The Ones We Love

We live inside The Locket.

Sarah says people used to have necklaces with pictures of the ones they loved inside. It made them feel they were safe. She said most of them were shaped like hearts. When Moosa and Sarah found the valley, it looked like a heart. That’s one of the reasons they chose it. Moosa says it’s important to have rules about the way we act. Sarah says that all things must be considered with risk versus reward, but I think they are both very moved by the shape of things.

Moosa says the sky revealed to him that, one day, others will appear on the mountain tops. Then we will know we are the last good people alive.

Sarah agrees, she told me, “Rain doesn’t happen outside the Locket anymore, and rain makes everything work. All the people left alive are searching for their own locket, if they find us living inside one, they might try to steal it.”

“How could you steal it?” I asked, “You can’t pick it up and move it.”

She looked confused, like she knew the answer but it wouldn’t come out. I know about that because that’s how I always feel.

Once, Moosa asked me to explain why we never have fires outside, to Bea. He got really mad when I couldn’t say why. I was thinking about the reasons, but I realized I didn’t actually understand them and maybe he was tricking me. He got watery eyes and a red face and started shouting.

I said to him, “I thought you said Moosa was the meekest man ever. You are not being meek you are being mean!”

I was afraid. Usually he was so kind. Even when we started calling him Moose, because of the animal in the school book, he didn’t mind. He laughed with us.

The reason we don’t have fire outside is because humans are, “terrible at everything,” so many bad things could happen, like the trees burning, or people coming to The Locket, or scaring away animals, or even making the stars hide, like when the rain storm comes. Moose says when the rain storm comes, the sky is not listening. When the sky is bright with stars he sits and draws shapes on the sand with a sharp rock and then he knows what to do about food and what to teach us.

It would be bad if we burned the trees or if we scared the animals, but I don’t think humans are terrible. Even when Moose got angry or stayed away from us for a few days, he always went back to normal afterwards. I think humans are sometimes terrible, but mostly wonderful.

The day after Moose got angry at me we played hide and seek near mountains. I found a really special hiding place in a tree that had fallen down. All the kids and the adults kept walking right over me. Then they started to get worried and they were shouting for me to come out because I won, and they were leaving. I was thinking, if Moose got really angry again I would run here and hide. Maybe it’s good, if people are being terrible, to hide until they go back to being nice. Then I came out of the hiding place, which no one saw, and then everyone was cheering for me being so good at hiding. All the way back home I kept thinking. Sarah told me that they had come here because people became so terrible when it stopped raining. But, what if the people had gone back to normal? I promise that I have never seen someone be terrible and stay terrible, even Cece when she throws a tantrum.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. People sometimes think a person is still angry even when they aren’t anymore. Like one time when I was really mean to Danu about how she was bad at seeing and she was so angry at me and sad. It made me feel so bad in my stomach. I didn’t go and see her for a few days, I was so nervous because I thought she would still be mad. When I went, she said she had missed me and where had I been?

What if all the humans were wondering why Moose and Sarah hadn’t come back. Some of the other adults had pictures of their family who didn’t come to The Locket, even though Moose said they should “let them go” because otherwise it would be too hard to follow “The Instructions”. He said someone told him once, if your eye is making you stumble you should pull it out. That’s the mean thing I was saying to Danu. I feel prickly every time I think of it.

One day I realized that most of the family didn’t really think about the outside. Sarah always told people, it was a great risk so they should wait until the reward was greater. The best reward was safety and family like we have inside The Locket. Moose said that all our confusing feelings were sent to stop us listening to the sky.

I sat down with my sand and started writing a risk reward profile. I thought about it for so long, but it seemed to be simple. Apparently there were seven billion people before the rain stopped and everything “went to hell” as Danu’s dad says.

Imagine if there were seven billion Cece’s who were being terrible! I would definitely want to hide somewhere because I would feel so scared. But, imagine if there were even half of seven billion Danu’s who were wondering why we had never come back. Plus, if some of the terrible half could be helped to go back to normal, the reward would be even bigger.

When we turn ten, the adults take us to the low pass at the point of The Locket. We get to Rockery and look down at the sweeping heart shaped valley, with its high mountains forming a curve and crest in the north. It helps us appreciate how special it is to have safety and family. I decided that I would go again, and pass Rockery, and see down in to the rest of the world. Maybe there would be people looking for us. Maybe they would just be happy we came back.

I thought about packing supplies. It wasn’t possible, the risk was too great. If Moose found out about my plan, I would be hiding in my tree for a long time. The only thing I could risk taking was a small set of binoculars from the class room. No one would ever notice they were missing.

I thought it would be good to go on a night when the stars were bright. Moose would be distracted, Sarah and all the other adults would be trying to stay hidden so they didn’t interrupt him.

It was cool that night. The sun was setting at dinner time so people drifted away from the eatery early. When Sarah took Bea and I to the cabin, I acted exhausted, I always yawn a lot when I’m nervous so I was convincing. When I heard Bea jolt, which she always did as she fell asleep, I rolled out of bed and got dressed.

It was easy. All the excitement, nervous energy, fearful creeping were pointless. Looking back, I don’t think anyone would have been worried if they did know what I was doing.

I always loved nights like that when we did a nature walk. Cool dry air, starlight making the leaves look like they were knitted of spider’s wool. Occasionally you see the flash of a animals eyes from hollows in trees. Nature stays quiet in the short season. Like the adults it seems to sleep early and wait for the long warm season. I don’t even remember hearing a cricket song. My feet were quiet like a deer. I was proud of myself.

Once the climbing started I didn’t worry about noise. I was far away from any cabins. I reached Rockery fast. Seeing all the stones stood up in rows like teeth made me feel strange, the light of the moon made them look cold and lonely.

Through Rockery and up, up, up. I climbed for an hour. I cut my hands and worried about explaining it to Sarah in the morning. The air was feeling wetter, I knew I would get to the crest of the hill soon.

It happened suddenly. There just wasn’t any more hill to climb. Instead of seeing soil and roots, I could see space. I stopped and took some deep breaths. Maybe it was the climbing that made me out of breath, but I think I was scared. I spent as long standing in that one spot as spent getting from the cabin to Rockery.

I heard noises, sounds like when you accidently bite your spoon. I couldn’t go back now. I needed to see the world outside.

As I pushed forward, I noticed the trees changed. Everything became sharper. The branches broke easily and there weren’t many leaves. I could smell something like when you break a rock, like dust and eggs mixed together.

I came out on a flat platform. I could see for miles in the cool moonlight.

Nothing.

Even through binoculars. The earth was dirty pink and white. Brown spines stuck out in clusters. Bushes and trees stood alone, dry and twisted. A hot, wet, rotten smell washed over me. The only thing that moved was a miserable trickle of water from horizon to horizon.

We are alone. We are lucky. We are living in paradise surrounded by a dead world.

****************

I tell this story every year on the longest night, like I’m still that child. We set up one of the cabins with removable floors and pour sap in channels to burn as I describe the landscape. We boil old eggs to add to atmosphere. I change it up so no one gets bored of hearing it, but the structure stays the same.

When I go back to my cabin, I cry. I hate lying. Well, I hate lying to the ones who remind me of me. The ones who would try to do something similar. The ones who might go further.

We decided though. It had to be done.

When I emerged on to the platform that night and saw the world, a hand gently rested on my shoulder. I became colder than the moonlight. Moosa’s softest teaching voice came from behind me.

“Aetha, I need you to look. We knew you would need to see it for yourself. When you have seen, come back to Rockery and we’ll talk. Take as long as you need.”

The hand disappeared but the coldness remained. It came from inside my head, my chest, my stomach. But my face burned.

The light was dimmer here, breaking through a dirty haze. My face was covered in it when I came home. The haze was lit with burning colors.

I wasn’t lying when I said we were alone, when I said we were fortunate. Through the binoculars I saw, we were not like the family we had left behind. Rubble covered the land. The people fought and fell, when they spoke it was violent. They had taken on the appearance of their environment. Although from that distance, through the haze, I couldn’t tell if it was their bodies or their clothing. They were shambolic, irregular, filth streaked. Even this late at night children roamed in packs, swarming loners in the shadows.

The smell was rising from trickle of a river running through the buildings. I cannot describe its appearance.

The sun rose, I made my way to the crooked teeth of Rockery. Moosa had waited, “We live in the Locket. A Locket is where you keep the people you love.”