The Good Husband

Ten years, four months…ten years, four months.

“Ten years, four months!” He grunted as he winced from the pain of his teeth grinding against his jaw. The dirty stained yellow cup with the white and blue pills stared emptily at him and he smiled wanly then grimaced. He wasn’t going to take them today! He shuddered as he remembered his nightmare from the night before of the zombies and monsters that clawed him as he slept. Or maybe he had imagined it all? He shook his head sadly as he wondered when he would be able to separate reality from the thoughts that brewed in his head. He chuckled quietly for he knew that he could no more discern and dissect the thoughts than he could swallow these here pills without gagging. He still gagged even after swallowing them for ten years.

Slowly he rose from his bed and glanced around him. He couldn’t see much in the darkness even though the tiny specks of coagulated white reminded him that dawn was approaching. He smiled because in the dawn of light he could see her. “No, no, no!” He whispered, almost afraid then slowly relaxed. His hand trembled as the vision of her soft lips and symmetrical jaw came to him, her soft brown eyes, wide and surprised; her soft smile. He didn’t want to remember the horror in her eyes.

“You’re the only thing that matters!” He muttered to himself as he gazed at his feet then rubbed his eyes sleepily. “I love you, Dora! With all my heart! With all my soul!” He whispered as his hands clutched a photo of her beneath his pillow. In the faint darkness, he could discern the whiteness of her teeth and the pink hue of her cheeks. She was beautiful and he was happy that she was his! He couldn’t wait to see her again! Just a few more weeks!

“Can’t wait to get out of this dump!” He declared a bit too loudly then cleared his throat. He had been working nonstop for many months and he was finally ready to go home to see his beautiful wife! He talked to Dora every day but he longed to hear her voice in person. In person. He didn’t know why this made him frown but he suddenly realized that he was tired and needed more sleep. In the morning he would sit at his desk and work on his numbers. He was working extremely long hours just for her…just for Dora, so he could make her life comfortable. They planned to retire in a few years and probably travel to a remote island and spend their latter years there. Dora always joked that she wanted to go to Tahiti or Trinidad but he wanted to go to Costa Rica.

“It doesn’t matter where we go, my love…as long as I’m with you!” She always joked and he would tease her that she had to learn Spanish if they were going to Costa Rica but inwardly he knew that her wish was his desire and Tahiti or Trinidad it would be…

In the morning he opened his eyes and heard the loud chirping of birds. He looked out his window to see three sparrows fighting over a piece of bread. He hadn’t even realized when he had drifted off to sleep but he had dreamt of making love to Dora. He wandered into the bathroom then masturbated for ten minutes as he moaned her name. He thought of her lithe, naked body as she gently moved beneath him, whispering his name, telling him she loved him. He felt his head almost explode as he climaxed then suddenly felt ashamed. As he cleaned himself, he wondered guiltily if he was late for work. He swore under his breath and rushed to glance at the clock on the wall. 7:45 AM.

“I’m not going to be late today!“ He swore loudly as he rushed to his desk. He hadn’t had time to shower because he was too late. He rushed to his desk and beckoned to his secretary. A tall woman dressed in white approached him almost meekly.

“Pleasant morning, Mr. Smith! I see you’re up bright and early today! Are you ready for your coffee and meds, Sir?” She asked pleasantly and he looked at her in disbelief.

“Pleasant morning indeed! What do you mean I’m up bright and early? It’s nearly eight, Fiona! Can’t you see that? Now hurry up and get me my coffee and breakfast! I’ve got to complete this audit by 6 pm today!” He said urgently and the woman smiled understandably. She looked in her mid-fifties with soft, kind eyes and subtle age lines pleated over her forehead. She had gotten used to his routine.

“I’ll get you your breakfast, Sir!” She said then frowned at the yellow cup with the pills. “Ummm…did you take these for your…migraine last night?” She asked coaxingly and he shook his head impatiently.

“Dammit! I’ll take it now!“ He muttered as he looked at her then took the pills and put them in his mouth. He hesitated a second as she looked at him expectantly with a smile and waited to see the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

“Excellent! I’ll get you your breakfast!” She said and she was gone. Fifteen minutes later, she was back with a tray of sandwiches and coffee. He nodded in appreciation. For over ten years she had been his devoted secretary and help. He honestly didn’t know what he would do without her. Now for the audit. Earnestly he started working on the papers but after an hour he felt overwhelmed. The rows and columns seemed to almost jump out at him and there was too much noise around him. He was having a hard time concentrating. The pills were also making him drowsy. He placed his weary head on his desk and daydreamed for a few minutes before he resolved he would step outside for some fresh air. Something about this place depressed him yet he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was; maybe it was the dreary-looking cream walls that desperately needed a second coat of paint, or maybe it was all the workers who were dressed in crisp white, walking around all day, peering over him as he worked. He hated it! Or, maybe it was his colleagues, most of whom preferred to play cards and checkers than actually work!

“This place has gone to the dogs!” He said ruefully then trembled again as he saw an image of Dora’s face, whitened with fear. Why was her face looking so white and scared, he wondered troubled. He desperately wanted to talk to his secretary about it but wondered nervously if she would think that he was hallucinating. He would wait until dusk to discuss it with her. He had to get this work done because he was on a tight deadline.

By 5 pm he was no closer to getting his work finished than he had anticipated and he pounded his fist in frustration. He looked up from his desk and yelled for his secretary.

“Fiona! I swear this place is becoming worse every day! I can’t even concentrate on my work!” He complained bitterly as Fiona fidgeted nervously around him.

“Are you okay, Mr. Smith? How do you feel? Any anxiety or confusion?” She asked, promptly scribbling some notes on a notepad she pulled out of her pocket. “Maybe a warm, nice shower will help you think better! What do you think? I noticed you haven’t showered all day!” She said gently flicking some dust off his desk. He nodded reluctantly then rose from his desk.

“You win! Fiona! As alway! But I really need to get this done today! I’m tired of being behind schedule!”

After he showered and put on fresh clothes, he felt almost more like himself. Fiona had already ironed and starched his shirt and pants so they were waiting for him when he got out of the shower. He honestly didn’t know what he would do without her. In fact, he knew what he would do!

“Poor lady! Hasn’t gotten a raise in over ten years!” He muttered. He would put in a recommendation to the Board, advising that she be given a raise promptly. He also reminded himself he had to talk to her about the disturbing image of his wife, Dora. He beckoned Fiona and they walked together side by side in the garden. In the distance, he could see the guards standing by the gates. He turned and looked at his secretary.

“Fiona, you know I’ve always confided in you, right? I wanted to talk to you about the recurring vision I’ve been having about Dora… you know Dora, my wife? We’re going to be together soon in a few weeks but sometimes I see visions of her staring at me with such horror that it chills me to my very bones. I love her and I know she loves me but I can’t imagine why…why this disturbing image keeps recurring in my mind. Sometimes at night, I dream she’s screaming and clawing at me and…” He sighed looking profoundly upset. “It honestly hurts and upsets me,” He stopped and turned to Fiona. “What do you think? Is it just a bad dream? Or do you think it’s some sort of bad omen of things to come? Should I call her and warn her? She’s all by herself at the house, except for when we talk twice a day. She sees her folks at weekends but…” He sighed loudly then shuddered. “You know she’s all I got, Fiona!” He whispered and his lips trembled.

Fiona’s face fell but she struggled to keep her composure. She had been a psychiatrist for over twenty years and she knew that calmness was the key to these painful conversations. She also knew Ronald Smith as a patient for over ten years and knew what was to come. Her eyes looked around as she tried to make eye contact with one of the guards. After a few minutes she did and she nodded gently as the guard slowly approached.

“Mr. Smith, do you not remember? Your wife died over ten years ago,” she said gently and stopped as she saw his shocked expression. Amusement then shock came over his face and he tilted his head back and laughed almost raucously.

“Fiona! Have you lost your mind? My wife is not dead! She’s in Wisconsin in the house we bought twelve years ago! Is this some sort of joke, Fiona!” He said a bit sharply and looked her over with a frown.

“Let’s go to my office so we can…”

“Go to your office? Excuse me?! In case you forgot, you work for me! Not the other way around!” He yelled angrily and the guard walked a few steps closer but Fiona stopped him from approaching. She then turned and smiled at her patient.

“Ronald,” she said gently, “let’s sit down in my…I mean your office so we can talk…”

“It’s Mr. Smith to you and I’m not going anywhere! Do you realize you’re on the verge of being fired right now? Talking about my wife being dead? How dare you? Who do you think you are? You better explain right now what’s going on!” He spat out angrily, looking around at the guard then at Fiona. The psychiatrist nodded gently and smiled at him.

“Okay Sir, if you insist on me explaining here, I can!” She said gently and he seemed to calm down for a moment as his shoulders heaved then fell.

“Yes, yes! Here, right now-explain!” He demanded, unaware that Fiona had nodded at the guard again who was now a mere five feet behind him.

“Well the truth is Mr. Smith,” she said consolingly, “that you are in a psychiatric ward. You’ve been warded here for over ten years on the grounds of…insanity,” she said then bit her lips. Even the most experienced doctors could still encounter a bit of nervousness from the anticipated outbursts when truth subdued delusion. She could see him shaking his head violently as he glared at her abhorrently.

“You liar! You liar! After all I’ve done for you! You ungrateful wretch of a woman! Why Fiona?! Tell me why are you making these stories up! After all these years?After all the pictures I’ve shown you of Dora…were you jealous? Is it because I’m a happily married man that you’re acting this way? What has gotten into you, Fiona that you’re making up these ludicrous lies?! Dora warned me about you! She warned me that…that secretaries secretly desire their bosses…is it because you’ve harboured feelings for me all these years that you’re making these things up?” Fiona closed her eyes and inhaled.

“I have never been your secretary, Mr. Smith. Nor have I ever worked for you. I am your psychiatrist! I’m sorry to break the news to you again Sir but you murdered your wife because you had caught her having an affair with another man. I bring this up not to hurt you but rather to remind you of the reality of the situation. You see, you worked as an accountant for many years, working very long hours. Your wife, Dora struck up an affair with the servant and you caught them one night and shot them both to death. You were tried for murder but in the end you were warded here instead on the grounds of insanity as you were mentally unfit to stand trial.

You had loved her so much that when you caught her in her act of indiscretion you lost your mind and haven’t recovered since. You still talk of Dora as if she’s alive and you plan a life with her but this, Sir, is sadly not the reality. It is a delusion and a story that you have created in your mind! I am so sorry, Sir! Really I am! But hopefully over time, you will improve! Hopefully! I pray for you every day, Sir!” Fiona said almost sadly as she stopped in her tracks. She knew what would come next. Ronald Smith’s face turned red and he rushed at her before being stopped by the guard. Three more guards ran towards them and were grabbing his arms as he struggled furiously to escape.

“Fiona! You traitor! I will sue you for your lies! My wife isn’t dead! You’re lying! Get your filthy hands off me!” He yelled at the guards. “Do you know who I am? I’ll be calling my lawyer in the morning and you all will have an enormous lawsuit on your hands! Give me a phone so I can call my wife! I demand it! And call the cops for this treacherous woman standing here! She may be plotting to murder my wife! Call the cops!” He screamed. “I’m the good husband and I will stop at no costs to protect my wife!” He yelled with tears in his eyes.

“True, you were the good husband, Sir! You really were!“ Fiona said gently as she patted him on his back. Ronald blinked at her confusedly. “In fact you were too good…you worked late hours to make her life comfortable and afford her the finer things in life but then your lost your mind when she betrayed you. Maybe you had loved her way too much that it in the end it was too much to handle and it all collapsed for you, but I am convinced that we can get you better!” Fiona said confidently and smiled at him. Ronald shook his head and looked at her pitifully.

“I feel sorry for you, Fiona! I’m afraid you lost your marbles! I am the husband…the good husband!”