The Dispersion

It was simple, silver, and very worn, but it was something that was just mine. These last three years it has been hard to find something to bring me joy, but the small, tarnished, heart-shaped locket tucked down in my pocket does just that. The clasp was broken nearly a year ago during the last Bonding, but feeling the weight of it in my pocket brings me hope, and that is something that is not easy to come by these days.

The Dispersion was thought to be a good idea in the beginning. The Old Government thought that the best plan to stop all of the fighting and hateful speech would be to divide people up by their fundamental beliefs and place them with like-minded people. The Jurist Collective oversees the plans and projects for each of the three Sects we were divided into. It was thought that one member, or Jurist as they’re called, of each belief system could work together with the others for peace. Everyone welcomed this idea at first, thinking that if they could be with others that believed similarly and governed by people that believed similarly, it would be so much better for all. They didn’t take into account that beliefs, like people, often change.

The fighting slowly started again, but this time within the Sects, because even with the same fundamental beliefs, there were still so many differences and that is what the Old Government didn’t take into account. The Sects were very broad. The First Sect had a belief in a higher power and concentrated their lives in prayer and works. The Second Sect believed in the idea of truth and transparency above all else. They were known to be a little harsh with each other at times in the name of honesty. The Third Sect was really a catchall for everyone else. People who had not demonstrated characteristics of either the First Sect or Second Sect and were believed to not have a strong enough stance on either side.

The Jurists found within the first year that the Dispersion was not the answer to the problems from before, but when they tried the first Integration, it was disastrous and hundreds of people died. So, the Bonding is a yearly attempt to merge the three Sects together during a weeklong event that celebrates differences, so that the Jurists can test the harmony of the Sects before ultimately working through Integration. For now, people are to keep to themselves, barely allowed to talk because talking is seen by the Jurists to incite unrest.

The locket helped me remember a time before the Dispersion. It was a time that was not without difficulty, but still a beautiful time when I was with River, the man I loved. He had given me the locket four years ago as my 19th birthday present. Inside he had inscribed “with my whole heart”, and I knew he meant it. River was a beautiful person, inside and out. I often picture his green eyes peering up at me. He was a hard worker and believed in equality. I believed those things too, but not enough apparently. On the day of Dispersion, after the Interview, I was sent to Third Sect. River was taken to Second Sect. It was a mistake, right? I belonged in Second Sect. I belonged with River. I belonged in the fight for honesty and truthfulness, didn’t I? I wanted people to live their truth and be courageous… didn’t I? For some reason the Jurists didn’t think so.

“Hey, Jane!” Aiden called out, interrupting my memories. I liked Aiden, he was the only relief I had in this place. Part of the yearly Bonding event called for groups of our own Sects to merge. It was a way to have us all bond amongst our own Sect before the big Bonding. Aiden had been in my merge group for the past two years so we had gotten to know each other fairly well. Well, as much as you can in a month. He was sweet enough, he had an athletic frame, strong jaw, and sandy hair that looked like he belonged on a beach and not here, in the middle of Third Sect, walking towards me.

“Hey, Aiden” I responded as he sat down across from me.

“I think we should go with a Western for tonight’s movie choice.” Aiden said, smiling. He knew I hated Westerns. The damsel in distress, the lines you see coming from a mile away, I didn’t care for any of it.

“Yeah, if you don’t want me there.” I responded brightly.

“Of course I want you there” Aiden said, sounding a bit disappointed.

“Then you better change the genre.” I replied, grinning. “I’m going to the cafeteria for some food, I’ll meet you tonight if you choose a better movie option.”

Aiden and I are just friends. That is all I’ve been interested in while in this hellhole. In two more years, at the age of 25, the Jurists will select a compatible mate for us from our Sect. We are able to decline and continue to live alone, if that’s what we choose. Most people are tired of being alone so they accept the match. Some go on to have children, which is why the Jurists put this selection in place. To continue the human race while they figure out a peaceable solution. I’ll decline when it’s my turn for selection. If I can’t be with River, I’d rather be alone. Even if Aiden is a good break from the loneliness…

That night we met up for a movie, and Aiden had wisely chosen a comedy. We chatted while we listened to Will Ferrell talking to someone named Blue in the background. Aiden was pretty funny and very smart. He had a positive attitude, which could be charming or annoying, depending on my mood. Sometimes I thought it wouldn’t be terrible to be selected for each other, but what were the odds of that with more than 1,000 other people our age in Sect Three?

“What are you thinking about?” Aiden said, breaking me from my musings.

“Nothing”, I responded. I can’t feel happiness here. I’m supposed to wait this out and find River. I quickly turned back to the movie and pushed away any further thoughts. When we went to say our usual goodbye at curfew, Aiden hugged me tight. Maybe he was lonely too. I’m sure he doesn’t have any feelings for me beyond our friendship. It wouldn’t make sense to in this terrible place. This is where dreams go to die, not where hope thrives.

The next day, I sat with Shan and Ollie. Others I had gotten to know during the merges. They both had tattoos, piercings, and cursed like sailors. They were nice enough. We were sitting at a table when Aiden came and plopped his tray down beside me. I saw Shan light up immediately.

“Hey, Aiden!” Shan chirped excitedly. “I was wondering when we would run into you. You should come over tonight and hang out.”

I suddenly felt territorial. Aiden quickly responded that he had already made plans with me. We hadn’t even talked about it. It was just assumed by both of us I guess. I had mixed feelings about that.

After dinner, we went to my room for movie night. I tried to keep some distance this time. But, every time I moved away, Aiden moved closer. By the middle of the movie his arm was snugged up against mine. The connection was nice… it felt grounding and safe. Was this just the loneliness? Could I have this now just to help me feel better here while still being in love with River and planning to have some kind of future with him?

“Jane? What’s going on?” he said as he leaned over closer to see my face in the dim light.

“Don't make this a big deal,” I said, then leaned in and kissed him. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I wanted to do that. I could feel his surprise too but it only took a second and he was kissing me back. His hands gripped my sides, it wasn’t rough but I could feel his wanting… and that made me want more. It was slow but I felt it deeply. One of his hands moved up to my cheek and his fingers moved into my hair.

“Hey! Distance!” shouted one of the roving monitors. We pulled apart slowly, but Aiden didn’t move his hand from my face. I quickly opened my eyes to find him looking back at me. Both of us were breathing fast.

“Get some distance, or I’ll have to separate you,” stated the monitor, again. Aiden dropped his hand and moved over. I saw annoyance on Aiden’s face. I smiled. I’ve never seen Aiden annoyed. We went back to watching the movie. Maybe this could work and we could just fill the need for connection.

We had two more days of the merge in our own Sect before the Bonding. I usually didn’t emerge from my room until the evening, but today I was eager to find Aiden. I wanted to make sure we were solid after last night. He hugged me like usual at the end of the night so it seemed good. I had just stepped out of my room when I saw him walking down my hall. I guess he had the same idea. He smiled when he saw me. He must’ve snuck in… the halls weren’t open to visitors until after dinner.

He walked up to me and instead of stopping he took me by surprise and kissed me. I melted into him instantly, kissing him back. His hands went to my hips and I was suddenly pressed against the door to my room. I found myself reaching behind me to open it. I didn’t want to be interrupted again. We pushed through the door to my room and were suddenly on the bed. I sat straddling him, both of us pulling at each other. He went to pull my shirt over my head and I heard a clang on the tile floor. I stopped and looked down to see that my locket had fallen out of my pocket and onto the ground. My heart sank. What was I doing in here with Aiden? I loved River. He was the only person I had wanted, and the only person I had let have all of me. I could feel my eyes starting to well up. Aiden followed my gaze, then he turned back to me.

“It’s okay, Jane. He would want you to be okay.” I think what Aiden was saying was true, but I couldn’t hear anymore. I climbed off the bed and quickly grabbed my shirt and put it on.

“Jane.” Aiden’s voice sounded worried. “I’m sorry if I pushed you too far. Kissing you again, it’s all I could think of since last night, and I’m afraid I moved too fast.”

“I wanted you to,” I said as I turned around to look at him. I felt foolish saying that out loud, but I saw relief flood across his face.

The next two days I actually felt excited for the Bonding. Aiden and I spent almost all of our time together. Talking about what was before and what we hoped life could be like after.

The day of the Bonding came. I went out to the event grounds like everyone else. Aiden was with me but was pulled into a conversation with others about what to expect for this year’s activities. I was looking around at all of the new faces of people from the other Sects. That’s when I heard it. The rough, familiar voice saying my name.

“Jane?”

It was River.

Suddenly, I felt the heaviness of that piece of silver that was tucked away in my pocket.