The Piece That Stole My Day

My name is Hector. Original, right? I'll save the back story for later, but basically I want some dessert! Sure, I'm a crumby guy, but it doesn't mean I don't like puns! What am I talking about? Anyway, you'll catch up.

Ya see, a day here in Brooklyn goes a something like this. Booze. Bimbos. And bozos. Frankly, I'm something like all 3-- and I don't waste no time cutting to the chase. That means I like to be around the action.

What I do is make a living off this crap. Ya know, singing about the birds and what not. Yeah, I'm a journalist! And trust me, there's TONS to report here in the Big Apple; there's ALWAYS somehing new. Yesterday, I met a guy who just lost his marriage where his wife was the owner of some big nail salon. The guy never held his own weight, financially speaking. And don't ask me what he did, he came up to ME with all of his business-- I swear the stories write themselves! Anyway, needless to say, or maybe not so needless at all, he came up to it the next day and started hurling it down with bricks. Thankfully nobody got hurt! Except for him and that poor girl's business... What'd she do to deserve that? The other guy got arrested.

Long story short, I could use a piece of cake right now. But you know what they say, business comes first! Well today, I say eating cake is my business! I got me a nice one from the fresh bakery down the block... Right from the spot where ol' girls salon got messed up! Aha! Ain't that funny?

Listen here though, fella... There's something about this "cake" that ain't so right. Sure, it's a "fresh bakery" or whateva but-- ah, it just taste kind of stale! I only meant to get half a slice before I set a full one on my plate. And then I ate half of it. I ate half of what I even got, which was HALF of all I wanted in the first place!

That's how messed up marriage is these days. We go grabbing for more and then we realize we ate too much-- only to figure out we never really wanted this much. We were half in and half out from the beginning. And if it ain't somebody's birthday, I'd say the candle needs to be blown out too. Make a wish! Don't let it backfire! That pretty much takes the cake.

Okay, it's not satisfying I get it. But hell, that's the thing about chocolate cake, isn't it? You go in expecting something delicious, mouth-watering, and down-right life changing, but then it all fades away by the first bite. You realize what you saw on the commercial was advertised to you. And you didn't just bite into it, you bit down hard. Because now you got a whole cake (and you can't just throw it away) because you don't know what to do with it. What a joke. And now you gotta eat it.

Well, the thing about being a journalist that's both good and bad is that I always get to sell a story. It doesn't matter if someone dropped out of a plane or if grandma won the knitting contest, it's just about the sell. Or the delivery if you will. Apply it to whatever you want: Comedy, Relationships, Amazon-- as long as you have high hopes for whats in that "package", you won't question how good it is as long as it came when you wanted it to.

What's this got to do with cake? Life is a lot like chocolate cake, ya see. You get what you ask for, and then some. It ain't all sweet and it ain't all bitter but some people like their slice a little buttery. And I guess if I'm being fair, there's all kinds of chocolate out there too. Somehow I always get my hands on the wrong one though. Regardless, it ain't the cake that's special. It's about the idea and knowing when they're your own. And I bet if I had knew what was in that cake, I wouldn't have got it. Matter of fact, it would have tasted 10x better if I had made it myself. Next time I'll do that before following some rabbit down a rabbit hole.

Alright, I think I'm done here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be enjoying the rest of my evening spotting out some schmuck looking to get his eye on some chocolate. Trust me, he'll buy. (Oh, and don't scratch ya head too hard about the meanin' behind all of this and what not! I'm telling ya, it's a piece of cake!)