Scales of Truth

Nothing beats sitting on a magnolia tree branch, smelling the blooms after a summer rain. The sight of a grilled cheese being ripped apart makes me smile, while the sound of a baby laughing makes my toes curl. Even though I'm older than dirt, I'm still fascinated by how much I share with mankind. We have our differences, of course. They give birth to living babies, and I lay eggs. They use spoons to stir their coffee, whereas I use my tail. Aurora! Hello? Do you hear what I'm saying? Tiff, my apologies; I was lost in thought. So, what exactly were you saying? Now that you've arrived on this planet, I was just telling Andrew how strange it is that Dave the landscaping guy just up and left. Folks believe he had an affair with someone out of town. Andrew adds as he scrapes gum from the bottom of his sneaker, "I think I saw him hanging out at the blue top bar downtown recently." Perhaps he was murdered, I speculated in a spooky tone, as I pushed Andrew on the shoulder to try and knock his balance off. Stop fooling around, Tiffany clipped. I can't stay at brunch for too long because I have a one o'clock nail appointment. When I meet up with my friends, I'll oftentimes just sit back and observe, shocked at how well I blend in. While we are at brunch, Tiffany tosses me a toothpick. I'm grinning on the inside because little does she know that what's caught in my teeth is human flesh. We've managed to keep our identities disguised, unlike vampires, werewolves, and mermaids. There have been occasional sightings now that the planet has evolved into one giant camera. People have begun to notice our eyes turning into slits in social media recordings. Thank you very much, Elvis. The term "shape shifters' has been given to us. Unfortunately, there isn't anything like that. That's some superhero nonsense from a comic book. I am a member of a true superior species. I am a dragon, specifically Amphiptere. People have been telling stories for years about massive animals soaring through the air, burning down communities for no cause other than to eat a few sheep. That's just plain obnoxious. If I get over a hundred and forty pounds, I'm having a meltdown on my closet floor. Everything else is true, for the most part: we have wings and can fly, we can breathe fire, we have scales of various colors, and we will eat people when the time comes. The gold, however, is the most significant feature that must not be overlooked. We have a lot in common with Sméagol from The Lord of the Rings. We have to take it if we see it to keep it safe. I'm starting to feel like a crack addict. It's our one real flaw. When it comes into contact with our skin, our real dragon form emerges. At that moment anyone can dominate us which creates a lot of drama. As a result, we should keep it near at hand. I was feeling a little groggy after lunch, so I decided to leave Tiff and Andrew to their afternoon shenanigans. In any case, I'm not much of a day drinker. Who wants a hangover at eleven o'clock in the evening? Not with this lizard, and Fred will be home soon, which I haven't seen in days. I can't wait to turn the heat up to 80 degrees and cuddle with him. I've been missing that loser lately. He's been visiting his parents in Nevada. That is where the majority of dragons originate. His ancestors own gold mines in the valley. They're totally la di da. Please excuse me while I vomit. His parents dislike me because I "robbed" him of his birthright. All he was doing up there was a whole lot of nothing. Being the gatekeeper of a forbidden secret gold mine sounds lame, right? Fred opens the door and gives our dog, Karma, a big wet kiss. It's funny to see who you care about the most around here, babe. Fred approaches me. My love, I was saving the best for last. Fred's kisses still melt my heart after 120 years together. He stands 6'2 and weighs around 240 pounds. Tan skin, dark hair, beautiful eyes, and a killer smile the majority of dragons have beautiful human skin. It's part of our magic and how we manipulate humans to do our will. But nothing compares to his dragon form. Fred is a western dragon with a redhead. Of course, he believes he is unique. Despite my best efforts, I try not to stroke his ego. Fred exclaims Are you coming to bed, babe? As he lays on the bed, I slink my way through the doorway and glide right over him. He smiles as he blows a little flame near my face. He knows I adore it when he talks fire to me. Then he slowly traces his tail down my body, allowing him to feel each scale. "Lieutenant Dan! You've got no legs! Fred, does that joke ever get old? I may not have legs, but at least my parents didn't name me Fred. "That's Sir Fred," he explained. I charge at him, yelling, "You're no longer royalty!" I wrap my body around him and squeeze as tightly as I can, tickling his back claws. Unhand your king, Madame, or suffer the consequences! When a powerful dragon snorts while laughing, it's difficult to take him seriously. In their homes, dragons are constantly in their natural form. Behind closed doors, we do things the Dragon way. When will you stop being so mulish and come meet my parents, Aurora? Fred, I'm not sure, maybe when they don't want to hand me to the first dragon slayer they come across on the black market! They don't loathe you; you just happened to catch my mother in the midst of her shedding season. When you shed your skin, you get irritable as well. All I want is a single weekend. It's the least you can do for referring to my mum as a dried-up ashy salamander in the first place. In my defense I didn't know she could hear me. Furthermore, Fred continues it's been more than 70 years since you've been to the mines. Come on Aurora, when was the last time you were in a situation that was both dangerous and exciting? Actually, two weeks ago, I had to devour the gardener since he caught me half-transformed. Aurora! Dave, you ate him?! His flower beds were breathtaking! So was his breath, I snickered. Oh, don't worry, I'll find another. You had better! If there's one thing worse than you, it's that crazy HOA lady. I just want to launch her golf cart into the sun and shove those petunias up her ass every time she comes by. So that's the end of it. We'll be in Nevada next week. Fred whispers something smugly as he spreads his wings so I can't see him. OK, I said, if you do me a favor, I'll go do the entire teenie bopper meet the mom and pops thing. Fred nervously peered over his wing, and what exactly is that, my love? You must be the one who discards of landscaping Dave's bones. Fred cried, "Babe, we both know the only way to get rid of them for good is to seek out a mermaid, and I hate getting wet!" I chuckled, and I despise shaking hands with dried up ashy salamanders.