The Age of Aquarium

Hiroshi stares at the giant whale shark through the cold glass of the massive aquarium. The whale shark slowly turns, with one of its eyes facing his direction, as if trying to return his stare. Hiroshi’s hand warms the small area where it is touching the glass. He’s hoping in some way, that the whale shark senses his subtle attempt to make a connection and that it would stick around to keep him company. It’s not unusual for Hiroshi to think that he has a bond with the animal. He’s been coming to the aquarium everyday for the past 20 years. He‘s been visting this same whale shark since it came to the aquarium 10 years ago. It’s part of a routine that‘s been giving him comfort and peace. The aquarium, the gyoza shop he eats at everyday, and the library where he reads periodicals, make up his daily routine. He’s afraid that if he changes anything, it might also disrupt his comfort and peace. It’s a peace that was hard-earned, he felt. He suffered from depression for many years before he arrived at this equilibrium. A broken relationship started it off, followed by the loss of his job, his friends, his best friend, and eventually, both his parents. Now, he lives alone, and the only creatures that seem to understand him live in this aquarium. They rarely change, unlike his life, which always seems to change for the worse. His main enemy now, is time. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, time seems to cling to everything, tranforming things that should be sacred. Not that anyone would consider his time with the fish sacred, but to him, it is. One day, time will come for him and end his peaceful and comforting routine. He wonders if the fish will miss him when he’s gone. But most likely, they will adjust and find a new equilibrium. Still, he likes to think that seeing him has become part of the fishes‘ everyday routine too and that maybe they just might miss him a little. When all is said and done, they, too, will pass on. At that point, it will no longer matter who misses whom.

His first visit to the aquarium was on a dark and stormy day. He just got fired from his job after 19 years of loyal service. A week before that, his girlfriend left him for another man. Life continued to rain blows on him, pushing him ever closer into darkness. He ended up wandering around aimlessly, until his umbrella finally gave out from the wind and he was forced to seek shelter inside the aquarium. It was very quiet and there weren’t a lot of people. It was actually quite peaceful. The stillness allowed his thoughts to settle and he was able to collect himself. The first exhibit he stopped at was the tank that contained the giant sea turtle.

He wondered whether its shell was protective and comforting like a blanket or if it was a heavy burden that the turtle was cursed to carry for the rest of its life.

Then he went to an exhibit that had a giant manta ray gliding gracefully through the water.

He wondered whether it ever sees the beauty of its own movements.

Finally, he got to the tank that contained the whale shark. He stared in awe at the size of the creature. He wondered if the whale shark appreciated being taken out of the harsh reality of its natural environment. Here, in this aquarium, was a shelter of peace and comfort. No longer will the whale shark have to compete for resources in a harsh and uncaring world. Everthing it needs has been provided for. Where some might see monotony, Hiroshi sees stability and predictability in life in the aquarium. The only worry left is time. How long will the whale shark be able to enjoy this life for? In applying this question to his own life, he was able to connect with the whale shark. From that day, he made it his goal to find what makes him happy and to seek a way to do that for the rest of his life. That’s when he came up with his routine, a routine which he vowed to follow until the end of his life. He would live like that whale shark, surrounded by stability and predictability. There was no longer any need to take risks. Comfort was the only reward he sought. Nothing else mattered.

The years went by and he lived contentedly within his own world, his own little “aquarium.” It was a sunny day when he started another iteration of his beloved routine. He read his periodicals at the library, followed by lunch at the gyoza shop. The afternoon was so bright, he was almost skipping on his way to the aquarium. He visited the turtle, then the manta ray, and he saved his favourite tank for last. But when he finally got to the tank for the whale shark, he was shocked to find it completely empty. He managed to keep calm for a few minutes but the empty tank disturbed him so much, he started to fall apart. He frantically asked one of the attendants at the aquarium what had happened and the young man told him that the whale shark fell sick overnight and had passed away. Hiroshi couldn’t hold back his emotions any longer and he started weeping, quietly at first, and then he burst out into loud, uncontrolled sobbing. The dam holding back his sorrows had finally broken. It wasn’t just the loss of the whale shark, but everything else he had ever lost in his life, finally surfaced for him to mourn that day. He was too caught up in his grief to notice, but a small group of aquarium staff started gathering around to comfort him. For the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t alone. Not in the deep blue chasm of the aquarium.