Teach Us to Number Our Days

The young man paused and glanced at his watch as he entered the terminal, 16:59. His face was writ with distress. He looked to the girl at his side. Her flowery dress seemed to conflict with the whole of the chaotic grey of the terminal. He gripped her hand as their eyes met and a slight smile formed across his face, then quickly faded, and something between pain and sorrow replaced it. The girl’s deep blue eyes were red and watery shining against her olive complexion and short dark hair.

She broke his gaze as they hurried forward through the entrance, but he felt her hand tighten nervously in his. Her hands were cold and sweaty. He responded to her, gently squeezing her hand, and he felt her relax, just a little.

…I need more time.

They rushed to the train. His heart pounded heavily in his chest, resisting the great well of emotion that was breaking, its uncontrolled waves of it washed through him.

They pressed between two families hugging one another, kissing, weeping. Just beyond an older man, in a worn but well cared for grey suit, now torn, screamed profanities at a young soldier, who held the arm of a middle-aged woman and her child. The child was red-faced, wailing, snot pouring. The woman grimaced in pain at the grip of the soldier.

The young man moved the girl close behind him as he pressed through the fray of angst surrounding them. Other families, other couples, parents, children; angry slurs and curses filled the air. Many sat silently with gaunt, defeated expressions and weepy eyes.

The young man caught the girl looking around, bewilderment in her eyes; fear.

An attendant blew a whistle behind them, and yelled, “GATE CLOSING!”

Startled. The girl stumbled with her suitcase, but the young man’s hand held her tightly and she caught herself on him as they continued to rush forward, up to the side of the box-car.

They stopped. She breathed heavily. Holding back tears, she swallowed, “I need more… more time.” It came out breathily, with a sob. And she looked searchingly to her husband.

The young man’s lips pursed to respond, but nothing came. He just stared at her. They both paused, facing each other, seconds burning up. This is what they had - each other, right now.

Was it always this way? All these things that burned in your bosom to say but never had? Where had they been a month ago… a day ago? Had they just never known what they really felt? What they really thought? Or had they always known? Until they were out of time. Until this.

A sharply dressed soldier observed the young couple, his eyes fixed for a moment on the star that hung around the girl’s neck.

“For both?” Said the soldier sharply. His tone was aggressive, and painful against the moment… and the moment shattered, fragments cast into the chaos around them. His gaze shifted as the young man broke his gaze from his wife and handed him an envelope of papers.

“Just… her.” The young man said, his voice hesitant and shaky. The words he never wanted to escape his mouth. He felt his wife’s hand go limp in his, and she gave an exacerbated exhale, as though trying to catch her breath. The young man looked back at her, her deep blue eyes still searching his. He swallowed hard, suppressing something he didn’t want to.

The young man turned and looked into the stern dark eyes of the soldier. The guard’s rigid demeanor softened as he considered the young man. Sorrow. The young man looked worn with a type of grief the guard had never known, yet he comprehended the couple. Stepping aside, he gestured onto the steps toward the young woman.

The girl stepped up onto the second step, and turned toward her husband, her flowery dress frilling out for a moment, something of light and joy seemed to break through the coal-dust and grey, the cries, and curses. She still held his hand, tightly now. Tears traced lines down her face from her blue eyes. She twisted the star around her neck with her other hand, as hear tears fell from her chin to her flowery dress. The guard took her suitcase and loaded it into a storage compartment beside them.

“I forgive you…” She gave a slight smile. “I could never…” She choked on saliva as she tried to speak her words. “I could never stay upset at you.” She leaned forward and kissed him gently.

“I’m so sorry.” Breathed out the young man.

She gave a weak smile. “I trust you.”

The train started to move; their hands pulled unwillingly from one another’s grasp.

“17:00 TRAIN AWAY” Yelled an attendant. The creaking sound of the train, ground out any last sense of peace that the commotion grasped for, steel on steel, like great prison doors grinding close.

The newlywed remained on the steps watching her husband’s amber-brown eyes fill with tears as the train pulled away.

“This is the only way.” The young man said softly.

“If you love her… This is…”.

The young man followed a few paces, grasping for his last closeness to his love that seemed to have been such a short time.

I want more time… tears ran down his cheeks... this is the only…

He stumbled to his knees as though a drunk man losing his footing. He let out a broken wail; great heaving sobs went up to mingle into the chaotic dissonance of the terminal. His sorrow only one drop in a sea of grief that surrounded him.

His young wife yelled something, but it was indistinguishable at the distance and amongst the commotion. Her last words, with her voice, from her lips, he would never know. He sat palms out, prostrated, weeping; the world collapsing in on him.

Only the guard was there with the man, understanding something he had not before, uncomfortable, shuffling the papers in his hands, a frown on his face. Something behind his eyes betrayed his rigid, clean-cut demeanor. He rubbed the red and black insignia on his arm.

Was being "right" worth this?

The young man slowly stood to his feet. He stared in the direction of the departed train. He wiped snot and saliva from his mouth, swallowed, took a deep breath, and exhaled. Then he turned and began to walk toward the terminal gate.

He passed the soldier, half an arm's length away, and paused. The soldier withdrew a step. The young man lifted his hand and set it on the soldier's shoulder as he looked into his eyes. The soldier felt the young man tremble, and the soldier shifted uncomfortably. The same sorrow as before was there, but an ember burned in them. The young man tightened his grip, then let go with a sigh. Then he turned, and walked away, out of the gate. The soldier stared after him.