The Night Bird

Dawn sat atop the branches of the trees that stood closest to the snow covered mountains that over looked the fields down below. He would sit here day in and day out looking ahead at the flocks of birds that flew over him each day. He was sure that they watched him with contempt, as if he were something worthless; not deemed worthy enough to fly along side of them. Anger and resentment filled his heart. But was he angry at them or at himself? Or should his anger instead be aimed at the Great Owl? The owl was the one that made the decision of who was allowed to fly in the heavens. But how could Dawn not be worthy? He had pledged his allegiance to the Great Owl. He had shown him time and time again that he was ready to stand beside the chosen flock and take flight. But this apparently wasn’t good enough and now Dawn stood at a standstill. He was stuck at a fork in the roads.

How else would he be able to prove himself to the others? More importantly, how else would he prove himself to the Great Owl? His opinion was the one that Dawn favored over anyone else’s. Dawn looked up once more and saw the owl over head with his chosen flock. Flying closely behind the owl was Solhverv. He was the one that was chosen to stand at the owl’s right hand and was highly regarded to be the one to take the owl’s place when the time had come. Solhverv was perfect and had gained the owl’s respect most among all those who tried. Dawn despised Solhverv the most for he was the one that looked down on him the most often. Solhverv never passed down the opportunity to poke fun at Dawn and humiliate him for being one of the few birds that failed to fly in the highest of skies.

Not daring to make eye contact with any of the birds above, Dawn flew away back to the trees, careful to keep within the protection of the shadows so he wouldn’t be seen. Once back, Dawn found a secluded spot away from the others and contemplated his choices. He could once again dive down the mountain side and try to prove himself to the owl or he could be like those who failed before him and be satisfied with where he stood in life. Neither choice was ideal. If Dawn, attempted the dive once more, he would surely fail, proving to the owl and everyone else that he was in fact not worthy. Or he could stay in the trees and fade away like the other failures, never to be allowed to soar above the clouds. Dawn shook his head in frustration. The choice was clear: he had to take the dive. But he would need to be ready before he demonstrated his efforts in front of the owl and the rest of the chosen. For now, Dawn needed to rest. He felt weary from all of his worries and if he were going to attempt the dive, he would need to do it with as much strength as possible. Tonight, he would sleep and within the first light, he would journey to the top of the mountain and take the dive.

The next morning came more quickly than Dawn would have liked. He still felt tired as if he hadn’t slept all night and he was still filled with the same dread that he had felt before, but he knew he couldn’t wallow in his pity for much longer. Forcing himself up, he gave a great yawn and stretched his wings, shaking the sleep away before it could take hold of him once more. After enjoying a couple of mice for breakfast, Dawn quickly made his way out of the trees and to the other end of the great valley where the mountain sat, awaiting his arrival. Once at the top, Dawn looked over the valley and to the trees, then up to the clouds. The rays of the sun bathed him in a warm glow. He closed his eyes and wondered if this is what it would be like once he was finally able to fly above the clouds.

Taking a deep breath, Dawn stepped off the edge of the mountain and dived. Faster and faster, he fell with the power of a speeding bullet that had just been fired from a high volume rifle. The rushing wind made it difficult for him to breathe as he struggled to open his wings. He began to panic. If Dawn couldn’t at least take flight, he would hit the ground and die. Was that really so bad? He thought to himself. Death would take away the burden of having to get up each day and face the battles that he was plagued with. No more would he have to live with the fact that he would never be good enough to join the Great Owl and the others and he would not have to live with the disappointment of staying in the trees with the rest of those who had failed.

No, he thought again. I’m not doing this for them, but for me. Dawn opened his eyes and forced his wings open just before hitting the ground and ending his life without making an impact on the world. With his wings stretched out far as they would go, Dawn lifted his head and tilted his body forward, allowing the wind to take him upward and force separation from the ground just below him. He moved quickly, turning the dirt and grass below to only a blur that he was barely able to see. Dawn only needed to go up just a little further before he could beginning flapping his wings and take flight, but he began to feel a weight, almost as if rocks had been tied to his body preventing him for going any higher.

With all of the might that he can muster, Dawn tried to lift his body upwards, fighting gravity’s powerful pull but it was no use. Before he had time to react, he quickly plummeted to the ground, rolling through the dirt a few dozen yards before finally coming to a stop in the center of the valley. His body ached all over and he was covered in bruises, but the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain he was currently feeling at this moment. Dawn picked himself up from the dirt and painfully shook off of his feathers.

“That was disappointing.”

Dawn looked to where the source of the voice came from. Nesting on a small nearby branch that stuck out of the dirt was Autumn. A beautiful bird that was blessed with gorgeous green feathers that often times looked like pieces of emerald. Dawn often times thought she looked the most beautiful on days like today, where the sun shown brightest in the sky and was not obscured by the clouds. Autumn was a very impressive specimen. Like Solhverv, she too impressed the Great Owl enough to be granted the privilege to fly with him. Dawn felt a sudden urge of embarrassment. Had Autumn been watching him this entire time? And if so, does that mean she had also witnessed him failing to the conquer the dive? He looked away without saying anything. His pride was hurt far worse than anything on his body.

“I was sure you would make it this time.”

“Y-you were?” Dawn’s words stumbled over one another as he spoke. He felt a sudden pang of nervousness and anxiety. Very rarely did the chosen ones speak to the birds living in the trees but for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of, Autumn, the most beautiful and most elegant bird of all was speaking to him, an outsider, the only bird who was foolishness enough to not accept his fate.

“Sure. But I also had a small bet with myself that you would be dead before you opened your wings.”

Dawn looked away without saying anything, embarrassment and shame once again taking its hold.

“Why do you keep trying?” Autumn asked. A look of curiosity littered her face. “Sooner or later, you’re going to get tired of failing.”

“Then I’ll die trying.” The words came out before he had time to process what Autumn was saying. Dawn was no stranger to doubt, especially doubt that he received from others. Each time he failed to make the dive, the other birds would ask him why he continued to fly higher than what he was allowed and day after day, he would receive the same remarks: “just stop.” The others would say to him. “You’ve given it your best and that’s all that counts.”

But his best wasn’t good enough. For reasons that he didn’t fully understand himself, Dawn was pushed with the urge to fly higher than any bird could ever hope for. He wanted to fly higher than the chosen, higher than Solhverv and even higher than The Great Owl himself. Dawn would continue to push his body further and harder and if death came for him before he saw the sun, then he would die knowing that he didn’t allow himself to quit.

“I’m going to prove to everyone that I AM worthy.” He said to Dawn. For the first time since their encounter, his voice was steady, and he was looking directly into her eyes. “I don’t care about the approval from everyone else. I want to keep doing this to prove to myself.”

Autumn looked at Dawn without saying anything then after a few moments she flapped her wings and headed back towards the mountain.

“Well, are you going to follow me or just stand there!” She called back.

Dawn quickly began flapping his wings and followed after his new companion. The pain his body still felt almost made it difficult for him to keep up with Autumn and he had to flap harder and more frequently than she did, but he didn’t take too much offense to this extra effort. Everybody knew that Autumn was one of the fastest birds around which made it no surprise when they found out just how quickly she was able to join the owl’s ranks. Once they were back on top of the mountain, Autumn took a spot near the edge and peered out across the valley. Dawn landed a little ways behind her. Her emerald feathers seemed to light up in the sun. The way she looked in it’s rays made it difficult for Dawn to concentrate on anything else.

“You’re fighting too much against the wind.” Her words snapped Dawn out of his trance, and he quickly took a spot on the edge beside her. “You have to let the wind take you and carry you. Then you’ll be able to touch the clouds.”

Dawn looked at her for a long moment while she spoke. She spoke to him not with the same air of arrogance as her peers, but with respect and admiration, almost as if she wanted to see him succeed. He felt confident in what she was saying and in an odd way, he felt comfortable around her. He felt at peace. Without either of them saying anything else, Dawn once again stepped off the edged of the mountain and dived to the bottom, like a raging torpedo. He tried desperately to mimic the advice he was just given, but once again, it was to no avail. After flying just a few yards off the ground, he came crashing down into the dirt, the impact sending familiar aches through his body.

Dawn got up, once again shaking away the dirt and took a daring glance at the top of the mountain, trying desperately to not let his embarrassment show. To his surprise, Autumn was still at the top, almost as if she were waiting for him to rejoin her. This time without hesitation, Dawn quickly made his way back to the mountain and just like the previously two times before, he took the plunge off the top. And just like the two times before, he came crashing back to the bottom. Each time Dawn fell, he would get back up and race back to the top of the mountain, where he would take his dive and fight will all of this might to avoid a painful crash into the dirt.

Each time he leapt, Dawn could feel himself getting higher and higher away from the ground and farther and farther away from his crash spots. Despite his bruised and aching body, he was still persistent enough to keep going and not once through his many failed attempts did Autumn speak any words of discouragement. Instead, she would remark on his progress and remind him to not let the wind be his enemy. After a dozen dives, Dawn regained his spot next to Autumn at the edge of the mountain and watched as the sun began to set, turning the blue sky to a mixture of orange and red.

He was sore and out of breath but tried not to let that show in front of Autumn who’s feathers seemed to glow more and more into a brighter green the darker it got.

“You did really great.” She said. They seemed to sit for hours waiting for the sun to disappear and for the moon to take it’s spot, illuminating the valley in a dark glow.

“Your feathers..” Autumn had looked at Dawn with a sense of wonder and amazement. To her surprise, his feathers seemed to glow a translucent blue, giving the impression that they had turned to sapphire at the touch of the moon’s light.

“Oh…yeah they do that sometimes.” He responded, feeling bashful. No one had ever looked at him the way Autumn was looking at him now.

“No one’s ever noticed?”

“I’m not out here every often.” Feeling as if she were making Dawn uncomfortable, Autumn quickly looked away back out to the valley. It seemed almost unrecognizable to her at night.

“I think you’re ready.” She said looking back at Dawn, who too was looking out over the landscape below.

“What? Now” He asked. “I thought we only took the dive during the day.”

Autumn shrugged. “I always thought the sun was too bright anyway.”

After agreeing to go to the river at the edge of the trees to wash away the dirt, Dawn promised Autumn that he would return to the top of the mountain where he would take the dive in front of the owl and the rest of the chosen. He had watched her for a long while as she flew off higher and higher into the night sky until being swallowed up by the clouds above. Heading to the river as promised, Dawn was suspended in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that he had spent a day with not only a chosen one, but with Autumn: the one bird in the whole valley that he admired the most. And even more, he couldn’t believe that she had chosen to spend her day with him, an outcast, watching as he failed over and over again as he attempted to beat fate. Perhaps she felt sorry for him. She had seen him fall before and thought she would finally help him, so she didn’t have to see such a tragic sight again. Dawn smiled. He liked to think that it was more than that. He liked to think that maybe Autumn wanted him to be up there with the chosen, up there with her.

Dawn made it to the river, washed his body of the dirt and shame that he had collected from the day’s events, helped himself to a small meal (a meal he couldn’t quite finish because his nerves wouldn’t allow him to) and quickly made his way back towards the mountain, careful to stay out of sight from the birds that chose to live in the trees. He didn’t need the distractions of their discouraging remarks to take his mind off of making the dive. For the first time, he allowed himself a ray of hope and wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stand in his way.

Dawn felt a sudden surge of fear and anxiety once he had returned to the top of the mountain. He was hoping that he would be the first to arrive to allow himself the time to think of how he would approach this next dive, but to his dismay, the chosen birds were already waiting for him. They formed two lines at either end of the edge, which forced him to walk down the middle of each. He recognized the faces that each of the chosen wore. They didn’t speak to him as he walked but he could tell what each of them were thinking the same thing: he was an outsider who would be forced to live in the trees with the other birds who weren’t worthy.

Dawn reached Autumn, who seemed to shine far brighter than any of the other birds. Her expression was different. She wore a calm demeanor that told him “Good luck Night Bird. And remember, don’t let the wind be your enemy.” Dawn gave a light smile before he arrived at Solhverv, who’s red feathers glowed the least bright. Perhaps this is why we don’t seem him at night, Dawn thought to himself. Because he isn’t nearly as impressive looking.

“Crash and burn outsider!” Solhverv hissed from under his breath as Dawn walked passed him. “You don’t belong up here!”

Dawn ignored the remarks. Time and time again he had allowed Solhverv to get to him but not this time. He was determined to show every bird in the valley that he would shine the brightest and fly the farthest. At the very edge of the cliff was The Great Owl, who was by far the largest and most majestic looking of all the birds that stood at the top of the mountain. Even with the pale moonlight, his white feathers glistened, giving off the appearance of white crystal. Dawn was familiar with the routine. Upon approaching the owl, he bowed as far as his head would take him without touching the ground, showing his allegiance to not only The Great Owl himself, but to the rest of the chosen as well. But by now, Dawn could care less about these traditions. His motivations were not for the chosen or the owl but for himself.

The owl took a moment to study Dawn, taking in his translucent blue tone which seemed to glow brighter now that he stood at the edge of the mountain, completely bathed by the moonlight. The rest of the chosen stood in silence. Even while amongst each other, they had never seen a bird with such a magnificent color. Even Solhverv, who never passed up the chance to throw insults, stood in silence, frozen by disbelief. Who was this outsider who glowed brighter than he? The Great Owl graciously returned Dawn’s bow and stood aside, allowing him the space needed to take his dive. With one final look, Dawn looked back at Autumn, to let her know that he would forever be grateful for what she did for him. Without her, he wasn’t sure of he would be here at this very moment. Dawn than looked back across the valley, took one final breathe, closed his eyes and stepped off the mountain.

Just like the many times before, his body sped through the air straight down to the ground. Without opening his eyes, Dawn thought of everything he had been through up to this point, the jabs and insults that he had endured from the other birds in the valley, the look of contempt he suffered from the chosen, and the loneliness he felt from always being on the outside looking in. Than he thought of Autumn, how in just one short day, she had shown him that there is more to life than just trying to gain the satisfaction of others, that eventually Dawn would need to learn how to live by his own terms and live for himself.

“Don’t let the wind be your enemy.” He said to himself. And still with eyes closed, Dawn lifted his head, tilted his body upwards and opened his wings, allowing the wind to take him higher and higher. He flapped his wings, going higher than he had ever dared to go, higher than any bird had ever dared to go. Dawn opened his eyes and looked down. He had done it. The ground was farther than he had ever seen it. In fact, everything was farther; the trees, bushes and rivers seemed so little to him now. Every bird in the valley was watching him. Dawn was a blue streak that soared through the night air, casting a dark shadow as he flew by. He wasn’t content with this, however.

He needed every bird in the valley to see him how always saw himself. Dawn continued to flap his wings, climbing higher and higher until he broke through the clouds. The moon looked so big to him. In fact, he didn’t think anything could be more beautiful. Dawn was certain that if he continued to climb, eventually he would touch the moon and he wanted every bird to seem him do it. This time, the chosen would watch him. They would acknowledge the outsider that flew higher than they ever could. They would always remember the name of the one who went where they never dared. They would always remember Dawn: The Night Bird.