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The Breakfast Nook

How to ruin Sunday Football for a month

By Doug GriffinPublished 2 years ago 6 min read

Chrissy wanted a breakfast nook. You know... one of those square tables with a bench up front and a wall bench unit with storage under the seats. I’m not sure why she wanted one as we rarely eat breakfast. However, we are always in need of storage... mostly for stuff I owned before Chrissy moved in and saved me from the evil decorator spirits that inhabit my soul. But if mama ain’t happy... etc... etc... So I started looking for a breakfast nook.

Now the first problem here is that I don’t have a pick-up truck so it’s virtually impossible to haul anything to the house. The second problem is that many places do not offer free delivery. I found this out when we bought a recliner at Sticks N Stuff. I don’t know what Tina Gordon is pulling her race car around with but it’s not a delivery truck. I did find a place that would deliver but when I asked how much, the guy asked where I lived. I said Cropwell, Alabama. He said Crop-who? I explained where Cropwell was and he started punching in figures on a calculator. I figured this was a good time to make my exit.

The other option is to make sure the item is UPS or Fed-Ex deliverable. So I went online and started shopping. I found a nice breakfast nook at Pops Unfinished Furniture but the shipping was more than the nook itself. The last place I checked had a pretty decent breakfast nook on clearance and the also had a coupon code for 20% off if I ordered over $175 worth of stuff. Now I found this place late at night and they had the nook in Dark Cherry, Light Oak or Whitewash. I didn’t want to wake Chrissy up so I was going to have to make a decision here. Being a gambling man, I realized that I had a 33.33% chance of picking the right color. Or so I thought. Apparently you cannot compute true odds when dealing with women. But I figured the worst case scenario was that I would have to refinish the nook so I ordered it. In order to get the discount, I had to pad the order with some sconce lamps and I’m not even sure what a sconce lamp is. I also ordered some track light fixtures. I don’t own a track light but I have always wanted one so I figured this could potentially be a bargain.

The next morning I figured I better tell Chrissy what I did.. This conversation usually starts with me saying “Would you still love me if I did something really impulsive?” and then Crissy saying “Uh oh”. So I spilled the beans and told her what I had bought... for her. She was a little taken aback but when I mentioned how much I had saved, she actually seemed thrilled. I’ll tell her about the sconce lights and the track light fixtures later.... IF she finds them. Chrissy said “I have one question... what are we going to do with the dining room set?” I stammered. I had not thought that far in advance. “Um.. We can put it in the poker room until we can sell it” I said. She pointed out all of the other things that were in there until we can sell them and that there’s no room for the table and chairs in there. So I went online to run an ad to sell it quick.

I placed an ad on and also sent an ad to be announced on the World Famous Swap Shop on WFHK radio. I’m still not sure how the Swap Shop can be world famous when their signal rarely reached Cropwell but that’s another story. I had apparently underpriced the dining room set and was inundated with calls. The set sold to the 1st guy that called and he said he would pick it up Friday. Friday rolled around and he picked it up and left, as he was pulling out, the Fed Ex guy was pulling in the other end of the drive. He started unloading box after box after box. As he left, I hope what he said was “Have a nice day.” but I’m not really sure.

I moved the boxes into the now empty kitchen and started unpacking. I figured I would surprise Chrissy and have it put together when she got home. After all, I had 2 hours. The next day as I was finishing up the assembly, I discovered I had an extra part. Sometimes I think they do this on purpose just to drive me crazy. But it’s no big problem. It doesn’t look like a critical part and the only way it becomes a big problem is if Chrissy finds it. I stuck it in the storage bench until I can find another place or until I have a fire, whichever comes first.

Well, Chrissy came home and marveled at the breakfast nook and then she started looking at the walls. I asked what was wrong. I know, I should know better as I’ve been married twice before for a total of nearly 25 years but the words just slipped out. Chrissy said that the walls looked a little dingy and we would probably need to repaint them. Well, we live in a mobile home and the walls consist of some kind of faux vinyl over what appears to be 1/64' thick wood. They also run vinyl strips over the joints and Chrissy has never liked those. I suggested that I pull the strips, spackle the joints, slap a coat of Kilz primer (since paint will not stick to the vinyl) on it, paint it, and Voila!... new kitchen. Problem solved.

When I started to remove the strips, I noticed “slight” variances in the panels on the wall, so spackling is now not an option. New strips would have to go back on the walls. I called Chrissy into the kitchen and told her that and she didn’t look happy. Exasperated, I said the only other thing I could do was rip the walls out and drywall the whole thing. She said “Okay” way too quickly. This was not the answer I was looking for. Then she added “As long as you are doing that, could you put in a couple more outlets and if it’s not too much trouble, take that window out because I don’t have curtains that look good right there.”

So, yesterday, instead of watching football, I was removing walls in the kitchen in preparation for the new drywall. The walls are bare now with the pink insulation staring at me from between the studs. Taunting me... the walls seem to say “Guess you’ll learn to keep your mouth shut someday, huh?” And my only defense to this is I was trying make Chrissy happy but I hadn’t planned to rebuild a house to do it.

So, why am I sitting here typing this instead of working on the kitchen? I STILL don’t have a pick-up truck so I can’t just go to Home Depot and pick up the drywall and stuff. Now, Home Depot does deliver free but you have to order a certain amount of stuff for them to do that so I’m trying to decide what else they have that I don’t really need so that I can make the minimum order for free delivery. Stay tuned as I am planning to have a really HUGE yard sale in the spring.


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