Soul Eater

"Hum," The woman behind the grey counter purred questioningly at her ancient computer as if that would bring it to its senses. After a few keystrokes she looked at me with a pitying expression and sighed, "Sorry, your insurance has rejected both the name brand and the generics we have in stock."

My heart sank into my stomach. I wanted to scream, but I knew it was not the woman's fault and that my screams would be in vain. Tears of helplessness pricked my eyes as I asked, "How much would it be if I paid out of pocket?"

"I have a coupon I can apply to the purchase, but it is still going to be $10.26 per pill, which brings you to," She paused a second to do punch numbers on a calculator for a one month fill, "$307.80."

I swallowed hard at such an astronomical price. I could barely afford my $25 copay. How was I going to afford over 300 dollars worth? Stund and very much afraid I thought of alternatives. I wouldn't want to look crazy or make a scene. I didn't want them thinking I was a drug addict and completely cut me off. Tentatively I probed, "I can't afford that. Could I get a partial fill?" Her eyes narrowed at me and I quickly added, "So I have time to find an alternative with my doctor."

The woman closed her eyes shook her head, annoyed by the work I was putting her through. Her and pharmacy tech were the only ones in the crowded department. It was obvious she was overworked and out of patience. She saw my desperation, though, "I can call your doctor and see if he will change the fill amount. The coupon won't apply on partial fills so your total will be $54 per pill. How many would you like me to request?"

I was dumbfounded at the amount. What was the point of having insurance an angry voice in me raged. I swallowed that anger and terror clawing at my insides and said without further thought, "Nevermind, thank you," and walked away full of shame and fury at the circumstances.

I could feel the stares of the other customers at my back as I exited into the dull glow of the autumn sun. I know what they thought. They thought I was either a drug addict or crazy and they all knew I was poor. These were all things that made me feel shame, but I needed those pills and they did not understand. When I dream people die.

I know that sounded crazy, but after my parents death the dreams had continued. It got to a point I had refused to sleep. My therapists told CPS and my foster homes that the trauma of my parents death paired with my overactive imagination had triggered the insomnia and had begun prescribing me various sleeping pills. At first I hadn't taken them fearing that I would be trapped in the dreams, but a cleaver foster parent, fed up with my sleepless escapades, finally spiked my juice with it. I had discovered then that the drugs blocked me from dreaming and further research proved that the creature of my dreams could not find me. I still saw mysterious deaths on the news, but they felt further removed from me with the sleep aids. I almost believed the strange deaths were just the works of a serial killer and had nothing to do with a monster that stalked children's dreams. Still, even if I almost believed it I still didn't want to risk it.

I walked to my car my limbs numb with worry as I thought of what to do. I open the rusty door with a cracking pop that made more rust rain from the once gold door jam onto the pavement. I got in and stared at the steering wheel. I looked at the fork jammed into the steering column where my windshield wiper control arm should have been. Everything in my life was just barely making it and that made me feel helpless, especially in a situation where I could not afford my most important medication. To me, life really did depend on it.

"What am I going to do?" I wondered out loud. Tears pricked my eyes as my car took several attempts to turn on.

Fatigue wiggled at the back of my eyes as I squinted at the sun. I reflected on nightmares that still haunted my subconscious. They only happened at night. Maybe, I thought to myself, if I napped during the day I could stave off impending doom till I could get an alternative sleep aid. With this in mind I b-lined it to my dorm to settle in for a nap.

When I got to my dorm, though, my roommate and her friends crowded the room with book and papers strewn about. Two of them sat on my bed and made no move to get up until I shooed them off. "Hey Amile could I take a nap, I sort of picked up a night shift at work and I need the sleep," I said over girls still talking.

Amile rolled her eyes, "We are studying."

Annoyed I rolled my eyes back. This was silly I knew, but my gut was sending me all kind of warnings. This would be for her safety as much as it was mine, so I didn't mind getting snippy, "Then go to the library."

The other girls stopped their prattling to look at our stand off. One of the girls afraid of confrontation suggested timidly to Amile, "They have private study rooms, not a lot of people know about them."

Amile looked like she wanted to dig in, but the thought of a private room in the library sounded appealing too. "Fine," she said not breaking eye contact with me, till she had left.

Her cronies followed whispering lies I wished I hadn't heard. "They say she is a basket case." "I would be so scared if I were you Amile." "They should kick her out."

'What ass holes,' I thought as I watched the girls' retreat. When they were gone I looked up sunset time and set my alarm to 30 minutes before that, which meant I had about 4 hours to sleep. It was not ideal but it was better than dragging on. I needed more sleep than the usual person, maybe it was because of the sleeping drugs or due to a residual effect from the nightmares. I couldn't be sure.

I was not used to napping during the day, nor was I used to falling asleep without my pills, so I was unable to get into a deep rem cycle. I tossed and turned with the churning thoughts roiling in my head. I was mad at my roommate for being rude, I was worried about dreaming and I was filled with the dread of sleep deprivation. Finally, after feeling no success in even dozing, I gave up and looked at my phone. I had only a half hour left before dusk.

Fatigue threatened every fiber of me, but my mind could not shut off. I gave up my fitful rest and climbed out of bed. I needed a plan to stay awake and tomorrow I promised myself I would be able to sleep during the day.

I started by filling the evening with dinner at the cafeteria, before heading over to the library. I was careful going in knowing that my roommate could be lurking and I didn't want more of her ire later. I slunked up the stairs to the second floor and the to the very back stacks where books collected dust and became forgotten. There, I studied until a librarian poked around the corner.

"We are closed at midnight, so pack up. I am locking the doors in 5," She ordered. She was was stern with a mean pinched face and wrinkles that dripped off of bone. I don't know why I looked for a ring on her hand, but when I found none, I figured I knew why.

I started to gather my things, but before she left to check the rest of the library I asked, "I am sorry I am holding you up. Am I the last one?" I was curious to know if I would pass Amile on my way out.

"I think so, so hurry up," She said in a shrewd voice.

Good I thought as I left without a word. Outside I was at a loss for what to do. The cafeteria would not be open till 6 am, all the coffee shoppes had long closed, I was 21 but couldn't afford to drink, all the campus buildings were locked by that point and I definitely could not go back to my dorm. I walked as slowly as possible to my car, where I threw my heavy, overstuffed backpack in the trunk. I climbed into the back seat where I spent a few hours apply for night time positions from my phone. If I was going to be awake I might as well monopolize on it. When I had gone through the full list of night auditing, shelf stalker, and security guard positions I could apply for with my phone I still had 4 hours to fill.

I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up on the cracked leather seat and sleep, but I was a coward and still believed my dreams were the cause of so much devastation. I thought of driving around, but I didn't want to waste gas. Instead, I opted to walk the forest preserves that abutted the campus grounds.

The woods were foggy that evening and an ethereal blue glow from the crescent moon lit the fog in a creepy way. Creepy was good, though. Creepy would get my blood flowing and keep me awake. I thought this as I crossed the threshold of the path that cut through the trees. I knew from walks during the day that the path had lights along the darkest parts of the path and a blue emergency services stand in the middle. The path was a loop and if you veered off into the woods at the blue emergency light there was an animal trail that lead to a cliff face with a beautiful view. That was my destination. I figured that would eat up most of the remaining till breakfast.

About a quarter of the way through the loop there was a wood bridge that traversed a deep gully with a shallow stream. Despite the bridge being flanked by light posts I could not see the water through the still lingering fog, but I could hear its babble as I began to cross.

It happened on an exhalation. A feeling surged through me like a thought slamming the mind with realization. I froze before I even knew what I was doing. My ears pricked as I listened for a sound. The stream's burbalings evaporated and the rivulets of fog held itself in a suspended state, no longer shifting in its dancing swirles. I recognized that silence.

I forced myself to stay frozen midstep, too afraid of the noise my shoe would make if I placed it down on one of the planks. Panic and terror filled my veins. I was awake. I had been awake. How could I have been found? How could this be happening? I tried to reason with myself in an effort to slow my heart.

A black form cast a shadow of a crooked, deformed man at the end of the bridge.

I dared not blink. I dared not move. I let my muscles cramp in the paused position and my lungs burn with want.

"I know you are close," The beastly form cooed, confirming my suspicions that he was attracted to either movement or sound.

I held on to my position and willed myself to stay strong as the form progressed forward. The first clomp of a heavily booted foot had all the nerves in my body jolt in fear. The form stopped as if he heard my nerves crying out.

"Oh my deary, there is nothing to be afraid of." He began moving forward onto the bridge again. One leg dragged behind him as he lopped forward all the while he continued to talk in a menacing coo, "I just want that lovely Akh, before you get your Ka."

The evil entity had been moving slowly away from me, but pivoted in my direction as he screamed a desperate depraved pleaing, "I promise to make it easy on you."

Despite my palpable fear I somehow remained steadfast in my position and managed not to scream. I felt his breath and smelled its rot. That's how close he was.

He dropped into a low pur, "I promise to be quick, so you will only feel pain for a second."

He was face to face with me then and it took all the power in me not to scream. The monster had no eyes and his face had no distinct features, because things crawled under his skin perpetually changing him. I could see the bright patterns of an orange black and white snake bulge under the thin translucent skin. The creature was sucked in by some current in the man's body only to be replaced by a brown furry paw that stretched the skin to a point I thought it would break.

The monster gritted his teeth and grunted as if he were willing something to be. The creatures under his skin all came to the surface. I saw splotches of different patterns, colored scales, various shades of fur and all manor of class and teeth. They all pushed out, but only one form emerged as the monster turned into a werewolf.

It rored in my face as if it knew I were there, but still I remained like a statue silently willing it to be gone. When I did not flinch it turned back to that crooked male form. It turned away, "I am going to find you" it promised as it was swallowed up again by the fog.