Silence Part 3.

It was the height, masculine body, strong legs, heavy dark complexion, and a chest to drool for that drew me to Akin. The guy had good taste when it came to fashion, why lie? On his good days, he willingly aided in dressing me up. I swear such stances made me feel queenly and I fell deeper. The way he looked at me when turned on, how he laughed at my not-so-funny jokes, held my hand while walking, and hugged me tight after a long day of not seeing each other. The surprise dinner dates, birthday presents. Every single day was Valentine to us, and we fell hard for each other. That didn’t last long enough to see this day, and after 7 years this is me warning my entire generation and the one to come that Love is sweet but it can turn out to be both bitter and sour.

His cheating days came, and I suffered migraines just thinking about him. The stress that came along with it sent me into depression. There were nights I couldn’t sleep because all I could think of was how he was warming another girl’s bed and making love to her all night long. This killed me, and I repeatedly had insomnia at night. Akin’s friends were his alibi and did a marvelous job when it came to covering up for him. I don’t know if it ever occurred to them that Cate was crippled on the inside and for every lie told my mental state turned from bad to worst.

Caro; sorry but I had to interrupt, I thought Joe was your one true love. So there was an Akin before? This is catchy Cate…

The mention of Joe makes my heart skip a beat. His story is for another day. As I said life is a puzzle and a hard one for that matter.

Well, Carol had brought up another subject that I was planning to address later. Towards the end of my sophomore year, and after deciding enough was enough I got involved with Akin’s friend who had a human heart (Akin had an inhumane one) We had something in common and after hiding in the dark for a year about his feelings, he finally came out clean and confessed what he felt for me. I will come back to this piece but not now.

In some way, and for a number of reasons romanticism has been washed away in mainly Africa. Both the male and female gender are toying with each other’s emotions. A few are gifted with something as amazing as ‘love’. A few smile In their relationships and still know how it feels going to bed with a bubbly mood, a stomach filled with butterflies, and a heart full of love emotions. The feeling your partner gives you when all is well between you two is utterly out of this world. It is an unexplainable feeling that not a single soul imagines its caseation. I in particular was trapped in these sentiments. And like I said earlier, every beginning has an ending, and not all days are summer in a liaison. There is autumn, winter, and spring, and when things go wholly blurry, you are trapped in a storm. A heavy one for that matter. Getting past a storm with the hope to have everything still in check is a prayer most of us unrealistic ask God for intervention. A storm will destroy a massive number of things. Some of the things will be beyond repair, totally damaged. Others will be left hanging on the loose end, and it will be our only hope that magic could fix it all (as if it exists). Some nights reality hit hard, our chests turn into heaviness and we can only hang on to the fact that love conquers all.

I was all these before the prophet of doom came visiting, of course not literally. I was at one time the type that keeps hoping, praying relentlessly, and believing in possibilities until something struck. It was a waste of time, energy, effort, and immeasurable beauty. To seek the one who was not seeking me to begin with. I may still be a hopeless romantic but back then I gave many fucks that weren’t necessary to begin with. My love was being blown by the wind. I know there are some days Akin cursed me silently, I know he took me to be some dumb ass who was acting desperate out of loneliness. I cared then, but I don’t give a darn about it anymore. For I will continue to preach love, and even though I may not drink from that cup, I sure as hell know that love is in the air.

The first time I had my suspicions about Akin cheating on me was when I read a popup notification on his phone from an ex of his he had told me about. Why people keep tabs on their exes is something I still do not understand up to date. But I may as well guess it’s because of the fact that they miss them, or they feel guilty about the breakup, or worse they still love them. The last part is the worst because it haunts you every breathing second of yours. You look for them in everyone you meet, you compare your current partners to your long-gone ex. You keep stalking them on all media platforms, to see if they moved on and if so, with whom. You award marks to their new partners. It cuts our insides to see them exultant and with partners more good-looking than us. So many questions ring in our minds, things like how come they were never as blissful when with us. Why they never showed us to the world with pride that we were theirs? It breaks every nerve in us to see all these paraded and openly displayed especially when we know all too well that our lives ended up in the wrong turn, and we are leading miserable escapades. For that ex that made you cry, made you curse, made you hate, even despise the opposite gender, we only wish doom for them. We pray relentlessly that karma works in our favor and the universe revenges on our behalf.

My skeptical feeling about Akin was soon brought to light. It is true that he had eyes not only for his hot-ass ex but also for other students on campus. Students I believe were not prettier than I was (not to brag, I am the catch and more than just an embodiment of beauty) Back then the males were at my beck and call. Many of them died to have a taste of what Akin was taking for granted. I was too beautiful to be played with a male not worth it. Pockets, empty! Brains, empty! The character is shitty! Personality, whack! Absolutely nothing good about this Jaluo man. Love is blind, no people are blind when in love. The hardest person to advise is a woman in love. Not to patronize love but I had my moments with this man. Very special moments and even though I lived in deceit I still treasure the good times we spent together enjoying some fake ass love.