The Entanglement

Forget the past and remember the future, a saying that's been on repeat in his head for years. For the longest time, it was all he could think of until it wasn't, and now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He had thought it would be easy; just go to the mall with a friend and get ice cream. Nothing special happened, not like it did when he was little, but it wasn't that bad either. It was almost pleasant actually until she told him something he didn't expect her to say, or rather something he didn't want her to say.

She told him how much she loved the guy who lived across from them, how much they shared in common, and everything that made him happy when they were apart, including his smile. The way she described him gave Steve pause. He knew it sounded ridiculous and that he'd never seen this guy before that day, but he found himself believing every word out of her mouth, and he didn't know why exactly. Maybe it was because she seemed so genuine as if no matter how hard she tried, no one else could understand what he felt for her.

They spent most of the afternoon talking about life and their dreams. She talked about how her family moved around a lot since moving here but said she didn't care because she loved the city. They ate lunch at a burger joint and laughed and enjoyed each other's company.

Before too long, he found himself back home, alone. Even though he hated the thought of going back to his empty apartment that night, he didn't have anywhere else to turn. And yet, even more than that, he had nowhere else to go.

The next day at work he kept hearing people talk about her. People said she was beautiful, smart, and kindhearted. She fit into every mold you might imagine and yet none of those things meant anything to him anymore. It was the same thing that had always bothered him, what everyone saw and said about her. How he didn't fit into her picture at all. He was the awkward one, the one with dark hair and glasses, and no one wanted him at parties unless he was dressed up and ready to do whatever the hell it was that adults did. He felt ashamed of himself and wished he'd never met her.

After getting off work he headed over to the apartment and tried to stay away from people, afraid someone would ask him where he'd been the last few days. After hanging out with friends for a while, his phone rang, alerting him to a new text message. When he read it, his heart rate picked up.

It was from her.

I miss you, you know? I wish you were here.

And then she sent another text. I can't help it if I love you! Don't you love me?

All the breath he had managed to hold left him, the pain of not being near her almost unbearable. If only... if only she understood what he felt without all the words and everything that came after them. If she knew what he felt without the need for the other party to explain everything to her if she knew what he felt for her without needing to hear any of that, maybe everything would be different. Maybe everything wouldn't hurt as bad. But it did hurt, it always hurt no matter how much he tried to hide it.

His chest felt heavy, and he knew the tears were coming, that they'd probably start soon enough. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't everything just be fine? Couldn't he keep her close and feel nothing more? If only that was the case, maybe...just maybe they'd be able to pretend nothing ever had changed between them and he could go on as usual, but no. He just couldn't do it. All his feelings towards her would have to come to light eventually, and that included his admiration for the way she carried herself, the confidence in everything she did, and everything she looked like. She was beautiful and he envied her for it. Despite knowing there was no real chance, he still wished that they could be together and live happily ever after. That was something he desperately hoped could happen, even if they weren't dating. But he needed her, not the other way around.

A sob escaped his lips, making its way down the street in front of him. He wiped it with the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to calm himself down. There was no reason to cry; it wasn't as if anything would change and neither of them cared anyway. So why did he keep letting himself feel this way? Why did he let it get so far?

The sound of footsteps behind him snapped him out of his trance. As much as he wanted to look back, he knew better than that. Instead, he walked briskly into an alleyway to wait it out. Once the tears began running freely down his cheeks, his phone started buzzing. It took him a moment to recognize her number and swipe his thumb across the screen. His hand shook slightly as he put the device to his ear.

“Steve? Is everything okay? Are you crying?”