The Philosophia of Love: The Price I Pay After 7 Years In Heaven

"But I love you", Callie says somberly. Noah responds by saying, "just because you love me doesn't mean I feel loved by you".

In that moment Noah has a flashback of something his grandmother Marjorie told him when he was 15. "Don't ever fall in love with words, I hope you fall in love with actions and kept promises. You deserve that much my sweet grandson". Noah snaps out of the flashback and back into the reality of the situation and says to Callie, " loving each other is the second thing in a relationship. Staying loyal and honesty are the first two things. Noah continues, "I love you Callie, but actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they want to be." Callie begins to sob; Noah walks over to Callie and kisses her on the forehead and says, "I need time".

Noah leaves the house they've shared for 7 years and gets a hotel room that feels worlds away. As Noah lies in bed his thoughts are racing. Noah thinks to himself, "a lot of us think we are in control of everything, but the truth is, life happens and it's our job to just try to keep up, to try to ride it out, to try to survive." Noah's mind continues to race with thoughts while he's staring at the ceiling. Tears begin to run down his face like acid rain. Noah reaches for his journal on the nightstand and begins to write; His tears hitting the page like blood droplets from an invisible wound.

Noah writes:
"Jesus, this is like worse than death to me. The idea that this is the person I'm always going to be. I feel checked out, like there's nothing left, like I have no pulse. Love doesn't die a natural death; love must be killed; Forever is the sweetest con. She was sowing her wild oats as if she was having the bachelor party I never had. Like she had the good ole boys club mentality to get a few last good screws in before being stuck with me for a lifetime of dull sex. I judge myself so harshly and hold myself to this impossible standard".

Upon phoning friends for emotional support, Noah learns many of his friends knew about the affair before he did. On the phone, Noah's best friend Serena says to him, "To me cheating is a form of emotional and physical abuse. Now because of her actions you will now have daily battles in your head of when, where, what and who. Cheating has residual effects on the victim's brain and soul". In response Noah says, "she has destroyed my ability to trust and destroyed my perspective on love. It's like she's been playing silent mind games; Like a silence I've never heard quite so loud. I am not a mind reader Serena". Serena replies by saying, "you're allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving". Noah exhales and says, "I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I mean when I'm here with you like this, I feel better but most of the time I walk around lost and alone and scared. Right now, I feel like the world is spinning without me. Like no one remembers that I'm here and that I matter. It's like I was never here". Serena comforts Noah by saying, "I will be here whenever you need me. I will be here, and we'll sit, and we'll eat and talk, and we'll figure this out. We'll work through everything and make it okay together. I may not have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug and I have the voice to let you know that I'm always in your corner and I'll always be here to remind you if you ever need a friend, someone to care and understand. I'll be there. Ask me once and I'll come running. It could be 3 o'clock in the morning and I will pick up the phone or answer my door for you. You could call in the middle of a work day being hysterical saying you just can't handle life right now and I'd leave work and drive to you. I'd meet you and then we would talk, cry, laugh, scream, and drive around for hours listening to music singing our hearts out. Then go to your house, or my house, kick off our shoes, stuff our faces with your favorite food while we watch some good and bad tv shows or movies and judge vigorously where the people's lives are more screwed up than ours. You're my person, my other half. All I want for you is to be happy and healthy and treated well by a mate. You deserve nothing less". Noah is in awe of how good a friend Serena has always been to him. Noah thanks her for always being the one person he can count on. Noah and Serena exchange good nights, say I love you, and end the call.

After stewing on the revelation that people in his life knew about Callie's infidelity and never said anything to him about it. Noah proceeds to stay up all night drinking alcohol from the hotel mini fridge in his room. As Noah drifts off to sleep, his last thought is, "my energy is currency and I intend to Invest it wisely. I deserve to be as free as a barn owl. You can't force someone to see your love is worth holding onto".

Noah wakes up the next day hungover and realized he accidentally slept the day away. It's 5pm, Noah is determined not to visit his parents for Friday night dinner as the family usually does each week, to avoid having to discuss Callie's infidelity. Noah phones his parents and tells them he isn't feeling well. His parents wish him well and say they will see him next Friday.

Noah looks at his phone and see's he has several missed calls and texts from Callie. Noah dials Callie’s number; Callie answers. Noah says, "I want to try. This is me trying. I am willing to give you years of my life, but NOT in exchange for the decline of my mental and emotional health. I'm not willing to give you years of my life just waiting around for you to develop a conscience, or for you to form a moral center, or for you to establish some sort of code of honor that you should have learned as a child". Callie says, "I understand. I am willing to do whatever it takes".

3 months go by, and Noah and Callie are still living apart. Callie visits Noah. She shares what she has learned about herself in therapy and asks Noah to come to her next therapy appointment. Noah agrees to come.

It's now December 11th, the day of Callie's therapy appointment.

Noah arrives at the counseling center feeling like he is about to star in a tragic broadway play of Romeo and Juliet. Noah takes a deep breath and walks through the doors, nervous like it's his very first day of high school all over again. Callie pulls up and walks in, not far behind Noah. Callie and Noah sit in the waiting room silently waiting their turn. Their names are called. The therapist’s name is Mary Ann. Mary Ann greets Callie and introduces herself to Noah. Mary Ann closes the door.

1 hour passes by and the door opens.
As the session ends, Noah realized it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Noah and Callie attend many more sessions together. In the sessions Noah and Callie say things like:

Noah: "You're so funny and playful. You're kind and generous. You'd do anything for anyone".

Callie: "You're loyal, you're warm and you're calm".

Noah: "You're passionate, insanely smart, extremely ambitious and ridiculously good at your job".

Callie: "When everyone else is frantic and scared and irrational, you're centered. You're smart and wise, which are not both the same thing, and not many people have both, but you do. You're just good and unbelievably loving".

As time goes on Mary Ann notices a pattern Noah and Callie have; They're too polite to each other, and they never fight.

It's now February 15th, the day of Noah and Callie’s next therapy session.

As the session starts Callie says, "I read this quote the other day and it said if the love is real, it can withstand anything. Do you really believe that?". Mary Ann replies by saying, "love is not just feelings of passion and romance, it is behavior". Noah reacts to Mary Ann's answer to Callie's question with a resounding, "YES! Exactly! Finally! ". Callie asks Noah, "what's that supposed to mean?". Noah and Callie go back and forth. Noah, who is increasingly annoyed with the back-and-forth highlights Callie's past infidelity and emotional distance. Callie responds by debating the lack of joy they take in their sex life and exaggerates by threatening criminal action for hacking into her emails. In that moment Noah thinks to himself, "I wish I had saved all the tears you've made me cry so I could freaking drown you in them”. Noah says, "Are you freaking kidding me? Yes, yes, and right on cue, the hateful retort. Not really your A game, though. See this is what I mean Mary Ann, and she says she loves me!? You know what Callie, I love you is eight letters long, but so is bullshit, and screw you!". A friendly discussion turns emotionally vicious. Noah continues, "she's consumed with her own selfishness. All these months she hasn't once acknowledged or appreciated the mental and emotional sacrifices I've had to make to stay with her and try to work this out".

Noah and Callie argue aggressively leading to a series of character assassinations. The conversation hits a boiling point.

Callie: “Noah, please. You have to forgive me”.

Noah: “How? How? There's no sorry big enough for what you did. My life was so good, and you ruined it. You ruined everything”.

Callie: “I know! It's been months. Every night I try. You won't let me fix it!”.

Noah: “There's nothing to fix Callie. You didn't break a cup. You poured our marriage down the drain, and now it's gone, it's washed away”.

Callie: “Noah, please. We have to try to get it back”.

Noah: “I don't want to try, Callie. I don't want to. Not anymore. Not with you”.

Callie: “I'm supposed to abandon us? You? Well, I won't. I can't. I took vows”.

Noah: “Vows? what do you care about vows? You broke them. You lied, and you stole years of my life”.

Callie:” I made a mistake!”.

Noah: “So did I! So did I! Now you wanna hold me hostage. Like I'm not even a person. Like I'm just this-- this thing that belongs to you. How could you do this to us Callie? You broke us! How could you be that cruel?”.

"Are you going to say anything? Why are you just sitting there looking so smug?", Callie says to Mary Ann.

Mary Ann responds by saying, "When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction. Getting your shit together requires a level of honesty most people, let alone most couples are rarely ready for but there is no self-development without self-awareness. If you're unable to read yourself, you'll never learn a thing. It was ugly, the fighting. But ugly can be honest. Ugly can give the other person a chance to change. Ugly gives me hope for you as a couple, because when it was all about being polite, your marriage didn't stand a chance".

Noah and Callie try to make it work for a year, but as the year progresses, Noah slowly but surely realized things will never be the same, and he just can't do it. One day after Callie gets home from work Noah say's to her, "We need to talk". Callie emits a long, deep, audible breath expressing sadness and says, "I knew this was coming". Noah looks down, then lifts his head and says, "Yeah, this isn't working. I've done my best; I've given it a year". Callie responds by saying, "You don't love me anymore?". Noah replies by saying, "I do love you. I always have, and I always will, but I love me more".

A week goes by.
Noah and Callie meet to finalize their divorce. Callie sadly signs the papers. Noah and Callie remain friendly after the divorce.

A year passes by.
Noah writes a play loosely based on his sad, beautiful, tragic love affair with Callie. The play also has roots in Shakespearean themes most notably Hamlet.

Noah decides to name his play, Invictus Nightingale: The Love Story of The Prince and The Robinette, which means, "unconquerable beautiful loud song of a soul". Prince and Robinette are Noah and Callie's middle names.

Noah's play enjoys a successful broadway run with rave reviews. Noah reads one of the critic’s reviews about his play. The critic writes: "The pacing is on point [and] the plot is tight. The play has a pleasant amount of surprising themes with brilliant character types. The play parallels Shakespeare’s Hamlet with a modern setting. It has countless quotable lines, and memorable characters, who are only enhanced by playwright Noah Alexander’s wit. The plays climax is one of the most dramatic endings in recent broadway memory, moreover, in recent broadway history. Though the climax was slightly more action-packed than Hamlet's infamous ending, and that's not a bad thing".

Noah is overcome with a kaleidoscope of emotions after reading the review. Noah calls Callie but gets her voicemail. Noah leaves a voicemail that says, "You're the first person I wanted to tell. Without you, and without the story of us, none of this would have happened for me. So, I just wanted to say thank you". Noah hangs up the phone. Noah grabs his journal and opens it. There is only one page left to write on.

The last entry in Noah's journal reads as follows: "Life is hard and scary, and out of my control, and the part that makes me the craziest is the fact that I cannot control the world the fact that I cannot control my own circumstances. I was thinking of how I keep waiting for life to get easier. You know? Lower stakes, less risk, more reward; Easier. I was thinking that maybe it doesn't. That maybe the struggle, the climb, the one obstacle after another, maybe that's just life".


Epilogue

To wrap up the story's action, I humbly ask the reader(s) to listen to a song called, Happiness- by recording artist Taylor Swift. The song reveals the climax to Noah Prince Alexander and Callie Robinette Summers story.