The God Tree

"If the animals eat it, it's probably safe," Charles assured his brother, attempting to hide his own hesitancy. Neither were fully convinced. The clothes on their bodies were far too slack though. Their britches now held up with frayed rope stolen from a splintered, wooden swing. That rope couldn't hold a child up anymore, too brittle, they reasoned, and Mama didn't have anything to sew with. Then Mama was dead and buried, without a box, next to their old dog.

"I'm afraid, Charlie."

"What other choice do we have, boy?"

They looked at each other solemnly as the daylight faded into gold. They could know longer see the beauty in the amber sun. All they could see was the fruit high above them. The boys no longer prayed to the Heavens, the only God they knew now was this lone tree. Jeb was the climber. He started up the trunk and slipped three feet up, hitting the packed and cracked dirt below. His heart didn't skip a beat before he clawed himself back to the trunk.

"Can you make it up?"

"I don't know for sure. I'm real dizzy. And Charlie, I ain't never seen these before."

"Jeb, the animals ate the ones on the ground here. Just look. I think it oughta be fine."

Jeb started the climb again from another angle and again fell into the dusty straw grass just two feet up this time.

"I can't do it Charlie, I.."

"It's ok. Jeb, it's ok. Maybe we could wait for one to drop."

The boys leaned against the tree, both surveying for low hanging fruit. Seeing none, they slumped down in unison. The breeze picked up. A storm rumbled in the West, not too far off, and they could see the clouds growing darker, no beauty left in them either. Rain was rare but the boys were too focused on the fruit above to notice. Salivating, Charles licked his lips only to taste dirt and blood. Water would have been better but even blood was a relief at this point. His mouth was so dry, it all felt so wrong. His whole body felt wrong.

"How'd it all go away so quickly?" Jeb asked, close to tears. Charles was quiet. He couldn't think of a thing to say to comfort his little Brother. He could always think of *something* but finding this tree had lifted and broken his spirit for the last time it seemed. That hope, followed by crushing defeat and the inability to inspire something in Jeb made him feel more helpless than he had in years. Jeb was the climber, and Charles was the talker. His silence lay heavy between them.

Jeb burst into tears.

"Stop that ya hear? You just stop that right now. Tears are water and we don't got any to waste!"

The sobs racked Jeb's frail frame, and Charles only felt worse for his silence. He mustered up enough for another lie.

"Hey, hush now. Just you hush because I'm gonna figure this thing out. I'm your big Brother, and I'm sure as hell gonna figure it out."

Jeb wiped his face with a dirt covered sleeve, nodded, and Charles felt a little relief but the pressure grew. He had no idea how they were going to get that food or any for that matter.

An hour slipped by like a minute. Jeb had drifted off into a sleep of weakness. The boys weren't hurting for sleep. Sleep was the only time things were okay. The storm was getting closer. It would be cold, and this tree wasn't shelter enough but it would have to do for the night. All Charles could see for miles was rolling, empty hills of yellow grass. Perhaps they could catch some raindrops. Charles didn't trusting drinking the mud. Too many times he had to hold Jeb back from that mud. Tonight, he thought, wouldn't be any different. Getting to that fruit would be the only thing that would calm his Brother down a little. He counted at least thirty. He only needed one. *Think* he commanded himself, then jumped up with a strength that surprised him as much as it did Jeb startling him awake.

"What's wrong, Charlie?! What happened?!"

"Nothin happened. Quiet down. I got an idea."

Charles surveyed the barren land. The light was fading away, and he'd have to make this fast. And suddenly there it was, their salvation. Their new God could fit in the palm of his hand. He dug his fingers into the rock hard soil. The cracks at his finger joints re-opened but he hardly noticed the stinging. He was digging furiously now, unearthing God. As it finally broke free, he fell back. God was a stone now. He smiled in triumph and held the stone high. Jeb got the idea.

"Well goddamn Charlie! Goddamn!" Jeb cheered and tried to find his feet but the world swam around him, and he was back in the dirt.

"Don't try to get up. I got this one. And what'd I tell ya about that kinda language? If Mama heard that.." he stopped, realizing he had just ruined what would have otherwise been a perfect moment for his Brother. Jeb started to sob again.

"Charlie, we didn't even get to bury her right! I told ya we shoulda put her by Papa and Gramps and Grams!" Jeb cried out in an anguish that Charles felt deeply but just couldn't show. Try as he might, he just could not cry.

"Jeb, listen. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.. Jeb, that was too far a walk to carry her. You know that. We were outta food and water. We did the best we could."

"But she didn't even get a proper coffin or funeral or nothin! Not even flowers!"

"She would understand Jeb. Mama knew we tried our best. We gave her our own kinda funeral. We gave her her prettiest dress. Remember she forgot she had it to sell? Remember when we sold damn near everything, and she forgot about that one? I like to think that happened for a reason. She looked so pretty, Jeb. She did."

"Yeah I guess. I just.." Jeb paused to hold back the remaining tears welling up. "I miss her. I miss em all but I just miss Mama more'n I can take sometimes."

Charles hugged his little Brother. Then did his best to redirect by holding his shoulders and his eyes firmly.

"We're gonna get that fruit now ok, boy? We're gonna get it. I promise you we're gonna sleep with full bellies tonight."

Jeb smiled. Charles smiled back, relived. He got up to dust himself off. Old habits die hard, there was no place left without dust here. He closed one eye, aimed and launched his God stone. They watched it soar as if time slowed down, and prayed to the Tree God. The stone flew high against the clouds then disappeared into the leaves.

*THUD*

They both looked at each other near shock, Jeb's mouth dropping. He tried to get up, Charles pushing him down to save his strength. "Let me go check."

Charles ran with a strength he didn't know he still had to the other side, trying to pinpoint where he had heard the dull noise. Tears welled but he stopped them as always when he saw the golden fruit. He recognized it now. He hadn't seen one since he was Jeb's age. He wasn't sure if Jeb ever had. The scattered pieces on the ground were too rotted and up in the tree they were too small to see. It was a pear. How was it here? Charles knew this land well. He knew where all the old orchards and cropland used to be. He knew where to steal apples in the beginning but..a pear? Even before Crash of 29' he hadn't seen these here. Papa said not much faired well in this part of Nebraska. Papa knew things would hit hard here, he just didn't anticipate how quickly it would happen. He flashed back and remembered begging Papa to eat, but when their crops were gone and they had nothing left to trade, he said he wouldn't take a bite from his family. They would all beg until they knew there wasn't any use. Mama did the same after Papa was gone. Begging her hurt even worse for Charles. He was the man of the house now he would say, trying to convince her. "You may be the man of the house, but you're *my* baby," she would say back every time. Hearing her voice again in his mind became almost too much to bear. Charles felt a tear and wiped it away as quickly as he could. No, he couldn't think about this now. This was a good moment. The best moment they had had in a long while. He walked back around to see Jeb's eyes eagerly hopeful and equally nervous.

"You got one, Charlie!"

"I told ya I would. This one is all yours."

"No, Charlie, what if we can't get another? We should share it."

"Enough of that nonsense, Jeb. You know I got a mean aim." Charles said with a smirk.

He watched as Jeb took a bite. And another and another. Then began his work to bring down more. Before they knew it, they had both eaten their fill. They hadn't had that feeling in well over a years time at least. Pomona smiled in the sky above as the boys huddled up together. They would sleep through the cold rain. They were content.

Charles woke to the rising sun. He hadn't remembered the rain or even falling asleep for that matter. Coming out of sleep that deep felt like emerging from catacombs. There was an adjustment period. But now he realized just how cold he was. His clothes were wet still though the rain had gone, and Jeb was freezing in his arms. He didn't want to wake him just yet but his arm was numb under Jeb's little head. After some time he thought they ought to take their clothes off to dry in the sun. Nobody was left around here to see them, and he didn't much care either way.

"Jeb, buddy, time to wake up."

He gently shook his brother and rubbed his back, wincing feeling the bones.

"Jeb, we gotta get up boy, c'mon now. Jeb? JEB?!"

Something was wrong. He pulled back.

"Jeb?! Jeb?! Oh God no. Oh God Jeb. No no please God NO! JEB!"

Jeb was so cold. Too cold. His sunburnt skin was ashen. Charles screamed. In a panic, he turned his brother on his back and started pounding on his chest. He heard what he thought was a rib crack.

"NO. NO. JEB! OH, JEB! Jeb.. Jeb.."

He collapsed onto his brother, lifting him up, cradeling him like he used to when he was a just a baby. He stroked back his sandy hair and pressed his forehead onto Jeb's. Sobs racked his body. For the first time in years, the tears fell down his cheeks, stinging his burnt skin like acid but he barely noticed and cared even less.

"I'm so sorry, Jeb. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jeb I'm sorry.."

He couldn't stop saying the words, as if they were a magic spell that could undo it. As if it would bring him back. He cursed God, he begged, he wondered if this was a nightmare. Maybe the tree was a dream, and they were back at the farm. Pears shouldn't be here anyway. Maybe they didn't go out scavenging at all. He would wake up. He had to.

He didn't quite know how much time had passed, but the sun looked different now. He was awake. This was real. Why hadn't he left Jeb back at the farm this time? Couldn't he see he was too weak for the trip? Would things had been different if he had gone it alone and come back with the potato sacks full of golden pears? He imagined it so. He saw Jeb bolting down the front porch to greet him, eyes wide at the prize of full bags he had brought home, with a grin even wider. The guilt was too much. He couldn't see going on all alone here. He couldn't see going on carrying this. He took out his pocket knife. He needed to be with Jeb. This wasn't Jeb. He realized, in that moment, that he had never wanted anything more in his life. Glimpses of it had peeked through when they had lost Papa and Mama, but holding his brothers body, void of life, he saw clearly this world meant nothing without love. Life and love were not separate things.

Charles pressed the knife against his arm, closed his eyes, then stopped. He thought back to what Jeb had said about not giving Mama a proper place to rest. Under this damned tree, this damned thing was no place for Jeb to rest. It took every ounce of will he could muster to fold the knife up and put it back in his pocket. He turned to his brother, and saw a half eaten pear still gripped tight in his tiny hand.

"I'm gonna get you home, Jeb. I'm your big Brother so I don't want you to worry none. I'm gonna get you home. I'm gonna make it right. I'm gonna make it right."