onto the back of a fire engine and delivered me to the front door of Sabrina’s house.

Long story short, she said yes!

Meanwhile, I have not-so-fond memories of being a hamster in a runaway hamster ball. Robbie Burns closing lines are apropos here.

Still, thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me!

The present only toucheth thee:

But Och! I backward cast my e’e,

On prospects drear!

Though his last two lines are working out better for me. Burns concluded:

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

I guess an’ fear!

No fear for me! We’re getting hitched next year. By then the pandemic will hopefully be long gone and we can have a proper wedding. Now my brain is working feverishly overtime. How can I top my proposal at the wedding!