South Park sucks

Growing up in a small town sucks.

It’s okay when you’re a kid. You got your whole life ahead of you. You got your friends.

You got the love of your life—-though you don’t see it yet.

There’s not a lot to do.

There’s not a lot to see.

Just mountains.

And shitty little local stores.

And a shitty little movie theater.

The… planetarium.

Ahh. I like stars. I like NASA.

And Tweek’s family coffee shop. My “happy place” to hang out sometimes.

Okay. This is getting gay. All these gifs and pictures are of women. I’m a guy.

I’m Craig. Tweek’s boyfriend.

Oh well.

I’m gay.

So… deal with that.

So… anyway, South Park sucks. Big time.

I’m planning to go. But first I got to get my boyfriend to agree to come with me.

Ya see, he likes this podunk little town.

But, being in a small town when there’s a raging, ongoing pandemic going on—-it sucks even worse. Everyone is in everybody’s business.

Nobody wants to wear a mask.

Everyone is a hardass.

Not to mention the millions of weird little things that go on here.

Okay, this guy was cute.

But not this.

Like, seriously? What is that? What resolution is that on?

It’s crap. It sucks.

Our town literally holds its own mini episodic apocalypse daily.

And my Tweek deserves better.

It’s not like the people in South Park aren’t used to living in apocalypse like conditions or worse—-but to me, I’ve always had enough.

Time for us to… move on. The pandemic is bad enough, but if that’s all we have to deal with, it’s better than this kind of hell.

Small towns always get the weirdest shit attracted to it. I swear to God.

Like in that show… Stranger Things.

Did you ever see that? I did. Tweek saw it too.

Seeing strange things like that one guy in a sailor suit was a bit too much for me!

But, hey, I’m not the fashion police or anything.

So… I got my boyfriend a locket.

Well, I had to. I wanted to.

He bought me something sooo kickass for our anniversary. It was for our ninth year anniversary of being together.

The North Star on a silver chain! Open it, and it’s a watch.

So badass.

He knows me.

I’m so happy. I’m really in love with him, guys.

I got him this:

Open it up and there’s a picture of us.

I really want to marry him, though.

I did get him this for our anniversary:

(Just so you know I’m not a shit boyfriend that just takes and doesn’t give!)

And flowers. And candy. And kisses.

I’m gay.

Wait, didn’t we establish this? Tweek is gay, too, just so you know. That’s pretty… diverse. Right?

Okay. Though I’m sure you’re all fascinated by me and my life, -yawn-…

I’m going to tell you about Tweek Tweak.

He’s always had a really good average. 4.0. He’s a straight A student. He works so hard.

I know. He studies so hard, like all night.

And it keeps me up!

But, it’s important to him. To get really good grades.

He cares about math, chemistry, history, calculus, art and his ultimate passion, music.

Okay, buckle up admission people, cause he wrote this at nine years old:

He is super talented. He is super dedicated to his craft. He has this composition notebook I got him full of original music he wrote. He also has a voice like an angel.

So, I answered all the questions. Where are you from? What’s your passion? What are your grades? (Add pictures to your story, add videos or files to accentuate your story). I did all that.

And.. the last one. Why do you deserve this scholarship?

Uh. He does.

He’s been through sooo much.

He literally lives through his intense anxiety and strives to grow and learn and achieve. He has worked for years to move past it.

He works at his parent’s coffee shop full time, goes to school at the community college, and takes care of others whenever he possibly he can. He’s completely selfless.

And living in this small, mountain town in Colorado is tying him down from his true greatness. Of being a professional musician.

So… please, consider Tweek Tweak in your full scholarship to your university for the University of Southern California.

He’s highly creative, talented, smart and diverse in all his academics and accomplishments. I added files to this email, with his various academic accomplishments and his grades.

Sincerely, Craig Tucker.

Ps. I asked Tweek to come with me to California. He said yes. 😊 and he said please disregard all the curse words I wrote. Thanks.

——————

Okay, this is totally awesome!

Tweek won the scholarship!!!!!

And…

We’re moving to California!

I guess my colorful little essay was just what they wanted after all! Lol