Silent Walls

The rattling was hoarse. It had been like that all night. It seemed that it would go on forever. She wondered how much longer she would be able to bear it.

The sound was grating, pinching her nerves. She felt like she was going to snap at any moment.

The pale light of dawn peeked through the window and bathed the room in a halo. It seemed ethereal.

Except for the sound. It was all too real.

Sometimes long and drawn out, sometimes short. Spasmodic. Almost as if on the point of giving out. But not quite. Not there yet.

She looked at the body lying in the bed, the pallor of the skin rivaling those of the white sheets covering the emaciated limbs.

She turned her gaze away and felt her eyes burn with exhaustion. Her shoulders were stiff. Her joints hurt. Each strand of her hair hurt from the lack of sleep.

Her whole body felt heavy and empty. Each movement was agony. She needed to sleep so badly.

She poured herself some coffee in her cup and watched the black liquid swirl. Black, like her thoughts.

She shuddered and pressed her fingers around the hot mug. The burning sensation was a welcoming one. The pain momentarily distracted her from the pounding in her head.

The rattling got louder. When was it going to stop?

She gripped her hair in her hands, wanting to tear it off. Make the pain go away. Remove the awful sounds from inside her head. And the awful thoughts, too. Horrible, egotistical, heartless thoughts. For no matter how much she tried to bury them in the dark recesses of her mind, they kept resurfacing, always closer to the surface. Dangerously close to her lips.

She sighed. She wanted it all to end. She needed it to end. It was either that or her sanity. And she needed her sanity. She still had a life to live.

Guilt twisted her insides, the pain sharp.

She gripped her hot cup tighter and took a sip. The liquid burned her tongue, and she grimaced at the bitter taste.

Lately, everything tasted bitter. She felt like she was constantly carrying ashes in her mouth. She wondered if death had a taste. A color. For it sure did have a sound.

The rattling got more agitated.

She knew she needed to take a shower before she went mad.

As the hot water scalded her scalp and her skin, she felt relief. The burning sensation was a welcoming distraction. The water was blissfully deafening.

Too soon, she had to end it. She dreaded leaving the quiet of the bathroom. The warm steam made her feel safe. Hidden.

Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the handle and opened the door. Wonderful silence welcomed her. She sighed and took a deep breath, a smile blooming on her relieved face. And then it hit her like a slap. Total silence.

The rattling had completely stopped.

No, it can’t be. Not now. Not so soon! I didn’t have time to say goodbye yet!

She walked to the bed, shaking like a leaf. The face was smooth and blank. The frown of pain had left the features. The breath had left the body.

Death has come and left, leaving the walls bereft and cold. She felt weak and fell to the floor. The pounding in her skull had left, leaving her dizzy. She gripped the borders of the bed, trying to breathe. The air felt constricted in her lungs and she panicked, wondering if she'll suffocate.

Alone in the dead silence, she opened her mouth and screamed in agony, the silent walls suffocating.

***

Thank you for reading!

Bahora Saitova