The Dove

The house was unnaturally quiet, the wooden floor creaking with its age. Or it could be rain and wind pelting down on the house that was causing it. Of fucking course, Gia thought. How cliché of it to have rained, today of all days. The day she was burying her mother.

Gia smoothed the lines of her black dress, her pale hands shaking against the fabric as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her light brown eyes looked lifeless, and her face was dull. She held little emotion in her features, and she knew her relatives would think she’d spent the morning crying her eyes out when they spotted the redness around them. She hadn’t though. Gia had done enough of that in the last few weeks of her mother’s life. For years, she watched her mom lose the ability to hold anything without her hands shaking. And then eventually, she stopped being able to swallow her own food before she had to be put on a feeding tube. It was after that difficult process, the doctors had told her the dementia had worsen along with her mother’s Parkinson’s disease, that it was only a matter of time before she passed. ‘She’s shutting down,’ was what they had said. And two weeks after they intubated her, her heart stopped. Gia could still hear the exhale of her mother’s last breath leaving her.

Heavy footsteps padded into the room, and she saw the face of her boyfriend, Andrew, standing behind her in the mirror. His arms circled her waist and squeezed her to his chest. “Are you ready?”

Was anyone ever ready to bury a loved one?

“No,” She mumbled, but squeezed his arm around her. “But I don’t have a choice.”

He nodded in understanding, his dark hair flipping over his forehead as he did. He leaned down to kiss the side of her neck, and Gia let him lead her from the room. She felt as if she were in a dream like state as she made her way to the car and climbed into the passenger seat. The entire car ride she stared out the window blankly, the city passing in a blur as Andrew drove them to the cemetery. She hadn’t even processed that they arrived until a relative hugged her, whispering her condolences into her ear. One by one, family and friends she hadn’t seen in years came up to her. Their words did nothing to ease the pit of grief sitting in her stomach, but she mumbled her thanks each time they approached her.

Once the last of them came to her, Gia made her way to the front of the chapel where her mother’s casket was. It was white, with gold trimmings, and thankfully- closed. She refused to have an open casket despite what her aunt had suggested. She didn’t want to see her mom so…dead. The look on her mom’s face seconds after she stopped breathing still haunted her. She didn’t need to see anymore.

Gia sat in the first row, closest to the podium where the priest would give his prayers. She folded her hands in her lap, her eyes moving to the portrait she’d picked out of her mother. She was just a few years older than Gia in it. Young, beautiful and lively. She stared at it the entire service, barely hearing the words of the priest as he began the services. How had she never noticed how much she looked like her mother until now?

“Gia.” Andrew gently nudged her arm and she blinked back to reality, tearing her gaze from the portrait. She met Andrew’s stare as he nodded his head towards the front of the chapel. “Your Eulogy.”

She didn’t move for a moment, trying to process what he had just said before her gaze swept her surroundings. The priest, and the guests were watching her with sympathetic patience. She decided then that she wasn’t a fan of that look.

Gia reached into the pocket of her black dress, feeling the edges of the folded notebook paper at her fingertips. Standing from the pew, she walked to the front of the chapel and stood behind the podium. She unfolded the paper, smoothing it out on the wood as she gazed at the words she had written. She’d spent the night before trying to find the right words and still, they didn’t seem to do her mother’s life justice.

“My mom was a unique woman,” She began, her breath whooshing out of her into the microphone. “She was always smiling, and looking for the next adventure. I’ve never known a woman as spontaneous and brave as her. She was loyal to her core, and she believed family was everything…” The words rolled off her tongue but her throat thickened with heavy emotion. It wasn’t the entire truth. Her mother had been loyal and adventurous, but that wild side of her had left Gia to fend for herself too often at a young age. In her teen years she’d resented her for it and it caused many fights between the two, but as she reached her twenties things between them had been smoothed over. Her mother was the one person Gia felt she could tell anything to without judgement. Despite all they’d been through and their flaws, they loved each other unconditionally.

She finished her Eulogy and made her way back to the pew, falling into it as her aunt took her turn to say her piece. Andrew’s hand grasped hers, squeezing it tightly but Gia let hers sit limply. It felt like all her energy had been dissipated in her efforts to keep her composure together, that she wasn’t sure how much longer she could avoid falling apart. She was ready for this to be over.

Andrew stood from the pew, his hand guiding Gia up from her seat. She blinked into the present, noting that the guests were making their way out of the chapel and across the grass to where her mother would be buried. Gia moved on unsteady legs behind the crowd, watching the pallbearers which consisted of her cousins and uncle, carry her mother’s casket to the hearse. They slid the casket carefully into the back, closing the back doors before the car was driven to the spot she would be buried. Gia felt nausea roll through her the closer she got to the burial site and squeezed Andrew’s hand when she saw her relatives reach for the casket to remove it from the hearse. It was beginning to feel very final.

Gia stopped and stood with the rest of the guests as her cousins and uncle placed the casket on the strap over the grave. The mortician stepped in and made sure the casket was aligned with the plot, then stepped back. The priest began saying a prayer, then blessed the casket and bowed his head. Gia followed, dipping her head as a silence fell over the crowd around the grave. Her eyes fell down to the shoes she currently wore, the same ones she’d bought during a shopping trip with her mom years ago. Gia hadn’t even realized the black boots her mom had insisted she get, were the ones she unknowingly chose to wear to her funeral today. Dirt from the gravesite covered the toe of the boot, and Gia felt her throat constrict tightly.

It had suddenly hit her, that her mother would never take another shopping trip with her. For a long time, Gia had known this day would come but hadn’t stopped to think about all the things she’d miss out on doing with her mom. She wouldn’t be there for her wedding day, and what if she had a baby? Who would she call when her baby was screaming and Gia needed her mother to stop her from having a meltdown? It occurred to her then that her mother was no longer a phone call away, and she wouldn’t be there when her and Andrew got into a fight and she needed her perspective. Her mother always had talked her out of a fuming tantrum when she would get angry and forced her to see reason. She knew her daughter down to her core. In spite of their differences and arguments they had when Gia had been a teen, her mother had been her rock. Gia had lost her best friend.

The realization choked Gia, and the tears she’d kept at bay since the day of her mother’s death, overtook her. Her lip quivered and her eyes stung as wet drops fell from her eyes in fast streaks. She knew people were staring now, feeling pity for the daughter but Gia couldn’t find it in herself to care. Her mom was gone.

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there crying, but she was vaguely aware of Andrew’s arm around her shoulder. She couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to much else past her grief, that Andrew politely said the goodbyes for her when the guests started to clear out after it was over. Andrew spoke with the cemetery staff in quiet whispers and asked to give Gia a few more minutes before they lowered the casket into the ground.

“Gia,” he said softly, squeezing her shoulder. “Babe, they have to lower her now.”

Gia blinked, feeling wet drops dripping from her chin. “I want to watch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just stand with me.”

Andrew nodded and pulled her into his chest, her head resting under his chin. She blinked away the rush of more tears when the staff began to prep for lowering the casket. Her gaze slid to the pink roses resting on top of the casket, and just then, a white dove flew in and landed on it.

Gia gasped quietly and the dove perched itself on the flowers, making a nest of it. Its gaze was zoned in on Gia, its head turning sideways. The bird cooed three times, blinked at Gia, then flew away with the stem of a rose in its beak.

“Did you see that?” Gia asked in awe and she felt Andrew nodding.

“It was her.”

“Do you think so?” She sounded hopeful, and Andrew’s eyes stung. He hugged Gia tighter.

“What do you think?”

“I think it was a sign.” She sighed and felt a wave of relief flood her. She’d felt like her mother was completely gone, and though she was physically, Gia was choosing to believe that her mother was still with her in spirit.

“Me too,” Andrew kissed her forehead. “I think she’s going to be watching over you.”

“I hope so.” Gia whispered and wrapped her arms around Andrew’s back.

“You’ll see her again someday, Gia. Besides, your mom is here.” He pressed his hand to her heart. “Remember that.”

Gia felt her eyes water again, but this time it was a mix of both sadness and relief. Andrew was right. Having her mother gone made her insides hurt but Gia knew her mother was at peace now. She had hated being stuck to a bed the last weeks of her life, and Gia fought a smile at the thought of her doing cartwheels wherever she was. There was no doubt, that wild spirit of hers had followed her into the afterlife.

Gia heard another coo and looked up at the tree above them. There was the dove again, sitting on a branch with the stem still in its mouth, looking down at Gia. She grinned, and her shoulders shook in silent laughter.

Yeah, her mom was still with her.