The Black Man's Dilemma

Todd and Allison Habansky made sure that Alex was protected as much as reasonably possible, but there is only so much parents can do. People would stare at Allison when Alex was younger. Why is she with that dark-skinned child? Todd once almost got into a fist fight on a playground because a man told his adopted Black son to leave even though the poor boy was just trying to have fun with the other kids. As a teen, Alex was bombarded with solicitations to purchase drugs. His parents had always warned him about the dangers of drug use.

“It is a sad truth son, but some people are simply prejudice. They are going to expect you to be inarticulate, uneducated, and unscrupulous. It will be very difficult for you, but it is your job to demonstrate that none of those things are true. Remember, you’re human first, son. Human first, but also Black.”

“Dad, shouldn’t I call myself African American instead of Black? I know you’re not dark, but I hear people correct me all of the time.”

“Are you from Africa?”

“No, but my ancestors are.”

“Listen, Alex. I’m not going to tell you what’s right to call yourself. That’s up to you. However, I will say this - there is nothing wrong with the word Black. Don’t let anyone tell you what YOU are, Alex. You hear me?”

“Yes sir.”

“In the eyes of some, you will be nothing but another little N-word no matter what you do.”

Alex laughs “You can say nigger in your own house, dad. It’s just us here.”

“When we adopted you, I promised your mother that I would never, and I mean NEVER with a capital N, say that word. You can go to school, stay out of trouble, speak properly, dress nicely, but to some, it just won’t make a difference. So please listen to what I’m about to say…You can make a choice to be yourself, son. Not Black, not White, not even American. You can choose to be you. Make the right choice.”

“I will, dad…I hope I will. I guess.”

Alex’s mother was also worried about her son’s experience. How does a White female raise a Black male in America?

“I don’t need no bow tie, mom. Why do I even have to go to church?”

“Hey…watch the double negatives, mister.”

“I don’t see why I can’t just go in my own clothes. Doesn’t the bible say, “come as you are to church” or something like that, mom?”

“If you don’t know the bible verse, don’t use the bible as a source, Alex. Besides, people are going to judge you by how you speak and dress. It’s important to do both correctly.”

“Whatever, mom. You’re White, it’s easier for you. What do you know about being judged?”

“Um…look here, buddy, do not get an attitude with me! Look at me. I’ll have you going to church on Saturdays and Sundays if you don’t start showing me more respect. Do you hear me? I asked you a question, Alex.”

“Yes, maam.” He looks down and nods.

“I know that I’m not the right color to tell you what it means to be a Black person. That’s why I drive you to Mount Hermon AME. We want you to have more exposure with Christian Black Americans. You don’t have to go any more after you turn 16.”

“Promise?”

“I’m a woman of my word, son.” She smiles and crosses her heart.

High school was difficult for Alex as well. While he did very well academically, he didn’t really know how to fit in with other students. Hispanic students seemed to dominate the school in terms of numbers so becoming friends with them was all but inevitable, but he was worried that some Black students might question his Blackness if he had too many White friends. Most of them already knew that he had White parents.

“You should ask Jessica out to the prom, Alex.” Rick said.

“I don’t know. I’m thinking maybe I’ll go with Tara. Why not?”

“I’ve seen you looking at Jessica in English class.”

“Yeah, but what am I supposed to do, man? Walk up to her and just say “Hey, you’re hot, would you like to go to the prom with me?””

“Isn’t that how promposals work? Don’t tell me you’re scared of a little redhead girl?”

“I’ve been on dates before, Rick. You know that, right?” Alex laughs.

“Is it because she’s White? That would seriously hurt my feelings, dude.”

“NO…of course not.”

“Really? The fact that Tara is Black has nothing to do with her being your primary choice? What’s wrong with going to prom with a White girl? I mean who’s really the racist here?”

“How can a Black person be racist?”

“Do you even have to ask, dude? You know how many times I’ve been harassed at the Burger King on 183rd street?”

“Yeah, I get it, Rick, but I never harass anyone. Why do you care so much about my prom date anyway?”

“I can tell when two people like each other. Laurie is Black and I’m with her.”

“Good for you, man. I’m happy for you two, but not every relationship needs to be interracial. Jessica is just…not my type. I didn’t say that it was because she’s a White girl.”

“You didn’t have to say it.”

Alex tries to reassure him one last time “It’s not because she’s White.”

“I believe you, man. No problem.” Rick gives his friend a dubious wink and a thumbs up.

Alex went to the prom with Tara in May of 1996. He saw Jessica there with another boy. A White Boy named Greg. Alex drank his Sprite and just looked at her and wondered if he had made a mistake. Was he himself really the racist? He could be dancing with her right now. Tara was great though, he thought. This was a better idea than to ask Jessica, who might have said “no” anyway. Besides, prom isn’t really that important.

In 2005, Alex went to his first real civilian job interview. He walked into Haccob Engineering Facility and was greeted by the Security guard who escorted him into the conference room. He waited for 10 minutes until Mr. Jensen and Mrs. Kaplan entered the room with Alex’s resume in hand.

“How are you, Alex? Did you have trouble finding the place?”

“I’m well thank you. The place was easy to find.”

“Super. So you went to both the University of Miami and Florida International University? You’ve been to Iraq as well.”

“All true, yes. I will never go back to that country again, by the way.”

“Understandable. Honorable Discharge. Engineering degree from FIU in 01. You were in a combat arms branch in the Army?”

“Yes. Artillery, actually.”

“Boom Boom. Sounds like fun.” They both laugh.

“So did you get a chance to practice your engineering skills in the service?”

“Well, not exactly. It was more about gun placement and site security.”

“I see. “

“I was an officer though. I finished officer basic course, was promoted to first lieutenant and even selected for promotion to captain.”

“All, impressive, but we really are looking for someone with more experience for our upcoming projects.”

Alex sighs and leans forward to look carefully at his hosts while asking his next question “So what exactly are you saying?”

The two hiring authorities look at each other in silence as Alex nods. “I understand. Thank for your time.”

Alex wondered why they even call him in for the interview in the first place. They can see on the resume that I don’t have years of engineering experience. he thought. I went in with necktie, with a coat, nice shoes. I even got a haircut. Why call me in at all? Was it because of my name? Alexander Habansky sounds like a White person’s name. Maybe they saw that I was Black and came up with some bullshit reason to not let me into their circle. I bet the person that they hire is White with the same credentials. I have bills to pay. The rent is due in less than a week and I can’t ask mom for any more money.

Alex didn’t normally drink, but after such a lousy day, he needed to unwind so he headed to Club Iguana’s. There, he met a fellow named Anthony, who bought him a drink and offered a possible solution. He told Alex to simply meet him the next day at 483 Lifeshore Drive in Coral Gables. There was money to be made and it would only require a few hours work.

Anthony’s house was very nice. He was standing outside holding a brown paper box when Alex pulled up into the driveway.

“Thanks for coming over, Alex. I’m too busy to handle everything myself with the wife and kids.”

“I imagine having a family must be time-consuming. Maybe that’s why I’ve been putting it off.”

“Yeah, I hear ya. Sometimes I envy the single life.”

“So what does this job entail, Anthony?”

“Deliver this box to Valdosta within the next two days and give it to a guy named Christian. I’ll give you the address and even compensate you for fuel. Five days after the delivery is made, you’ll receive a flat payment of 3 grand.”

“What is it?”

“It’s better that we don’t know. It’s like the movie, The Transporter, except you’re younger than Jason Statham.”

“I should really get more information about what’s inside of the box first.”

“Look, I know what you’re thinking is, but it’s safer for both of us if we don’t know what’s in it. You either take the job or you don’t, and if you don’t, no worries, man. We still good.”

“I’ll think about it. Can you give me some time?”

“You gotta let me know by 10:00 AM. Text me using the word “lions” if you’re in and use the word “cucumbers” if you’re out.”

“Are we spies now?”

“We’ll be in touch." Anthony just smiled and walked away.

The drive home on the 826-expressway seemed longer than usual. If he took the job, he’d be doing a lot more driving, he thought. He’d have plenty of time to work on his personal projects after the jobs were done, which is what he wanted, but it bothered him that he wasn’t being told what was in the paper box. If it were legit, why not just say what’s inside?

I’ve worked a long time to get to where I am, he thought. It’s not perfect, but at least I’m not in prison and at least I’m not worried about going to prison. I do need my bills paid, but is this the right way? Maybe I could do it just once. Yes! I’ll do it just one time to make ends meet and then I’ll go back to job hunting.

Alex felt good about his decision. It was a great compromise. The traffic and city lights at night reminded him that plenty of people had made similar decisions out there. We must do what we must to pay bills. He had driven home so many times on this route that he was basically on autopilot. Most of his thoughts were about how to spend the money once he got it. Once home, he decided to text Anthony immediately with his decision. He looked at his phone for several minutes and thought in silence. He thought about his father, his mother, and his childhood. He thought about the kind of man that he really wanted to represent for the rest of his life.

Just got home. I’ve decided that my salads taste better without cucumbers. I prefer tomatoes and avocados. No salt. ttyl, man.

“I guess it’s back to careerbuilder.com.”