The Enemy Within!

There weren’t always dragons in the valley… but saying that, I can’t remember a time without them. We always hear stories from other people and of course everyone has their personal encounters and individual torments but to say they were never here is nothing less than ignorant.

They come at you with swords, fire breathing birds they are. No matter the day; time or weather; they hit us when we’re least expecting it. Every time they come we believe our lives are over and we feel defeated due to the lack of strength and ability on our end.

I mean don’t get me wrong, a lot of the time we do expect them and even wait for their presence. It’s when they come, we don’t know how to get rid of them straight away. Every encounter is tremendous but also exclusive. When they come, they stay with us for weeks or even months. I have heard stories of some even staying n for years and others never left.

Often they’re invisible and only you can see them. Sometimes you yourself can’t even see them but can feel their presence and pressure. Other times, the pressure is so immense it takes over completely and we all feel it at the same time, especially if we’re always surrounded by people.

The stronger of us fight back and learn to live another day. Some are the ones who couldn’t handle the pressure of the burning coal fires and fled this earth completely to another!

I personally believe they flee to be with the dragons; to become a dragon in that sense. If you can’t beat them join them and all that.

I know that because that’s exactly what Ashleigh’s done to me. Before she left to become one of them, she’d taunt and kill me with her words. More times than non lash out and even hit me. The feelings I now feel when the dragons are around; even lurking in the darkness; are the feelings I got when Ashleigh were near!

It’s a weird feeling, scared and your just paranoid hoping no one else notices what is happening. Most of the time you put a front on. A lot of the time you can’t. Like they say, you can run but you can’t hide. Wherever you are, whoever your with they don’t care, they come quick, hit hard and stay. It’s a game of hide and seek but your always caught!

I’ve tried many times to hide even around the strongest people I knew, physically and mentally.

Family members I feel comfortable with trying to feel secure and supported. Friends I’m the happiest with and even strangers who bring a different outlook on the world. Nothing works!

As time goes on, the dragons get bigger, their noises get louder, their wings flapping around the room or sky get more furocious and I feel a shiver and want to scream at the feeling. Occasionally I try to fall asleep to escape the reality. The fear regularly wakes me up and I feel hot and breathless in sweats as I’m blown with a gust of fire. They don’t leave you alone, ever.

I know my dragon is Ashleigh. She causes me anxiety at it’s finest. I can’t relax, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t be alone or with others. She ever leaves!

The dragons look like flying devils; they have bright orange eyes, breath such hot fire smoke disperses into the air as their mouths brake seal.

Long thrashing tails and as big as a killer wale surrounding the skies when storming through the atmosphere.

It’s all in my mind I tell myself but I know it isn’t as friends and family members see and feel them too.

I hated them, I hated her. I wanted to beat her once and for all but I felt I could only do that by joining her first. I wasn’t sure how and the best way to go about it.

I opened my memory box and pulled out the suicide note she left behind for her mum to find. I photocopied it for a reminder of how sweet she could be and tears filled my eyes as I began to read and reminisce. It was only ever when I let out a moaning and floods of salt water from my eyes, the weight seemed to lift and I slowly but surly felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I finally felt free.

I got to the end of the note and as always just before she signed it; It read;

‘Depression Won!’