The Package

“Boss, I've got some bad news.”

Gabe pinched he bridge of his nose, expecting more stress. Caffeine wasn't invented yet – it was in R&D, but not out of beta testing – and he was already jonesing for a cup.

He looked at the door. That shadow could only be one person. “Come in, Ri. What is is now?”

“It's the package. It's gone missing.”

“What? Not again!”

“Yeah, I know, I'm so sorry. I know it was expedited shipping, I know the big boss put a rush order on it, but now no one can find it.”

“Call up their manager – again – and tell them to find it, or there'll be hell to pay. I don't care if he's the big boss' fave courier, this has gone beyond ridiculous.”

“I know, I know. I already did that call, knowing you'd be righteously pissed, and they're checking the tracking. Problem is, Bubba, their darling delivery driver, is nowhere to be found. They found his truck, parked on some mountain right smack in the center of the continent. It was abandoned, and all they could find was some ash, a burning rug smell, and faint giggling they couldn't locate.”

“Rugs haven't been invented yet.”

“Neither has a blunt, but that hasn't stopped Bubba before. I swear, every place he finally delivers, he's lighting up the local flora and inhaling just to see if it works!”

“Crap. Any good news?”

“We retrieved the rest of the packages, and the truck. Let him find his own way back, I've got a crew of my own doing overtime to get everything delivered on schedule. The last shift should see us back to reasonable hours. Except for that one specific package.”

“And I am not going back into that office, not after this morning. Lili is still crying! Something about 'insufficiant Permian layers,' whatever that means. Like who cares what kills dinosaurs, and when?”

“I don't get it either, but the big boss has always been the big ideas guy, and some of those thoughts are freaking way out there, man. But bless me how they always work, somehow. Like he's constantly distilling poppy concentrate and it's brilliant.”

“Yeah, you tell him that. To his face. Warn me first? I'd like to be a galaxy or two away when his famous temper explodes, okay?”

“You're telling me? I was there for his Big Bang experiment, and my ears still haven't stopped ringing. Didn't give us proper PPE for that! Even now, you get outside the atmosphere, and all you hear is the roar of the local plasma reactor!”

“Don't remind me.” The headache was getting worse. “Can we just – lie? Or say it was delivered? Point the big guy at Bubba for comfirmation of delivery? Let him go hunting for the stupid thing himself?”

“If we can shift the blame to Luci's crew, I'm all for it. I'm tired of their sloppy shenanigans.”

“You and me both. This 'fast as a falling star' promo is an epic disaster! Can we get our credit back?”

“Maybe. I'd like to keep our pristine reputation, thanks all the same, even if it means throwing them under the bus.”

“Buses haven't been invented either.”

“Don't care. I'll invent them ahead of schedule to get Luci Livery off our backs. Rafe has a few ideas on how to do it ourselves and finish early, something about feathers and ratios? Got the idea from watching the dinos hop around one day, he said.”

“All right. I'm marking this one Mis-Delivered, see Bubba for clarification. If you can find him. If he's not high as a kite. Omnipresent, my left foot!”

“You don't have feet. And kites haven't been invented either, though Rafe's working on one with the feathers.”

“Beyond caring at this point. All right, Ri, I'm putting you down for excellent job performance, you've definitely got the team spirit! I'll gladly sign any and all overtime slips I need to. Once they're done with this extra long shift, call them in, and I'll give them an extra bubbly pep talk- What is it now, Mike?”

Mike certainly looked paler than normal. “Please don't fire me, boss, we didn't do it!”

The headache was definitely stronger. “What. Is. It. Now?”

Mike took a deep breath. “Well, the good news is, we found Bubba.”

“Great, finally! Where's the package?”

“He swears he delivered it like you wanted. Swears – by the throne, by the footstool, the whole shebang.”

“Great! Sooo, why isn't it where it's supposed to be?”

“That's just it. It's where it's supposed to be, not when. Time paradox. Bubba delivered it at the wrong time, and he doesn't remember when. Future, past? He says that ganga is massively powerful, and now we can't drag him out of the Altai Mountain range.”

“Great. Freaking great. Well, then it's out of our hands, and Luci can take the blame. What else?”

“Well, um...”

“Out with it!”

“Um. Lili was still so pissed off from getting yelled at this morning, that she saw the truck coming back, and... She snuck into the cab, and released the brakes.”

“What!?”

“Um, yeah. So the whole thing went rolling backward, and we couldn't stop it, and it's hurtling towards The Big Project right now.”

“Boss' Breath!!”

They rushed to the windows. Beyond the parking lot, and Mike's domain in the mechanic's yard, the gentle puffy clouds couldn't hide a large truck hurtling towards the curve of a blue and green marble of a world.

Ri sniffled. “It'll crack that beautiful continent like pottery,” he mourned. “All our work, gone! We're gonna be in so much trouble!”

Gabe's chiseled jaw hardened. “We will not take the blame for this, not if I have anything to say about it! And I've had it! All right, I'm going to inform the big boss. About everything. If he doesn't fire Lucifer for this nonsense, I'm quitting.”

Ri and Mike nodded. “Right behind you, boss.”

“Uriel, you gather the troops and tell them what we know. Michael, you go and find Lilith, and tell her to pack her things. I know she got a raw deal, but she did screw up, she knew about the schedule snafu, but this is blatant sabotage. Make sure she doesn't get a chance to do any more. I want her booted – hell, she can follow her truck there into oblivion for all I care. The big boss can have his own chat with Beelzebubba about his delivery standards. Heads will roll for this, sure, but it won't be ours!”

“Good luck, Gabriel.”

“Luck hasn't been invented, either.”

Meanwhile, a large object impacted with an immovable object, and physics happened, and a single continent began the slow process of drifting away from its components.

And, millions and millions of years later, a box labeled VENOMOUS ANIMALS – DO NOT OPEN TILL MIDDLE CRETACEOUS landed on a large island, and cracked open. The bunyip used its claws to make the hole wider, roaring its victory, and the others followed onto a dry chunk of land that was missing its Pangaea.

And somewhen else, the Big Boss smoked a large cigar, blew another smoke ring around Saturn, and smiled.

Ineffable, indeed, and inscrutable, were his ways.