The Door

I stared at the door. How had I gotten here? Where had I come from? I knew I had not always existed in this place, standing before this door. I had arrived here and I felt sure my arrival had been very recent. Hadn’t I been in bed? Yes, I had gone to bed early as I had a busy schedule for the following day. Perhaps this was a dream.

I was standing in a long, white corridor that seemed to stretch off into forever. I could see no end, no corner, just endless, stark white walls. I was alone yet I had the odd and uncomfortable feeling of being watched. I looked to my left and right, up at the ceiling, down at the floor, behind me; I was definitely alone. The door was the only feature as far as I could see. I would have opened it, only there was no door handle. Instead, a big brass bell hung on a bracket in the centre of the door. With nothing else to do, I rang the bell. The door swung silently open. I don’t know what I expected to see, but I definitely hadn’t expected to see nothing at all. Well, not nothing exactly. Behind the door was a rippling surface that shimmered like a lake when the sun’s rays hit the water. It looked as though it should have been transparent, but I could not see through it. Reaching out my hand, I touched the glittering surface and my hand immediately disappeared. Before I could even think, I was pulled all the way in.

A jolt fired through my body.

My eyes flew open and I sat up. I was in my bed, in the bedroom of my downtown apartment. I must have been dreaming, I thought. Disorientated, I blinked several times against the blinding morning sun. There was an ache in my chest and I felt sad, almost broken, as if I had just lost or given up something vitally important. Glancing at the clock I panicked. I had slept in. No time to dwell on emotions. It was a routine I was used to. I may have had a high IQ, but I had no perception of time. I leapt into the shower, all thoughts of the strange door forgotten as I hurried to get ready for class. I was studying astrophysics at University College London and was about to be late for a crucial lecture. Still pulling on my jacket, I sprinted to the bus stop. Lucky for me, the bus was just pulling up. I found a seat near the back and willed the driver to hurry. So absorbed was I in worrying about making it to my lecture on time, I didn’t notice the man who boarded at the next stop until he sat in the seat opposite me. My skin prickled with the feeling of being watched. Peeking out the corner of my eye I saw the man was staring at me. He was quite attractive, I had to admit. Ordinarily, I would have felt flattered, but there was something about this man that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I wasn’t afraid of him, but for some reason I felt as though I was the only one who could see him. He just didn’t seem… quite right. I pulled my brown cardigan tighter around me and folded my arms, looking pointedly out the window to hide my face. Finally, UCL came into sight and I jumped up from my seat, stumbling to the front of the bus as the driver hit the brakes. To my dismay, the man followed me. As soon as the doors opened I was off and running, stopping only once I was inside. Turning, I scanned the area for the man and breathed a sigh of relief when I couldn’t find him. I made it to my lecture with a minute to spare.

Afterwards, I decided to use the library to catch up on some assignments. I must have lost track of time because it was evening when I packed up to leave. I checked my watch. 5:00pm! No wonder I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all day! This was yet another common occurrence in the life of Kaylee Bishop. Food did not take precedence over study in my mind. I loved astrophysics. Space absolutely fascinated me; everything about it, from simple stars to complex black holes. One day, somehow, I would go there. I would walk on the moon, as Neil Armstrong once had, and float through space feeling the weightlessness of zero gravity. I would trek across the terrain of Mars and perhaps one day, discover that we were not alone in this vast expanse of universe. They were grand goals; unachievable and farfetched goals some might say. I did not agree. As far as I was concerned, they were perfectly logical and plausible.

As I poured over my text books, making notes here and there, I became aware of the sheer silence of the library. It was so quiet and still that it was suffocating. The library was always open till late and usually there would be a few students doing some last-minute cramming, or putting final touches on an assignment. Today there was no one. I felt I couldn’t breathe in the thick, static air. I had no explanation for my growing trepidation. I just knew I had to get out. A bead of sweat trickled its way down my back, and more clung to my upper lip. The lengthening shadows seemed to chase me as I made my way to the doors, taunting me with their games. I quickened my pace, ready to burst through the doors into the fresh, evening air. But the doors had gone. In their place was an unusual and unwelcome sight. My mind brought forth the memory of the dream I’d had the previous night, the corridor and the strange door. This doorway was the same. It shimmered like the ocean on a summer’s day. How could it be here? I was awake. Wasn’t I? I’d heard stories of people having dreams so realistic that when they woke, they thought real life was still the dream. Granted, most of those people had some serious mental problems, but some of them had been quite sane.

There was no other way out of the library. If this was a dream, maybe touching the strange surface would cause me to wake up, like it had last time. Tentatively, I reached out and placed my hand on the smooth surface. It looked like it should have felt wet, but it wasn’t.

Nothing happened.

Frowning, I placed my other hand on the surface.

Still nothing.

I stood there, confused, pondering this oddity when I heard footsteps behind me. Turning, I saw my friend Erik coming towards me, backpack slung over one shoulder, books under each arm and a smile on his face. He was always smiling and could make everyone else smile too, with his easy going, laid back approach to life. I envied his ability of being able to find something positive in every situation. Nothing ever fazed him. He just took things as they came and went with the flow. I envied that as well.

“Hey!” He smiled. “I didn’t know you were here. If I did, I would have got you to help me with this assignment. I’m struggling with it.” He laughed.

“I do have my own work to do, you know,” I said with a mock sigh.

“Yeh, but you’re so smart you probably finish it before it even gets given out.”

I laughed. It felt good to laugh. Normal. Somehow though, without even asking, I knew Erik couldn’t see the doorway.

“I’m going to grab something to eat. Want to join me?”

My stomach grumbled in reply. “Sure. Was going to do that myself.”

“Cool. Let’s jet.” With that, he stepped through the door and disappeared. I swallowed hard as I slowly took a step closer.

“Well, come on!” Erik called. His voice sounded muffled, muted as though he was speaking through a wall. “My stomach won’t wait forever.”

I shook my head. Sometimes Erik reminded me so much of my brother. It was probably why he was one of my best friends. With a deep breath, I pushed my way through.

There was the sound of someone crying as a jolt fired through my body. A heavy weight pressed down on me…

“Yes! Gotcha,” cried a voice, exultant in victory and belonging to my older brother, Hunter. We had always been close, even though we were separated by 6 years.

I laughed as I pushed at him. “You cheated.”

We were in the lounge room of the house he shared with his fiancé, Jade. She walked in just as my brother protested against my cheating accusation.

“Did not. You’re just losing it, little sister.”

“You two will be the death of each other.” Jade shook her head and sighed.

“You want to be next?” My brother moved to tackle her, his green eyes, so like my own, sparkling with mischief.

She dodged him deftly, laughing. “I’ll pass thanks. Now, we did invite Kaylee over for some important news, remember? Not to grind her into the carpet.”

I sat up, curious. “News? What news?”

Both Hunter and Jade beamed at me. “Ok, are you ready?”

“Out with it!” I demanded impatiently.

They looked at each other, faces glowing, and spoke in unison, “We’re pregnant!”

“What! Really? Oh my gosh!” I jumped up and grabbed them both in a hug. “That is fantastic! I’m going to be an Aunty! Oh, congratulations! I am so happy for you!”

“Thanks, sis. You will be an awesome Aunty.”

“Damn right I will be! Have you told mum and dad yet?”

“Not yet. I wanted to tell you first. They will be here for dinner though so we will tell them then.”

“This is so exciting! I love you guys.” I hugged them again. “Wow, a little niece or nephew. I can teach them about space! Oooo, I can buy them one of those mobiles of the solar system!”

Hunter and Jade laughed. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself there don’t you think, sis? Maybe she will like sports instead.” Hunter was a batsman for the local cricket team, and quite a good one at that. I hated sport.

I put on a dramatic air. “Nooo, the very idea of my niece or nephew liking sport!” I faked a gag. “Never! I shall not allow… Argh!” I was cut off as my brother picked me up and spun me in circles.

“Ok, ok! I yield!” I cried. Hunter stopped and set me down, grinning as he watched me struggle to regain my balance.

“Anyone told you you’re a pain in the arse?” I grumbled.

His grin got bigger. “All the time!”

“And he is even proud of it.” I shook my head sadly, as though Hunter were a lost cause. “Let me go wash up and I’ll help get dinner ready.”

Jade gave me the thumbs up and I darted off to the bathroom. My momentary happiness caused me to forget the earlier events and how I had arrived here. Quickly, I did my business and washed my hands. A glance in the mirror showed my long, brown hair was a mess. Thanks a lot Hunter. I pulled out the elastic, combed the tangles with my fingers and pulled it back into a neat ponytail. Satisfied that I was now presentable, I went to dash back to the kitchen. The door was blocked by a familiar sight. I groaned as I reluctantly remembered how I had arrived here. Please not now, I begged. I had just got the most exciting news and I had to leave? No. This was stupid. It must be all in my head. I will just walk through the door and everything will be fine. My phone buzzed in my pocket. Taking it out, I saw I had two text messages and two missed calls.

“Where are you? I came back into the library looking for you. You were taking forever to come out so I went back in to get you and you were gone? Could have said see ya…”

“Kaylee? Is everything ok?”

Both texts were from Erik.

He had left a voice message as well. “I don’t know what is going on. Have I done something to piss you off? Anyway, call me. I’m worried.”

The other missed call was also from Erik.

A light bulb went off in my head. That’s right! I was meant to have had dinner with Erik last night though obviously, that hadn’t happened.

I was beyond confused and frustrated. Maybe I could control this if I concentrated. Or maybe I could avoid walking through it at all. The bathroom window was open. I would escape out the window and be back inside to meet my parents when they arrived. I couldn’t wait to see how they reacted to the news that they were going to be grandparents. I will have this moment of celebration with my family, I thought adamantly. Keeping that in mind I opened the window further and climbed through.

Another jolt fired through my body.

There was the sound of crying and people yelling.

My eyes flew open. Everything was dark and there was a strong earthy smell. Something was tickling my nose. I realized belatedly that I was lying face down on grass and dirt. I groaned and slowly rolled over. Apparently, this odd door could not be avoided. Where was I this time?

“Honey? Honey, are you alright?” It was my mother’s voice. I blinked several times, struggling to focus.

“Mum?”

“Yes, dear. I’m here. Your father too.”

“Hiya, sweetheart,” said a deep, rumbly voice.

“Dad?”

“You ok, pumpkin?”

“What happened?” I tried to get my body to move into a sitting position. It was a struggle. I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds.

“You toppled right off your chair! Your father went to catch you but it was so unexpected he just wasn’t quick enough.”

“Sorry, kiddo.”

“It’s ok, dad. I’m fine. I think.” I started to sit up and my mum and dad rushed to help me.

“Maybe you should have a lie down,” suggested mum. “Perhaps the heat got to you. Have you had much water to drink today?” With concern on her face, she gently felt my forehead and cheeks. “You look a little pale.

“Um…” I stuttered. There was no way I could explain the series of events that had landed me here. I could hardly believe it myself and I was sure they wouldn’t. So I lied. “Sure.”

“What about food? Did you eat breakfast?”

“Ah, I think so…” At mum’s frown I added quickly, “Yes. Yes, I’m sure I did.”

“Ok, well come on inside and we can finish lunch in the kitchen where it’s cooler.”

Dad helped me into the house and onto a chair at the kitchen table, then went to help mum bring in the food. This was the house I’d grown up in. It hadn’t changed much over the 4 years since I’d moved out. My old bedroom was even the same. For when I came to visit, mum had said. A new picture here and there, some new cushions, curtains and kitchen appliances, including a juicer, were the only differences.

We sat at the table, finishing off lunch and talking, catching up on each other’s lives. Mum had started a health kick and had talked dad into it, hence the juicer. Dad was going on a fishing trip over the weekend with his friend from way back. Mum had taken up knitting. It was nice. I missed my parents. I loved my little apartment and I loved the freedom of living out of home, but it was the little things, like these seemingly trivial conversations, dad’s jokes and mum’s singing, that I missed the most. I relaxed and tried to forget how I’d arrived here, however my head was still spinning, making it rather difficult. Could I still be dreaming? Was I losing my mind? Would this merry-go-round ever end?

“I think I might go lie down for a bit,” I said to mum and dad as I got up.

“Ok, dear. Sing out if you need us.”

“I will.” I gave mum and dad a hug. I needed to feel something normal, something comforting. “Thanks for lunch.”

“Any time, sweetheart.”

I smiled and headed upstairs to my room. I closed my door and opened my window to let in the cool breeze that had just started to pick up. Lying on my bed, I watched the curtains blowing. The sensation of being watched came over me again. Blocking it out, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I awoke it was dark out. I looked at the clock on my nightstand. Goodness! I had slept all afternoon! It was 8:00pm. I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the door. My throat was parched and I needed a drink. Mum always had some fresh lemonade in the fridge. Before I could open my door, there came a knock.

“Honey? Are you awake?”

“Yeh, mum. I’m…” My voice caught in my throat as I opened the door. No. No no no. Not again, I pleaded silently.

“Honey? Can I come in?” From mum’s side, the door was still closed. I heard the handle turn and the door give a small creak as she opened it and then suddenly, she seemed to step out of the watery substance into my room. I backed up and sat on the bed.

“Darling, what is it? You look like you have seen a ghost!”

“Does that doorway look normal to you?” It was an effort to keep my voice steady.

Mum turned her head to look. “Yes, it looks as it always has. Why?”

“No reason. I just thought it looked different.” I thought for a moment. “Mum, when was the last time I was here?”

“Oh, it’s been a while. You’ve been busy with assignments and exams. It was probably a few months ago, just before…” She trailed off, her face turning white. She stared at me with wide eyes. “No,” she breathed. “It’s not possible. How could I have forgotten.” She began to back away from me. “Who are you?” Her voice shook but she demanded again, “Who are you?”

I looked at her in confusion. “It’s me mum, you know, your daughter.”

“No.” Mum shook her head. “No, you can’t be.” She backed all the way out the door and disappeared. I heard her running down the stairs, calling to my dad as she went.

My heart raced. What was that all about? It was like mum had realized something. A possibility of what that might be brushed the edges of my mind, but I pushed it away. It was just paranoia. Oh please just let it be paranoia.

The feeling of being watched returned. I was angry now. “What is going on?” I demanded to anyone who might have been listening. I sat on my bed pouting like a child throwing a tantrum and stubbornly refused to go through the door.

“You have to go through eventually. It’s part of the journey.”

I jumped up and spun around. The man from the bus stood in front of my window. Only this time, he was dressed in flowing white robes and seemed to be emanating a faint glow. His golden hair fell in waves to his shoulders and his eyes were as blue and deep as the ocean. He really was quite beautiful, but it was lost on me. I had no time for admiration. I wanted answers.

“Who are you? What is happening to me?” I was yelling and crying at the same time.

“I am simply a guide. That is all you need to know for now. As to what is happening, you must come to that conclusion yourself. I cannot force the process.” His soft, gentle voice did nothing to soothe me.

“What conclusion? What process?” I screamed.

“You are getting closer to your journey’s end. Everyone is different and everyone’s journey is different. You can take all the time you need.”

“What are you talking about? You make no sense!”

He smiled and came to stand beside me. He placed a hand on the small of my back and began to guide me towards the door.

“No!” I struggled against him. “I am not going through that again until you tell me what it is and what is going on!”

“It will become clear soon enough. You are about to enter the final stages. Part of you has already become aware. What happened with your mother just now is proof of that. That is why you are resisting. Before, you were curious and the curiosity pushed you onward. Now, you are in denial, fighting against yourself, against the part of you that knows. The next stage is Revelation. This is all I can tell you.”

Fear clutched at my stomach, turning it into a large knot. I felt like vomiting. “Some guide you are,” I huffed, glaring at him while he had the audacity to chuckle. “Can you at least tell me if I am dreaming?”

The man sighed. “No, Kaylee. This is not a dream.”

The fear crept up my body until it felt like I was choking on it.

“I’m afraid.” My voice came out a whisper.

“There is no need to fear. Fear will only hold you back. I am here as guide but I am also here to protect you. Nothing will harm you. I will remain with you for as long as it takes you to make this journey.”

“Can I see my parents again before I leave?”

The man shook his head. “You have moved past them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You cannot go backwards. Only forwards.”

I sighed in frustration and annoyance. Who was this guy? It sounded like he was speaking in riddles.

“It will all make sense in the next stage,” he said. I think he meant it as a reassurance. It felt more like he was just forcing me to get going.

“Great. But I think I will just stay here if you don’t mind.” I sat back on my bed, folding my arms defiantly.

“Very well. I will leave you for a time. Whenever you need me, just call. My name is Gideon.” He began to fade. “Just remember, wherever you go, you are always safe.” Then he was gone.

I looked around my bedroom with a sense of nostalgia. The thought came unbidden to my mind that I would never come back here again. On my desk, laying open, was a photo album. It was of the trip that I had taken to Australia with my parents and brother many years ago. I smiled as I flipped through the pages, lingering over my parents faces. I wanted to remember them forever, every line of their face, the way they smiled, everything about them. Promising myself that I wouldn’t forget, I closed the album and picked up another that had been underneath the first. This one held pictures of friends from all the different outings we had done together. There were pictures from high school, birthdays, camping trips from when we had gone to watch various meteor showers, and a myriad of others. I turned each page slowly, committing everything to memory. At the back of my mind, that niggling sense that I would never see any of them again threatened to boil over. Emotions tumbled over one another, jostling this way and that, rolling up and down like a boat caught in a swell. I didn’t know which one to feel, so they decided for me. I curled up in a ball on my bed, hugging the albums as sadness overwhelmed me. Uncontrollable sobs tore through my lips and shook me to my core. It was as though I was grieving and I guess, in a way, I was.

How long I stayed like that I can’t say. The clock said 3:00am but I didn’t know what to trust or believe anymore. The door was still there, still the same and still beckoning to me. Ignoring it, I got up and walked into my small ensuite, splashed my face with cold water and stared at myself in the mirror. Half of my face seemed blurry. I blinked a few times and looked again. Still blurry. In fact, half of my body was blurry. Whatever. I was numb and past caring. Taking a deep breath, I went and stood in front of the door. Through it was, apparently, the stage of Revelation. Somehow, I knew it was going to hurt. There would be no denying the truth once I stepped through but I couldn’t stay here forever. I needed to know what was happening to me and find the end of it, whatever the end may be. Bracing myself, I stepped through, head held high.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. The flat note droned on. A jolt fired through my body.

There was the sound of crying and anxious voices.

Everything was dark.

I came out into a large, brightly lit room. The scent of antiseptic was strong. I heard the wail of a siren and suddenly a pair of doors to my right burst open. Several people hurried through, some pushing a gurney, others following along behind. I turned in time to see a man and woman in scrubs running to meet the gurney. Neither acted like they could see me; they both just kept running towards the gurney until they passed right through me. I stared at their backs in shock. But that was nothing compared to what I was about to see. The gurney was quickly coming closer.

“MVA. Female. Age 22. Suspected broken neck, ribs, crushed pelvis and internal bleeding.”

“BP 60 over 40 and dropping.”

“Get her straight into surgery.”

As they bustled past me, intent on their work, I caught a glimpse of the patient. I swooned and almost passed out. I would have fallen but suddenly, Gideon was there to catch me.

“That… that was… that was me!” I managed to gasp out.

“Yes.”

“How… how is that possible? How can that be… How can that be me? I am right here!”

“Follow them,” Gideon instructed gently. He took my trembling hand and together we followed the team of doctors and nurses. The room we came to was a hive of activity and noise.

“Let me through! That’s my daughter!”

The woman’s voice made the rest of the room seem quiet in comparison.

“Mam, let the doctors do their job. Your daughter is in good hands.”

“Can’t I just see her? Please. Just let me see her.”

One of the doctors gestured. “Let them in, just for a minute.”

A man and woman practically fell into the room. It was my mum and dad.

“Oh, my girl. Oh no. Ohhh.” Mum sobbed loudly, turning her face into dad’s chest. Tears were streaming down his face as well.

“Ok, we need you to leave now. We will do all we can to save her. I promise.”

“Come on, darling.” Dad kept his arms around mum and half carried, half dragged her out of the room.

For the next hour I stood there and watched as I was cut into, sewn up, wrapped up, poked and prodded.

“She’s going into cardiac arrest! We’re losing her!”

“Clear!”

They hit me with the paddles.

“No pulse.”

“Come on Kaylee! Fight! Clear!”

They hit me again and a nurse pumped oxygen into my lungs.

“Nothing.”

“Again! Clear!”

The monotonous, droning beep continued.

The doctor hung his head. “She’s gone. Time of death…” he glanced up at the clock, “9:07pm.”

I stared blankly, unable and unwilling to comprehend what had happened. Backing out of the room, I sat heavily in one of the chairs against the wall in the corridor.

“I’m dead,” I said flatly, though not really believing it. I looked at Gideon for some sort of explanation. “I’m dead?”

His gaze was sympathetic as he sat down beside me. “Yes.”

I was surprised by how calm I felt. Shouldn’t I be hysterical or something?

“The bonds of humanity are falling away. And a part of you was already aware.”

“Can you read minds? You keep answering questions I don’t ask out loud.”

Gideon laughed. “In a manner of speaking.”

“So…” I paused, wondering if I really wanted to ask my next question. “So,” I repeated. “How did… How did it happen?”

“A car accident. A driver had a heart attack and ran a red light, hitting you head on.”

“Oh my goodness! Is the other driver alright?” I asked, genuinely concerned.

Gideon shook his head sadly. “Unfortunately, he did not survive. His injuries were far too severe. He is now on the same journey you are.” He indicated further down the corridor as two men came around a corner.

One, who looked around my father’s age, was wearing a checkered shirt and cap. He looked exactly as I felt. The other was stunning, gleaming in white robes that mirrored Gideon’s exactly. They were in deep conversation. As they came closer, the man in white put a hand on the other’s shoulder to stop him. I saw the man in the checkered shirt take a deep breath as if to brace himself, then give a slight nod. They continued down the corridor until they were right in front of us.

The man in white nodded serenely at us then clasped Gideon’s hand before embracing him. “Good to see you, Gideon.”

“And you, Kamal. Kaylee, this is Kamal and Terry. Terry was the driver of the other vehicle.”

Terry removed his cap. “Miss, I am so sorry for what happened.” The poor man was so upset. I could see he was riddled with guilt as he wrung his cap in his hands, refusing to look directly at me. Pity rose in my heart for him.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said gently.

“My doctor said I needed to take better care of myself. Should have listened because now look what I’ve done. I understand if you won’t or can’t forgive me, but I am coming to you to ask anyway.” He looked at me imploringly as tears poured down his face.

I stood up and reached out to pull him into an embrace. He stood rigid for a moment, confused at my gesture. Then he began to sob uncontrollably and his arms wrapped around me. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated over and over again.

“It’s ok,” I murmured.

Eventually, he quieted down and stepped back from me, keeping both my hands in his. “I have…” he paused as a lump caught in his throat. “I had,” he corrected, “a daughter around your age. You remind me a little of her.”

I smiled at him and squeezed his hands. “She will be ok.”

“And you?”

I sat down again to consider my answer. Terry watched me anxiously. “I’m ok,” I said finally, smiling in what I hoped was reassurance.

“Really?” He sat down beside me.

“Yes. I really am. What is done, is done. It wasn’t your fault, or mine. Things happen that are outside of our control. I’m just sorry, for the both of us, about how things turned out.”

“Me too. So… ah,” he hesitated, still a little unsure of himself. “So, you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive.”

Terry smiled a watery smile. He stood and offered me a hand up, pulling me into another hug. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have no idea what this means to me. You’re an incredible young woman, Kaylee. Thank you. I hope we meet again at the end of this journey.”

“So do I. Wherever that elusive end may be.”

Terry chuckled. “Some ride, hey?”

“You’re not wrong there.”

We shared a laugh of understanding then he looked to Kamal. “Ok. I’m ready. I can move on now.”

Kamal smiled gently and nodded. “Very well.”

Terry looked at me one last time and surprised me by kissing me on the forehead, like my father would have done. “Goodbye, Kaylee and good luck.”

“Goodbye, Terry. All the best to you.”

Kamal bowed slightly. “Farewell.”

I watched them walk away until they disappeared out the doors at the end of the hall. A sigh escaped my lips as I moved back to stand at the door of the room that held my deceased body.

Hysterical crying sounded from the hall. I turned to see my mum on her knees and my dad folding himself around her like a protective shell. Huddled together, they moved into the room and to the bed that held my lifeless form, passing straight through me. Tears filled my eyes as I watched them stroke my face and hair, hold my hand and tell me how much they loved and missed me. I wasn’t sad for me. I was sad for them. Aching to comfort them, I tried to put an around each of their shoulders. My hands and arms passed straight through them, as if they weren’t really there. But it was me who wasn’t really there. I felt Gideon come to stand beside me.

“Can’t I talk to them? Show them I’m ok?”

He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “No. Do not worry. They will be ok. They are strong people and they have each other.”

We stayed there until the nurses came to take my body to the morgue and my parents left to make funeral arrangements. I was ready for the next stage.

As if on cue, the mysterious door opened up in front of me. It stood on its own this time, no other doorway framing it. Without hesitation, I walked straight through. There were no strange sounds, no jolts firing through my body and when I came out the other side, Gideon was waiting for me. We were outdoors. It was raining but I couldn’t feel it. A large group of people stood around a freshly dug grave. I realized I was at my own funeral.

“So, am I, like, a ghost?”

Gideon laughed. “No. Not a ghost. The physical body is merely a vessel for the Spirit. The Spirit is the very essence of your being. When the mortal body dies, the Spirit moves on.”

“Moves on? Where? Am I going to heaven?”

“The afterlife is different for everyone. To keep it simple, yes, you will move on to heaven.”

“So what has all this been? The doorways and such?”

“All this has been to help you move on. To make the transition a little easier. Ultimately, it is you who decides your final journey. It can be as long or as short as you like. Some choose to skip all the stages and move straight to Acceptance. I do not advise doing that. It leaves the Spirit feeling incomplete. Others want to revisit their whole life. I also do not advise doing that either. The Spirit can become depressed and stagnant, often not moving on at all, choosing to float in the void between life and death. The doorways are portals, there to give you a physical choice to either move on, or remain in memories. It always appears in actual doorways, until the end, in order to allow no other exit. As you found out, even if you try to leave another way, you still end up going through the portal however, it is you who decides where the portal will take you.”

“Of course. I always ended up with the people I had last thought of before stepping through. What about the white corridor?”

“That is where every Spirit begins their journey. The door in the corridor will always take you home first, so you can wake up thinking you had merely been dreaming. It is meant to help ease you into the journey rather than throwing you straight in.”

I nodded. It all made sense now. “I can’t go back though, can I? I’d like to have seen my grandparents.”

“No. Only forward. This is the final stage.”

I’d thought as much. “Right. Time to accept.”

I walked over to stand beside my parents, my brother and his fiancé. They all looked so sad dressed in their finest black clothes. I wished I could somehow make contact with them. Maybe I could reach my brother. Surely the connection we shared would not let something as superficial as death sever it. Before I had the chance to do anything though, my brother’s head came up and he turned. For a moment he was looking right at me. I smiled. He smiled back.

Hopeful, I asked Gideon, “Can he see me?”

“Not as such. He can sense your presence.”

I tried to fill myself with all the love I felt for my brother, his fiancé, my little unborn niece or nephew, my parents and everyone who was there to say farewell to me. My brother closed his eyes as though listening to something.

“I love you, bro” I said. “You will be a great dad. Tell mum and dad I love them. I will always watch out for you and when your time comes, I will be here to greet you.” Tears flowed freely down my cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you, sis,” Hunter whispered. “I always will. And our baby will be told all about her amazing Aunty Kaylee. She will grow up to know you.”

An image came to mind of Hunter and Jade arriving home with their new baby daughter.

“Welcome home Alecia Kaylee Bishop,” said Hunter as he picked the baby up. The image slowly faded. So, it was going to be a girl. And it was going to have my name

I was crying uncontrollably now. Even though I knew I would not feel him, I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.” I let go and placed a hand on Jade’s belly. “I’m sorry I won’t get to meet you, little Alecia. But I will always be here, keeping watch over you. You will be amazing.” I hugged Jade, mum, and dad, then went back to Gideon. “Ok. Let’s go.”

Gideon again took my hand as a portal opened up, only this time it was in the sky and emitted a warm, pleasant, golden light. A ladder descended, also made of the same warm, golden light. I stepped onto the first wrung and the ladder began to rise.

“Aren’t you coming?” I called down to Gideon.

“I will meet you there.”

“Ok.”

I rose higher and higher, leaving the earth and my body behind. I was free! Passing through the portal, I felt a tingling sensation, like I was being cleansed and renewed from the inside out. I looked down and noticed I was clothed in brilliant white robes. The ladder stopped and I was standing before a beautiful set of gates. As he had said, Gideon was there waiting for me. He glowed brighter than I had ever seen and a set of large, elegant wings unfurled behind him. I smiled at him.

“So you’re an angel.”

“Yes.”

“Knew it.”

He laughed and pulled me into an embrace. “Are you ready?”

I took a deep breath of air that smelled sweet and fresh. A wonderful peace filled me. “I am.”

Gideon took my hand again as the big gates began to open. We walked through into the most amazing garden I had ever seen. Off in the distance, a building of some kind glittered and sparkled with the colours of the rainbow. It was warm, like a perfect spring day. The grass was soft under my bare feet. Trees and flowers dotted the landscape in more colours than I knew existed. There were children laughing and playing, frolicking with lions and bears. A little girl with adorable blond curls rode by on the back of a tiger. In all my wildest imaginings I could never have fathomed a place like this. I looked at Gideon, a huge smile on my face. He spread his arms wide.

“Welcome home, Kaylee Bishop.”

The End