The Inner Castle

Having taken a deep breath, I slowly exhale. My lips formed as if to whistle.

Trying in vain to release the tension, the anger.

She stood there, her arms crossed. The perfect picture of, pissed off. Defiant.

She was waiting for my answer. An answer, any answer.

What could I possibly say to diffuse this ticking bomb? I knew from many previous attempts that just as soon as I started to open my mouth, the trip hammer would be released and a torrent of accusations and verbal abuse would hit me full force, rolling right over any truths that I might manage to get out.

So, with the seconds ticking by before the inevitable happened anyway, I surrendered my dignity and said “I’m sorry, your right, I have no excuse.”

This tactic seemed to throw her off course a bit. I could see behind her eyes, that she was trying to work out if I had some ulterior motive to having given up so easily. She was trying to work around my deflection, scrambling for position, looking for the kill shot that I’d robbed from her.

Inwardly I dared to hope, her stance hadn’t changed, but there was a slight softening of her expressions. The samurai sword that is her tongue, sharp and cutting, stayed silent. I went for it now, realizing my one chance at this. She was on her heels and I only needed to push her over. Still it needed to be perfect, leaving her no room for a counter attack. I played the only card I held “What can I do to make it up to you babe?” Total submission, I was laid out flat and begging forgiveness.

Her shoulders dropped, she surrendered without a shot fired and, trying to think of something to hit me with, she said “Well dinner out would be a good start, then we can talk about it.”

I ran a victory lap, waving to the imaginary crowd cheering my success.

Later that night, her ankles firmly in my grip, her high heels pointed at the ceiling, I smiled the smile that only comes with a complete victory. The sex, especially satisfying. Little did she know that this was a turning point in our relationship. I had broken through her defenses. Soon, before she realized what she had given up to me it would be too late. If done in the proper manner she would never even realize, her thoughts would ultimately run in the direction of thinking that her previous behavior was one of someone else. Slowly, oh so slowly, I would mold her into the new “her”.

In the end it would be what she really wanted anyway. All the characteristics that made her less desirable would be gone. She would live a new life, one that her and I would walk together. Sharing a deep love that others would envy.

But this wild mustang of a woman would take all my skills to earn her trust. That is what attracted me to her in the first place. Head strong and defiant she had never had a serious relationship that lasted before. All had given up. Not me. I had searched long and hard for such a woman as her, beautiful and sexy, intelligent and curious, all this and more drove me to try to break through the defenses that she had built up.

Her moans and loud pleas to “ hit it harder, faster!” brought me back to the present. Gripping those long legs of hers tighter, I doubled my efforts and soon we came together in a crescendo of spasms and pleasure.

Yes, yes, yes. She would be worth the effort. Little did she know how rare women of her caliber were becoming. I could see her worth the moment we had met.

She was my new boss, prickly and demanding. She had thought to use me and discard me like all the rest, but I had other plans for her. Life long plans. I did not seek to turn her into some meek servant, but more a dedicated equal, totally committed to each other.

Those first months together had been hard, worth every second, but hard nonetheless. Her temper and controlling nature had been running free for so long she didn’t know how to behave in a real relationship. Several times I had considered giving up on her, the sex aside, “which was always amazing and intense”, I didn’t know how to crack through the uncontrollable fits of rage that were threatening to become her legacy. Someone in her past had caused this, her mother, her father, it didn’t matter. But she was damaged and didn’t even know it. I would mend her, I would heal her. Somehow I would set her free from this burden of her past.

The question to myself was “How”. I had finally made contact, the real her was just becoming visible through all the baggage that she held onto so tightly. I laid awake deep into the night, my hands behind my head, thinking. Her slow, steady breathing keeping me company, as I thought, as I planned, my assault on her inner castle. That place where no one had ever been allowed.

Right now, she still thought that she was in control, that she made all the decisions. She had no idea that I had breached her outer wall, that I was slowly becoming the one that she could actually trust. And I was, she could trust me like no other, I was in love with her the moment we’d met. But she couldn’t know that part, not yet anyway.