The Enemy of Love

The more I went over the words in my head and how to say them the more restless and uncertain I became. All I could think about was her. I had only known her for three months but was head over heels in love with her. It was love at first sight. I’ll never forget the moment I saw her for the first time. She gracefully floated across the floor and I’m not even sure her feet were touching the ground. She was radiating light and beauty in a way I’d never seen before.

Without hesitation, I walked right up to her and told her I was going to marry her one day. She just started laughing at me. Her laugh was the most amazing and magnificent thing I’d ever seen. I was putty in the palm of her hand.

Movement in the reflection in a framed picture on my desk caught my attention. Someone was coming. Nonchalantly, I closed the open window on the screen, picked up a file off my desk, and pretended to be thinking really hard. With any luck they would pass by and not disturb me.

“Hey John! Are you ready for the weekend?” A voice came from behind me. It was Mark.

Mark is an idiot. He’s nice, but stupid and probably still a virgin at 35 years of age. A couple years ago, our division in the fraud department of the accounting company we work for went to a convention in Orlando, Florida. We were all having cocktails in the hotel bar and I hit it off with a gorgeous woman and took her back to my room. She turned out to be the keynote speaker at the event. Mark has treated me like some kind of hero ever since. To be completely honest, I’m still a little angry that he got the promotion I wanted.

“Your zipper is down, Mark.” I said without turning to face him.

“How’d you know? He said sheepishly as he pulled up the fly on his kakis. “You didn’t even look.”

“Well, you just came down the hall from the bathroom so I figured I had a 50/50 shot.”

Mark shook his finger at me. I had no idea what he meant by it and nor did I care.

“Don’t let Larry catch you still digging on The Forum. He’s already told you to back off at least twice.”

I wanted to tell him to mind his business and that I don’t care about what Larry thinks. The Forum is a cult. Cults are corrupt. And corrupt people do not follow the rules. Especially, when it comes to finances. But instead, I held my tongue and kept it professional.

“Thanks for looking out, Mark.” I turned back to my computer screen and he just stood there awkwardly.

“Um. If you don’t have any plans tomorrow night, I’m playing in a dart tournament at Potter’s Pub. You should totally come out.”

“As much as I would love to see you get your ass kicked in darts this weekend, I do have plans. I’m taking Maria to the lake and I’m proposing to her.”

I sipped on my Eagle Rare bourbon and glanced at the face of my Rolex. She was about twenty-two minutes and thirty-six seconds late for our three month anniversary date. From the corner of my eye, I saw her enter the restaurant.

“Sorry I’m late.” She said as she took her seat across from me at the table. She was wearing black yoga pants and a mustard yellow three-quarter sleeve cardigan draped over her. She looked angelic. I felt a goofy grin come over my face as she approached. Somehow she gets more and more beautiful each time I see her.

Maria was an artist. She lived in a tiny one bedroom condominium in the river district which also served as her art studio. She didn’t have a television, but she had a record player. She would listen to records as she got lost in the creation process. She would draw, paint, and also form pottery.

After dinner we went for a walk by the lake where we first proclaimed our love for each other and shared our first kiss. The sound of the waves splashing against the shore soothed my nerves as we strolled hand in hand. The moon was nowhere to be seen leaving the sky full of magnificent stars twinkling in the night.

“You’re so quiet this evening. What’s wrong?” Maria asked breaking the silence. Tightness in my throat formed into a lump as I got down on one knee and pulled the ring out of my pocket. My eyes couldn’t hold back the tears as I asked Maria to marry me.

I rolled over in bed to say good morning and found her side empty. Three months had passed by since the night Maria rejected my proposal. She claimed she didn’t believe in owning another person and we didn’t need paperwork to prove our love for each other. I pretended to be understanding but I was quite upset. What was she hiding from me? Why was she always happy? I’d never seen her get angry even once.

The smell of coffee brewing inspired me to pull myself out of Maria’s bed. I peered over the loft and saw her sitting indian style on a pillow next to some candles and a few other objects. One of which was a little toy Volkswagen Bus.

Her phone vibrated on the bedside table and I couldn’t help but look at the screen. It was a text from someone named Phillip Conner that read, “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight...” I picked up the phone to read the rest of the message but it was locked. I could feel my heart racing. Who was this Phillip guy and why was he ‘seeing’ my girlfriend tonight?

In the kitchen, I found my favorite coffee mug and poured the creamer in first so it mixes with coffee as I fill it. That way, I don’t have to dirty a spoon to stir it. I’m the smartest person I know and I prove it to myself everyday. I’ve never even really made a mistake. Once I thought I did, but I was wrong.

“Good morning, handsome.” Maria came up from behind me smiling and full of life.

“Are you always like this?” I asked. “So sweet and lovely?”

She shrugged and closed her eyes as she leaned in for a kiss.

“Life is perfect.” She sighed.

“That’s a bit of a stretch.”

“Only if you think so.” She laughed like she had a secret I didn’t know.

“What is it? How are you always in a good mood? I just don’t understand why you are always happy.”

“You just tune into it. We are like radios. We can tune into whatever frequency or feeling we want with our thoughts and beliefs. If you want to be happy, just think about what you’re grateful for until you believe it and feel it in your heart. It’s that easy.”

“What if someone cuts you off in traffic?”

“Be grateful that you weren’t in an accident and just let them be. You can only control you actions, not others.”

Looking her directly in the eyes, I decided to confront her then and there and not let it stew up inside me anymore. “What do you do when you find out your girlfriend is sneaking around and cheating on you?”

“What are you talking about?” She laughed and took a sip of coffee.

“Phillip Conner.” I said sternly letting her know she was exposed and couldn’t dance around the truth anymore.

Maria burst into hysterical laughter. Coffee spewed out her nose as she covered her face with her hands and raced to the sink.

“It’s not funny!” I snapped back. “How long have you been ‘seeing’ him?”

Maria dried her face and hands on a paper towel and tossed it in the trash. “Well, I’ve known Phil for about for about three and a half years.”

“Is that why you won’t marry me? I’m just a side gig.”

“John,” She said calmly and firmly. “You are getting it all wrong. Phil is seventy years old and happily married. He mentored me when I was going through a very difficult time in my life. I never told you about him because when we first started dating you made some harsh comments about something and I didn’t want to argue or drive you away.”

“What are you talking about?

“John, Phil introduced me to The Forum. I’ve been a member for three years.”

I felt sick to my stomach. I placed my hands on the counter to keep from falling on the floor. I don’t know what was worse, thinking Maria was cheating on me or finding out she’s in a cult. The tears built up in my eyes. “You’re in a cult?”

“It’s not a cult, babe. You should come with me tonight and see for yourself.”

“There’s not a chance in hell I’ll ever go to that place. Never!”

“Why are you so closed minded?” She asked kindly with a look of concern on her face.

“I can’t even look at you right now.” I stormed out of the kitchen and out of her place not knowing if I’d ever be back again. The thoughts in my head were spinning like a whirlwind completely out of control.

Sweat ran down my body soaking my clothes as I watched my form in the mirror while I did my kettlebell swings. The gym always helped me sort out my restless mind on difficult days and every day had been rough since I left Maria. It had only been a week, but it felt like an eternity.

She agreed to see me only if I went to a meeting at The Forum with her. I had to show her that I wasn’t closed minded. I figured an hour or two of The Forum was worth it to see Maria again. And, if a relationship is going to last it’s important to compromise and be willing to see things from the other person’s perspective. I guess there’s no limit to the things we’ll do when we truly love someone.

The sky was lit up in beautiful shades of countless colors as the sunset and Maria pulled her SUV into my driveway. Just seeing her face felt like a hole in my heart had been filled. She insisted on driving because I had my silver Yeti tumbler filled with bourbon on ice.

We pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of the vehicle. There were all kinds of people from every race and culture laughing and talking together. They all looked so happy. As we entered the multi-million dollar facility, the first thing that caught my eye was a huge flat screen TV on the wall with an eclectic list of classes and interest groups. There was Urban Gardening, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki, Metaphysics, Personal and Professional Development, and much more.

The conference room was almost full when we entered and we found some seats in the back row. I wanted to be as close to the exit as possible. An elderly man with a cane was walking towards us. He moved as though every step was agony but he still had a smile on his face and a genuine twinkle in his eyes.

“Phil!” Maria shouted as she ran up to him and gave him a big hug. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Awe, Maria. Likewise.” He said in his thick Irish accent.

Maria turned around and grabbed my hand pulling me into the conversation. “Meet John.”

“I’ve heard so much about you, John. It’s an honor to finally meet you. I’m Reverend Doctor Phillip Issac Conner. Do you know what your name means?”

“Um, no. I don’t believe that I do. Please enlighten me.” I said sarcastically, but trying not to be an asshole.

“Graced by God exuding strength, intelligence, and kindness. And don’t worry too much about being an asshole. Everyone is an asshole at times. The biggest assholes are the people who don’t realize they are assholes.” I must have looked like deer caught in headlights. How did he know what I was thinking?

Maria and I sat back down in our seats. I gazed across the crowd as the meeting came to order and saw my boss Larry sitting up near the front. No wonder he told me to back off The Forum! He’s a member!

The applause from the crowd slowly died down as the speaker took the stage. He was balding and probably in his mid forties.

“The enemy doesn’t know it’s the enemy.” He walked to the right side of the stage. “Who is the enemy, you might ask? What is the enemy? What makes something or someone an enemy?” He walked to the left side of the stage letting his questions sink into the audience. “Anything that opposes something else is considered the enemy. If hate is the enemy of love, than love is the enemy of hate. Therefore, you must fight hate, fear, or anything opposing love with nothing but love. And then you’ll find yourself not fighting at all.” He chuckled a little as he continued.

“We are all one, a part of something much bigger than us. Our tiny human brains are not capable of seeing the complete big picture. So now, the enemy is anything that divides us or disconnects us from the oneness of our true existence. There are many things that divide us on so many levels but, the only things we can control is our own thoughts and our own actions. So, any negative thought you have has now become the enemy. Negative thoughts include fear, worry, doubt, anger, frustration, guilt, shame… I could go on and on with all the things in this world that can stir up thoughts that make us have these negative feelings. But, there is only one enemy to those thoughts that can defeat them; And that is Love.

It was a very quiet car ride after the meeting. I was grateful Maria didn’t ask me any questions and let me sit in silence with my thoughts.